2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

SPONSORS: - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS . Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Your emotional wellbeing matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/bears. - Learn a new Language and get up to 60% off your subscription at https://Babbel.com/BEARS - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/bears In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura cover everything from Bert’s sorta sober lifestyle, weight loss, sleep improvement, and 5K training to marriage non-negotiables, separate bedrooms, and life on tour. The Bears also react to internet beef between Quentin Tarantino and Rosanna Arquette, joke about the Epstein files, discuss "kept women", talk Trump and Mar-a-Lago, share a tense aborted plane landing story, and spiral into one of their darkest and funniest hypothetical conversations yet. If you missed this show, this one's for you. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 325 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:19 - Bert's Weight Loss Journey 00:07:14 - Tarantino Beef & Unbothered Rogan 00:18:31 - Chef Drama 00:22:51 - Non-Negotiables 00:33:05 - Kept Women, Money, and Wild Relationship Logic 00:39:57 - Bert Learns He's In The Epstein Files 00:43:47 - Trump & Mar-A-Lago 00:50:07 - Dahmer & Plane Crashes 00:54:59 - How Would You Prefer To Die 01:02:23 - What Language Would You Prefer To Be Killed By? 01:06:55 - Racist Thing A Black Guy Told Me 01:11:40 - Vince Vaughan On The Pod? 01:13:35 - Wrap up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Two comedians spar over fast-food loyalties, from Pepsi Zero Sugar shoutouts to McDonald’s fries vs. the world. They trade wild food stories like blooming onion horrors and donut-shop conspiracies. A serious health scare surfaces with candid talk about blood clots, meds, sleep issues, and how it reshaped perspective. Side tangents hit Super Bowl ads, brand wars, and plans to buy a donut shop.

Bert hilariously shares his chaotic journey into VR porn, detailing his wild escapades from solo viewing to multiple virtual orgies. The duo explores the impact of online hate comments and loneliness, providing a comedic take on why people lash out online. They dive into consumerism, reflecting on their obsessive collections and the relief of decluttering. The conversation shifts to family moments at a football game and the role of luck in their careers. Plus, they tease the upcoming Two Bears 5K and joke about competing with Jelly Roll!

Join the hosts as they hilariously dissect the awkwardness of first-class travel and share their most chaotic air travel stories. They reminisce about childhood influences from SNL and recount the pressure of roasting the Jersey Shore cast, debating whether to pull out of the gig. Expect some wild brainstorming of roast jokes, reflections on New Year's resolutions, and the realities of performing on holiday nights. There’s plenty of laughter and a touch of regret as they close the Winter Bears chapter!

Two guests take over the show with hilarious chaos! They dive into bizarre bread rankings, dissect ancient Greek sexual practices, and share cringe-worthy medical stories. From STD fears to reflections on promiscuity, laughter is guaranteed. One wild idea includes pimping podcast producers and suggesting absurd OnlyFans ventures. They even recount an encounter with Jeffrey Epstein's brother while debating moral dilemmas. With a blend of dark humor and outrageous anecdotes, this episode is a rollercoaster ride of hilarity!

Get ready for a holiday rollercoaster as Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano take the reins! They dive into hilarious Christmas traditions, from Jewish Christmas supremacy to chaotic family gatherings. Expect wild childhood anecdotes, revenge fantasies reminiscent of Oldboy, and a spirited debate on the perfect Chinese food for Christmas. With discussions on ancestry and 'beige supremacy,' this holiday special is packed with laughs and outrageous gift-giving tactics. Grab a pastry and join the madness!

Stavros Halkias, a comedian known for his blunt storytelling and co-hosting History Hyenas, joins forces with Chris Distefano, a stand-up comic from MTV's Guy Code. They dive into hilarious confessions about their awful breakfast habits and chaotic life choices. Chris shares a disastrous cauliflower pizza experience, while Stavros discusses his ups and downs with weight loss medications. They also reflect on the wild ride of moving homes, pet ownership regrets, and their love-hate relationship with the comedy industry. Expect laughter and candid stories!

Bert shares his wild journey of losing 25 pounds on Manjaro, including comical stories of airport bathroom mishaps. Tom discusses the intensity of his high-protein diet and its explosive side effects. They dive into chaotic CMA tales, like Bert's awkward encounter with Steve Martin and a warm moment with Billy Bob Thornton. With a nod to the challenges of aging out of podcasting, they reflect on robe culture, their kids’ humorous remarks about weight, and future plans, including guest hosts and the much-anticipated return of the Summer Bears!

This week, Bert Kreischer chats with Marcus King, a talented singer-songwriter known for his soulful Southern rock. They dive into hilariously wild stories, including a naked ocean adventure with Navy SEALs. Marcus shares his thoughts on sobriety, the impact of internet hate, and the creative effects of microdosing. The duo also ranks Southern rock bands and discusses how TikTok is changing the music scene. Tune in for a mix of laughter, vulnerability, and a deep look at fame and authenticity!

Louis C.K., the renowned comedian and filmmaker known for his sharp and candid humor, joins Tom Segura to discuss his new novel, Ingram. They explore the emotional weight of loneliness and childhood struggles, revealing how stepping away from stand-up influenced Louis's creative process. The duo dives into the ethics of comedy, the controversial practice of 'punching down,' and the disturbing themes of Louis's upcoming book. Tom reveals how Ingram moved him to tears, highlighting the profound connection between art and human experience.