Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships 575 - I’ll Never Be Their First Priority: Listener Q&A
Apr 14, 2026
They tackle feeling like you are never a priority and being kept a secret from friends and family. Personal stories about closeted partners, workplace secrecy, and emotional costs come up. Conversations explore unclear boundaries like polyfidelity demands, power imbalances, and when staying becomes unsustainable. They also discuss how to compassionately exit and the natural desire to feel prioritized sometimes.
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Multiple Costs Create The Secret Partner Pain
- Feeling like a secret often surfaces from multiple overlapping costs rather than one issue.
- Wistful in Washington lists engagement, closeting at work/family, public affection bans, polyfidelity, and lack of power as combined pain points.
Dedeker's Pattern Of Dating People Who Aren't Out
- Dedeker shares recent dating pattern where three new daters were not out to family or friends.
- She contrasts that with being professionally out and grapples with whether outness alignment matters to her.
You Can Know The Deal And Still Be Hurt
- Knowing a boundary up front doesn't invalidate feeling hurt later.
- Hosts emphasize humans mispredict future feelings and that initial agreement can change as circumstances and emotions evolve.