Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

They dig into why people feel pulled to reunite with past partners and share on-again/off-again stories. Research on how often reconciliations happen and what predicts success gets discussed. Psychological forces like the Zeigarnik effect, paradox of choice, and commitment dynamics are explored. Practical steps and questions to consider before reconnecting are offered.

They announce a planned week off to rest and recharge and explain why sustainability and brave rest matter. They invite listeners to take a five-minute survey to shape future topics and guests. They outline what the survey asks and how feedback will be used. They point listeners to past episodes for self-care resources.

They unpack why the sudden feeling of repulsion shows up in early attraction and share personal dating moments that trigger it. Neuroscience and a 2025 study link disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism to who gets the ick. They compare common triggers reported by different genders and debate which reactions signal real incompatibility. Practical strategies for noticing, tracking, and coping with the ick are offered.

They debate direct versus indirect communication and why directness is not always better. Cultural and neurological differences shape high- and low-context styles. Stories show how hints, nonverbal cues, and reading the room can carry meaning. Practical tools for bridging style clashes and metacommunicating are offered.

They tackle feeling like you are never a priority and being kept a secret from friends and family. Personal stories about closeted partners, workplace secrecy, and emotional costs come up. Conversations explore unclear boundaries like polyfidelity demands, power imbalances, and when staying becomes unsustainable. They also discuss how to compassionately exit and the natural desire to feel prioritized sometimes.

They dive into why scheduling sparks so much relationship friction. Personal calendar styles and the mental load of shared calendars come up. Research shows sharing calendars can signal priorities and create conflict. They explore anxiety, procrastination, who becomes the default scheduler, and why polyamorous scheduling can be mathematically impossible. Practical tools and emotionally aware calendar ideas finish the conversation.

Today we're excited to be sharing an episode with Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick of the Love Factually podcast! We're critiquing Vicky Cristina Barcelona's portrayal of non-monogamy and discussing the film as a whole. Eli Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He also serves as a founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement and as the Morton O. Schapiro Fellow at the Institute for Policy Research. His research topics range from marriage to political partisanship. He is the author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage, a co-host of the Love Factually podcast, and a guest essayist for The New York Times. The Economist declared him “one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.”Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and the author of the book "Bonded by Evolution" that offers an exciting new look at the science of attraction and compatibility. Along with Eli Finkel, he hosts the podcast Love Factually where they analyze rom-coms and romantic dramas from the perspective of relationship science. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.supercast.com. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community.Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.Whatever you want to learn, MasterClass has something for you, taught by experts in their fields. Support the show and keep learning at multiamory.link/masterclass.Skillshare is an online learning community with thousands of classes for creators. Everything from graphic design and video editing to photography, writing, and business. Get a free month of Skilllshare at multiamory.link/skillshare.Record your own podcast or videos with the same platform as us! Check out multiamory.link/riverside to try it yourself for free.Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

They unpack how to build commitment without following the traditional relationship escalator. They map non-escalator milestones like domestic arrangements, emotional vulnerability, social visibility, shared experiences, and symbolic markers. They discuss how milestones with one partner affect others and touch on research about jealousy, pace mismatches, outness, and practical maintenance strategies.

They unpack dating someone who recently left monogamy and the awkward transition off the relationship escalator. Personal stories highlight tangled ties with exes and unusual compromises. Research on stepfamily dynamics is applied to non-monogamy. Practical boundary ideas and a decision framework for whether to stay or step back are discussed.

Gary Ware, founder of Breakthrough Play who uses play to build connection and resilience. He discusses designing play-centered retreats, how play counters burnout and restores learning, why stress blocks play, and practical tiny-habit strategies like micro-rests and the GRAPES self-care framework. Short, intentional play as resistance and community support are key themes.