On Attachment #237: How Anxious & Avoidant People Differ Around Breakups
22 snips
Mar 3, 2026 They explore why some people grieve loudly while others seem oddly fine after a split. The conversation contrasts hyperactive coping like rumination and urgent contact with deactivating strategies such as distraction and rapid return to independence. Timing mismatches after breakups and why outward calm does not equal lack of feeling are highlighted. The piece urges turning attention inward instead of comparing reactions.
AI Snips
Chapters
Transcript
Episode notes
Why Anxious People Spiral After Breakups
- Anxious attachment hyperactivates the attachment system after relationship stress, producing intense grief, rumination, and an urgent need to fix things.
- Stephanie Rigg explains that this surge of energy seeks control (checking socials, researching, replaying) to avoid raw grief.
Stop Comparing Your Grief To Their Presentation
- Avoid comparing your internal experience to your ex's outward presentation; comparison fuels suffering and false meanings about love.
- Stephanie Rigg advises keeping your focus on self-care and resisting the urge to monitor or analyse them.
Focus On Agency Not Obsession
- Prioritize agency: avoid obsessing over your ex and instead follow structured steps (self-care, clarity, learning) to navigate the breakup.
- Stephanie Rigg points to her free breakup training as a resource to replace rumination with action.