Parenting Untangled | Realistic, expert teen & tween parenting advice & support
Rachel Richards
Hello, I'm Rachel Richards, former BBC Correspondent, CNBC Europe World News Anchor and mum, on a mission to make parenting teens much less stressful, and even enjoyable. Do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing? I've experienced that too, so have a big hug from me.Here's the truth. You’re doing better than you think you are. No, really, you are. There’s too much talk about what a parent should be, and how we can optimise and perfect ourselves, and not enough about how well you’re coping in this complicated world as you hold your shizzle together.I mean it, the most important message is that you CANNOT be perfect. You’re going to lose your rag, you’re going to get upset and say stupid things and make mistakes and hate your kids and your partner and your life from time to time.Take it from me, if you’re going to worry about anything make it: ‘Am I being curious enough?’Asking questions will get you everywhere as a parent of teenagers, and the place to do most of your practice is… yourself and your own thoughts and beliefs.So, welcome, pull up a chair, drop your baggage, and make yourself comfortable. Let’s learn together.The Podcast:A fellow mum begged me to start my podcast because she wanted someone she trusted to help her through the teen years, and I’ll be forever grateful to her because the journey has transformed my own parenting and benefited my family beyond imagination.Here’s the good news, this podcast is free and you can learn everything I learned just by starting at the beginning and going through every episode.If you want to go a bit faster then scroll through and pick subjects that cover what you need right now. If you can’t find what you want then message me and I’ll tell you which one will help you most. If it’s not something I’ve covered then I’m like a dog chasing a stick, so you’ll soon get your answers.My main aim is to help you stop trying to be perfect, or comparing yourself and your kids with others. Your only real job is to focus on getting to know the amazing people you have in your life, loving them unconditionally, and showing them you believe they can do hard things.JOIN ME ON SUBSTACK:For those of you who want more, or who just want to help me feel like the pebbles I have dropped in the ocean of life are making a difference, why not join my paid community? You’ll get one-to-one support and printable PDF’s that give you the top tips from each podcast episode so you have your own little, bespoke manual.ASK ME ANYTHING: I’m very busy behind the scenes reading everything so you don’t have to, and when you subscribe you have the chance to ask me anything. If I don’t know the answer I’ll head out like an eager truffle pig, ready to snuffle out the best for you.COMMUNITY: I’ll be offering regular extras, including tips and thoughts, that help you tune into what matters.All of the community notes, and tips, will remain available to paid subscribers. I want to make this more about fun and less about fear.PDF NOTES: So many listeners say they have rewound the episodes to write down notes, well now there’s no need. Paid subscribers will have a weekly, downloadable, summary of the top tips from each episode, so you don’t have to take notes.Please let me know if there are any old episodes for which you’d like the notes. I’m very happy to supply them.POINTERS: Ask me if there’s something you’re struggling with, I can tell you which episode is most suitable for you, because there are a lot to trawl through.
Episodes
Mentioned books
Jul 16, 2025 • 29min
How to Set Boundaries That Actually Work With Teens: Vintage.
Ask Rachel anythingHaving kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle course trying to get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity.Getting the right balance between love and discipline is incredibly tricky, and for many of us it's a constant haggle.So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care?READ MY BLOG:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/TOP TIPS:Focus on Connection and a strong relationship with your teenager. Let teens experience the direct results of their actions. Consequences should be clear, time-limited, and directly related to changing the specific behavior.Involve Teenagers in creating consequences.Separate the Behavior from the Person: You love them unconditionally, but don't like the specific behavior.Don't take away activities that support personal development. Always provide context for rules and consequences.Be Consistent and Fair: Follow through with consequences, but remain flexible and understanding.Notice and acknowledge when they do well to build connection and mutual respect.Seek Support if you're finding it challenging to manage your teenager's behavior.RESOURCES USED:https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/effective-vs-counterproductive-methods-of-teen-punishment/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=PerformanceMax&utm_content=&network=x&placement=&target=&matchtype=&utm_campaign=16929735023&ad_type=responsive_pmax&adposition=&kwd_id=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnsqdBhCGARIsAAyjYjQ7VuP6YXy_xN5VEyj-jTeNIwj1LDUhiSEaegaxw4NeK4zBWoI1GVMaArsTEALw_wcBParenting style as a moderator of the effect of temperament on adolescent externalising and internalising behaviour problems: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/educational-and-developmental-psychologist/article/abs/parenting-style-as-a-moderator-of-the-effect-of-temperament-on-adolescent-externalising-and-internalising-behaviour-problems/78AC30E10887EC321057BF1E1C8CA349https://wSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jul 9, 2025 • 46min
Motivation: How to motivate a young person, teen or tween: Vintage.
