Superpowered Mind with Clare Dimond

I have seen a lot about my weight issues in the last few weeks and days. I saw the war going on inside between wanting to be thin and not being thin and also about wanting to be thin and not being able to make myself thin. Two wars going on, so much effort and exhaustion.In looking deeper, I saw that what I want from being thin is life to be easy, because life is so hard for me. I don’t really have a hard life, the opposite is true, but life appears just so hard, except for eating, sleeping, reading and watching TV. When I realized this, it struck me that this is exactly how my parents were living their life, or how it appeared to me. Thinking everything is hard and/or dangerous and the only allowed ease and joy was eating and watching TV, well and reading and sleeping. I had to sleep a lot as a child and I didn’t want to. Same with food, I had to eat a lot and I didn’t want to. It was such a shock to see that after all the therapies and stuff I’ve done, I still function with this old pattern. I also understand that all the life I lived before which was completely different to my parents’, like a ballet career and decades of partying and doing lots of adventures, even having lots of children and pets, was always done with a sort of fight spirit, fighting against this old pattern but the older I get the more the fighting ability vanishes and only exhaustion is left. The true program is revealed, eating, sleeping, reading and watching TV. No other thing is classified as easy or worthwhile, all other activity need more or less amounts of effort to push through. Even my handstand training this is true, which I love on the one side but I have to overcome resistance to do it every single day. It’s a relief to see the deep programming I didn’t know it existed but on the other hand I just don’t know what to do with that. It’s like realizing I am in a trap but not being able to leave the trap.

You often say something like : see what's true, or what is real. This is highly confusing to me. I don't know what the definition of 'true' or 'real' could be. Doesn't it depend of situation and person and, and, and? So it's highly subjective and transient?For example I might see in a moment the truth as beeing treated unfairly by someone, and in another moment just feeling angry, in another moment just feeling energy moving through my body and in another moment just a body sitting. All truth about the same situation. Someone else might not even see a body, as there are no bodys. Well I'm making this up, it's not my experience but I have heard people saying that. So many different truths and realities? Is truth always the momentary subjective truth? Or is there another truth? So what is the truth or the reality you speak about? This words really send me in a complete confusion. 

The Mind-Gut Connection Emeran Mayer. The Sunday Book 

A brief summary of this episode

I am afraid to do things wrong in eyes of this course.. or that i am not allowed to have a different view. (Projection)My upbringing was, based on indoctrinate with less room of free thinking and was a lot about those topics of approval and judgment of God. (someone outside of me who says and dictate what i have to think or do.)This caused that I project on others around me, like; They know better than me. I am not good enough. When i am writing this i see it's total confusion. And maybe that's why it feel so contracted, although i know that I am freedom itself, however something inside me still think i am not. This routine habbit still need to fade away. 

Over the years I have learned to trust in following my intuition as best I can.As I might put it now, to make the choices that I most "resonate with" at the time.To put it in your words, I might say that my system will make the choice that makes the most sense to it at the time of the choice.I might also say that in the moment of the choice/action, is the only time that I will know the best choice to make.So, be faced now with some major life changing choices, I wonder.Can I teach my system to be even more aligned with some kind of inner knowing or True Self/Higher Self knowledge?Is there even such a thing?It seems that you teach that by observing the beliefs and patterns in the system, that they begin to loosen and maybe dissolve, allowing more possibilities, which I might relate to wisdom.Knowing I have these choices to make in the near future, how might I teach my system to be as wise as possible by the time I must make those choices?Again is that even possible?If there is no "I", then there is no "my system" that is getting in the way of being-ness or knowing-ness.So maybe nothing to do?

The mind is just going very hard, fast for such a long time. Attacking itself etcIt feels like the fear is too big. Guilt, shame. I feel, think that I will never be normal again. Too damaged with all the thoughts. 

I have a question about the home course. It seems like it’s increasing my patterns of social anxiety. On the other hand, the things you say don’t really sink in. The information looks like interesting concepts, but i doesn’t cause me to really experience that i am awareness of intelligence of live etc. So listening to the courses and noticing the thoughts and feelings apparently isn’t enough. How does a person comes from the perspective we’re i’m in, to the perspective that you describe? What can a person that is living from the first perspective do in order tot see things in new way? 

I have just watched day 22 video on Aliveness. Your description of your Dad passing reminded me of seeing my Grandad pass, that life of him there one moment and gone the next. He was elderly and poorly and it seems to me that the body couldn’t sustain the life force or aliveness any more.I’m now piecing this together with the suicide of my relative, where it looks to me that the actions of the body prevented the life/aliveness from being able to be in that form any more. Although the body was sick, he died as a result of his own actions / the actions of the body. The aliveness was prevented by the action taken and there was intention to do so. Whose intention? Does aliveness have intention? I sense not…but there’s something here jarring. I was thinking today…I was sat in the chair drinking tea and I asked “who decided to sit and drink tea?” And I thought, the system did, it made sense to the system here given all learning and conditioning…I guess it was the same for my relative in taking his life? 

The Choice by Dr Edith Eger; The Sunday Book This is the passage I read out: A fourteen-year-old boy who had participated in a car theft was sent to me by a judge. The boy wore brown boots, a brown shirt. He leaned his elbow on my desk. He said, “It’s time for America to be white again. I’m going to kill all the Jews, all the niggers, all the Mexicans, all the chinks.” I thought I would be sick. I struggled not to run from the room. What is the meaning of this? I wanted to shout. I wanted to shake the boy, say, Who do you think you’re talking to? I saw my mother go to the gas chamber. I would have been justified. And maybe it was my job to set him straight, maybe that’s why God had sent him my way. To nip his hate in the bud. I could feel the rush of righteousness. It felt good to be angry. Better angry than afraid. But then I heard a voice within. Find the bigot in you, the voice said. Find the bigot in you. I tried to silence that voice. I listed my many objections to the very notion that I could be a bigot. I came to America penniless. I used the “colored” bathroom in solidarity with my fellow African American factory workers. I marched with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to end segregation. But the voice insisted: Find the bigot in you. Find the part in you that is judging, assigning labels, diminishing another’s humanity, making others less than who they are. The boy continued to rant about the blights to America’s purity. My whole being trembled with unease, and I struggled with the inclination to wag my finger, shake my fist, make him accountable for his hate—without being accountable for my own. This boy didn’t kill my parents. Withholding my love wouldn’t conquer his prejudice. I prayed for the ability to meet him with love. I summoned every image I had of unconditional love. I thought of Corrie ten Boom, one of the Righteous Gentiles. She and her family resisted Hitler by hiding hundreds of Jews in their home, and she ended up in a concentration camp herself. Her sister perished there—she died in Corrie’s arms. Corrie was released due to a clerical error one day before all of the inmates at Ravensbrück were executed. And a few years after the war, she met one of the most vicious guards at her camp, one of the men who were responsible for her sister’s death. She could have spit on him, wished him death, cursed his name. But she prayed for the strength to forgive him, and she took his hands in her own. She says that in that moment, the former prisoner clasping the hands of the former guard, she felt the purest and most profound love. I tried to find that embrace, that compassion, in my own heart, to fill my eyes with that quality of kindness. I wondered if it was possible that this racist boy had been sent to me so I could learn about unconditional love. What opportunity did I have in this moment? What choice could I make right then that could move me in the direction of love? I had an opportunity to love this young person, just for him, for his singular being and our shared humanity. The opportunity to welcome him to say anything, feel any feeling, without the fear of being judged... ....I thought of a statistic I read, that most of the members of white supremacist groups in America lost one of their parents before they were ten years old. These are lost children looking for an identity, looking for a way to feel strength, to feel like they matter. And so I gathered myself up and I looked at this young man as lovingly as I could. I said three words: “Tell me more.”