On Attachment

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships.I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship.At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves.This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.

In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it really means to have healthy dependency in our relationships.So many of us find ourselves swinging between two extremes — overgiving, people-pleasing, and losing ourselves in others… or shutting down, becoming hyper-independent, and struggling to let anyone in.But what does the middle ground actually look like?Together, we explore the spectrum between codependency and hyper-independence, and how both patterns — while protective — can ultimately leave us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled.This conversation goes beyond romantic relationships. We talk about friendships, family, community, and the importance of having a diverse support system rather than expecting one person to meet all of our needs.We also unpack:Why “healthy dependency” isn’t a weakness, but a fundamental human needHow codependency and hyper-independence develop as adaptationsThe role of boundaries in creating sustainable, respectful relationshipsWhy over-focusing on the why behind someone’s behaviour can keep us stuckHow to stop over-functioning in relationships and recalibrate your energyThe importance of having multiple sources of connection and supportWhy doing the “uncomfortable thing” is often the path to secure relationshipsNedra shares practical, grounded insights on how to move away from extremes and towards more balanced, flexible, and connected ways of relating.If you’ve ever struggled with asking for help, felt resentful in relationships, or found yourself stuck in the same relational patterns, this episode will give you a clear and compassionate framework for doing things differently.Connect with Nedra Glover Tawwab:InstagramWebsitePurchase her new book, The Balancing Act

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about the fine line between personal growth and the endless pursuit of self-improvement.While healing, reflection, and growth are powerful tools, they can sometimes become another way we reinforce the belief that something about us is fundamentally wrong or needs fixing. When that happens, self-development can quietly turn into a hamster wheel driven by shame, perfectionism, or a sense of inadequacy.In this episode, I explore how to recognise when the pursuit of growth is useful and worthwhile —and when it might actually be keeping you stuck.I also share some reflections on why the deeper goal of healing work isn’t to endlessly optimise ourselves, but to become more grounded, peaceful, and at home within who we already are.Linksstephanierigg.cominstagram.com/stephanie__rigg

Modern dating can be tough. Between apps, ghosting, and the uncertainty that often comes with meeting strangers outside our social circles, the whole process can be seriously activating — and all the more so for those with anxious attachment patterns.In this episode, I share three key mindset shifts to help you approach dating from a place of self-worth rather than scarcity, pessimism, or the need to be chosen.When you date from a grounded place, the focus shifts from seeking approval to assessing alignment—and that change alone can transform your experience of dating.In this episode, I cover:Why modern dating can be particularly challenging for people with anxious attachmentThe importance of getting clear on your non-negotiables and deal breakers before you start datingWhy tolerating situationships and ambiguous connections keeps you stuckThe difference between scanning for red flags and looking for green flagsHow fear-based dating advice can increase anxiety and erode self-trustWhy cultivating your own vitality and wellbeing changes the energy you bring to datingHow shifting from “please choose me” to “are we aligned?” creates healthier connectionsWhy it’s sometimes wise to take a break from dating apps if the process feels drainingLinksFree resources on my website hereRead my blog hereFollow me on Instagram here

The conversation centers on healing anxious attachment by building self-worth outside of relationships. Practical moves include taking a relationship pause and choosing supportive over destructive habits. Tips cover confidence-building actions and reclaiming agency to gain clarity about whether relationships need to change.

A clear roadmap for healing anxious attachment and why sequencing the work matters. Why starting from compassion instead of shame sets the foundation. Building nervous system capacity and daily self-regulation practices. How to identify and shift negative core beliefs and build self-worth through action. Where communication and boundary skills fit into the timeline.

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question I hear often: If I work on my anxious attachment, but my partner doesn’t work on their avoidant patterns, can the relationship still work?I unpack why focusing on your side of the street is never a waste of time — even when your partner isn’t meeting you there yet. We talk about how healing anxious attachment isn’t about fixing the relationship or managing your partner’s behaviour, but about building self-regulation, self-trust, and clarity.I also explore the two most common outcomes of doing this work: either your internal shifts create healthier dynamics and positive ripple effects in the relationship, or you reach a grounded place of clarity about what you need and whether this relationship can meet you there. Either way, you don’t lose — you gain resources, confidence, and choice.This episode is for anyone who feels stuck waiting for their partner to change and is wondering whether it’s worth continuing to do the work alone.

They explore why some people grieve loudly while others seem oddly fine after a split. The conversation contrasts hyperactive coping like rumination and urgent contact with deactivating strategies such as distraction and rapid return to independence. Timing mismatches after breakups and why outward calm does not equal lack of feeling are highlighted. The piece urges turning attention inward instead of comparing reactions.

They dig into why physical absence can suddenly trigger intense separation anxiety and old attachment wounds. They outline how distance fuels catastrophic thoughts like accidents or cheating. They cover individual self-soothing tactics and nervous-system supports to ride out the spirals. They suggest departure and reunion rituals plus practical check-ins to help partners stay connected while apart.

A clear revisit of attachment theory’s roots and what it actually set out to explain. Short definitions of anxious, avoidant, and fearful patterns and how they show up as stress responses. Practical cues to spot your habitual reactions and why labels are blunt research categories. A reminder that attachment shifts with context and is a tool, not a complete explanation.