Better Sex

Our Body Image: Is it Environmentally Reinforced? To start this episode, Jenny shares her fascination for the “etiology” (origin) of our body image. That is, when did we first become self-conscious about our bodies? Jenny states that she did over sixty interviews during the research stage of The Body Image Blueprint and the answer she found is fascinating. To learn of this central source, where most of our insecurities first become apparent, tune into the episode. The Positive Impacts of Jenny’s Work Jenny shares some of the facets of her clients’ lives that are completely enriched and rejuvenated: from improved self-esteem to VASTLY improved sexual function, all were centered on techniques that were gradually applied and eventually compounded to an increased quality of life. For more on just how positive the impacts of her work, you can read testimonials on her website, as well as listen along to the episode. Body Image and Sexuality Plain and simple, one’s body image is inextricably linked to one’s sexuality. And because of that, Jenny knows the symptoms of stress and insecurity, and how they can detract from an overall healthy sexuality. During the interview, she talks about the importance of expansion over restriction. So often, self-consciousness holds us back from being our most expressive self in the bedroom, and as a result, our sex suffers. As Jenny states, we are often far too mired in our stress-response to actually experience pleasure. The bedroom shouldn’t be a stress-inducing place; it should be stress-relieving. For more brilliant insights on the topic, Jenny goes even deeper during the interview. Lights Off During Sex? Not Anymore! Jenny relays the tragic fact that many are too ashamed of their bodies to have sex with the lights on. Be it the result of shame or an inability to be comfortable in their own skin, many are afraid. But Jenny has a technique which she uses with some of her clients. It involves a mirror and it has vast potential for getting people more comfortable with their naked bodies. Tune in to hear what it entails. Not Just Women, but Men as Well Another important fact that Jenny points out during the interview is that men are affected by negative body images as well. Be it specific measurements of a certain nature or socially-reinforced ideas of muscularity and masculinity, the guy can go through the same sort of insecurities about body image as the woman. Embracing Pleasure Through Sensuality and Mindfulness Jenny states that embracing pleasure is absolutely essential for any healthy dynamic in the bedroom. And the way to get there is through sensuality and mindfulness. Regarding sensuality, we need to focus on the sensations that arise in the moment. Once we become attuned to our bodies instead of looking to escape them, we can truly learn to embrace pleasure. There are certain mindfulness techniques that Jenny brings up during the episode that are very helpful in achieving this focus on sensuality. Check it out! The Three Precursors to Love The first two precursors to a love of one’s body are trust and respect. The first of these, trust, might be the most important of the precursors. Through it, we can learn to trust the sensations that we feel, without looking for an end goal. Because poor performance or an unsatisfactory ending can derail a positive sexual experience, learning to trust the present-moment sensations and experiences is of tantamount importance. Through mindfulness, sex becomes less about “finishing” and more about the sensual journey along the way. For the last precursor to self-love, listen to the interview! Mindful Eating Jenny also talks about how the same sort of principles used for mindfulness during sex can be used for eating. Looking to change her clients’ perceptions about eating as a whole, the activity becomes a much more profound experience when approached through mindfulness. To learn some of the benefits, as well as how to go about eating mindfully, listen to the episode. About Jenny Berk Jenny Berk has spent considerable time helping her clients love their bodies. She bestows upon clients the tools to foster a positive self-image, an acceptance of self, and increased levels of self-esteem. Her main objective is to reorient the thinking of the people she works closely with, helping them heal from a body-image perspective and tune into intrinsic wisdom to learn how to nourish ourselves naturally and joyfully. She has earned a Master of Science in Education and Psychological Services from the University of Pennsylvania. In addition, she has more than 14 years of experience as a professional health coach. Also, Jenny has authored the best-selling book, The Body Image Blueprint: Your Go-To Guide for Radical Self-Reverence. And lastly, she is the pioneer of The Beyond Weight Loss™ Method which has changed the lives of many people, herself included. She resides in Boston with her husband, 3 spirited daughters and 2 kittens. When she’s not coaching, she loves to travel, hike, cook and entertain and spend time with good friends and family and languish over a delicious meal and a deep talk. To Contact or Learn More About Jenny Berk Jenny’s email: suzanna@thedatemaven.com & her website: : www.jennyedencoaching.com Link for her book: The Body Blueprint Instagram - www.instagram.com/coachjennyeden Pinterest - www.pinterest.com/coachjennyeden FB group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1738140356456267/ Linked In - https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennyedenberk/ Twitter - www.twitter.com/coachjennyeden FB business page - https://www.facebook.com/jennyedencoaching/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Using the Term “Cougar” To start this episode, Suzanna talks about the negative connotations surrounding the title “cougar.” There are considerable allusions to predatory behavior when the term is brought up. Of course, Suzanna was well aware of this and after much deliberation, she decided to still include the oft-controversial “cougar” in the subtitle of her book, Revising Mrs. Robinson: Navigating Cougar-Cub Dating and Relationships. To find out the reason why tune into this very fascinating episode. Researching Mrs. Robinson: Suzanna Writes the Book on Cougars When it came to researching a book about such a seemingly risqué subject, she tapped into both the entertaining and scholarly aspects of the topic. Discussing some of the minute scientific concepts in an enjoyable way, Suzanna delves deeper into elements of sexuality, gender roles, evolution, generational differences, and the role that technology has played in shaping sexuality in our culture. She touches briefly on these overarching themes in the interview, but to fully experience it, picking up a copy of her book wouldn’t hurt. Evolutionary Psychology In addition to the aforementioned elements that Mathews researched for her book, she talks about evolutionary psychology in a way that is as informative as it is enlightening. Talking about the female perspective, in particular, women have developed neurophysiological behaviors that can offer up insights into what Suzanna calls a “hyper-analysis” in relationships--one which often acts as a barrier for most women. For more on this crucial idea, listen to Suzanna further explain the concept from an evolutionary perspective. Ageism and Sexism Without a doubt, the things that Suzanna says about ageism and sexism in this episode are the crux of the whole topic. Because of the considerable age gap (often 15-20 years difference) between a cub and a cougar, issues of age are omnipresent--from a cultural perspective, as well as an internal, personal perspective in the minds of the women involved. Suzanna also makes some cogent points about the sexism that pervades the cougar-cub dating culture. Some Benefits to a Cougar-Cub Dynamic There are many benefits to dating older women. There are also many crucial reasons for an older woman to date a younger man. This includes being a potential palate cleanser from a previous relationship. For the juicy details, tuning into the episode is a must-do! The Possible Cons of Joining the Cougar-Cub Club Just as there are benefits, so too there are cons for this type of relationship. One of the most basic being that generational gaps are very pronounced; this might lead to discrepancies incompatibility, especially in the bedroom. Take-Home Messages and Other Advice from Suzanna Suzanna shares some advice and insights worth their weight in gold, one of them being the importance of women establishing a realistic baseline for body positivity. Because of the inevitable aesthetic differences between a young man and an older woman, it is of paramount importance for body positivity to be stressed relatively early in the relationship. Once a realistic baseline has been established, date away! For the rest, tune into the episode and listen along. Background Suzanna is Founder and President of Date Maven. Through this platform, she provides the invaluable service of coaching clients through the sometimes daunting world of dating and matchmaking. In addition, she is a keynote speaker, a brand-enhancer for the dating market, an image consultant, a writer, and an event planner. Lastly, Suzanna works as a presentation coach, where she gives advice and guidance to executives on how to speak clearly, persuasively, and powerfully. No stranger to presenting at big events herself, she is a frequent speaker at conferences worldwide. She has also made appearances on radio and TV programs, as well as made written contributions to digital and print publications. Regardless of the dynamic (group-work or one-on-one), Suzanna consistently manages to help her clients grow and improve their lives. And her work centers on improving the quality of her clients’ vision and ability to receive and give love. Her most recent contribution to the industry, a book entitled Revising Mrs. Robinson, is currently making considerable waves in the dating world. She has poured over the literature and data and analyzed both the cultural and personal implications of the cougar-cub dynamic in modern dating. Best Ways to Contact, Follow or Support Suzanna Mathews (Preferred means of contact: either email or her website) Suzanna’s email: suzanna@thedatemaven.com Website - https://thedatemaven.com Link for her new book, Revising Mrs. Robinson: http://www.amazon.com/Revising-Mrs-Robinson-Suzanna-Mathews/dp/1480826650/ Facebook - https://facebook.com/TheDateMaven And the promotional site for her book: https://facebook.com/RevisingMrsRobinson Youtube - https://youtube.com/TheDateMaven/videos Instagram - @thedatemaven LinkedIn - https://linkedin.com/in/suzanna-mathews/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Basics of Matchmaking School Listen in as Peggy describes her learning experience at the Matchmaking Institute of New York. What do you need to pay attention to when matchmaking? Peggy details that listening carefully during one-on-one sessions and making sure to take care of the business are essential. A Traditional Matchmaker Wondering what the role of the Traditional Matchmaker is all about? It isn’t all that easy. Tune in as she discusses her role and what happens as she helps single men seek their significant halves. Getting to Know the Clients As an important and unique step, Peggy’s process involves a friendly and in-depth interview process to get to know the men who sign up for her services. For a healthy addition after the initial meetings, she helps her clients with additional advice and coaching. What Happens as the Relationship Progresses? A second date? You don’t want to miss out! Peggy describes the matchmaking process as it evolves when a match is made. In her position, she treats the matchmaking relationship as one where she plays the role of support, coach, and consultant, providing advice to help the matchmaking continue in a positive direction. A Heterosexual Business Model With a different twist on things, we learn what is Important for her clients and this has led to a focus on heterosexual relationships. She discusses that while other matchmakers are focused in other areas, being focused on the heterosexual niche allows her to provide better attention and service to her clientele. Finding the Right Date & Personality Something that we may never have considered previously, hear Peggy discuss the role of online dating versus the commitment involved in matchmaking services. Peggy further explains how her organization is focused on professional businessmen in and around the Seattle area. With each one of her clients providing a different set of values, Peggy describes the critical factors of personalities and preferences to help her clients find the right mates. Applying Pressure and Opening Minds Finding the line and crossing it. Hear Peggy describe how she sometimes pushes the limits for her clients and partners. While she does her best to find the perfect match, sometimes her clients may not understand or see it the same way at first. However, Peggy’s intuition and experience has proved her correct time and again. Successful Dates Eliminate the phone number exchange. One of Peggy’s principles to her matchmaking first date is to avoid the exchange of phone numbers. Join in to learn about some of the other advice she offers to people who are on their first date- some helpful tips you don’t want to miss. How does sitting at the bar help make a date more lively? Listen as she explains the benefits of moving the date setting to sitting at the bar. Doing Something and Dressed for Success Listen to the lady with the experience and know- how. Peggy’s tips include having a second date that is physical and involves moving around. Hear her describe why physical activity during the second date is important. A second important word of advice is to make a good impression by being appropriately dressed for the occasion. Support and Contact Peggy takes her role to help her clients have a well-rounded experience to finding a mate, both for her matchmaking services and with improving online profiles, very seriously. Indulge in her 8-week coaching program and advice every other week with her podcast “Real Souls”. Importantly, Peggy wants to help people “manifest their best life”. Background Peggy Bennett is the founder of Straight to the Heart Matchmaking, helping Seattle singles find love. Her portfolio includes working as a one-on-one consultant for Fortune 500 companies. Peggy’s intuitive abilities for matchmaking turned a hobby into a successful matchmaking organization for business professionals. Her organization is focused on finding love with a personal and discreet approach. She received her Certified Matchmaker status from the Matchmaking Institute of New York. Peggy has been described as genuine, approachable and passionate. Additional Information: Help find that special someone and connect with Peggy at http://www.straighttotheheart.net or email at peggy@straighttotheheart.net More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is far more common than many would believe, and I talk about this situation, what causes it and perpetuates its continuance. I also answer the first of my listener questions during this “Soapbox” episode where I get to help you understand this important topic. The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is pretty much the basis for my new book, Sex Without Stress, and today I try to answer some important questions people commonly have about it. Firstly, what is the cycle? And what are all the things that play into it? How do people get trapped into the cycle and why does it make sense that you may be stuck