Ask Rachel anythingWe'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them?According to eminent psychologist, Dr David Yeager, when kids hit puberty they're primarily looking for experiences that give them social status and respect.He says the common belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to miss what really motivates them, and do some pretty dumb things that don't help.In his book, 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, Yeager - who's ranked as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world - explains how the science of motivating young people can help us to harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset so they're motivated to achieve their best.BOOK:10-25: The Science of Motivating Young PeopleDAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientistyeagerds@austin.utexas.eduTED Talks: Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity?https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=enBooks referenced:The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned JohnsonThe Gift of Failure by Jessica LaheyThrivers by Michele BorbaSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jul 2, 2025 • 23min
Alcohol. A Smart Parents' Guide to Helping Teens Take a Healthy Approach.
Ask Rachel anythingMore than half of kids who've drunk alcohol under the age of 15 in the UK were offered it by their parents. Alcohol has been proven to cause seven types of cancer, according the World Cancer Research. According to other research, the earlier kids try alcohol the higher the risk they'll indulge in binge drinking and any alcohol-related harm.Parents don't want to harm their kids, so why are they giving them alcohol? According to research done by Community Alcohol Partnerships, parents often assume their kids are going to drink so they would rather it happened at home. To help us understand the issues, I invited Director of Community Alcohol Partnerships, Kate Winstanley, to talk through what we should be thinking as parents. PRACTICAL TIPS:Encourage sports, hobbies, clubs and social activities that keep your kids active and fulfilled.Teenagers say boredom is a reason for drinking. Encourage them to get a holiday job or volunteer.Establish routines, like mealtimes, that mean you can spend some time together and talk to each other. This helps your child to feel they can come to you if they have a problem.Know the facts and laws about alcohol and can talk in a balanced and constructive way about the pros and cons of drinking.Talk and listen to your teenager. It is important that they hear your views and that you hear theirs.Use everyday opportunities, for example a storyline in a TV programme, as a prompt.Make sure the ground rules are clear. Have consequences for breaking rules and enforce them. READ MY BLOG ON CONSEQUENCES - https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/Know where they’re going and who they’re with.OTHER RELEVANT HELP:PARTIES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parties-for-teens-and-tweens-invitations-gatecrashers-and-alcohol/ALCOHOL: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/2-alcohol-how-to-discuss-it-and-staying-connected-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-and-w/CAP: https://www.communityalcoholpartnerships.co.uk/parents-carers/busting-the-mythsTALK ABOUT TRUST: https://talkabouttrust.org/parents-carers/RISKS OF UNDERAGE DRINKING:Immediate risks such as injury, violence, suicide, risky sexual activity, and other substance use;Developmental risks for the brain, liver, skeleton, and endocrine system. In particular adolescence is a critical period in brain development and the effects of alcohol can lead to permanent consequences;Social risks, including an association with future involvement in crime and lower educational outcomes.WorsSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
12 snips
Jun 25, 2025 • 27min
Talk: How to talk so your teenager will listen, and teens wanting to sleep together.
Susie Asley, a mindfulness guru and seasoned parent, shares her insights on deciphering the teenage mind. She discusses the neurological changes that complicate communication between parents and teens, emphasizing the need for reflective conversations. Susie introduces creative strategies like a two-minute discussion limit and the 'super silence' technique to foster genuine dialogue. She also tackles sensitive topics, including relationships and sexual health, encouraging parents to engage openly and supportively with their teens.
