In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question I hear often: If I work on my anxious attachment, but my partner doesn’t work on their avoidant patterns, can the relationship still work?
I unpack why focusing on your side of the street is never a waste of time — even when your partner isn’t meeting you there yet. We talk about how healing anxious attachment isn’t about fixing the relationship or managing your partner’s behaviour, but about building self-regulation, self-trust, and clarity.
I also explore the two most common outcomes of doing this work: either your internal shifts create healthier dynamics and positive ripple effects in the relationship, or you reach a grounded place of clarity about what you need and whether this relationship can meet you there. Either way, you don’t lose — you gain resources, confidence, and choice.
This episode is for anyone who feels stuck waiting for their partner to change and is wondering whether it’s worth continuing to do the work alone.
On Attachment