Parenting Teenagers Untangled - Understand and Talk to Your Teenager

Rachel Richards

Episodes

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Oct 1, 2025 • 58min

Stop pushing your kids: The science of success, resilience, and reduced stress.

Ask Rachel anythingIs your kid stressed or lacking motivation? What if the antidote was pushing them less and giving them more of a sense of control over their lives? It doesn't mean giving up your authority as a parent. As elite teen coach, Ned Johnson, explains the science tells us we can help our child sculpt a brain that is resilient, and ready to take on new challenges if we stop taking over.In his practice he uses science, behavioural therapy and extensive case studies to offer help kids who're struggling with stress, anxiety, or lack of motivation.His mantra is that as parents, we need to get out of our kids' way. We can only drive our kids so far. At some point, they will have to take control over their own path and our job is to help them develop the skills to do that. Introducing technology to teenagers: My Substack Big Hug GuideLearned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neurosciencehttps://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4920136/Failure to Launch: Ken Rabow https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by Dr. John Ratey.The Tech Exit book: https://www.sheldonpress.co.uk/titles/clare-morell/the-tech-exit/9781399828208/Never Enough book: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/about-never-enough10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/Intrinsic Motivation and Positive Development: Reed Larson https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23259190/Default Mode Network:  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/Ned on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theothernedjohnson/video/7005943445646855429?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1&lang=enSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
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Sep 24, 2025 • 37min

Transforming difficult, disruptive kids.

Ask Rachel anythingWe all want our kids to feel they belong and have purpose, but what simple things can we do at home and in schools that will help them develop what they need?In this interview you'll hear so many great tips we can put in place at home that will help our kids thrive. In 2007, Tish co-founded Jamie’s Farm with her son Jamie, a teacher and farmer.LINK: https://jamiesfarm.org.uk/people/tish-feilden/The residential visits for disadvanteged kids, who are disengaged or disruptive at school, give them experience of eating as a family around a table, setting aside their digital devices, and creating a structure for positive recognition of those around them. Since its founding, Jamie’s Farm has supported over 16,000 young people across six farms in the UK and delivered significant, lasting improvement to young people’s social and emotional health as well as school attendance and attainment. Tish has background as a foster parent and teacher, she went on to build a 30-year career as a psychotherapist, including working  with teenagers, families, and the supervision of school counsellors.Tish Fieldon's 10 Transformative Tips for Parents and Teachers Understand the Teenage BrainRecognize that teenagers operate differently from adultsAvoid logical lectures - they rarely workRedirect energy positively instead of shutting down natural curiosityCreate Meaningful ConnectionHave regular family meals togetherMake time for genuine conversationsPractice "check-ins" where everyone shares how they're feelingLimit TechnologySet clear boundaries with phonesCreate phone-free zones and timesPrioritize SleepEnsure teenagers get adequate restEstablish consistent bedtime routinesUnderstand sleep is crucial for brain development and emotional regulationEmbrace NatureEncourage outdoor activitiesTake walks togetherExplore local trails and green spacesFoster PurposeGive teenagers meaningful tasksInvolve them in community projectsHelp them feel they're contributingCelebrate their achievementsPractice Positive ReinforcementFocus on strengthsGive genuine complimentsDo "shout-outs" recognizing good qualitiesLearn from positives, not just correctionCreate Safe Spaces for CommunicationBe authenticShare your own experiencesListen without judgmentMake conversations feel naturalTeach Life SkillsDiscuss practical adulting topicsCook togetherBuild confidencSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
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Sep 17, 2025 • 33min

Conflict resolution skills for parents. Vintage.

Conflict is a natural part of parenting teens, but mastering resolution skills can transform it into a bonding opportunity. The importance of assertive communication and understanding emotions takes center stage. Techniques like LUFU encourage active listening, fostering deeper connections. The podcast emphasizes that navigating disagreements with empathy and respect can strengthen family ties. Practical tips on using text messages for important discussions and teaching negotiation skills empower teens for future conflicts. Strategies for handling differing opinions are also explored.
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Sep 10, 2025 • 1h 4min

Teens Talk: The good and bad of smart phones and social media.

Ask Rachel anythingFREE GUIDE: HOW TO THINK THROUGH DEVICE USE FOR YOUR TEENShttps://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/teens-and-screens-the-big-hug-teenagersSmartphones can be massively problematic in the hands of the young, mainly because of what kids can access through them. Social media can have a magnetic pull for adolescents who're trying to figure out their identity and fit in, meanwhile predators are well aware of the various access points provided.So are there any positives? Is it even justifiable to give our kids a smartphone, and at what age is it suitable? My teens have very kindly agreed to chat openly about their experiences, both the good and bad, to give us parents a chance to think through our own approach. We now know so much more now about the issues phones and social media raise, and I hope this conversation helps you by reducing guilt and encouraging you to engage with the issue by thinking clearly about your own values and the individual children you have. NOTE: My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, which is why she has strong opinions on the subject. In this episode we explore the pros and cons of social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, with one of my daughters explaining why Snapchat is particularly stressful due to streaks and friendships.  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/snapchat-a-fantastic-way-to-connect-or-a-cynical-exploitation-of-your-teenagers-time/What comes through clearly is the importance of parental involvement, setting boundaries, and understanding the impact of social media on mental health and friendships. We give you the good and bad: From predator problems, self-image issues, political echo chambers, misinformation, AI and a lengthy digital footprint, sleep issues, and stress... To opportunities for minorities to find support and perspectives that differ from those in their school, ways to find role models, language to describe their experiences, creative outlets and ideas about fashion and style. OTHER EPISODES:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/bikini-photos-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/112-boys-looks-and-masculinity-on-social-media-the-hard-and-soft-of-looksmaxxing/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
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Sep 3, 2025 • 42min

When School Goes Wrong: How Parents Can Advocate, Support, and Turn Things Around

Ask Rachel anythingWhen things go wrong at school parents are bound to feel stressed, wanting the problem to be resolved as soon as possible. But - in the UK at least - the current complaints system is "working for no one", according to the Government's Education Secretary.Jason Elsom, CEO of charity Parentkind, says there's been a surge in parental complaints, that are being amplified via WhatsApp: Quoted in The Times“We are seeing a tsunami of parental complaints. It is never right to name and shame a school or engage in a WhatsApp pile-on, but schools need to make sure they have thought through how they engage parents to nip issues in the bud.”The charity Parentkind found in a poll of 2,000 parents that 38% had filed a formal school complaint in the past year, with the total number of complaints exceeding five million in just one year.Common areas of concern included bullying, student safety, school discipline and behaviour policies, homework, and teacher conduct.Elsom says says Parents are under enormous pressure with a cost-of-living crisis and ever increasing challenges at home, which sometimes spills over into the classroom, with parents complaining to schools about what they are hearing from their children and on WhatsApp groups.“Meanwhile nearly two thirds, or 65%, of school leaders say parental complaints increased during the 2023/24 academic year in a survey by UK and Ireland law firm Browne Jacobson. Nine in 10 (90%) believe complaints-handling is having a detrimental impact on staff wellbeing, with other knock-on effects cited including the quality of education being delivered (53%) and staff retention (48%).Melanie Sanderson, GOOD SCHOOLS GUIDE: https://www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/SOURCE: https://www.brownejacobson.com/BrowneJacobson/media/Media/education/SLS-findings-Spring-2024.pdfSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
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Aug 27, 2025 • 43min

Mental Health, and Teen Phone Use with Oxford Psychologist Lucy Foulkes.

Ask Rachel anythingHow we parents manage technology in our homes, and what we put in the hands of our kids, has turned into one of the most hotly debated topics amongst parents and experts. In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lucy Foulkes, Oxford academic psychologist and author, about social media’s role in adolescent mental health, challenging the narrative popularized by Jonathan Haidt and exploring why phones and social platforms aren’t the universal villains they’re often made out to be. Dr Foulkes has a fascinating take on mental health and whether our well-intentioned conversations around the subject, especially in schools and on social media, might have gone too far; creating confusion or even anxiety for parents and young people. If you want a nuanced, evidence-based discussion that will help you support your teen with more confidence and less fear you've found it.Dr. Lucy Foulkes:  BooksWhat Mental Illness Really Is (…and what it isn’t) Coming Of Age: How Adolescence Shapes Us,Website: https://www.lucyfoulkes.com/Book recommended: The End of Trauma by George BonannoIt’s important not to pathologize normal adolescent struggles. Not all teenagers have mental health problems. Most are resilient and functioning well. All distress should be taken seriously, not just clinical disorders.Increased mental health awareness only helps if there is proper back-up and support for those who really need it.Mental health terms are often misunderstood. Words like “OCD” are often used casually, diluting their meaning and making it harder for those with real disorders to be understood and supported.The narrative that phones and social media are causing a mental health crisis is oversimplified and often exaggerated (as in Jonathan Haidt’s work). Parental engagement and open conversations matter. The best approach is to guide teens in managing technology, set consistent family rules, and model healthy behavior, rather than banning devices or demonizing their use.Both online and offline experiences can be positive or negative; it’s about finding a healthy mix and not assuming one is always better than the other.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
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Aug 20, 2025 • 42min

Lessons in parenting from adult kids who go no contact:

Ask Rachel anythingDo you ever worry about losing touch with your kids as they grow up? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I'm joined by Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Parenting Adult Children Today to explore the growing issue of family estrangement.Catherine is leading a conversation around one of the most overlooked family dynamics: the relationship between parents and their adult children. Despite how common this phase of life is, few resources exist to help parents navigate the transition from authority figure to trusted ally.  *Research shows that about one in four American adults—27%—report estrangement from a family member. Notably, 26% of adult children have experienced estrangement from a father, compared to only 6% from a mother—and many of these rifts eventually heal.We discuss why adult children might cut ties with parents, and what we can do now—while our kids are tweens or teens—to build a strong, lasting relationship.We cover:The most common reasons adult children become estranged from their parentsThe key mistakes parents make (and how to avoid them)How to adapt your parenting style as your children grow into adulthoodThe impact of parental expectations, grief, and cultural pressures on family bondsPractical strategies for fostering trust, open communication, and unconditional loveReal-life stories of reconciliation and hopeCatherine Hickem brings decades of experience working with thousands of families, offering actionable advice and heartfelt encouragement.CATHERINE HICKEM:https://www.parentingadultchildrentoday.com/https://www.instagram.com/parentingadultchildrentoday/Research sources:A longitudinal U.S. study (Reczek et al.), Cornell's Fault Lines project, and the YouGov poll conducted in 2022. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
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Aug 13, 2025 • 37min

Teens, screens and mobiles: bans and boundaries.

Ask Rachel anythingThe latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content.  Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave our kids vulnerable. The thinking is that when we tell our child they can't, we miss out on the opportunity to guide them through what Catherine Knibbs describes as the 'digital city park.' In Tech Smart Parenting, Catherine gives an alternative to the panic and prohibition many parents feel about technology. Instead, she talks about the stages of allowing our kids access to that park, and how a staged approach that is managed by us parents, will offer the safest route.There are four core risks she's identified that our kids face and that need to be discusssed.Content - what people can accessContact - who they can be put in contact withConsumerism - selling to young and vulnerable mindsConduct - the way they behave in a digital environmentIn this interview she explains how we can have open, non-judgmental conversations about technology, gives us strategies for setting boundaries without creating shame, supporting neurodivergent children in digital environments and the importance of sitting side by side with our children and learning with them.The acronym she uses to remind us of our role in this journey is CPR:We need to beConsistent in our rulesPersistent in their applicationResistent to the begging of our kidsPersonally, I worry that many parents don't have much of an idea of what their kids are being exposed to online and that there needs to be a strong culture of support and education around what their kids might see. I'd be a fan of a 'driving licence' approach, which is why I've created this checklist of things to consider, and will produce a booklet of discussion questions to help us parents understand what needs to be covered when we give our kids a phone. CHECKLIST OF THINGS TO DISCUSS: Further details coming on my websiteHow much time and when they are online - Ep. 96Showing up as our best selves online - Ep. 43Family values - Ep. 93 & Ep. 135Downloading apps and what needs to be discussed before they do - Ep. 50Commercialism: how we are being targeted and why it's an issue - Ep. 130Grooming: spotting the signs - Ep. 67Sexting - Ep. 4Porn - Ep. 13 & 64What to do iSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
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Aug 6, 2025 • 37min

Why Parents Judge Each Other — And How to Stop. x

Ask Rachel anythingJudgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children. Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family.We can't control what others think about us but we can control how we think about ourselves and how we respond to judgment.That's why I've set up this podcast to give you a chance to hear other parents talk about what experts say, and realise that there is absolutely no perfect parent or perfect way to do things. Personally, I've found parenting more of a haggle than an art. People who think they have the right answer rarely understand the complexities of our own haggle.TOP TIPS SHARED IN THE EPISODE:1. Lead with Empathy, Not AuthorityStart by acknowledging how hard parenting can be."I know how tough it is—I've been there too." This creates a shared experience, not a hierarchy.2. Ask, Don’t AssumeInstead of diving in with advice, invite the conversation:"Would it help if I shared something that worked for me?" "Are you looking for suggestions or just someone to listen?" This gives them control, which preserves their dignity.3. Share, Don’t InstructFrame advice as personal experience or something you've come across—not a prescription:"What really helped us was..." "I read something interesting the other day about how teens..."Avoid “should,” “always,” or “never” statements.4. Validate Before You AdviseBefore offering tips, show you understand their situation:"That sounds so frustrating—I can see why you're worried." Validation lowers defensiveness and opens them up to ideas.5. Focus on Curiosity, Not CriticismYou might say:"Have you noticed if she gets more upset when..." "Do you think he might be reacting to...?" This invites reflection rather than implying fault.6. Know When to Just Be ThereSometimes advice isn’t what they need—just a calm presence or someone to say:"You're doing better than you think."Mo Gawdat quote:Mo Gawdat defines happiness as a state where your perception of life's events is equal to or greater than your expectations. Break Ups episode mentioned in the reviews: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/144-first-love-breakups-lgbtq-how-to-suppoSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
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Jul 30, 2025 • 32min

Why Mothers Aren't Happy: Burnout, Mental Load and the Second Shift.

Ask Rachel anythingWomen's happiness has been in decline since the 1970's despite increased freedoms and opportunities, says Dr Giselle Goodwin. I've you've ever felt burnout out and the sense that you're somehow failing at being a woman and a mother you'll have a sense of it happening, but you may feel guilty, particularly given the opportunities we've been given compared with what our own mothers had. She says that when women were told we could have it all, it seems what we really heard was we must do it all. It's been dubbed The Female Paradox and in this episode Dr Goodwin shares her personal struggles balancing career and motherhood. She talks us through how societal expectations haven't really changed, even while women are expected to go out to work, resulting in what's been dubbed the "second shift" of domestic responsibilities. We also explore the Paula Principle, where women often take jobs below their skill level for flexibility to fit in with home life, contrasting it with the Peter Principle where men are promoted above their competence. In spite of the problems, Giselle emphasizes it's vital for women to be in high-level roles for societal representation and equity and the real work needs to be done in discussions about how we divide up the mental and physical labour of or lives.She advises young people to view their careers as a portfolio, adapting to life's seasons, and encourages midlife reassessment.Dr Giselle Goodwin: https://gisellegoodwin.com/BOOK: Can Women Really Have it All?: A Happiness Handbook for Working Mothers Research shows that working mothers experience up to 40% more stress and that women’s happiness has been declining since the 1970s. How do we fix this? Backed by compelling research and packed with actionable suggestions, this groundbreaking book answers the burning questions of working mothers today:Why do so many mothers feel chronically guilty?What actions can women take to improve their own happiness?What changes do we need from society to improve women’s lives?Does working outside the home make mothers happier?Is part-time work the answer, or does it bring its own problems?What advice should we give to our children?Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

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