Horror Movie Talk

Much like disposable tupperware, Orphan: First Kill rebels against the idea of a one-use premise. It ends up being the latest entry in the “meh” cinematic universe (MCU). https://youtu.be/mCa51cjcDNE Artwork by Dustin Goebel. Follow @dgoebel00 on instagram. Synopsis Orphan First Kill is a prequel to 2009’s Orphan, that starred, then 10 year old Isabelle Fuhrman. Now a fully grown adult woman, she is reprising her role as Esther, a thirty something year old psychopathic proportional dwarf posing as an 8-9 year old girl. In this film, we are shown how Esther escapes an Estonian mental facility and poses as an American family’s lost daughter. As time goes on, the family has more questions about Esther, and Esther has more questions about the family. Hjinks ensue. https://youtu.be/_uX6of3vBu0 Orphan: First Kill Trailer Review of Orphan: First Kill This is not a good movie, it’s not a bad movie, it’s meh. The film is directed by William Brent Bell, who directed The Boy and The Boy 2, which should set your expectations squarely in the Meh cinematic universe. I do applaud the plotting of the film, it unlocks the puzzle of how to reuse a one use premise.  Here’s the elephant in the room. Isabelle Fuhrman is not 10 years old any more. No matter the amount of camera angles and the de-aging they use, she still looks like a full grown woman. It doesn’t detract from the film nearly as much as you would expect, but it is a bizarre choice nonetheless. Would you film a Home Alone Prequel with a fully grown Macaulay Culkin? The saving grace of the film is the twist around the middle of the film. It does add an interesting dynamic, and saves it from being a true rehash. Overall, you get what you expect. A little psychopath that kills a lot of people. Score 5/10 Orphan: First Kill Add it to your collection or rent it now. Click here to buy

We watched The Ring and were treated to one of the most impressive and scary PG-13 movies ever made. https://youtu.be/yzR2GY-ew8I The Ring can be streamed with a Paramount + subscription, or for a nominal rental fee wherever movies are found. Synopsis A videotape that has the power to kill those who view it seems to be at the center of a string of four teenage deaths.  Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts) is a newspaper reporter who becomes interested in these deaths and takes it on herself to follow up.  After she views the tape, Rachel begins to find herself being pulled deeper and deeper down the proverbial rabbit hole that seems to look a lot like a dark and ominous well. Will Rachel be able to crack the story of how this video tape works or will she get more dead little girls than she bargained for? Review Directed by Gore Verbinski, The Ring is the American Remake of the Japanese 1998 film, Ringu. Gore went on to direct all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, along with a few more big Disney projects. The Ring was a tentpole classic horror movie almost as soon as it was released in 2002.  The creepy concept of a video tape that kills was too much for anyone to resist, and the fact that the tape itself is viewed by the audience makes it so much more titillating. The tone of The Ring is deadly serious, and it lands just right in the quiet of your darkened home on a Friday night. It feels morose and hopeless and creepy beyond compare.  The tape is so dark and disturbing, but so vague that it taps into some gross center of things that people fear.  Watch The Ring Buy or Rent on Amazon Click here to Watch on Amazon The heavy lifting in The Ring is left up to the sound design, which is absolutely perfect. So much of this movie is quiet and muted in terms of the ambiance, and the jump scares are so pronounced and shrill that it places you squarely on the edge of your seat and keeps you there. The iconic sound of the video is so unique and terrifying that I can hear it echoing in my nightmares to this day.  Naomi Watts and Martin Henderson are so beautiful to look at that it’s hard not to worry that they might die at any moment, but somehow it makes sense that the thing to kill them would be a videotape. There are few movies that are held in such high regard as The Ring, which has everything to do with it’s ability to resonate eerie terror to all those who watch it. That said, I have always thought, even on my first viewing that at a 1:55:00 runtime it’s a little long-winded. The movie certainly takes it’s time to slowly unwind the mystery or what happened to Samara. Much of the Samara storyline seems extraneous in an otherwise nearly perfect movie. Score 9/10

