Teens, screens and mobiles: bans and boundaries.

Ask Rachel anything

The latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content.  

Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave our kids vulnerable. 

The thinking is that when we tell our child they can't, we miss out on the opportunity to guide them through what Catherine Knibbs describes as the 'digital city park.' 

In Tech Smart Parenting, Catherine gives an alternative to the panic and prohibition many parents feel about technology. Instead, she talks about the stages of allowing our kids access to that park, and how a staged approach that is managed by us parents, will offer the safest route.

There are four core risks she's identified that our kids face and that need to be discusssed.

1. Content - what people can access
2. Contact - who they can be put in contact with
3. Consumerism - selling to young and vulnerable minds
4. Conduct - the way they behave in a digital environment

In this interview she explains how we can have open, non-judgmental conversations about technology, gives us strategies for setting boundaries without creating shame, supporting neurodivergent children in digital environments and the importance of sitting side by side with our children and learning with them.

The acronym she uses to remind us of our role in this journey is CPR:

We need to be

• Consistent in our rules
• Persistent in their application
• Resistent to the begging of our kids

Personally, I worry that many parents don't have much of an idea of what their kids are being exposed to online and that there needs to be a strong culture of support and education around what their kids might see. I'd be a fan of a 'driving licence' approach, which is why I've created this checklist of things to consider, and will produce a booklet of discussion questions to help us parents understand what needs to be covered when we give our kids a phone. 

CHECKLIST OF THINGS TO DISCUSS: Further details coming on my website

• How much time and when they are online - Ep. 96
• Showing up as our best selves online - Ep. 43
• Family values - Ep. 93 & Ep. 135
• Downloading apps and what needs to be discussed before they do - Ep. 50
• Commercialism: how we are being targeted and why it's an issue - Ep. 130
• Grooming: spotting the signs - Ep. 67
• Sexting - Ep. 4
• Porn - Ep. 13 & 64
• What to do i

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My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com 
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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk