Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

She used to want it. Now she doesn't. And you're not sure if it's you, the kids, the stress — or something that's quietly shifted inside her.A lot of the time, it's her hormones. Specifically, perimenopause or menopause.Here's what most people don't know: perimenopause doesn't start at 45 years old. Dr. Debra Durst — an MD who left traditional medicine to specialize in hormone optimization and sexual wellness — is seeing it in women in their 30s, and sometimes even their 20s.And the first hormones to drop aren't estrogen -- they're progesterone and testosterone. Which means your partner may be dealing with sleep disruption, anxiety, a shorter fuse, brain fog, low libido, and body composition changes — while her doctor keeps saying her labs look "normal."Here, Dr. Durst breaks down what perimenopause actually is (it can last a decade or more), why most gynecologists aren't trained to address it, and what comprehensive hormone optimization actually looks like. We get into why testosterone is, surprisingly, the most abundant hormone circulating in a woman's body — and what happens to a couple's sex life when it's properly restored (hint: sometimes you're back to doing it twice a day!).Plus, we talk about solutions to dryness. There are now cutting-edge tissue regeneration treatments — laser rejuvenation and PRP O-Shots — that can bring arousal, sensitivity, and orgasmic strength back after menopause causes physical changes. And we talk about why Dr. Durst's office coined the phrase "no man left behind" — because when a woman gets optimized, her husband sometimes can't keep up. ;)If your partner has gone quiet in the bedroom and you don't know why — or she's been told everything looks fine but something clearly isn't — this one's for you. And if she's listening: this one's for you, too.—Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)—Mentioned on this episode:Dr. Debra Durst's practice: RevitalizeMD — https://www.revitalyzemd.com — also does remote consultationsSexMD Podcast and Dr. Debra Durst on YouTubeA4M (Anti-Aging Academy) provider directory: A4M.com — search by zip code to find a hormone specialist near youO-Shot and P-Shot official provider directories (oshot.info/members/directory/; https://pshot.info/homepage/)GAINSWave provider network — for men's sexual wellness (https://gainswave.com/directory/)—Memorable quotes from this episode:"If you don't feel like yourself, then you need to start thinking hormones.""Progesterone is your feel-good hormone — sleep and mood, if I was to simplify it.""Leaving problems unaddressed is not sustainable for couples.""These women get tearful because it's the first time they felt like they actually were listened to.""When we get you optimized, he won't be able to keep up.""No man left behind.""A lot of men will say, 'I didn't know I had an issue until you optimized her.'""Women on testosterone — it is life-changing.""Sex does not have to be different if you don't want it to be.""I want my life back. My sex life back."

It’s one of the top questions in Dr. Kelly’s men’s health practice. And it’s not just coming from older men — it’s guys in their 20s and 30s. We're talking 27-year-old chiseled Marine sergeants walking in saying, "I can't get motivated. I rarely wake up with erections anymore. I haven't had sex with my girlfriend in two weeks." And their buddies are reporting the same thing.It's not all in their heads, either. According to Dr. Kelly, the average 22-year-old man today often has the testosterone of a 70-year-old. And get this: This is a global trend.Here, Dr. Kelly takes us through the data, including a 2025 meta-analysis of over a million men, which shows roughly a 50% drop in average T since the 1970s. We talk through what’s behind this insanely precipitous drop, as well as what a man can do about it. Plus, we cover why just reaching for a vial of testosterone isn't the move most men think it is. Spoiler: exogenous T can shut down your natural production, shrink your testicles, and tank your fertility.We also get into a success story where a patient went from a testosterone level of 400 to 650 in just 12 weeks, and how he blew Kelly away with his transformation (or as she put it, “When he walked in it was like, ‘Who the f*** is this guy?”). Plus a frank word on what Western medicine has become, and the "free testosterone check" clinics she wants you to be careful of.If you've ever wondered about your testosterone levels and whether they might be low, or your drive has quietly gone missing and you don't know why — this one's for you.—Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)—Mentioned on this episode:Dr. Kelly Morgan's practice: morganmenshealth.com — free intro men's health webinar in May, 4-part series in June—Memorable quotes from this episode:"Your 22-year-old today often has the testosterone of a 70-year-old in the 1970s.""It's your get up and go anything. And it's your get up and get your dick up.""There's actually no food in the grocery store anymore.""We doctors have become body mechanics to the nth degree. We're not healers anymore. We are mechanics employed by large corporations.""We're an I-want-it-now generation.""These are all things all men can be doing on their own.""Every aspect of your life improves when you have community.""My libido's back!""Oh my god, my dick works again!"

Jason Lange, a relationship coach who trains men in nervous-system regulation and presence, joins to explore why intense emotions can trigger shutdown. They discuss cultural myths about boys’ sensitivity, the Still Face findings, how touch and training shape regulation, and practical moves like naming flooding and taking a reset to prevent escalation.

Has it always been clear to you where you fit into the world? -- what your purpose is, what you contribute, what your "worth" or "value" is, as a man.If so, you're in the minority these days.A modern young man has no official initiation into adulthood -- no rite of passage. So he often ends up "adrift on a sea of shame," as story weaver and healthy masculinity educator Djeli Celestia, puts it.That line alone stopped me cold, because I've seen it so many times in the men I work with: They know what they don't want to be (i.e. like their dad), but no map for how to become who they do want to be. No elder handed them a compass. No ritual marked the threshold. And adrift youth frequently grow up into adrift adults — older, but still lost.So what's the solution?Here, healthy masculinity educators Scott and Djeli dig into what rites of passage actually are, why modern culture has nearly lost them, and what happens — to men, to relationships, to family systems — when they're missing. They also share about the beauty and possibility that opens up when we restore these relatively simple but powerful practices.For example, Djeli shares his own personal story of taking his own son into the woods for a rite of passage at 18 — and what his son left behind with the trees. I'll let him tell you. But I will say: I was deeply moved.If you're a man who has felt a certain kind of ache — the sense that something important was never handed to you — this one's for you. And if you're in the "sandwich generation," parenting below while navigating aging parents above, there's something in here about how the healing you do ripples in both directions.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Scott & Djeli's organization, The Inspiring Men Project: https://improject.co/---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I had not entered into adulthood with any rites, and I brought with me a lot of anger.”“I’m struggling to find love and passion and that kind of connection, so I’ll find it through pornography.”"Who am I to guide anyone?"“Initiation isn’t a moment; it’s a process.”"There is a real closeness between the secret and the sacred."“A lot of men think, 'I caused harm, but I don’t know how to do better.'”"He forgave himself.""It's not just about what he came back with. It's also about what he left there."“We have to have that sense of where we belong in this web of life.”"It's when we add wisdom to getting older that we become elders.""How can I step up?"“When we initiate action, we can invite in change.”

Ever felt like there's something blocking you in love — something you can't quite name, but keeps showing up? Maybe you've got anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment traits, or you've sacrificed your needs for others or struggled to own your sexual attraction.It's easy to feel like our issues in our sex or loves lives are all our fault, and all ours to fix. But what if something bigger is going on?Here we explore one of the most fascinating -- and still somewhat underground -- healing modalities out there: Constellations (aka Family Constellations).Constellations is the practice of looking at the broader system you come from — your family, your lineage, generations back — to understand why you might be stuck in patterns that don't make sense given your own life experience alone.Here Violet breaks down how blocks to love, intimacy, and connection are often not about you at all, but about grief, trauma, or exclusion that happened long before you arrived. Think: your grandfather came back from war a different man, and somehow, decades later, you can't quite open your heart. Or as one participant put it, "I had no idea that what I was holding onto wasn't even mine."The really cool part? You don't have to do anything. As the client, you get to watch the healing unfold. We share where this practice comes from (rooted in Zulu tradition, brought to the West by German therapist Bert Hellinger), how it interfaces with epigenetics, and what it actually feels like to receive a constellation. Plus — if you're intrigued, we're doing a live constellations event on April 18th focused on healing your relationship with the feminine. Details below."The Field has its own intelligence. There's no one clear leader. And it will show us what we need to see — the next important step for your healing and for your growth."---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Healing Your Relationship With the Feminine: our workshop April 18th 10a-3p---Memorable quotes from this episode:"I feel like I have a broken picker!""Survival was dependent on not being seen.""We are more than an individual self.""The system itself wants to be fully expressed.""I leave the grief with you.""Trauma is something that happens that our nervous system can't metabolize and then it stays locked in our bodies and locked in the system.""Once our suffering is seen, what's left is the love.""The blocks are not our own inner system — it's not just 'I have this thing with anger.'""We, as human beings, are part of a greater story.""It's about letting the system reorganize.""You lost a child and you closed your heart.""Secrets were kept.""Systems seek wholeness.""Ideally humanity is moving as one, and growing as one.""When you bring the light of consciousness to bear on something, it changes that thing. There's no separation between consciousness and change."