Remember that hilarious Jordan Peele from sketch comedy shows like Mad TV and Key & Peele? Well he decided to make a movie, and I’m sure it’s going to be… hilarious. Artwork by Dustin Goebel. Follow @dgoebel00 on instagram. Synopsis Chris Washington, played by Daniel Kaluuya, is taking a vacation with his girlfriend to meet her family. Played by Allison Williams, his girlfriend Rose convinces Chris that her family will be perfectly fine with her dating a black man despite the fact that she never told them about his race. The weekend begins pleasant, albeit slightly awkward. However as time goes on, Chris notices weird behavior from the black employees of the family. Chris becomes suspicious that something is wrong, but before he can GET OUT, he’s caught in the family’s trap and has to escape a fate worse than death. https://youtu.be/DzfpyUB60YY Review of Get Out Get Out is Jordan Peele’s first film as a writer/director and he delivered way beyond expectations given his sketch comedy background. Peele turns out to be an expert at building tension while utilizing, and commenting on latent racial tension in the US.  https://www.horrormovietalk.com/2022/07/27/nope-review/ I distinctly remember seeing the trailer in the movie theater and was immediately delighted by the implied premise of the film, that the scariest thing to a young black man, is…white people. It really is impressive how this film gives a really nuanced social commentary on what it is like to experience racism. Peele didn’t choose the easy target of right wing southern whites as the danger to Chris, he specifically used an affluent “New York liberal type” family. It expresses the false sense of security of a masked racism right below the surface that others and marginalizes black people. The quality of this commentary is really magnified by all of the racial allegory horror movies that have come out since. Just watch Antebellum or the Candyman remake to see how blunt these allegories can be. Score 10/10 Get Out Add it to your collection or rent it now. Click here to buy

We watched Cabin Fever on Hulu and were reminded of a simpler time when Eli Roth was allowed to make movies. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/rHlc5aUSgUI Synopsis Karen (Jordan Ladd), Paul (Rider Strong), Bert (James DeBello), Marcy (Cerina Vincent), and Jeff (Joey Kern) are college students heading out into the – you guessed it – woods.  They are heading to the woods to – you guessed it – party. They are partying at a – you guessed it – cabin.  They get sick with a – you guessed it – fever. Everyone gets more Cabin Fever than they bargained for. Review With that extremely simple synopsis you would think that Cabin Fever wouldn’t be anything special, but you’d be wrong. Simple is often exactly what is called for, and this is no exception. Cabin Fever is Writer/Director Eli Roth’s first full feature length directorial effort and is probably the reason he has become known as one of the modern horror greats of today. It’s a movie so full of horror tropes and homages that on paper it seems like it should fade into the background with every other generic horror effort. But Cabin Fever stands out. Cabin Fever stands out because it knows what’s funny, it knows what’s campy, and it knows what scares you.  Stream Cabin Fever Watch on Amazon Click here to Buy or Rent We get to see Roth’s early takes on edgy dialog and non-politically correct character, which seems to draw inspiration from Tarantino’s work. What Cabin Fever does really well is tap into people’s innate fear of infection and sickness. The concepts behind this fast moving disease are alarming and are something we are now all intimately familiar with following the pandemic. Being helpless in the face of the suffering and death of your friends is a truly heinous concept, and Roth is able to balance this serious terror with lightness and humor in all the right ways. As a result, Cabin Fever works it’s way into a fond place in any horror fan’s memories in much the same way Hostel (Roth’s second directorial effort) does.  Score 8/10

Prey takes the Predator franchise back to it’s roots by focusing on a mano a mano fight to the death. However, what this film does even better than the original is create a compelling protagonist with a clear character arc. Synopsis Prey is set in 1719 in the Comanche nation. Our protagonist, Naru is a young woman that wants to prove herself as a capable hunter by going through kühtaamia, a coming of age hunt between a Comanche and an animal Predator. As she struggles to prove herself, she discovers through her tracking skills that mountain lions and bears (oh my) aren’t the only big game in the land. An alien Predator has been dropped off to complete a similar hunt and inevitably clashes with Naru (and her little dog too). https://youtu.be/wZ7LytagKlc Review of Prey Prey is the fifth in the franchise of standalone Predator movies. 7th if you include the AVP movies, but let’s not talk about those. So it’s taken 3 movies and 35 years to get back to the basic premise of a primarily  mano a mano fight between an outmatched human protagonist and the Predator in the wilderness. It’s almost like someone identified what worked in the original movie, and… used that information to make a good movie. Although very similar in plot, this isn’t a direct remake. Writers Patrick Aison and Dan Trachtenberg made some very interesting changes in the setup that further accentuate what works in the original. Instead of a roided up Arnold, we get a diminutive, yet ferocious Naru. Instead of a modern setting with giant guns and explosives, Naru only has use of primitive weapons. Everything works with this film. Mostly it comes down to the writers and director keeping it simple. They use the tried and true hero’s journey template and add enough set piece action sequences at the right times in the story to maintain interest. The story never strays far from the perspective of the protagonist, so it feels intimate and gives the audience one person to really root for. The writing, directing, and acting is all great. There is very little to distract from the enjoying the film. If you are a fan of the original Predator, you will really enjoy this film, but not feel pandered to. Score 10/10 Predator Collection Add it to your collection or rent it now. Click here to buy