too? And most importantly, how do you get out? You Are Not Alone This cycle is very common, I see it all the time in my practice. It starts with some sort of disappointment around a sexual experience, often leading to avoidance, which can put undue stress and pressure on the sexual piece of a relationship, which can be disappointing…and you can see where this is going. Sex Gets Hard It’s normal to have trouble with sex. Things come up. Physical issues like sexual dysfunction, illness or disease, or changes in physical functioning as we age. We all experience challenges within our relationships too. The dynamics change, there are communication or conflict issues, we grow and change as people, and our desires around sex shift as well. Then there’s the general busyness of life and things that happen as we get older. Disappointment This is generally the first step towards a lap around the Sexual Avoidance Cycle. There is some negative experience with sex and if it happens on a regular basis, it can make it feel risky to even have sex. It’s like a test, but you’re not sure how you’re going to do. Are you going to pass? Or fail? Sex isn’t a test, but this is how people often feel and it can be extremely stressful. It creates a perpetual increase in anxiety around sex which will often lead to… Avoidance You find yourself, or maybe your partner, avoiding conversations about sex. And even avoiding the act itself. Maybe not both of you, but one of you for sure avoids sex or sex talk. It almost becomes natural. All of this then builds… Pressure The topic of sex becomes the “elephant in the room.” What’s wrong with us? Why don’t we want to have sex? It’s definitely on your mind, even if you’re not talking about it. This all increases the pressure, so if you do have a sexual encounter, there is enormous pressure on it to be “successful.” And if it isn’t, you’re back to disappointment. Round and round… How Do You Break the Cycle? First, adjust your expectations so that there is no disappointment. No matter what happens, there is no “failure.” Then, keep communication open and honest to make sure there is no avoidance of the topic of sex. Finally, the pressure to perform is relieved when you approach every experience as a gift you share with your partner. And realize that nothing specific has to happen, which helps adjust your expectations, so there is no disappointment… And the cycle is broken. Listener Questions New to the show, I respond to a listener’s questions about difficulties in his relationship. Jessa’s book, Sex Without Stress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FQKTLLN/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

A personal story of trauma and awakening Listen to the story of Heather and her traumatic experiences which led to her transformative journey in her own life. She grew up feeling like an outsider with feelings of inadequacy. Hear Heather describe her struggles that initially presented in her young life and how these difficulties led her into risk-taking situations to fit in. An Older Boyfriend Listen as Heather describes her encounter of losing her virginity and the other negative influences affecting her life. Developing her perspective Heather reflects on her trauma and how this, along with other negative life experiences affected her life towards the end of her high school years. 18 years old and Raped Listen as Heather discusses the circumstances of her sexual trauma and how she comes to a realization. Time for an awakening, we learn about her awakening and how she came to an awareness for change. Guiding Others Heather talks about her outreach for similar teens who are exposed to risk-taking situations as she herself experienced. Join in as she emphasizes the importance of turning away from negative experiences and choosing a positive and enriching life. Meeting with a Counselor Hear Heather make a surprising realization about her attacker. She was told to keep quiet or he would kill her. But a discovery made with her counselor compelled her to talk with the authorities. Phases of Healing Listen to Heather as she describes her phases of healing, including forgiveness. Heather talks about her various recovery regimens and how she searched for a path of physical and emotional healing. Searching for healing Yoga for detox and healing. Hear Heather describe how she found Yoga and used it for mental and spiritual healing. A Second Trauma Heather searches for recovery and encounters a predator among an assumed safe place in her yoga world. She also shares an encounter with a well-known Guru and how she narrowly avoided a sexual assault with him. Hawaii – Time for Healing “Don’t get back on that plane. It’s time to Heal.” She did not get back on the plane to the mainland, Heather talks about how some feeling inside her told her to stay and work on her recovery. Tune in as Heather describes her perspective on the mind and body connection in order to develop her own healing. Hearing the Inner Voice Align with the truth and hear your inner voice. Listen as Heather describes her process to find one’s own path for positive and transformative change for healing. Moving on – A new relationship? She meets a man from Germany and sets out on an international journey. Hear Heather reflect on how she comes to the realization that this new man was like the man who raped her. Healing Journey Heather continues her journey throughout her 20s and 30s in Germany and Asia. And she continues to seek relationships and finds positive partners to share her life and stories. Getting the Trauma Out Give it time, it will get better? Listen as the discussion evolves into the perspective of time in the process of healing. Heather explains the process of trauma on a cellular level and despite her exposure to traditional therapy, she discusses the importance of healing the mind, body, and spirit. The release of the trauma has many routes. Hear Heather talk about getting the trauma out of her body. “The Energy has to move out.” Empowering your life Avoiding facing the fear? Listen to Heather describe the other side of the path of healing to find happiness and positivity. Background Heather is a passionate student and mentor of love and life. Through her own personal journey, Heather has developed a firm belief in positive inner-work which can lead to great changes in one’s own life, as well as that of others. Links and How to contact Heather More information: Check out Heather’s website at http://www.heatherfantin.com More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Pornography - the good and the bad Listen to the discussion of the role of Erotica and Pornography in a relationship and the positive and negative impacts. Defining Pornography What is the definition of pornography? Listen as Steven succinctly describes pornography and erotica and the overlapping interpretations of arousing materials. Hear the use and role of sex in regularly available cultural artifacts like magazines and videos. Problems discussed in therapy What are the issues in relationships and for individuals? Hear Steven identify how males and females present their concerns at the onset of therapy discussions. Comparing and Contrasting Males and Females Tune in as Steven discusses arousal for males and females. Hear him identify the differences and further the discussion of identifying sexually arousing materials for men and women. Usefulness of Pornography Is there a positive effect of using pornography? Listen as Steven describes the initial visual interactions of males with sex and arousing material. Steven illustrates the point that pornography often fills the role of sexual education for young adolescent males in the absence of other guiding forces. Talking about Sexuality Steven emphasizes the importance of identifying false expectations based on pornographic materials and the significance for appropriate communication with adolescents. Accessible Pornography The significance of shame and the accessibility of pornography are ideas that drive some individuals to use porn. Join in to hear Steven describe how the easy accessibility of pornography helps people avoid interactions and an associated shame of sex. Identifying Problematic Situations “What is the negative impact in your life as a result of this?” We learn about the personal and professional scenarios where pornography has impacted his clients. Listen as he talks about the need for being specific to examine the impact of pornography on a person’s life. Me Time Hear Steven talk about how men describe the use of pornography as “me time”. He highlights this issue to springboard into the topic of the purpose of porn for his clients and then how this affects a partner’s perspective in the relationship. Improving Communication in a Relationship Steven emphasizes how starting the discussion about pornography in a relationship helps improve communication and can help open the conversation about sexual preferences and interests between partners. Changing Behavior How do you initiate the change for personal improvement? We learn about the beginning for any personal change. He identifies lifestyle changes that are necessary to move forward. “If you’re on a diet, do not go into the ice cream parlor to see what flavors they’re serving.” Listen as Steven describes how changes in circumstance are necessary for real changes to occur in one’s lifestyle and interactions with pornography. Cutting Back How about cutting back on pornography use? Steven discusses the ability or lack thereof to balance pornography use and cutting back. Focusing on the Individual Hear as Steven discusses how much the average male uses pornography and find out about one of the major reasons people seek his help. About Steven Davidson Dr. Steven Davidson is a clinical sexologist in private practice, licensed in Tennessee and Florida. He has a master’s degree in social work and a Ph.D. in clinical sexology. He is certified as a sex therapist by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He has more than 30 years’ experience helping individuals and couples achieve more fulfilling sexual relationships and embrace their authentic sexual self. Links and How to contact Dr. Steven Davidson More information: http://www.nashvillepsychotherapy.com/ or e-mail at dr.steven.davidson@gmail.com and can be found on Facebook at https://facebook.com/TheSexualIntegrityCoach. For sex education videos Dr. Davidson recommends