Horror Movie Talk

If you’re ready for a howlin’ good time, look no further than Dog Soldiers. The setup of a group of soldiers provides an ideal level of character development and werewolf fodder in this 2002 monster movie. Synopsis In the highlands of Scotland, a group of soldiers are deployed in a training mission. Before long they stumble across the scene of another squad that has been ripped apart by an unseen monster. The lone survivor, Davos Seaworth, is close lipped about what they were attacked by and why they were there, since they were using live rounds and not a part of the training mission. Soon howling and fast moving creatures start picking them off until they run into a zoologist named Megan, who knows exactly what is hunting them, werewolves. https://youtu.be/UX9S3hdgZ5g Review of Dog Soldiers This is honestly the first time I’ve even heard of Dog Soldiers. And it doesn’t seem surprising given that it never had a wide release outside of the Sci Fi channel. This is a very simple movie with a relatively low budget. However, it squeezes every cent out of the budget and delivers a fun and entertaining monster movie. They opted to go completely practical with the effects, which limits a lot of what they can do with the werewolves, but it was the right choice given where CG was at the time.  There are some shots early on of the werewolves that are pretty laughable, in that they look like peachfuzz from Creep, but for the most part they limit the appearance of the werewolves in ways that hide how goofy they look full on. Regardless of the special effects, the plot, characters, and dialogue in the movie are what make it worth watching in my opinion. The relationships seem real, the dialogue is fun, and the actors really pull off great performances. This is a passion project of writer/director Neil Marshall, who is obviously having fun, and puts in a lot of references and call backs to his favorite movies throughout. While it might not be a “great” movie, the fun is infectious and its a compelling setup with some satisfying twists at the end. Score 7/10  Dog Soldiers Add it to your collection Click here to Buy or Rent

We watched Critters (1986) and were taken on a nostalgia trip the likes of which only an  80’s horror movie can deliver. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/9V3YGz-u2Ts Synopsis Critters is a fun and simple story about a slew of terrifying little Krites and their escape from prison asteroid sector 17, the bounty hunters hired to track them down, and a small town in Kansas who has to endure their reign of terror. After summarizing it, it seems a little less simple, but somehow it works. As the Krites crash-land on earth, the town comes under attack. As the bounty hunters arrive, things are thrown into an even more impressive disarray by the single minded and determined bounty hunter crew. Will the critters take over earth, or will the bounty hunters and earthlings learn how to team up to defeat these tiny terrors? Review Critters is a super-fun and easy-going 80’s creature feature with a ton going for it. It knows exactly what it is, which is a Star Wars, E.T. the Extra Terrestrial, Gremlins, Ghoulies, homage slash tribute slash ripoff. Watching Critters now, I feel like I can hear the producers saying, “People want new stuff that references old stuff in a way that makes them remember the old stuff, but this new stuff has to be it’s own fun thing.” That’s exactly what Critters is, and without shame or even too much in the way of fourth-wall-breaking winks. Watch Critters Rent or Buy on Amazon Click here to Watch It’s not going to blow you away or even make you feel scared. But it’s not really supposed to make you scared. It’s supposed to be a somewhat risque and fun film for you to sit down with your youngsters on a Friday night and munch on some popcorn over. This is a PG-13 film and in the eyes of a 10 year old, it earns it. It’s got some decent violence and lots of frightening explosions.  The Critters themselves are some of the most unique and well-thought-out horror movie monsters that I can think of. Here is a list of some of the more notable traits among Krites: Highly mobile when rolling in a ball Built in long-range with poison Krite quills Always hungry and can eat anything Can grow to massive proportions Can reproduce limitlessly It’s hard to hate this movie because it has so much going for it in the way of nostalgia. It uses tons of practical effects and puppetry and has a tangent storyline involving bounty hunters that is fun in a way that I can’t quite describe. Score 7/10 Get 13% Off your order at NightChannels.com when you use code HMT at checkout.

The long reign of terror is over. Or is it…? It is. Hopes were high after Halloween 2018, but each installment got progressively worse, until finally, Halloween Ends. Synopsis The town of Haddonfield, IL is on edge from the previous Halloween’s rampage from Michael Myers. Not in a way that gets them to be safer or demand justice, but mostly in a way that makes them irrationally blame Laurie Strode for all their problems. Corey, a good kid, ends up accidentally killing a little prick of a kid, and gets labeled as psycho by the town. He gets pushed around until he finally reaches a breaking point and starts to style himself after Michael Myers. Laurie Strode herself, after living a life based on fear and vengeance, training herself to be the ultimate mercenary, in this movie says, meh, I’ll just live like a normal grandma now. And Michael Myers shows up at the end. https://youtu.be/s0vtbxLa-N8 Review of Halloween Ends After Halloween Kills, my expectations were not high for this film, but nonetheless, it didn’t meet them. I imagine for fans of the Halloween franchise, this entry will be as befuddling to them as it is to me. You would think that this being the final entry in the franchise, it would focus on what makes it work. Mainly, the unstoppable Michael Myers. Nope, they play a switcheroo, and focus on attempting to create a Michael Myers stand in protege.  It’s a bold move, and could be interesting, if they didn’t completely fuck up everything to do with character development and motivation.  Every character in this movie acts completely irrationally. Your brain will feel whiplash as characters completely change motivations instantly. This serves to make the plot seem completely arbitrary and nonsensical.  The film attempts to analyze the nature of evil via nature vs nurture, but it falls completely flat, since they don’t present a compelling or cogent argument for either. I will say that the ending is satisfying. Laurie and Michael do get their final standoff, and it does put a period on the franchise. After watching this movie, I do hope it is the last. Score 3/10  Watch Halloween Kills Watch on Amazon Click here to Buy or Rent

Wanna watch the grossest movie out there but don’t wanna do it alone? Allow our quips to keep you company in this Human Centipede 2 commentary track! Happy Halloween! If you had been on Patreon you would have had access to this months ago!

We watched Hellraiser (2022) and were reminded of a series which has virtually infinite potential and has fallen from grace, and risen like Lazarus to raise heck again. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/oUlgwJNdu2I Hellraiser can be found on Hulu in their formidable Huluween selection Synopsis Riley (Odessa A’zion) is a young woman struggling with addiction and staying sober. Her boyfriend, Trevor (Drew Starkey) is also a recovering addict who seems to be a little less concerned about sobriety and walking the straight and narrow.  Riley’s brother, Colin (Adam Faison) and his gay boyfriend, Matt (Brandon Flynn) are worried about Riley. When Riley and her straight boyfriend, Trevor break into a storage locker and steal the puzzle box – wacky hijinks ensue and everyone gets more heck than they bargained for. Review Hellraiser (2022) is a promising new movie based in the Hellraiser universe. It’s 54% reboot, 27% homage, 33% slow and boring, with a nice 12% helping of gloop. Probably the biggest thing that Hellraiser has going for it is David Bruckner is at the helm, fresh off one of our favorite movies of 2020 – The Night House and The Ritual from 2017. What works Hellraiser does a lot of things right. It keeps the plot pretty easy to follow, and stays true to a lot of the lore of the series. It also has a lot of nods to sequels in the long line of Hellraiser movies. The re-imagined Cenobites are off putting and sometimes horrifying, which is fabulous. Jamie Clayton as The Priest aka lady pinhead is something to behold, and strangely sexless as a character. Lots of this movie was upsetting and hard to watch, but there was some stuff that didn’t work too well for me. I’m a bit tired of the same story playing out over and over again.  Watch The Original Hellraiser Buy or Rent on Amazon Click here to Watch What doesn’t work With this intellectual property, you could go to actual hell, and have any number of incredible and weird stories play out. Just take Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 as an example. Instead, we have to see a bunch of new people going through a lot of similar actions that we’ve seen before.  The pacing on this Hellraiser is also incredibly slow. It’s clear that a slow burn was their intent, but sometimes it drags a little too much. Final Recommendation Overall, this is a breath of fresh air to an otherwise dead series, and I’m glad to see it. I’ve always thought that Hellraiser had a ton of potential, and this is a pretty high-quality example of where it can go. Score 7/10

You called. We came.