15 snips
Jun 18, 2025 • 38min
Puberty, toxic friendships and 'Pick me' girls - teens talk.
Dive into the challenges of parenting teenagers as they discuss the tricky phases of puberty and body changes. The conversation highlights the importance of open dialogues about sensitive topics like wearing bras. Toxic friendships take center stage, with tips on recognizing unhealthy dynamics and valuing self-worth. The discussion also tackles the term 'pick me girls,' exploring its roots and implications on gender dynamics. This lively exchange spans insights on societal pressures, the quest for authenticity, and the transformative journey of teenage self-discovery.
Jun 11, 2025 • 42min
Starting University: The supportive thing that makes all the difference.
Ask Rachel anythingLong term listener, Cathy, has asked us some very heartfelt and important questions about how to support her teen at university. It's an excellent topic for us to tackle since Susie currently has one at university, I have one about to go, and two who have already graduated, one of whom gave me some excellent tips.It's a topic that evokes mixed-emotions for everyone.Here's what Cathy wrote:Please 'discuss how best to support your teen as they go off to university and live away from home for the first time. How about if they don't like their roommate, or they have difficulty sharing a room, or they have problems adjusting academically and or socially to university and they want to come home? Any tips for success?'We’ll be digging into those questions and more. We’ll look at the dropout rates to get an idea of what goes wrong.what challenges students face — from social pressure to mental health — and what you can do now to prepare your teen not just to survive university, but to thrive. We also share practical tips — like life skills they should master before they go, what kind of support they need once they’re there, and how to let go without disappearing completely.So, whether your teen is packing their bags this summer or just starting to explore their options, this episode will give you real tools to support them — and yourself — during one of the biggest transitions in family life.What struck me was that kids who start out well tend to have much higher rates of completion than those who struggle at the offset. It may seem obvious, but it's a very useful indicator of how important those early days and weeks are. It fits very neatly with the work of Dr Gregory Walton, Ordinary Magic, who featured in last week's episode. He says there are deep questions we ask at key points in life. These points are TIC's.T: Transitions in life.I: Points at which our Identity as at stake.C: When we have big Challenges. Often we are not conscious of these questions, but they can play havoc with our lives if we don't deal with them. The two big questions that comes up for university joiners are:Do I belong?Can I do this?PRINCIPLES FOR THIS FROM ORDINARY MAGIC:1 - Avoid negative labels. (I'm not bad)2 - You're not the only one. (It's normal)3 - Recognise causes taht don't malign you or others. (These are real obstacles for me)4 - Forecast improvement. (It can get better)5 - Recognise opportunities (Look for options and silver linings) I will be urging my daSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
36 snips
Jun 4, 2025 • 51min
Stop a downward spiral before it happens with Dr Greg Walton 'One of psychology's greatest'.
Dr. Greg Walton, a Stanford psychologist and co-director of the Dweck-Walton Lab, dives into the power of small changes to spark significant growth. He shares insights on fostering resilience and identity in teens, emphasizing the importance of 'wise interventions' during pivotal moments. Walton discusses the emotional challenges teens face, especially during transitions, and how supportive adults can make a lasting impact. He introduces the concept of 'ordinary magic,' showing how simple actions can lead to profound change in behavior and self-perception.
May 28, 2025 • 51min
First love, breakups & LGBTQ: What to do and say.