http://www.sexsmartfilms.com/ or the Sinclair Institute at http://www.bettersex.com/. More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Difficult conversations as an opportunity?Challenge as an opportunity? Listen as Lara describes the context of conflict. She discusses how the components of assumption, judgment and expectation lead to a reaction.Tune in to the Body’s SignalWhat is the significance of the physical reaction to an impending conflict? Hear Lara describe the mental and physical connection between emotions and conflict.Two TriggersAn emotional trigger can make people think of a violent event. Rather Lara focuses on triggered reactions in conflict situations. Listen as Lara discusses how triggered reactions that are our habits and patterns, can result in negative outcomes.Desire PathsHear Lara illustrate the importance of Desire paths and the connection to our own emotional patterns. She discusses the connection between reactions and our own emotional connections and past.Raising self-awareness in order to be preparedWhat does self-awareness have to do with assumptions and preparation for a conflict? The seemingly preordained assumption follows with an associated judgment that leads to an expectation. Hear Lara describe how these emotional perspectives are connected and lead us into patterns.After-action reviewHear Lara talk about a realistic methodology in order to assess conflict to improve future situations. After allowing for an emotional cooldown, Lara suggests reflecting on the outcome, what happened before the outcome and what the assumptions were leading up to the situation. And importantly for future improvement, “How would I like to act or react differently next time so that this type of scenario doesn’t happen again?”An Example of Personal ConflictListen as Lara provides an example of a couple having difficulty in their relationship and what she suggests in order to better improve their situation. Communication and reflection provide two of the key ways to improve the situation. Hear Lara describe how the individuals in this situation can improve their relationship. Is curiosity important in this situation? Lara says yes, hear why.After Action ReviewIn conflict, but not having a conflict? What are the signals in your own body that tell you something is wrong? Join in as Lara describes protective emotions that signal the presence of conflict.Conflict Personality TypesHear Lara describe four of the main different conflict personality types and how these personality types can show up actively and passively during a conflict.Listen as Lara gives examples and describes at length these four conflict personality types: the Pleaser-Fixer, the Victim-Blamer, the Perfectionist-Controller, and the Innocent-Avoider. Learn how each of these affects conflict and communication in interpersonal scenarios.Self-Reflection and AwarenessListen to Lara discuss how recognizing your own conflict personality type can help you reflect in order to improve communication in future conflict situations.Deconstruction of Conflict – Communicating in the Emotional LanguageHow do you feel? Lara emphasizes the connection between learning and communicating. She describes the three main ways that people learn as kinesthetically, auditorily and doing. And then she connects these elements to demonstrate how to improve communication and emotional interactions based on these learning preferences.Avoiding EscalationIs it as simple as going outside or taking a walk? Lara offers some simple advice to help couples improve communication.About Lara CurrieLara Currie is an interpersonal conflict resolution specialist with over 25 years of experience in high conflict positions. Author of the book “Difficult Happens”, Lara has a unique perspective assisting business owners and professionals improve interpersonal relationships in the workplace in order to best achieve a client’s goals and business objectives. She has a passion for empowering individuals to create positive and profound connections in order to live with less stress to ensure the best success.Her understanding of interpersonal dynamics in difficult situations enables her clients to better navigate tumultuous situations with curiosity and self-reflection that allow clients to Prepare for, Recognize and Navigate difficult people and topics.Links and How to contact Lara CurrieBooks by the Author: Currie, L. (2017). Difficult Happens. More information: https://laracurrie.com/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Evolutionary Psychology and Sex In this episode, Rebecca tells us about Evolutionary Psychology, examining our roles and interactions through a biological and historical lens. Listen in as she compares our human proclivities to our great ape relatives. Animal Roles – Not an Excuse Our rules and culture help us to maintain our civility, but males and females still have biological roles. Hear Rebecca talk about the basic ideas of a male’s desire to spread his seed and a female’s inclination to be choosy and selective. Evolution of Lust and Romance While nature and nurture are the major contributing factors to our biology and we share some main characteristics with great apes, there are still major differences between humans and other great apes. Enjoy the show as Rebecca presents a unique series of examples comparing and contrasting sexual differences between great apes and humans. What happened to Estrus? Listen to Rebecca talk about ideas relating to Desmond Morris, famed author of The Naked Ape. Hear some of the modern and historical adaptations that humans have developed as open signs of Estrus are not as readily visible as they are in our great ape relatives. Great Apes and Humans Rebecca presents a viewpoint on Modern Civilization and the inclination towards war and aggressive tendencies. We enjoy some interesting commentary discussing the variations of sexual proclivities in the great ape world and the fascinating habits of one particular species, the Bonobo. How do these perspectives help humans? Tune in to hear Rebecca offer a personal anecdote. We learn the importance of the nose in choosing a mate and how this can help us better understand our similarities to the great apes, and more importantly develop a better understanding between partners. “Understanding our evolutionary past helps us seem, yes, more animalistic, but more human.” Conflict in Power Listen as Rebecca helps to develop further, the understanding of the inequality of power between men and women and the unfortunate consequences. On the Romantic Side What is the importance of a kiss? How does a kiss play a part in romantic behaviors? Join in to hear about the importance of kissing and other romantic behaviors. Is there romance in suicide or jumping out of trees? Find out as Rebecca presents this issue and others within historical and cultural contexts. Listen as Rebecca clarifies the purpose of the texts of the Atharvaveda, the Knowledge Storehouse of Procedures for Everyday Life, and the Kamasutra. We enjoy some lighthearted banter as the discussion continues, comparing these ancient texts with a modern take on kissing tips from Bustle.com. The Importance of Size It’s not what you think, as Rebecca clarifies some of her own perspectives along with research that demonstrates women’s preferences for something bigger, but it’s not about the genitals. Tune in and find out. About Rebecca Coffey Rebecca Coffey is an award-winning science journalist and television documentarian. Over the course of her long career, she has contributed regularly to Scientific American and Discover magazines and to major market newspapers. She is a commentator for Vermont Public Radio and a columnist for PsychologyToday.com. Coffey is also a novelist and a humorist. Links and How to contact Rebecca Coffey Other Books by the Author: Anna Freud’s Story (She Writes Press, 2014). A novel. Nietzsche’s Angel Food Cake: And Other Recipes for the Intellectually Famished (Beck and Branch, 2013). Humor. Unspeakable Truths and Happy Endings: Human Cruelty and the New Trauma Therapy (Sidran Press, 1998). Nonfiction. More information: https://RebeccaCoffey.com and https://ScienceandLust.com. More info on the Better Sex Podcast: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

A personal story of sexual liberationIn this episode, I talk to Marina, who shares her personal journey from struggles with her self-image and a painful first sexual experience, to finally feeling liberated with a happier sex life.The first time: a painful experienceAs a teenager, Marina tells us that she struggled with self-image and was therefore excited when, at age sixteen, a “cool kid” from another school showed interest in her.Listen in as Marina shares her first sexual experience with him and the devastating consequences that affected her for years afterward. She shares her conflicting feelings at the time of the encounter, being unsure but caught in an uncomfortable situation.Drunk sex and the noise in my headMarina tells us she didn’t realize how devastated she had been and how painful that first sexual experience had been for her, for years to come. In these years, Marina tells us that all of her sexual encounters were under the influence of alcohol or something else because it was too painful for her to experience them sober.We hear how she describes the noise in her head and how it would perpetuate her feeling disgusted in her body. She couldn’t understand why any man would want her. Listen in to hear in her own words how this affected her.RelationshipsMarina would come to realize in a counseling session, how impactful her first sexual experience was for her, but in the meantime tells us that even with her first husband she would need to be drunk to have sex.She shares her second marriage is when she started having sober sex, but was still uncomfortable and not ready to experiment. Tune in to learn how this affected her second marriage.Your feelings come from your thinkingPrior to splitting up with her second husband, Marina had a breakthrough moment where she realized how much she was overthinking during sex. She tells us how going to seminars, reading and working on herself, calmed all the noise in her head.She came to realize that, “Your feelings come from your thinking, not from your circumstances or other people”. Gradually, this led to her becoming more comfortable being sober in bed.Tinder RomanceWe hear how Marina started