Globally, hundreds of millions of men contend with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation. One 2021 US national survey found an overall ED prevalence rate in men of around 24% — that’s nearly one in four.But even in men’s work spaces (men’s groups, retreats, etc.), one rarely hears these topics discussed. Why?In a word: shame.Here, Luke and I debrief our recent course, Sexual Mastery, and what patterns we saw in terms of what it actually takes to heal sexual dysfunction — from ED to delayed ejaculation — in a lasting way.Spoiler: it's not just a pill or a breathing technique. And it's definitely not about drilling your dick into submission.We also touch on an unexpected edge that several men had to lean into in order to start having the sex lives they've always wanted, and how your unprocessed grief about your father — yes, really — might have everything to do with your erection.If you've ever felt like something's off but couldn't name it — or, when it comes to your penis, like you've tried the "logical" fixes and they haven't worked — this one's for you.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"You can't drill the dick into obeying. It requires care."“Shame is one of the most uncomfortable sensations in the body.”“We were going to have to traverse the shadowland.”"What is more insulting to a man, with all of that conditioning, than not being able to have control of your penis? Fuck, if that is not painful."“As one man took the leap … it was an irresistible magnet to pull the next man in.”"I remember thinking: this man's whole life is different now. He cannot go back to the way that things were."“It was probably the most transformative, creative artistic experience I’ve ever been a part of.”"All an emotion is, is cellular vitality and blood flow. At a physical level. At a spiritual level, it's a raw sense of aliveness — your essence vibrating through you."

Do you ever wish you were more grounded, had stronger boundaries, felt more clear and aligned in your purpose, and could powerfully ask for what you want and need?If so, then you might resonate with Nice Guy Synrdome, and you probably want stronger YANG energy (as opposed to YIN energy). Here, Luke breaks down the mind-body connection through the lens of traditional Chinese medicine (TCM). explaining how unspoken resentment, chronic worry, and swallowed boundaries don't just affect your relationships — they show up in your immune system, your gut, and your posture.Meanwhile, we get real about what women actually feel in the presence of a man who's either checked out of his power or swinging it around like a wrecking ball (spoiler: neither feels safe or sexy).The good news? Yang energy can be rebuilt — and faster than you think, especially in community. We dig into why breathwork and meditation are such powerful tools for men ready to stop walking on eggshells and start showing up fully. If you've ever wondered why you're so tired, why you can't seem to ask for what you want, or why something just feels stuck — this one's for you.---Memorable quotes from this episode:"The yuckiness that I'm not stating, I will produce and absorb. I'll swallow it, put it down into my own system, and then I will digest that angst, that resentment, that grief, that sadness.""The state of mind that brought on the disease cannot be the state of mind that cures the disease. Don't change who you are — and the disease has no choice but to remain the same.""When I — or my women friends — can feel that a man is deeply present, and that he has the capacity to stand up for himself… that is sexy.""When you watch another man break through — you feel proud, and you feel: if he could do it, I can do it. Because I relate to him and his pain and his story. I know his story, because it's my story.""Let's get on with the business of living! Who knows how much time we have?"---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

The kids are almost out of the house. And there's this quiet, low-grade dread that when they go … you'll both be left staring across the table at someone you believe you love but barely know anymore.That dread is well-founded. Couples are 40% more likely to divorce after kids leave home. Divorce rates for Americans over 55 have doubled since 1990. And roughly half of all divorces now happen to couples who are 50+ — right in this window. The empty nest isn't just an emotional transition. It's a relationship reckoning.But there's a surprising and uplifting twist here: research also shows that couples who do the work don't just survive empty nest syndrome — they thrive. Studies show that folks in tended marriages report higher closeness and intimacy after the kids leave. The difference between couples who split and those who catch fire again? Those that see it coming and take action.Here we speak honestly about what they see in men who sensed flatness in their relationship for years and didn't act. Men in near-sexless marriages telling themselves it's "fine." And men who finally did the work — and found themselves having the best sex of their marriage in their 50s, feeling closer to their wives than they ever have. As one put it, "I didn't even know this was possible. We're having more fun now and being more sexually adventurous than either of us could ever have imagined!"We also cover a truth that as a culture we don't always like to talk about: The fastest way to reignite your relationship is not always couples therapy.---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“We haven’t really had a relationship since the kids were born.”“We’re close to if not at the border of a sexless relationship.”“I can feel my partner slipping away.”“I’m not willing to spend my life in something this stuck.”"I don't just want it to be good; I want it to be fucking amazing!""She knew I was never going anywhere. But once that changed — she started relating to me differently."“This is one of the main places men can step up.”“There’s this gap I want to bridge.”“Is this it? Is this the rest of my life?”“The sooner you get on top of this, the better.”“One of the fastest ways to polarize your relationship is to deepen your relationship with healthy men.”“Deep brotherhood changes us. We make bolder choices; we recover from challenge faster; we feel more connected to ourselves.”“What’s actually happening in my marriage NOW?”

Have you been through some sh*t? Or maybe you’re in it now.If you feel stuck, or that there’s stagnant energy in your system that needs some unblocking, Breathwork can be a way of getting MOVING.It can help you to finally let go.Perhaps you’re not getting what you want in sex and intimacy, or maybe you just feel empty a lot of the time and don’t know what to do about it.Or maybe you could write a PhD on your “issues” but you know you need to go beyond talking about it.Whether you’re still knotted up with sexual shame, or you’re married and trying to figure out why it's so hard for you to lead his wife, or you’re dating going into freeze — or you’ve got patterns around money and finance, the root cause is often the same:Unprocessed "stuff."Carrying around tension is like walking through life weighed down by a backpack full of rocks. You don't always realize it's there until you're freed from it.Plus, women are magnetically drawn to men who are relaxed and grounded in their bodies. That relaxed, open state doesn't just happen, and it's not something you're born with. There are things you can do to get there.When it comes to processing trauma, shame, or just general stuckness, talking has limited efficacy. That's part of why you may not have gotten the results you were looking for through talk therapy or couples counseling. It's usually when we work the body (hi, somatic therapy) that we truly experience breakthroughs. Or as my guest, Luke Adler, puts it:"The beauty of breathwork is that you add tremendous fuel and bypass the mind."Memorable quotes from this episode:"We men have been acculturated to be thickened up.""It made clear where things were really working in my life and where they weren’t.""Whatever system is stagnant — it’s going to move.""People’s pace needs to be honored."---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Ever felt obligated to "take the next step" in a relationship -- for example, becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting married, buying a house, having children, etc.?Was it what you really wanted, or was it just what your partner or others thought you should be doing at that point?Millions of people quietly make alternative life choices and relationship choices -- but we rarely talk about them. Enter Amy Gahran and her book, Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator.In the world of sex, dating, and love relationships, the cultural norm is the "relationship escalator" -- it's the familiar rom-com plotline where you date, become monogamous, put a ring on it, get married, buy a single-family home in the suburbs (don't forget the white picket fence!), have children, and then only "win" at marriage if you stay together until death parts you. You never get to acknowledge attraction to anyone else, and you both avoid questions around emotional closeness with anyone outside your relationship.Here, we talk about what it looks like to get OFF the relationship escalator.Here are a few concrete examples:You want kids, and your partner doesn't. Instead of breaking up, your partner and their close friend become co-parents. You all cohabitate.You've gotten divorced, but you're still close friends with your ex-spouse. They buy the house across the street and you hang out all the time. You've become close with their new dating partner.After living alone and realizing you feel lonely and isolated, you choose to move back in with housemates -- and you're happier than you've been in a long timeAmy Gahran has interviewed hundreds of people who are off the escalator and are engaging in creative relationships of all kinds. If you've ever wondered what else was possible, listen to this.Memorable quotes from this episode:"More is possible.""You have options. And even if you want to keep doing what you're doing, make it a conscious choice.""Cultivate the skill to re-negotiate because I can guarantee that at some point you're going to need to."---Amy's site: https://offescalator.com/