Ask Rachel anythingFirst love can be immensely powerful; a profound and unforgetable journey that shapes who we are. It teaches us about intimacy, boundaries and heartbreak and as parents it challenges all of our skills and perceptions.In this episode my daughter, Phoebe, offered to talk about her first experience; what it taught her, how it changed her, and what she thinks adults need to understand to support their teen; particularly one who is same sex attracted. What I learned from our experience is that the most important thing is knowing your child is in a kind, honest, loving relationship. Phoebe reflects on the problems with the long-distance aspect of her relationship, the struggle to gain assertiveness, and the eventual breakup. The conversation also touches on the role of social media, the importance of closure, and the growth Phoebe experienced as a result of her experiences. TOP BREAK-UP TIPS:Provide time and space for your teenager to process the breakup without pressure.Avoid making judgmental comments about the ex-partner or trying to convince the teenager they are "better off".Support your teenager in finding healthy coping mechanisms, such as focusing on personal goals and interests.Encourage your teenager to set boundaries with the ex-partner, including unfollowing on social media, if needed for the healing process.Recognize that the healing process after a first love breakup can take significant time, often 6 months or more.ADVICE FROM THE LUNA APP:Getting through a break up:Give yourself space if needed; set boundaries that work for youStay engaged in fun hobbies and activities to distract yourself and make new connectionsPrioritise self-care: eat well, exercise, sleep, and care for your mental healthBe patient; time is a healerKeep a gratitude journal to focus on other positive aspects of your lifeTalk to someone about your feelings, like a parent or guardian - they will have been there too!Remember that healing takes time, and you'll find a great match in the futureHow to break up with someone:Reflect on your decision: take time to think about why you need to end the relationship and make sure it's the right decision for youSpeak to a parent: in a quiet moment, communicate how you’re feeling to a parent - they will able to offer personalised advice and support which prioritises your wellbeingPrepare for their reaction: understand that everyone reacts differently to break ups. Be emotionally prepared for their response and ensure you're in a safe environment when you have this conversation 🗣Be honest: give them an explSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
May 21, 2025 • 39min
Underage sex, loneliness, puberty and finding hobbies.
Ask Rachel anythingIn this episode I asked Susie to come in and help me tackle some listener questions:QUESTION: After a recent chat with my 13 year old daughter, I'm extremely concerned that she thinks she is ready to have sex with her boyfriend. He's 14, and they have been going out together for a few months. Gosh, they've only recently started kissing. I have been fairly relaxed about it until this recent conversation, and she has told me about a number of girls and boys in her year at school, which is year nine, gosh, who have already had sex, so they say. And she's disregarding my point. Yes, any tips, please? https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/relationships-and-sex-how-young-is-too-young/QUESTION: I'm a mom of three girls. I have noticed my nine year old has become very self conscious around me, and when I try to talk to her, there is no engagement whatsoever, and she's clearly very uncomfortable. I believe it's related to body changes, which my 11 year old is not yet experiencing I've made numerous attempts to give her space and discuss things, including writing notes, which she totally ignored, hanging around, folding washing near you know that sort of like lurking. She's just not opening up. BOOK: What's Happening to Me - Usborne BooksAnne of Green GablesQUESTION: Could you cover how to help your teenage daughter when they have no friends and are isolated? Oh, and how to cope with it as a parent? Yeah, I am so worried about my 13 year old daughter that I can't sleep and I feel sick when I think about how lonely she is. EPISODES COVERING FRIENDSHIPShttps://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
May 14, 2025 • 35min
Why school exam systems need to change and how to support our own kids now.
Ask Rachel anythingThe intense, content-heavy exam system in the UK kicks off at this time of year with GCSEs and A levels; high-stakes exams that can feel like a make-or-break moment for teenagers. I've already discussed with Susie how we can support our teens through the stress, which you can download here:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/This time I'm joined by journalist Jenny Anderson who writes extensively about education, the attention economy, learning, science and technology. She's co-author of that amazing book, The Disengaged Teen, which I featured in episode 125, https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/Jenny has a child who's currently sitting GCSEs so we thought it would be a great time unpack why our current exam system might be doing more harm than good. We explore the incredible stress these exams create by making kids work to a rigid marking scheme causing both boredom and stress, why intense memorization isn't learning and the widening gulf between our current education system and what's going on in the world of work. We discuss why exams shouldn't define our children's worth, how to help them manage stress, and why experiences outside the classroom are just as crucial as academic achievements. Whether your child is currently studying for GCSEs or you're looking ahead, this episode will give you practical strategies to help your teenager navigate this intense period while keeping their confidence and love of learning intact.CONTACT: Jenny Anderson https://www.jennywestanderson.org/Instagram @jennyandersonwritesSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
