Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

They dive into why scheduling sparks so much relationship friction. Personal calendar styles and the mental load of shared calendars come up. Research shows sharing calendars can signal priorities and create conflict. They explore anxiety, procrastination, who becomes the default scheduler, and why polyamorous scheduling can be mathematically impossible. Practical tools and emotionally aware calendar ideas finish the conversation.

Today we're excited to be sharing an episode with Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick of the Love Factually podcast! We're critiquing Vicky Cristina Barcelona's portrayal of non-monogamy and discussing the film as a whole. Eli Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He also serves as a founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement and as the Morton O. Schapiro Fellow at the Institute for Policy Research. His research topics range from marriage to political partisanship. He is the author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage, a co-host of the Love Factually podcast, and a guest essayist for The New York Times. The Economist declared him “one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.”Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and the author of the book "Bonded by Evolution" that offers an exciting new look at the science of attraction and compatibility. Along with Eli Finkel, he hosts the podcast Love Factually where they analyze rom-coms and romantic dramas from the perspective of relationship science. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.supercast.com. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community.Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.Whatever you want to learn, MasterClass has something for you, taught by experts in their fields. Support the show and keep learning at multiamory.link/masterclass.Skillshare is an online learning community with thousands of classes for creators. Everything from graphic design and video editing to photography, writing, and business. Get a free month of Skilllshare at multiamory.link/skillshare.Record your own podcast or videos with the same platform as us! Check out multiamory.link/riverside to try it yourself for free.Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

They unpack how to build commitment without following the traditional relationship escalator. They map non-escalator milestones like domestic arrangements, emotional vulnerability, social visibility, shared experiences, and symbolic markers. They discuss how milestones with one partner affect others and touch on research about jealousy, pace mismatches, outness, and practical maintenance strategies.

They unpack dating someone who recently left monogamy and the awkward transition off the relationship escalator. Personal stories highlight tangled ties with exes and unusual compromises. Research on stepfamily dynamics is applied to non-monogamy. Practical boundary ideas and a decision framework for whether to stay or step back are discussed.

Gary Ware, founder of Breakthrough Play who uses play to build connection and resilience. He discusses designing play-centered retreats, how play counters burnout and restores learning, why stress blocks play, and practical tiny-habit strategies like micro-rests and the GRAPES self-care framework. Short, intentional play as resistance and community support are key themes.

They dig into dating burnout and why endless swiping feels exhausting. The conversation contrasts app-driven encounters with organic meetings and examines how choice overload, addictive design, and stacked first dates drain emotional bandwidth. They also explore cultural trends around relationships, non-monogamy experiences on apps, and practical moves to reduce fatigue and meet people more intentionally.

They dig into conflicts about how much and what kind of time partners need. Different “time tastes” get named, from everyday errands to playful outings, parallel presence, rituals, and team projects. Research on quantity versus quality and how novelty and self-disclosure change needs comes up. Practical tactics like auditing your time, experimenting with shared activities, and putting phones away are discussed.

They wrestle with whether extreme individualism harms polyamorous connections. Cultural forces and countercultural dogma get examined. Conversations cover when to lean on partners, privacy norms, and how to share about other relationships responsibly. Listeners hear debates on compassionate engagement versus dismissive responses and calls to build real-time community support.

Cy Dusk, a data analyst at Feeld who studies large-scale dating and non-monogamy patterns, walks through how data reveals real user behavior. They explore solo versus shared profiles, polycule network shapes, who becomes hubs in networks, generational differences, labels versus practices, and safety and community needs. Short, data-driven snapshots highlight the diversity and design challenges of modern non-monogamous dating.

Brett Chamberlin, founder of OPEN fighting for legal rights and acceptance of non-monogamy. Dr. Amy C. Moors, Kinsey-affiliated psychology researcher specializing in consensual non-monogamy. They unpack the largest survey on non-monogamy: who identifies as non-monogamous, disclosure patterns, stigma versus discrimination, intersectional impacts, and policy priorities for rights and cultural change.