Better Sex

My guest Daniela Wittmann is an expert on prostate health and urology. In fact, she is a very prominent member of the Prostate Cancer Survivorship Program; in addition, she is an associate professor of Urology and Social Work in the University of Michigan Health System. In this interview, she informs listeners on prostate health and penile rehabilitation--particularly after surgery, radiation, or hormone treatment for males who have had prostate cancer. It is a very informative and important talk, and even if you aren’t currently going through the complications of prostate cancer, getting a jumpstart on learning about the subject is very important. Screening for Prostate Cancer As Daniela states, prostate cancer is asymptomatic, which means that symptoms don’t show up until well after it has already metastasized or shown up in the prostate. It is screened, if there are abnormalities caught in the screen then a biopsy is usually done and then a number of treatment options are available as a next step. Daniela goes into more detail during the episode. Treatment Options That Affect Sexual Functioning If non-aggressive and very localized, men can always go under ‘active surveillance.’ At this point, physicians simply monitor and watch to see if the cancer gets more aggressive. This treatment method has no sexual side effects. Another treatment is when the cancer is localized, so treatment typically centers around radiation or surgery. Side effects do occur with this type of treatment. For most men, after they do the surgery, they will experience erectile dysfunction because the nerves responsible for making the penis erect are damaged during surgery. In addition, urinary incontinence can occur as well. For more information on treatment options, as well as the side effects of radiation, Daniella provides a succinct breakdown of the treatment options. Men Resisting or Putting Off Treatment? Because there are considerable side effects like loss of libido, lower testosterone, and impaired erectile function, to name a few, some men choose to resist treatment. Daniela states that there are a number of studies which show that men choose not to get treatment because of how daunting the choice can be. Of course, one would want to treat cancer, but to lose sexual function is not attractive to anyone. Some men choose to only monitor their cancer and wait until it gets much worse. Things to Be Aware Of Among many other facets, Daniela stresses the importance of communicating concerns about loss of sexual function to your physician. But as she says, when it comes to cancer, many physicians downplay the importance of communicating sexual side effects because cancer is the far more serious factor at play. As a result, Daniela says that many men are often surprised by the side effects after treatment. Communication is key between patient and physician. Also requesting to the surgeon that as many nerves be spared as possible during surgery, is a very important thing to consider. What Does Penile Rehabilitation Look Like? Penile rehabilitation in this context means to protect the penile tissue from atrophying. Daniela highlights a number of strategies that are used to accomplish this: low doses of Viagra or Cialis to breathe oxygen and blood into the penis; another is penile injections which do the same thing, and stimulation of the nerves in the penis to maintain penile tissue. For erections, a vacuum pump can be used to maintain a hard erection as well. And all of this is used to maintain the ability for sexual function once the penis has been rehabilitated enough. For much more, tune in. Recommended Time Rehabilitating and The Frequency Although Daniela says that there is no conclusive time period that one should most effectively rehabilitate, the minimum amount of time should be about three-six months or so. “And the frequency,” you might ask? Although there isn’t an exact, prescribed standard that physicians recommend, for Daniela, she states that 3x a week is what she asks of her patients. As well as have orgasms through masturbation or with the help of a partner 3-4 times a week. She goes into more detail during the interview. Advice for Couples Daniela preaches the importance of patience. For those who are still wanting to be sexually active in their relationships, the erections take time to come back. Patience is key. She encourages understanding between couples and support with orgasms and erections. Don’t over-focus on penetration; look to oral sex and other methods as well. It is a challenge but being flexible and shifting sexual priority is very important. Final Thoughts Daniela stresses the importance of communicating with one another during the sexual difficulties that often occur after surgery. Because it can be easy to not talk about it while things are healthy and working smoothly, learning how to communicate is one of the most important facets of the whole process. And for her final closing thought, really listen in and take in all that she has to say on this very important topic. Check the links below to learn more about Daniela. Key Links for Daniela Wittmann Daniela's Bio and University of Michigan Information: https://medicine.umich.edu/dept/urology/daniela-wittmann-phd-lmsw Prostate Survivorship Program: https://www.rogelcancercenter.org/prostate-cancer/survivorship More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode we talk about changing your mindset about sex and about relationships. This episode will challenge your ideas about roles in a relationship and describe a list of new rules to follow that may replace some assumptions that could be getting in your way. A previous episode described the sexual avoidance cycle (quick recap: the circle of disappointment in sex, feeling afraid which leads to avoidance of sex and talking about sex thus inducing increased pressure on your sex life which is followed by a perpetual sense of disappointment). The disappointment portion of the cycle comes from unrealistic expectations. Today we learn where these expectations come from and what myths we buy into that set us up to fail. Two important questions are asked and answered: what do we replace these expectations with and what is sex really? What is sex really? This is an important question to ask because your definition will inform what you expect from sex. You will be challenged to think about your own definition. In the meantime, the following definition is offered: “Sex is the physical expression of our innate drives for love, intimacy and pleasure”. How can a