Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

In this insightful discussion, Sarah Hendrickx, a leading author and diagnostician on AuDHD, sheds light on the rising rates of adult dual diagnoses of autism and ADHD. She explains how historical diagnostic limitations and a focus on children have shaped our understanding. The conversation explores how the traits of these conditions can mask each other, resulting in unique challenges and strengths. Sarah also shares practical tips for managing impulsivity and building routines, along with exciting news about her upcoming workbook aimed at self-discovery.

Learning you are in a mixed neurotype relationship can lead to grieving the relationship you thought you would have, but may never experience. Going through this process to move towards healing includes many stages that are important to understand.During this solo episode Mona normalizes that grief is usually part of the process of discovering you are in a neurodiverse relationship. It is also what you may experience as you begin to understand why you have had so many misunderstandings, disconnection and unintentional hurt in your neurodiverse relationship. During this episode you will learn about the 7 different stages in the grieving process and how each may look for the non-autistic/neurotypical partner. In addition, at the end of the episode Mona shares what grief may look like for the Autistic partner and how grief may be experienced differently for each partner.If you are interested in learning more about the resources Mona has available you can check out her website at: neurodiverselove.comYou can buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook to help you and your partner better understand each other as you move towards acceptance of what is and is not possible and what may never change.If you would like to attend the neurodiverse couples monthly support group that Mona facilitates on the 3rd Wednesday of the month from 7:30-9pm EST you can register in her shop

Grace Malonai, a psychologist and neurodiversity expert at TheraThrive, delves into the complexities of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) in neurodivergent relationships. She discusses how PDA affects communication, trust, and emotional regulation. Grace offers practical strategies to enhance empathy, self-awareness, and resilience among partners. Insights on the importance of clear boundaries and self-kindness are highlighted, alongside ways to navigate burnout and misunderstandings for healthier connections.

During this season of the Neurodiverse Love podcast, Mona Kay will be doing some short, solo episodes to share some of the information she thinks has been most helpful in the support groups she facilitates for non-autistic/neurotypical partners and neurodiverse couples. Today's episode will focus on understanding how both partners may be feeling lonely in their relationship, and the importance of getting clarity about your core values, wants, needs, and non-negotiables.The core values assessment can be found here.If you would like to explore more topics that can help you and your partner increase undertanding of your wants and needs you may want to buy the digital versions of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and/or Workbook. When both partners begin to understand themselves and each other things can begin to change. Unintentional hurt can be reduced, acceptance of what is neurologically hard-wired can increase, and more compassion, respect and curiosity can become the norm.To learn more about the support groups and short-term coaching Mona offers you can check out her website.

Bontle Senne, an AuDHD speaker and sex coach, and Sara-Louise Ackrill, a neurodiversity specialist and therapist, dive into the complexities of relationships in the neurodivergent community. They discuss the importance of authentic connection, ‘parallel play,’ and unmasking in relationships. The duo debunks myths surrounding neurodiversity, shedding light on unique terms like 'clitmatized' and 'digmatized.' They explore the challenges of intimacy and the need for open communication, emphasizing that understanding personal needs is key to fostering deeper connections.

Maxine Aston, a renowned counsellor specializing in neurodiverse relationships, teams up with the influential clinical psychologist Tony Attwood. They discuss critical insights from their new book on counseling neurodiverse couples. Topics include the necessity for therapists to understand autism's impact on relationships and the unique challenges faced by female autistic partners. Aston and Attwood also highlight the importance of validation, effective communication, and alternative support methods to create a more understanding environment for neurodiverse families.

David Helfand, a clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy and neurofeedback, shares fascinating insights on how brain mapping can transform relationships. He discusses the importance of understanding brain activity and our reactions to triggers. Topics include the concept of neurofeedback as 'physical therapy for the brain' and strategies to enhance communication in neurodiverse relationships. Helfand emphasizes empathy, curiosity, and the need for tailored approaches to foster connection and emotional safety. Discover how this knowledge can empower personal growth and healthier interactions.

Jamie Johnston, the founder of the Mattr dating app, shares his passion for creating a safe space for neurodivergent individuals and those with mental health challenges. He discusses the importance of vulnerability in dating and how social media influenced the app's design. With a user-friendly interface that avoids the stress of swiping and helps manage rejection sensitivity dysphoria, Mattr focuses on emotional regulation and accessibility. Jamie also highlights common neurodivergent dating behaviors and the app's unique features, designed with psychology in mind.

During this episode with therapist and coach Eva A. Mendes she shares some of the important information neurodiverse couples shared with her for her newest book titled: “Armchair Conversations on Love  and Autism: Secrets of Happy Neurodiverse Couples”.Some of the important things  that top performing neurodiverse couples do:Accept the diagnosis and talk openly about each partner’s neurotypes.  Work together to understand the root cause of their challenges as a couple.Have a beginners mindset as an individual and a couple.Trust each other and be able to be influenced by their partner.Some of the other topics discussed include:The challenge with taking things personally and not understanding your partner’s love.Understanding different ways of communication with your partner and others.The importance of building on your strengths.Understanding what you each may need to do differently to connect.Staying humble and curious with your partner.Going “beyond the midline”for both partners.The importance of working with a professional who has experience working with ND couples.Both partners working on the relationship to the best of their ability.Addressing different issues that come up over the lifespan. Focusing on “solvable” not “perpetual” problems.Working on empathy for each other.Understanding your partner in the greater context of their life.Acknowledging that you can’t get everything from one person.  It takes a village!Sometimes couples don’t have enough bandwidth for each other anymore.We are all here to grow and have an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our partners.Contact Eva by clicking here.Buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or WorkbookSubscribe to the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter Follow Mona on Instagram Check out the Neurodiverse Love Website Listen to the Neurodivergent Connections YouTube channel Mona co-hosts

During this episode with neurodivergent counselor Jarral Boyd we address the connection between trauma and neurodivergence and ways to think about romantic love as well as the following: ​Navigating neurodivergence and trauma ​Understanding your emotional vocabulary. ​Addressing challenges through somatics and getting to know your body and acknowledge what is going on.​Creating a routine can be helpful to better understand your body and emotions and help you get more in tune.​Understand how to experience joy in your body.​Translating what’s happening in your body when you have alexithymia.​Information shared through AANE certification includes using a 1-5 scale to share with your partner how you’re feeling emotionally.​Memory issues during or after a meltdown.​Apologizing when you don’t feel you have done anything wrong. ​Trauma can make being wrong scary and unsafe.​Cassandra Syndrome ​Benefits of decentralizing romantic love for neurodivergent folx ​Removing relationship hierarchy and being open to different types of romantic relationships. This can help reduce expectations of one or both partners. ​The value of expanding the idea of love.​Asking youself "Is it the person I want or the situation?"You can contact Jarral Boyd at: jarralboyd.comIf you are interested in the free support groups Mona offers for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners you can email her at neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com to get the Zoom links.Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. Host of the Neurodiverse Love PodcastBuy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or WorkbookNewsletter | Instagram | Website | YouTubeClick here if you and your partner are interested in joining the support group Mona facilitates for neurodiverse couples on the 3rd Wednesday of the month from 7:30-9pm EST.