On Attachment #240: The #1 Thing to Focus On to Heal Anxious Attachment (Ask Steph)
Mar 12, 2026
The conversation centers on healing anxious attachment by building self-worth outside of relationships. Practical moves include taking a relationship pause and choosing supportive over destructive habits. Tips cover confidence-building actions and reclaiming agency to gain clarity about whether relationships need to change.
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Prioritize Self Worth Outside Relationships
- Build self-worth outside of relationships as your primary focus when healing anxious attachment.
- Stephanie Rigg suggests taking a month or two away from dating or redirecting effort from relationship-fixing toward activities that prove your capability.
Shifting Focus Breaks Pursue Withdraw Cycles
- Pivoting focus away from the relationship reduces controlling behaviors that trigger pursue-withdraw cycles.
- Stephanie explains anxious instincts to control the relationship often worsen anxiety by escalating those dynamics.
Choose A Concrete Challenge To Prove Capability
- Use a challenging new pursuit to build confidence in a domain unrelated to your relationship.
- Stephanie shares she trained herself to run daily and that proving capability outside the relationship boosted her confidence.