Understanding How Your Brain Works Can Change Your Life and Your Relationship-David Helfand

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May 27, 2025

David Helfand, a clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy and neurofeedback, shares fascinating insights on how brain mapping can transform relationships. He discusses the importance of understanding brain activity and our reactions to triggers. Topics include the concept of neurofeedback as 'physical therapy for the brain' and strategies to enhance communication in neurodiverse relationships. Helfand emphasizes empathy, curiosity, and the need for tailored approaches to foster connection and emotional safety. Discover how this knowledge can empower personal growth and healthier interactions.

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ADVICE

Adjust for Processing Differences

Accommodate differing auditory and processing speeds by using written communication when needed.
Understand these differences to reduce frustration and improve relationship communication.

INSIGHT

Fuel Happy Hormones for Intimacy

Creating happy hormones like oxytocin in your partner fosters intimacy and improves relationships.
Your partner’s positive response can differ from your own but still enhances connection and satisfaction.

ADVICE

Brain Mapping Reveals Executive Function

Use brain mapping to identify executive function challenges linked to brain activity differences.
Develop empathy by recognizing specific brain areas that impact partner’s abilities.

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If you are interested in learning more about the resources and services Mona offers, including support groups and individual and ND couples coaching you can click here.

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During this episode with David Helfand, PsyD we explore brain mapping and neurofeedback, as well as other ways to understand how our brains work and can change. We also talk about how we can learn more about why we react or respond differently to triggers and experiences in our lives. In addition, we discuss the following:

◦Brain mapping is the diagnostic test.

◦Neurofeedback is physical therapy for your brain.

◦Using both can help you look at your brain activity and then learn how to change what may not serve you anymore.

◦Our brains are wired to focus on negativity to protect us.

◦Fight or flight is designed to deal with a real or perceived threat. Understand how to reset and create a plan for follow-up.

◦Having curiosity and empathy after a misstep.

◦Tend and befriend-protect what’s important and use your community for help.

◦Sometimes people will lie to get out of conflict.

◦Addictions are well worn pathways in your brain.

◦Asking questions can put your partner on the defensive. Ask yourself why you’re asking the question and rephrase what you are saying.

◦Understand how your different auditory processing speeds are impacting your relationship.

◦Remember...oil changes are a lot less expensive than an engine replacement!!

◦Learn how to create more happy hormones in yourself and your partner.

◦Based on research from Dr. William J. Doherty, 40% of couples who divorce regret it.

◦How unmasking can impact you individually and your relationship.

◦Executive functioning differences. Work on having more empathy for your partner’s challenges in this area.

◦Pillars of a happy relationship and what skills need to be learned. Then deciding if you can, or want to, learn new skills.

◦Your brain looks for sameness, so your nervous system will rebel against changes in your relationship.

◦Incongruency around political views in your relationship and connecting through kindness and curiosity. Work on the understanding behind your partner’s political belief.

◦Intimacy-"into me see".

◦Narcissism and borderline personality disorder and the impact trauma can have on the personality.

◦The importance of exploring challenges and differences in your relationships through curiousity, empathy, patience, and compassion.

◦How the retreat experience is different than traditional therapy.

Information about David's couples retreats are available here. You can also get information about the other services David offers here.