to realize that her body was beginning to crave sex. She turned to Tinder and was matched with a man she felt comfortable experimenting with...and enjoyed it!Join us as she shares how she feels more in tune with her own body and explains how much of a liberation this journey to self-awareness has been.Words of advice and encouragementThere are two books, in particular, Marina mentions that have revolutionized the way she thinks about sex. “The New Rules of Sex” by Lauren Brim and “Pussy: A Reclamation” by Regena Thomashauer.She also suggests starting the conversation about sex with friends, which was what first got Marina thinking about masturbating and exploring her body without feeling shameful. Sex can be a taboo topic but Marina tells listeners to get curious about your own beliefs and consider how much you may be overthinking sex.The Joy of BeingMarina suggests we tune in to her podcast: The Joy of Being, where she discusses how we can lead a more joyful and pleasure-led life. Her final thoughts: “Be open to change. You never know how you may feel until you try it”.Links and How to Reach MarinaWebsite - http://marinapearson.com/Podcast - http://marinapearson.com/podcast/Books“The New Rules of Sex” by Lauren Brim - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MIBTMDK/“Pussy: A Reclamation” by Regena Thomashauer - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GUIKYLA/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

History of Adam & Eve, A Sex Toy RetailerListen in as Katy discusses how Adam & Eve started out. She mentions it was just a thesis requirement to complete the founder Phil Harvey’s Master’s Degree.Being part of the hippie generation, he believed in sexual liberation. She tells us about how Phil challenged the government by publishing ads in newspapers offering condoms - intentionally contravening the law. This catalyst created financial momentum for the business.Aside from contraceptives, Adam & Eve started adding sexually-oriented items like DVDs, sex toys, and lingerie.Sex Education for Yourself and OthersWhen Katy started working for Adam & Eve, it was a liberating experience for her. Coming from a little town in Tennessee, where talking about anything sex-related is taboo. At her work, she learned that women also enjoy sex and sex it isn’t just for men.Sex toys have a significant purpose not just for fun and titillation, it should be very therapeutic for everyone.As a personal accomplishment, Katy is currently working on her Sex Education Certificate from AASECT to educate herself and others about sex, pleasure, and everything in between.Having two teenage daughters, Katy ensures that she cultivates a healthy understanding of sex in their home. Tune in to learn how she manages this.Not as Easy as You Think!Katy shares her experience as a copywriter for a retailer of sex toys, erotica, etc. After writing for a catalog and the web, Katy looks back as the experience as challenging in terms of balancing the content along with an edgy and light-hearted vein.Katy shares her unique take on sex toys, highlighting what made every item different.Join in to hear Katy recollect how her mornings started in the office. While most of us indulge in a good coffee, she used to indulge in an erotica DVD, then start writing! Not the usual life of a copywriter, indeed.StatisticsAdam & Eve does their research to make sure their customers are satisfied. Join in as Katy shares the changing statistics over the years, with the number of women and couples shopping at Adam & Eve up by 30% from 10%.We hear that g-spot toys are still best sellers ( no surprises there!!) but a keen interest is growing around the new generation toys available around the act of cunnilingus today.What Makes Adam & Eve Different From Their Competitors?Katy emphasizes that Adam & Eve is the most reputable adult retailer in America since 1971. You will be pleased to know that they offer a 100% money back guarantee on their sex toys- all of which undergo a rigorous review process.Listen in to take advantage of Katy’s special offer to Better Sex Podcast listeners! Head on to Adam & Eve site and enter the code Katy shares to get a 50% discount on almost any item!About Katy ZvolerinKaty Zvolerin is currently the Director of Public Relations at Adam & Eve, America’s largest and most known distributor of adult toys and other sex needs.Katy’s a graduate of the University of Tennessee, Knoxville with a B.S. in Journalism and Public Relations. After working for Maytag and in publishing in New York, she started working at Adam & Eve in November of 1993 as a catalog copywriter. She, then, got promoted to Adam & Eve Director of Public Relations in 1997.She has received certification in Clinical Sexology and holds an Associate in Sex Education from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is also currently working towards her Sex Education Certification from AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists).Links and How to Contact Katy ZvolerinFollow Katy on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katy-zvolerin-18b23818/Shop at Adam & Eve and use the code "Better50" for 50% discount: https://www.adameve.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe