Superpowered Mind with Clare Dimond

My whole life has been turned upside down since my divorce and I have recently become aware of an intense fear of abandonment that seems to be controlling all aspects of my life especially my relationships.  Also a deep fear has been uncovered that I do not want anyone to know my true feelings and self for fear of this rejection and abandonment. I cannot go on living this way and so desperate want to be free but it is not clear how and the control and hypervigilance continues.. it seems to be so wired in my body and I wake up in terror a lot. I love the teaching  and would like some insight on how to hold such strong feelings without perpetuating them and just let them be?

I was overweighed and (in my eyes) unattractive since I was a kid. I went through periods of dieting and binging until about 12 years ago I fell in love with movement/fitness and when exercising stopped being a way to lose weight but something I simply etnjoyed; it made me feel good and gave me energy. The weight loss followed naturally and so did changes in what I ate. My whole body shape changed and I’d be getting a lot of compliments since and I also got to the point where I could have said I liked how I looked. I think, because of it, I was convinced, until today, that my “looks”/“weight” issue was gone. Part two: my partner is overweight and unfit. Fitness/movement is something he resists and struggles with. He recognises this struggle and resistance in himself. He had a major health scare and even that didn’t lead to any changes as far as diet or fitness. Any attempts have always been short lived. It is the only issue in our relationship. It upsets me. I thought the reason why it upsets me so deeply is because I am afraid of losing him (after that major health scare). It looks like it’s only partly true. Today, I noticed he put on weight again. I wanted to cry. I felt angry and upset at the same time but couldn’t because I had a Zoom call. Before the Zoom call I sat down and saw myself in camera and my arms in particular. I saw fat arms and I thought how fat and ugly they were. How fat I was (even though I am not fat generally!). I felt shocked and broken. I have not felt this way about myself in years and than it hit me. I did not stop having “looks”/“weight” issues even though I lost weight years ago. I remained critical of myself since, I just wasn’t aware of it (until today)and the hatred of my fat arms/body I felt today and that self-criticism, is something I think I have been projecting on my partner for years. I don’t know what to ask to be frank, other than what do I do with this revelation? Go deeper into this feeling of fear and hatred?  It’s all very fresh and as shocking as it’s been, I’m glad it came out! I’d appreciate your input. Thank you! 

Would you be able to say a bit more about the reason why "Non Duality" speaks to Wholeness, more than the word "wholeness" does?  (ref your first video on Wholeness in Home).  For me wholeness is the whole, there isn't anything outside that.  If there's an implication, inherent in the word "whole", that there is something else that is not whole,  then why isn't that also true for the word Non Duality - which points to the state of the very absence of non-duality very clearly.  Simply because of the prefix Non" and the word "dual". I know we're using words and concepts to describe something beyond the intellectually understandable.  Yet the use of Non-Duality to describe what we're exploring in this conversation doesn't really settle into my mind - it always somehow makes it seem cerebral and distant when we're talking about something so very very intimate to every moment experience.

As we progress through the HOME course I have noticed that I have been unsettled, unhappy, scared and just haven’t really felt happiness and peace inside me.The more I listen the more I am becoming scared of my feelings, of what is showing up in life.At first I was meeting whatever is showing up and felt my understanding was growing. My question is I feel my ego, self whatever we call it is trying to self sabotage.To frighten me off.My mental chatter is becoming so much louder and constant that I sometimes feel I’m going crazy.I’m becoming just so scared of everything I do .Can you help please.

Frientimacy by Shasta Nelson 

We're not human beings having a spiritual experience. We're one spiritual being having seven billion human experiences. And who you really are is that one spiritual being. Your true identity is consciousness itself.Teilhard de Chardins

Can I ask you a question please ? I heard Jeff foster say that once the fear is in the body it has been admitted/ allowed there . And it’s just like a wave not separated from the ocean . Is this my opportunity to see the fear for what it is ? The apparent seperation - but still one with consciousness. My resistance by the mind to whatever the body has admitted is the source of my suffering? And unless I just allow it to be there it will plague me forever. It makes acceptance a little bit easier to accept if you get what I mean . The intelligence of the system has allowed the fear and pain to be in my body and i should respect universal intelligence by not resisting whst is happening in the moment ?

In one particular area the stakes seem really high if I’m not going to be able to face a certain situation which is quite imminent. I’m aware this is just a story as I have no idea how it will turn out but equally I feel very uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelmed about this sticky area. 

I have real financial problems. I am living hand to mouth in a job I hate and am desperate to leave. I feel completely trapped. It seems to me that there is a reality to money and that anyone who says it is just a mental creation is just denying the facts and making it worse for those of us in poverty. There is a webinar on 6th April 8-9 pm BST to look at the hidden treasures that money reveals. 

'How can a person develop insight into madness and sanity without again ending up in the searching looping from hell?'