A tight premise excellently executed by one of the Whitest Kids You Know. This taut thriller ramps up to a wacky exploitational movie in such a unique way, it left me grinning from ear to ear. https://youtu.be/1rymTj1BGzY Synopsis Tess, played by Georgina Campbell, travels to Detroit to interview for a job. When she arrives in the middle of the night at her Airbnb rental, she discovers that it is already inhabited by a man that supposedly rented the house from another site. Despite being leery of the man , played by Bill Skarsgard, she comes inside to figure out what went wrong with the rental companies. The man , named Keith, is friendly, but perhaps overly friendly in addition to several other red flags. The longer Tess stays in the house, the more she discovers about Keith and the history of the house, to her detriment. Also, the Mac guy shows up. Review of Barbarian This movie is a wild ride, and honestly a contender for my favorite of the year. It is really a movie divided by two halves. One very grounded in reality with a slow burn building of suspense relating to interactions with strangers. The other, while still not paranormal, enters a heightened bizarro underground realm of debauchery and brutality. https://youtu.be/Dr89pmKrqkI This film reminded me of Malignant in that it pulled off the tone that Malignant utterly failed to deliver on. That being a taut mystery thriller evolving into an exploitational fun fest. The writer/director, Zach Cregger is mostly known from being a straight-man cast member in WKYK. He joins Jordan Peele as Sketch comedy graduate transformed into a horror prodigy When I say that I enjoyed this movie, I mean that I had many times where I laughed in delight about the writing, acting, and direction. I was smiling ear to ear at the end of the film. Score 10/10 https://youtu.be/zUqIv5PvbGk

We watched The Mummy from 1999 with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz and were reminded of a simpler time, when unlimited double handguns were the solution to all of life’s little problems. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/fZE8jD6fiZg Synopsis In a story as old as time, grave robbing, gold digging, westerners invade the ancient city of Hamunaptra and steal the life and death savings of a napping Egyptian Pharaoh.  The Pharaoh, played by a man who should be named Billy Zane, but who is actually named Arnold Vosloo gets re-animated and seeks to re-animate his girlfriend so they can fuck from beyond the grave. Brendan Fraser has guns, a dashing smile, and a seething hatred of unspent shells. Rachel Weisz is a bookish librarian who is swept up in this action romp and soon gets more mummy than she bargained for. Review You’ve probably heard of Indiana Jones and Die Hard – well what if I was to tell you those movies birthed a third, superior movie starring Brendan Fraser?  You would say, “Fill me up, daddy!”  Then I would slam The Mummy into your VHS player and smack your mother in the face before I sent you to the underworld of ecstasy by hitting the “Play” button. The Mummy doesn’t give a shit what you think about reality. It sends an army of the undead and a swarm of Egyptian beetles called scarabs to eat you. Scarabs don’t eat you alive by burrowing under your skin, but The Mummy doesn’t give a shit. It wants you to sit down, shut up, and have a blast – and by god you will. It’s a movie that keeps it simple in the most impressive way possible. Any braindead dumb dumb can follow this plot, and that’s not a bad thing.  Fraser makes funny faces, and is so handsome that I am unsure of my sexuality. Watch The Mummy (1999) Buy or Rent on Amazon Click here to Watch Weisz reaffirms my sexuality by speaking Hebrew while showing bountiful cleavage. Beni makes for an appropriate slime ball helper to evil incarnate. There’s blazing guns, exploding mummies, sexy mommies, bugs that eat you from the inside out, angry Americans, ugly Americans, and CGI from 1999.  What kind of red blooded white female would I be if I scored this any lower than a 10/10? Score 10/10 Disc Review Check out Max’s podcast on Youtube.

Howdy pardners and pardnettes, it’s time to join the rodeo and review Bone Tomahawk. It’s going to be a rootin tootin good time. Artwork by Dustin Goebel. Follow @dgoebel00 on instagram. Synopsis In the sleepy old west town of Bright Hope, it is anything but, as the town doctor is kidnapped by a band of indigenous cave dwellers that even the (other?) Native Americans think are savages. Kurt Russel’s Sherriff Hunt leads a band of men on a rescue mission made up of his elderly assistant deputy played by Richard Jenkins, the arrogant Gunslinger Brooder played by Mathew Fox, and The doctor’s lame husband played by Patrick Wilson. Actually lame, his leg is broke. He’s actually a pretty cool dude. They make their way through the frontier to find the territory of the Troglodytes, and find out that the stories of their savagery are if anything underselling it.  https://youtu.be/0ZbwtHi-KSE Review of Bone Tomahawk This film is one of a few in the genre of Western Horror, and few if any reach the quality of this film.  The film is effective in it’s simplicity. It’s a rescue mission ala The Searchers. You have the set of archetypal characters that are thrown together by situation and duty, and several dilemmas and power struggles along the journey to find the location of the savages. Bone Tomahawk Poster When they get to the Troglodyte Territory, the tone takes a sharp turn into straight up torture porn horror.  The mission goes from the guys in white hats will surely win, to oh no… oh nonono.  While the first half of the movie drags a little, I think it’s necessary to set up the characters and give contrast to the horror at the end of the film. One scene in particular stands out so much that it’s basically become a meme as “that scene” in Bone Tomahawk. For good reason. It will stick with you, and if you are a man, you will especially feel something. Score 8/10 Bone Tomahawk Add it to your collection or rent it now. Click here to buy https://youtu.be/VHDyu1o2nAg

We watched Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 on Prime and found a not often talked about sequel that pis the epitome of everything 80’s horror. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/rd427TjMGxI Synopsis Doctor Channard is the lead doctor in charge of an insane asylum.  Kirsty, the protagonist from the original Hellraiser is fresh out of her experience in the first movie and is sent to Doctor Channard’s asylum.  She warns of terrible creatures that killed her family, known as the Cenobites.  Coincidentally, Doctor Channard has been searching for the Cenobites and a doorway to hell for quite a while. As Doc Channard heads to hell Kirsty follows him to try to … save? … her family? Everyone gets more hell than they bargained for. Review Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 is one of the craziest horror movies I have ever seen, and that’s saying something. Hellbound came out a mere year after the original, in 1988, and managed to be a pretty coherent and disturbing ride.  While some of the plot is a little obtuse and hard to follow, it’s made up for with some of the gnarliest gore, and craziest worldbuilding I’ve seen in a long time.  Remember when movies would come out of real left field places and smack you in the face with stuff you’ve never thought of before? Well, Hellbound is determined to pummel you with that kind of thing until you relent. Watch Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 Buy or Stream on Amazon Click Here to Watch This sequel leans heavily on the original, including a lot of the most effective special effects and scenes from the first Hellraiser, which ends up being amazing because that first movie is great! Hellbound goes even further than the original in some of the more disturbing imagery and suggestive scenes. I found myself closing my eyes during one scene where I just didn’t want to have to see what was happening anymore. I wasn’t checking my watch throughout my viewing of Hellbound, and i had such a blast with all the crazy concepts that this has catapulted itself into one of my very favorite 80’s horror movies. A tremendous amount of this film relies on the concept of medical malpractice and a shrugging of ethics being scary, which finds a new foothold today. While the plot is a little strained, this is the stuff that a true 80’s horror fan will cream their pants over. Score 9/10