definition change your mindset? While the internet may try to force us into adapting heteronormative definitions, that sex is “sexual intercourse, especially between a man and a woman” (whaaaat?) or “sexual activity including specifically sexual intercourse” (so biased!), consider what your own requirements are. The example you’ll hear in this podcast is a personal one. First, sex has to be inclusive and accessible to everyone. Furthermore, rather than focus on specific acts or body parts, it should focus on pleasure and connection. Lastly, it is based in consent. Consider a person who says they lost their virginity to rape. With this definition, because it was certainly not consensual, that was not sex. This mindset shift is explained in even more depth with a great analogy about how sex is like going to the playground... listen in to figure exactly what that means! Time for some new rules What assumptions and unrealistic expectations are getting in the way of a successful relationship? How does your definition of sex work in your relationship? Give this episode a listen for a full description of new rules to follow. In the meantime, enjoy some highlights below. Knowing what you want...and knowing that what you want is okay! That is, we are responsible for our own pleasure. Creating your own definition of sex means you know what you want; it’s not the other person’s job to magically know what you want to be an effective lover. Building on this concept, what you want is okay! There is nothing wrong with what you want and both you and your partner’s sexual desires are valid and important. No more blindsides What is safety in a relationship? Being fully accommodating of a partner’s feelings and thoughts is not safety. Real safety comes from honesty and knowing you’re going to tell it like it is (and vice versa). Being honest means no one will be blindsided by festering thoughts and opinions that eventually come out. Empathy in Communication During an argument or discussion, we are often building our defense or rebuttal when listening to our partner instead of really understanding what our partner is saying. Therefore, empathize first and then respond. Try to climb into your partner’s shoes and see things from their perspective. Addressing the interpersonal gap The interpersonal gap is the gap between what someone’s intention is and what the impact is on the listener. Empathy is important to both notice the gap and then to figure out what happened to cause the discrepancy. What were you trying to say and what did your partner hear? Thoughts and feelings - what’s the difference? Another important rule is to differentiate between thoughts and feelings. Feelings are emotions that fall into 4 basic categories: sad, mad, glad and afraid. Everything else is thoughts and beliefs. What’s wrong with the phrase “I feel like you don’t value me”? Listen to find out! After listening to the full podcast, you can start to use all of these new rules as a framework. Future podcasts will dig deeper into some of the assumptions that are made. If you have your own definition of sex to share, any ideas or experiences with these rules or any questions to ask (remember you can also record questions), please get in touch! More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

The Motivation for Come As You Are My guest today is Emily Nagoski, the acclaimed author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. As Emily relates, the motivation to write her best-selling book has a very prominent beginning. It was the first day of the semester and Emily was beginning her usual Anatomy class. A student raised her hand and asked if Emily would walk the students through the evolutionary origin of the hymen. Never having contemplated the question, she knew the semester was going to be a challenging but rewarding one. And during the final exam, when asking a question worth 2 points, she asked students to state one thing they had learned. The answer was far from what she expected. She found herself grading the final exams with tears in her eyes. Listen in to learn what most of her students’ answers centered on. We All Have the Same Parts Consider the scrotum. Yes, never before has someone provided an opening sentence like that, but stop for a moment and consider it. The central tenet to Come as You Are is that we all have the same parts, they are just organized differently. If you look at the center of the scrotum, there is a demarcating line that runs down the center; during gestation, all it took was a simple hormone and genetic difference that prevented the scrotum from becoming a labia. They are both stretchy and anatomical similar, but they become formed differently during birth. Through this type of thinking, Emily crafted the book to alleviate the stresses and insecurities of sex. With stress-free sex, with more comfort inside one’s skin and the anatomy that we have developed, we can become comfortable in the fact that we are completely normal. For more on this, listen along. Variance Should Be Celebrated Getting to know your own sexual parts, as well as your partner’s. There is no one-size-fits-all type of sexual practice. Some women, a minority actually, can experience orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone; the majority cannot. And all because of slight anatomical differences that can’t be controlled. So, the number one message communicated is to celebrate the inevitable variance between everyone! SES & SIS This is another extremely interesting section of the interview: Emily talks about the internal sexual excitation system and the sexual inhibition system in our brain that is constantly working behind the scenes. These two work in tandem to balance out sexual excitation with an inhibiting effect that prevents us from being sexually excited all of the time. For more on this dual-control process and how understanding it can help trauma victims, listen along. I am not doing it justice here! The Ramifications of Stress on Sexual Health Stress can make one’s body shut down completely when it comes to healthy sexual functioning. As the brain is highly reactive and conditioned through many facets of existence, a stressful situation can kickstart the sexual inhibition system (SIS) which will more often than not win out over any excitation. But again, variance shows up in this respect as well. Everyone is wired differently. Some people have an increased sex drive once stressed, and others don’t. It’s all a matter of preconditioning. But what do couples do when they are mismatched on this regard. Emily tackles the question with gusto. Tune in to learn more. Scheduled Sex Just because you schedule sex with a partner, doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen. But it is a very good idea if you don’t have a lot of sexual desire or have a partner who doesn’t, to schedule the opportunity for sex. Don’t have an expectation that it’s going to happen, just create the opportunity. Sometimes once in an environment that is conducive for sexual excitation, there can be adequate responsive desire. A no-stress desire! Emily discusses this further in the episode. Tips for Re-tuning One’s Sexual Response For the most part, all it takes is a simple change to retune your sexual response to become less stressful. A compromise, a locked door, a new bed that doesn’t squeak, sometimes all it takes is to change your environment to take as many worries off of your mind as possible. These are just simple fixes though. Sometimes sex can be very stressful, especially for trauma victims or those who have suffered from sexual shaming; but Emily has some information on that that she shares during the episode. Tips for Overcoming Harsh Self-Criticism Emily has three tips for the subject of overcoming body shame and insecurity. Two of them are tuned into your body’s needs and undress in front of a mirror and point something out about your body that you like. Do this every day and eventually, you will get more comfortable with what you have. Instead of hiding it, celebrate it. Again, celebrate the diversity of everybody out there. For the other tip and much more information, tune in. Concluding Thoughts For a teaser of her new book Burnout, some fascinating neuroscientific information on context and sexual excitation, as well as another project she is working on, tune into the final minutes of the show. And follow her through her various social media channels, so you can be updated whenever her new book hits the stores. Background Emily has been a sex educator since 1995, where she put her education to good use (psychology, cognitive science, and philosophy). Quickly, she realized that sex education, woman’s well-being, and violence prevention was far more fulfilling work for her personally. So, she made the switch from more neuro-centric work to that of the sex-education realm. And that switch has made all of the difference for the countless people who have benefited from Emily’s work in the field. She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with an emphasis in human sexuality, and the list of her qualifications could go on. And within just seconds of this interview, you will immediately understand just how smart and articulate Emily is. Listen in. Links For Emily Nagoski and Other References: Come As You Are - https://amzn.to/2C2o4gh Website – http://www.emilynagoski.com/ Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/ Twitter – https://twitter.com/emilynagoski Jes Baker / Militant Baker Website – http://www.themilitantbaker.com More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

How Dr. Beverly Whipple Started Studying Sex Dr. Whipple got her start while she was teaching nursing students. A sexual topic was broached that she didn’t have concrete answers for, and so she gave the inquisitive student a rain check. She then realized sex classes needed to be taught and that she wanted to be the one to do it. After being forbidden to teach the apparently taboo discipline, she took her services to institutions which allowed it. And that’s how she got her start. From there she went into particular research projects and she has been going strong for 40+ years. For more, from the charming woman herself, listen in. From Kegels to Female Ejaculation After Whipple had been researching for a short period, she came into contact with a body of research that had to do with a scientific analysis of female ejaculation. This analysis had grown from the collective efforts of several scientists. Eventually, it was discovered that varying degrees of muscle strength of the pelvic floor eventually led to differing abilities in producing ejaculate. This, in turn, led to a much more thorough understanding of the physiological instances of the female anatomy. And of course, the amount of research would only snowball from there. The Validation of Different Types of Orgasms Contrary to popular belief, women all have unique sexual experiences. You may have known this already, but a lot of people have skewed perceptions on the type, frequency, and stimulation required to experience an orgasm. Every woman is unique. And as Dr. Whipple began studying varying orgasms in a wide array of women, she looked not to categorize but to instead validate the different orgasms that were experienced by these women. Again, she stresses during the interview that it wasn’t about saying that X + Y = a clitoral orgasm or to put complete quantitative certainty on various types of orgasms. She documented them, but her overall goal was to promote and validate each unique women and their experiences. For more details on the studies and the metrics she used to validate the orgasms, check the interview out! Hot and Spicy Food Will Make Childbirth More Painful? This interview went to a lot of different places, all of them interesting! And yes, Whipple states that it appears capsaicin blocks the analgesic response the female body undergoes during childbirth. For more interesting tidbits, such as Aristotle’s take on female ejaculation, and information about the man that the G Spot was named after, tune in! Anatomy of the G Spot The ‘G Spot” sort of evolved into an erroneous catch-all term for every woman. As if sexual satisfaction derives from solely finding that magical spot. 30 degrees to the left, 44 degrees to the right, and you have arrived at your destination. But in reality, the “G Spot” is made up of many organs and sensitive tissues, as Whipple states. And besides, not every woman is going to have a similar G Spot in feeling and sensitivity. So, the G Spot has largely become an abstraction for a much more complex and varied anatomical facet in women. The Most Important Take-Home Messages To end the fascinating interview, Beverly wants to communicate to listeners the most important facts she has learned through her years in the field. Some of these are: Each woman is unique in sexual experience. The importance of emphasizing the process of experiencing an orgasm and not the end goal i.e. don’t be goal-driven in your sex life. And many, many more. Definitely give this one a listen! About Beverly Whipple A pioneer in her field, Beverly Whipple is as prolific as she is influential. She has co-authored seven books, one of them being, The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality, which is her most well-known book. And in fact, she played a large role in coining the term ‘G spot’ (short for Gräfenberg spot). Also, due to her impressive work ethic, Dr. Whipple has appeared on hundreds of radio interviews, has been a speaker at hundreds of events, and has published over a hundred articles and writings throughout her career. And even though she is now retired, she is as busy as ever; she still continues to pave the way for women and their right for sexual expression and pleasure. In addition, she writes about women’s health and physiological matters and has been doing so for the last 40+ years. Beverly also has a number of awards under her belt, including the Distinguished Scientific Achievement Award, the Public Service Award and the Kinsey Award from the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). The list could go on. Her academic qualifications are equally impressive: She has a Ph.D. in Psychobiology, and two Masters: one in Counseling and the other in Nursing, All of this is just scratching the surface on our guest. Take note of what she has to say, you won’t regret it! Key Links for Dr. Beverly Whipple: Links for books: The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality Safe Encounters: How Women can say Yes to Pleasure and No to Unsafe Sex The Science of Orgasm (2006) External Resources Referenced During Show: Goal-Oriented Vs Pleasure-Oriented Sex - https://bettersexpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/circle-stair-graphic.pdf Touch and Pleasure Matrix - https://bettersexpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/touch-graphic.pdf ----- More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

It is time for another personal story. As always, on my show, I like to shine a spotlight on important stories from people who need to tell them. These personal stories offer fresh perspectives on subjects that should be discussed, listened to, ponder over, and written about. And my guest has a story that to my knowledge has never been told before. Stephen Gregory is a teacher of Tantra, a psychotherapist for marriages and families, and an author of the book, Sex Death & Tantra: How sex saved my life after death. And within this episode, he tells the powerful tale of how the principles of Tantra gave him the ability to experience the full, life-shattering aspects of his late husband’s death, but at the same time, move past the hardest moments of the grieving process through its healing powers. Listen along and experience a story that is unlike anything you have probably ever heard. The Impetus for Writing Sex Death & Tantra While going through the grieving process for his late husband, Stephen started what would go on to become a very powerful healing process for himself. Because he has his master’s in Grief and Loss, Stephen figured himself to be an expert on the grieving process; but it wasn’t until he actually went through an extreme tragedy that he felt he had a more complete understanding. There is a definite difference between book knowledge and real-life experience, and he used his hurt to mark the beginning of an experiment that would prove to be the subject matter of his book. He also points out that usually, our greatest strengths are the results of our deepest wounds, which is just one of the many powerful things he touches upon in this episode. The Beginning of the Story: Tantra Revised Because of Stephen’s sexual orientation, the traditional tantric practices were not applicable to him, nor were they as powerful. Instead, he actively sought out a teacher who could cater to his sexual orientation. Eventually, he found one. And it was through this relationship that the seeds were planted for his eventual healing. Listen along and hear it in Stephen’s own words. It Sort of Just...Happened About a month after his husband’s death, Stephen started exploring a deep sexual relationship with his Tantric teacher. It was after being embraced by his teacher, in his deep mourning, that he began to confront feelings of arousal coupled with the intense sadness he was suffering through. The result of this would lead Stephen to experience the full power of the principles of Tantra in practice. Through a greater understanding, through the traveling of the energy below his waist upwards to his heart, an outpouring of emotion was achieved. It was as if he was truly grieving, yet avoiding the depression that accompanies tragic loss. It was as if he was staying in touch with his deceased husband (through their shared Tantric experiences), but was healing at the same time. This paradoxical state was rife with tension and the seemingly unrelated feeling of release. But both opposing states provided counterweights and balances that complemented the entire act and philosophy of Tantra. To learn much more about all of this, listen along and then buy Stephen’s book where all of this is laid out in much more detail. The link is below. The Intensive Process of Documenting this Experience During the interview, Stephen says that the whole process took about a year. And this was an everyday activity, often starting at 4:30 in the morning. Both he and his Tantra teacher would document everything. For more on the very exhaustive but necessary means to which he worked towards, listen in. Misconceptions About the Process He says that there will always be those who have knee-jerk reactions to the story, thinking that he only used sex as a distractor; but for anyone who reads Sex Death & Tantra, it would be pretty much impossible to think so afterward. This is the real deal. A Take Home Message Stephen wants to remind listeners that you shouldn’t be afraid of pleasure. It has many healing properties and is one of the most powerful tools for the grieving process. But this is just a fragment of what he says during the end of the interview. Really listen along and be attentive to what he says. You won’t regret it. Link to Stephen Gregory’s book: Sex Death & Tantra - https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Death-Tantra-changed-after/dp/0998281786 ----- More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

The True Meaning of ‘Cliteracy’ Starting with a discussion of his book, She Comes First, Ian Kerner’s coined word ‘cliteracy’ is given more thought and emphasis. Overall, the term encapsulates the aim of his bestselling book. He relays to listeners his previously one-sided mentalities towards sex, his struggles, and his overall motivations for becoming "cliterate" (clitoral literacy). By moving past an intercourse-dominated understanding of what sex had been, and shifting towards an outercourse understanding of what sex could be, his life changed for the better. For more on the backstory and motivations for She Comes First, and his whole shift in perspective, check the episode out. Less Performance Anxiety With Cunnilingus? Yes and no, Ian Kerner states. Certainly, if one shifts towards more foreplay, closeness, and outercourse over sticking to a strictly penetrative practice, the slow-burning build-up can be a much more relaxed experience for all who are involved. And according to Kerner, it is much rarer for a man to be anxious about performing oral sex on a partner over traditional vaginal intercourse (where maintaining an erection or premature ejaculation can often crop up). Instead, females are usually much more anxious to receive cunnilingus because of issues of genital self-esteem and other factors. For more on this, Ian Kerner really brings up some cogent points on the subject. Genital Self-Esteem This concept is a very important one to consider when the topic at hand is cliteracy. Especially for someone who has harsh, unrealistic, or unhealthy self-perceptions about the appearance or size of their genitals, and so on. And the number one way to remedy an anxious partner is to express how much you enjoy giving them pleasure--expressing one’s during the performative aspect of cunnilingus is key. This reinforces a system of positive feedback which in turn makes the act more enjoyable for all involved. Sex in Multiple Acts Ian likes to remind his clients that sex shouldn’t be done on just a penetrative basis. He likens those kinds of sexual practices as a play with only one act. So, instead of going straight for the climax without actually having built up properly for it, he encourages starting slow. Only when you introduce important elements can you move onto the next act. If you want really good, healthy sex, one should logically start with the first act: this could consist of seduction or playful touching. Act 2 is genital stimulation. And act 3 can logically progress from there with more foreplay. Or maybe an intermission between acts 3 and 4, and then the play resumes. Also, who says an orgasm has to be the end result? Some of the most satisfying sexual experiences (plays) don’t always end with a climax. For much more, check it out! Changes to She Comes First? Because Ian wrote She Comes First over a decade ago, some of focuses and implementations are perhaps a little lopsided for his taste now. Technique gets the majority of page space throughout the book, and he ponders aloud if perhaps he should have focused more on the communication aspects of sex over achieving a ‘flow’ state during the act itself. Both are important of course! But overall, Ian is proud of the book, as he should be. And for those who haven’t picked up a copy, you really should. You should also really check the episode out! Background Ian Kerner is the bestselling author of, She Comes First, and its companion piece, Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man. In addition to garnering acclaim with the aforementioned books, he has successfully launched and maintained a career as a licensed psychotherapist, a sexuality counselor with a focus in sex therapy and couples therapy; he is also considered a prominent authority on sexuality throughout the industry. Just a few of the notable programs and organizations that he is a part of include the following: He is a Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT); Also, Ian is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and currently sits on AASECT's Board of Directors. And for a more in-depth list of his affiliations and efforts, visit his website here: https://www.iankerner.com/ In addition, Ian is also a very accomplished public speaker and lecturer and has spoken at dozens of events on topics ranging from psychotherapy to sex tips and beyond. He has been a guest on the Dr. Oz Show, he writes for CNN Health, and is a frequent speaker at many academic institutions and symposiums. All in all, Ian is one of the most successful writers on sexuality of all time, and we have been extremely fortunate to have him on the show! Website: https://www.iankerner.com/ ----- More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

The Sexual Avoidance Cycle Revisited: The Dangers of ‘Sexpectations’Today we are going to revisit the Sexual Avoidance Cycle; more specifically, we are going to talk about the Disappointment Phase of the Cycle in order to pinpoint the harmful effects of expectations. That is, what happens when we have grand visions and plans for a sexual experience, and it falls below our expectation level?As is common, we experience disappointment which can compound into further sexual complications in a relationship. This was discussed as well in episode #40 (another soapbox installment!).Using this concept as a springboard for conversation, this episode will briefly cover a wide array of instances where sexual expectations (sexpectations) can sabotage our sex lives. In addition, porn (the usual suspect), makes another appearance. I will analyze, not from a moral standpoint, but a psychologically-reinforcing basis, the negative effect that porn has on creating unrealistic expectations.I will also do a short ‘mythbusting’ segment where I scrutinize some of the more prevalent myths about sex. There’s a lot to cover in a short amount of time, but you can definitely expect a great show.What is so Bad About [S]expectations?should we avoid expectations like the plague when sex is involved? What is so harmful about these sexpectations? For one, putting a cap on expectations can help correct incorrect assumptions and predispositions towards sex; it can also lead to better spousal communication and connection. And with a minimal level of sexpectiations at the forefront of one’s sexual activities, sex can be a joyous occasion instead of a stressful, pressure-inducing obstacle to avoid. So, it is often a best practice to let things happen how they are going to happen in the bedroom. Expecting too much is harmful to everyone involved. For more, tune in!Interrogate Your Social EnvironmentNever write off the power of social factors in determining your unique sexual makeup and preconceived expectations. The proverbial ‘nurture’ of the Nature/Nurture debate can be said to affect all of us, in seemingly unconscious ways; but nonetheless, it is a strong explicit and implicit determinant in how our expectations are formed. Maybe you have never thought about it before. Regardless, interrogating your social environment, both present and past is very important for understanding and thus unpacking some of your possibly misguided expectations. For more, listen in.“No Two Kids Have the Same Parents”Synonymous with our social environments, taking into account the unique perspectives and mentalities that each of us has towards sex is a must for untangling the complex web of your expectations. To properly manage what we expect, we should plan to gain as much understanding as possible.Porn Isn’t Helping Your SexpectationsAgain, this isn’t a condemnation of pornography from a moral basis, but an analysis of the very disconnecting nature of pornography on the realistic expectations of sexually active individuals. Because pornography makes a caricature out of certain aspects of sex--penis and breast size, body shape, movements, duration, an emphasis on penetrative over other forms of sex, and a myriad of other fantastical elements--it is easy to let those elements seep into your own personal expectations. Especially if you are of the generation that grew up on porn and learned a lot about sexuality from the very unreal world of pornography. Tune in for more detail on this.Desire Discrepancies, The Female Orgasm, and Other Sex MythsThere are many sexual myths in circulation due to misinformation and lack of a comprehensive sexual education. To start, a very prominent myth has to do with any uneven desires for sex in relationships. And no, there is nothing wrong in general with your relationship if the desires are a bit lopsided e.g. the woman wants sex more or the man has the larger libido. That is completely normal and doesn’t point to any specific facet of the relationship that has gone bad. Another myth covered is the fact that only 25% of women and below (the minority of women) can experience an orgasm through penetrative sex. Almost every other female needs some sort of external stimulus or clitoral stimulation. YET...the number one perpetuated myth in pornography is that every single woman is achieving orgasm through the traditional means of penetrative sex.And lastly, other myths are brought up, including the very normal practice of masturbating while in a relationship. Please stop by and learn how to free yourself from expectations and some of the sexuality myths currently in circulation.More info:Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.comWeb - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Overcoming Sexual Shame In her work, Sellers places considerable emphasis on reversing sexual shame in her clients’ and readers’ minds. Growing up in a sexually-open environment, with parents who were very transparent about sexual function, health, and education, Tina learned the importance of communication over the suppression of sexual fact. And by extension, she is a vocal opponent of abstinence-only techniques which are ineffective and detrimental to the overall sexual wellbeing of all who are involved. Tina also likes to probe the depths of religious history to offer broader perspectives on how sexuality and religion can function symbiotically instead of antagonistically. Without further ado, much more is expounded upon within the episode. It is an absolutely phenomenal experience, navigated by an equally phenomenal guest. Enjoy! Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: A Sexual Autobiography? Not exactly. Tina had an upbringing that runs counter to a typical conservative church experience. She grew up in a Swedish immigrant family where everyone was body and sex positive. In addition, sexuality was taught in a transparent manner. This meant that the typical drip-feed of sexual shame had been replaced with a far more positive apparatus for sexual wellbeing and curiosity. Tina goes on to say much more about her background and the importance of her upbringing throughout the episode! Transforming a Fragmented Narrative into a Sexual Legacy So, why would Tina write a book about the suppression of sexuality in religiously-centered families, when she herself had experienced a far-from-stifling upbringing? To completely answer this question requires a brief review of a moment in her life that determined the direction of her research. The pieces for her book began to fall into place during her time as a professor. And more specifically, when she organized assignments that directed her Human Sexuality students to make autobiographical accounts of their own sexual experiences. And it was during the countless drafts she read that she started to notice an influx of narratives that all became pointedly self-conscious and self-disparaging. What had originally been a fragmented narrative began to congeal into a fleshed-out profile of individual sexuality. But what could have caused this shift in perception? Tune in to find out more! The Limitations of Legalism and Abstinence-Only Sellers delves into some of the origins of the more Evangelically-driven modes of thought. Legalistic adherence to biblical laws, literalism, a harsh criticism of sexual expression, and the power and money at the root of all socio-political movements. In addition, she accentuates the fact that the abstinence-only strategies are mentally detrimental for children. Eventually, once a child matures and becomes sexually active, abstinence-only techniques prove to be much more harmful than establishing regular dialogues on sexuality. Most of this is socio-politically and religiously driven, like the Purity Movement. Seriously, this information is worth its weight in gold. You won’t want to miss it! The Phenomenology of Sexual Shame At one point in the episode, Tina shares a quote which provides an absolutely nuanced and fresh perspective on the idea of sexual shame. But at the same time, it is heartbreaking in its accuracy. This is a portion of what is said on the phenomenology of sexual shame: “A visceral feeling of humiliation and disgust towards one’s own body and identity as a sexual being. A belief of being abnormal, inferior, and unworthy.” And this has been reinforced by our socio-political climate. For more on the phenomenology of sexual shame, listen along. Comprehensive Sex-Ed: 100, 1-minute conversations Tina says that a comprehensive sexual education is imperative for shifting the legacy of sexual of shame. With enough discussions, just 100, one-minute conversations, the statistics show that individuals will almost always go on to live healthier sexual lives. They also feel much better about their bodies overall. This means that parents must start very soon with their kids, shouldn’t have ‘heart attacks’ when children show curiosity towards their bodies (or the differences in others’ bodies), and let things come about naturally without “childproofing the mind,” so to speak. The Model For Erasing Sexual Shame (MESS) Tina shares one of the most important facets of her book with listeners. Using a four-part strategy for reversing sexual shame, she teaches us that we need to frame, name, claim, and aim if we expect to get rid of our sexual shame. First, we must have the proper frame for sexual education. This means that instead of porn, which often reflects only a male-driven fantasy, individuals need to have a sexual education that is instead based in reality. The frame is the “scaffolding” for a healthy sexuality, as Sellers says--it could even be called a frame of reference. The second, name, is equally important: we must name, or tell our story. To learn what claim and aim mean in this formula, check out this enlightening talk. The Mind/Body Divide: A Perspective Shift Towards Sinful Sex In some of the closing moments of the interview, Tina gives listeners a history lesson dating back all the way to Aristotle and up to Constantine. She states that the severance of the mind from the body started with the original Greek thinkers (Socrates, Plato, Aristotle) and largely affected the overall ideological shape of Christianity. Using eastern religion as a foil for western thought, she shows how the mind and body are actually unified in Eastern-based religions and thus generally have a more positive impact on sexual wellbeing for its adherents. Christianity, on the other hand, teaches the supremacy of the mind over the body, leading to a sexual suppression that is hard to shake. This can lead to unhealthy levels of sexual shame in those who are taught that the body must be grappled with and suppressed. The Vow of Onah Sellers shows us that there are a lot of Hebrew sources that portray sexually-positive messages. The most powerful of these being the Vow of Onah, which reverses the typical gender roles of the time period, favoring women over men. One of the oaths of The Vow of Onah is that “Sex is considered a woman’s right, not a man’s.” For the full list and a detailed response, check the key links and information below and read the blog post that Tina wrote on the subject. It’s eye-opening. Background She is the celebrated author of Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy. In addition to her exemplary research and compositional work on that book, she has a Ph.D. in Clinical Sexology and has established a very impressive reputation as a marriage and family therapist, medical family therapist, and also, a certified sex therapist. She has been a professor for many years now, starting as a Latin and science teacher in La Jolla, California. Eventually, this would lead to her teaching a sexual education course in the same prep school. And this launched the specialized career she has been diligently working at for years. Key Links and Information Regarding Tina Sellers Tina’s Website: http://tinaschermersellers.com/ Link for Tina’s book - Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1138674982 ‘Vow of Onah’ Blog Post Written by Tina Sellers: http://tinaschermersellers.com/2011/02/12/the-vow-of-onah-and-other-jewish-attitudes-about-sex/ Northwest Institute on Intimacy: https://nwioi.com/ 4-D Network: https://4-dnetwork.com/ Thank God For Sex: http://www.thankgodforsex.org/ She Is Called: https://www.sheiscalled.com/ More info: Book and New Course - https://sexwithoutstress.com Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Parenting a trans teen Pia is the mother of a transgender child (now twenty years old) who underwent a successful physical transition into his male self. Pia’s love for her kid and overall emotional resiliency shines through when she recounts the details of her child’s story. An advocate of providing a strong support system for everyone undergoing surgery or hormone therapy to transition into the gender of their choice, she is a shining example of the warmth needed for everyone involved. Her story and perspective are extremely important. A Tragic Beginning, But a Joyous Opportunity Nonetheless For Pia, she had no idea that her son was suffering. The self-harm, the fear, the loneliness, all of it came from a place of emotional insecurity so common for those who are going through the process of transitioning from female to male or vice versa. The most tragic part of this story is just how common it is for transgender or gender dysphoric individuals to feel terrified of sharing such a crucial facet of their identity with loved ones and friends. Pia says that there was such joy after having that first conversation with her son. Really, any show notes or summary won’t do Pia’s story justice, listen along and take in everything Pia has to say. “Vision is Different, But the Person is the Same.” Pia recounts just how difficult it was to get used to seeing her child in such a different way. It was inevitable that she would become tripped up his new appearance and gender, but she quickly reminded herself that the person was absolutely the same, even if the name and sex had changed. The vision was different, yes, but the person was absolutely the same. For more on this idea, Pia explains it very well. A Birth Instead of a Death Pia wants to remind listeners that she found herself caught up with thoughts of losing a daughter. In a way, she is right, and her feelings are justified. But ultimately, she knows that where a loss happens, so too a birth results after the operation. Pia once again doesn’t recount the tough aspects of the process to say, “poor me!” But instead, to let parents and friends know that those types of thoughts will crop up, don’t push them away, you are justified in feeling them, but don’t let them override the focus on what’s really important: the individual undergoing their transformation and their feelings and emotions. The Importance of Support Systems Transition teams for transgenders, a supportive family and group of friends, programs that instill positivity and which educate those who are in the transitional stage--all of these things are extremely important aspects of the process. At one point, Pia shares an alarming statistic about transgender acceptance when she states that 1 out of 15 of the transgender in her son’s support group had been accepted by their families lovingly. The rest were usually ostracized. To juxtapose this information, Pia stresses the importance of support systems. And to hear Pia delve deeper into the aspects of what a support system should comprise and the roles that parents should have, tune in. What’s In a Name? Pia tells us that her son didn’t know what he felt at a young age; he just knew he was different. And it wasn’t until he came across a resource online where the term “transgender” first became apparent. This became a process of validation through the acquisition of new knowledge, which in turn led to the epiphanic moment for Pia’s son. This speaks to the fact that although the words might not always be readily available for explanation purposes, feelings are usually present from a very early age. Some sources say as early as age three. Take-Home Message Pia wants to impart some very valuable advice for listeners. One of these being that the transgender lifestyle is not a phase at all. Don’t treat it that way, as if a child, teenager, or adult who identifies as transgender is going through fleeting feelings. And another cogent reminder from Pia is that parents need support systems as well! Check out this very impactful episode out. You won’t regret it. More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

The Guide to Getting It On: A Self-Published Phenomenon If there was ever an excuse to self-publish a book, The Guide is a great example of how successful one can be using the practice. After Paul had taken nine years to finish the first draft of what would become The Guide To Getting It On, he wasn’t met with much success as he tried to get his work into circulation. Even a North Carolinian editor of a publishing house wagged his finger, saying that the subject matter would never fly; but ironically, years later, his book is being used as a central resource for sexual education for three college courses in North Carolina. Paul goes on to speak about the many iterations of the book--he even had to cut almost half of his draft to appease editors. He eventually self-published the book and the rest is history. And for the rest on the ever-changing forms and revisions, the book has undergone, tune into the episode. It is a great listen! Why'd You Write About Sex, Paul? Money! Paul is a self-professed cash hound. Only joking, of course. In all seriousness, Paul had a very noble reason for choosing to write about sex so prolifically and profoundly: he wanted to help those who have anxiety regarding sex. He is also fascinated by the topic and wanted to provide as much an education for the average person as possible, with calculated dollops of comedic relief and cleverness thrown in for good measure. Pick up a copy of his book if you want to experience it for yourself! Generation P (Porn) There are many reasons why Paul’s work is so important: one of the most pressing needs is to teach a younger generation so steeped in porn that the industry is meant for entertainment, and thus should not be taken to be real sex. Because of porn’s ubiquity, more people are getting a degree in porn over a real sexual education. Masturbation isn’t a bad thing. Porn isn’t a bad thing. But to substitute a real anatomical and physiological understanding for one that isn’t real is detrimental to a collective understanding of the sexual realm. To hear more thoughts on the topic, listen along. Inclusivity is Overrated Paul talks about how conforming to hyper-politically-correct aspects of society tends to lead to bad writing. He also talks about how he learned early on to stick to the principle of: “write what you know.” The point being that the homosexual community doesn’t want to be patronized. They are strong enough as a community. And because Paul writes predominantly about heterosexual sex, his work is best served not trying to be overly-inclusive in nature. To paraphrase a quote by Kurt Vonnegut: “write for just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, your writing will get pneumonia.” “Vulva? You Mean The Car?” During his career, Paul has struggled with knowing when to adopt new language for different editions of his book. Because nomenclature is always changing, and language as a whole is constantly evolving, the need to stay current is incredibly pressing. And that is one of the challenges of writing; he said that he learned the hard way to stop telling people what they should call certain parts of the body. For example, for years he referred to the vulva in his books, but he has since learned that not a lot of people are comfortable with the term. "Vagina" is a much friendlier term. For more on this, tune in! Is The Guide Safe For Teenagers? You Betcha! One question that Paul gets asked a lot is if he can write another sex guide solely for teenagers. They are often referred back to the original source. As if teenagers need more abstractions and euphemisms instead of a thorough education on sexual function and health. To learn more why an entire guide devoted to teenagers is unnecessary, stop by and listen for yourself! About Paul Joannides Paul Joannides had aspirations to write chemistry books before he turned to the complex world of sex. And thankfully for every fan, reader, and student of his magnum opus, The Guide To Getting It On, he has devoted the majority of his intellectual (and comedic) energy to providing a fresh, nuanced perspective on sexuality. Some call it the “bible of sex” and others have called it the best-assigned reading of the entirety of their college coursework. The superlatives are certainly justified. Joannides has provided readers 9 editions of the book, all with updated terms, topics, and research to guarantee the text being used in many classrooms nationwide are as up-to-date as possible. His research and writing skills have garnered acclaim from publications such as Playboy, Rolling Stone, and Oprah Magazine. And this isn’t even mentioning the awards he has won for his work, including the Professional Standard of Excellence Award, given to him by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. The list of his accolades could go on! In addition to his groundbreaking work on The Guide, he has a Psy.D. and is a Training and Supervising Psychoanalyst. For Videos, Contact Information, Recipes, and Other Resources Regarding Paul Joannides: Paul’s Website: https://www.guide2getting.com/videos/ Link for his book: The Guide To Getting It On - https://amzn.to/2Dc4jnO More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe