On Attachment #236: Coping With Separation Anxiety When Your Partner Is Away (Ask Steph)
Feb 26, 2026
They dig into why physical absence can suddenly trigger intense separation anxiety and old attachment wounds. They outline how distance fuels catastrophic thoughts like accidents or cheating. They cover individual self-soothing tactics and nervous-system supports to ride out the spirals. They suggest departure and reunion rituals plus practical check-ins to help partners stay connected while apart.
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Why Physical Distance Activates Anxious Attachment
- Separation triggers anxious attachment because physical distance removes immediate reassurance.
- Stephanie Rigg compares adult separation anxiety to a child panicking when lost in a shopping centre, needing visible proximity to feel safe.
Check For Trust Breaches Before Labeling Anxiety
- Differentiate separation anxiety from real breaches of trust before deciding next steps.
- Stephanie Rigg cautions that her advice assumes no known betrayal; if there is, the approach changes.
Plan Soothing Activities When Partner Travels
- Meet your nervous system's needs before and during separation by planning soothing activities and staying busy.
- Stephanie Rigg advises arranging dinners, exercise, and social plans so you don't sit alone scrolling and spiralling while your partner is away.