403: Do you really want to take the next step in your relationship -- or is it just what's expected? (ft. Amy Gahran)

Ever felt obligated to "take the next step" in a relationship -- for example, becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting married, buying a house, having children, etc.?

Was it what you really wanted, or was it just what your partner or others thought you should be doing at that point?

Millions of people quietly make alternative life choices and relationship choices -- but we rarely talk about them. Enter Amy Gahran and her book, Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator.

In the world of sex, dating, and love relationships, the cultural norm is the "relationship escalator" -- it's the familiar rom-com plotline where you date, become monogamous, put a ring on it, get married, buy a single-family home in the suburbs (don't forget the white picket fence!), have children, and then only "win" at marriage if you stay together until death parts you. You never get to acknowledge attraction to anyone else, and you both avoid questions around emotional closeness with anyone outside your relationship.

Here, we talk about what it looks like to get OFF the relationship escalator.Here are a few concrete examples:

• You want kids, and your partner doesn't. Instead of breaking up, your partner and their close friend become co-parents. You all cohabitate.
• You've gotten divorced, but you're still close friends with your ex-spouse. They buy the house across the street and you hang out all the time. You've become close with their new dating partner.
• After living alone and realizing you feel lonely and isolated, you choose to move back in with housemates -- and you're happier than you've been in a long time

Amy Gahran has interviewed hundreds of people who are off the escalator and are engaging in creative relationships of all kinds. If you've ever wondered what else was possible, listen to this.

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "More is possible."
• "You have options. And even if you want to keep doing what you're doing, make it a conscious choice."
• "Cultivate the skill to re-negotiate because I can guarantee that at some point you're going to need to."

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Amy's site: https://offescalator.com/