We watched The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence and were treated to one of the most lauded gross-out flicks in recent memory. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/GpcCJ8ozirU Synopsis This is the unfortunate story of Martin, a diminutive, quiet, and overweight lad who doesn’t fancy senseless chit-chat. Martin is a nightshift parking lot attendant who has an obsession with the movie, The Human Centipede: First Sequence.  He fantasizes about someday creating his own human centipede, larger and more fleshed out than the one depicted in the movie.  Martin’s life is depraved in every way that you can imagine. His mother hates him for having his father put away for sexually molesting him. His therapist wants to molest him. His neighbor wants to kill him. One day Martin snaps. Everyone gets more poop mouth than they bargained for. Review The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence is a meta sequel to, you guessed it, The Human Centipede. Martin obsesses over the first movie, and for that, I kind of love this sequel. It’s not just the meta take that’s fun, it’s the insanity of the whole thing done with a smile and a wink. It’s absolutely depraved because it feels like a place and a person and a life that could exist.  With this sequel director Tom Six set out to give “true horror fans” a movie worthy of total disgust. In this he delivers, I would definitely place this among the grossest movies I’ve ever watched right along side, Guinea Pig 2: Flower of Flesh and Blood, and The Sadness.  Watch The Human Centipede 2 Watch on Amazon Click here to Rent or Buy The enjoyment of The Human Centipede 2 lies in the shock value and the commitment to depravity. The version we watched was in black and white, which added a whole other level of gritty grossness to the already disgusting experience.  There were more than a few moments where the comedy in this shown through the waves of nausea and I laughed out loud with shocked disgust.  I admire this movie for what it is, an attempt to make you watch it through your fingers. Most people will find this movie to be absolutely uncalled for and totally devoid of entertainment value – it’s not for those people. The genius part about The Human Centipede 2 is that it uses those people who shouldn’t be watching it as a siren song to get to those who should be watching it.  The Human Centipede 2 exists, and that’s enough for me. For the seasoned horror fan, this isn’t a scary movie in terms of being thrilled or startled, it’s scary because of what it puts in your soul. Score 6/10

Jordan Peele’s third outing as a horror film writer/director, Nope, continues his trajectory as one of the best horror filmmakers of a generation. In Nope, he turns the trope of a UFO on it’s head and makes it a truly terrifying presence. Artwork by Dusting Goebel (@dgoebel00 on Instagram) Synopsis After a freak accident involving falling objects from the sky kills their father, OJ (Daniel Kaluuya) and Emerald Heywood (Keke Palmer) are left to manage the struggling family ranch of trained horses. As horses start disappearing, a strange object in the sky seems to be the culprit. OJ and Emerald decide to capitalize on the opportunity by filming the UFO.  https://youtu.be/In8fuzj3gck Review of Nope This is Jordan Peele’s third horror movie that he’s written and directed, and he’s already established himself as one of the most interesting voices in the genre. I know that I was looking forward to seeing this one ever since I saw the trailer. What’s most interesting about this film is that it takes the popular concept of a UFO as mysterious and clinically detached, and makes it personal and menacing. It’s a very eclectic movie with a lot of seemingly disparate storylines and characters, and in the end ties them together nicely. It’s got killer chimps, the Hollywood film industry, family tragedy, sibling relationships, and more all contributing to the story of what this UFO is and why it is there. At the center of the film is the relationship between OJ and Emerald. It’s a mix of button pushing, comfort, frustration, and love that comes from being siblings. OJ is a stoic introvert driven by duty, and Emerald is an ambitious extrovert, looking to make a mark in the world. Their contrast and the resulting relationship really grounds the film by giving it heart. Nope Poster This film melds Peele’s weird and unique sensibilities from US with Spielbergian spectacle. There is genuine off-putting menace throughout, but especially in the third act, there are some undeniably fun and exciting sequences. My only gripe is that the runtime is a little long and seems to meander a bit in the middle.  Some of the story elements like Stephen Yuen’s character and the monkey attack are nice for color, but don’t have a very satisfying payoff. Overall this movie is a genuinely good time, and well worth the trip to the theater Score 9/10 Sinister Add it to your collection or rent it now. Click here to buy Get 13% Off your order at NightChannels.com when you use code HMT at checkout. Horrorrble Videos (NSFL) https://www.reddit.com/r/weirdvideosfor3am/comments/qypr2j/practical_fetish/ https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/w3pqfa/man_gets_run_over_by_train/ https://www.reddit.com/r/nextfuckinglevel/comments/w1uk5v/a_truly_hungry_seagull/ https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/vzsovc/someone_deploys_an_excavator_for_rock_splitting/ https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/vx7mgz/guy_wraps_rocks_with_copper_wire_and_throws_them/ https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/vya8se/that_mustve_burnt_like_a_mf/ https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/vt04ev/guy_sitting_on_the_couch_gets_a_k9_to_the_face/

We watched Vampire’s Kiss on Vudu and it was a delightful window into the soul of one of the most impressive, interesting, and entertaining actors of our age, Nic Cage. https://youtu.be/PnoSxO_2ghQ Synopsis Publishing executive Peter Loew (Nicolas Cage) is bitten by a woman and starts acting erratically. Believing that he is being controlled by his vampire mistress puts a great deal of stress and pressure on Peter. As he deals with the stress of this new vampire relationship, Peter leans more and more heavily on his poor secretary, Alva (Maria Conchita Alonso).  As Peter’s madness evolves, it becomes questionable to the audience exactly what is real and what is Peter’s rapidly devolving mental state. Everyone gets more Nicolas Cage than they bargained for. Review Vampire’s Kiss is an anomaly of a movie. It’s not exactly a terrifying horror movie due to the strong overtones of comedy within Cage’s performance. On the other hand it’s not exactly a feel good romp due to the very serious mental decline of Peter, our protagonist turned antagonist and extremely unreliable narrator. It’s a dark comedy that will delight those who want to be taken on a crazy ride.  Vampire’s Kiss strongest feature is the insane performance given by Nic Cage. He creates such a believably crazy character that you can’t help but remember bumping into people just like him on public transportation and wondering, what is their life like. Watch Vampire’s Kiss Watch on Amazon Click here to Rent or Buy The best part is, you get to see what his life is like. It’s touched, tragic, and totally bonkers. I can’t help but feel like writer Joseph Minion spent some time on the New York subway watching mentally disturbed people and began posing the question to himself, “what brought that person to this unfortunate place? What was their life like before and during their transition into madness?” This is pretty much the only notable directing credit that director Robert Bierman has, and that astonishes me. It’s such a weirdly enjoyable movie and shares so much in common with one of my favorite movies of all time, American Psycho that I can’t help but see all the inspiration that Vampire’s Kiss has given to more recent dark comedy movies. Score 8/10

Here’s a sneak peek of what our Patreon members at the “We All Spoop For Ice Spoop” tier get every month. This is an exclusive review for that tier and higher. Sign up to access all our previous pretentious episodes at our Patreon page.

Before Sarah Michele Gellar, Kristy Swanson brought Joss Whedon’s iconic vampire slaying heroine to the silver screen. Does this 90s relic hold up to scrutiny sans nostalgia? listen to our latest episode to find out. Artwork by Dusting Goebel (@dgoebel00 on Instagram) Synopsis Buffy the Vampire Slayer, before she was an iconic television heroine was first found on the silver screen starring Kristy Swanson. Considering this movie is 30 years old, I’m not sure many people remember it, let alone the WB television show. However, Joss Whedon, it’s writer is well known, having written and directed some of the highest grossing films of all time in the last decade. Buffy in this film is the stereotypical Valley Girl of the 90s. The type that opened Sir Mix a Lot’s hit single of the same year “I Like Big Butts”. She is vapid, dumb, and flaky. When an infestation of vampires begin to invade LA and her high schools Hawthorne High, a mysterious man in a trench coat named Merrick shows up. Merrick informs Buffy that she has been chosen to be the latest in a long line of vampire hunters throughout history. Buffy has no interest, but she finds she has a natural knack for Slaying. She decides to team up with Merrick and train so that she can defeat Lothos, the ancient vampire that is the leader of the cause of the recent uptick in vampire activity. https://youtu.be/pnZkV_aR_9w Review of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) I have a lot of nostalgia for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I watched it several times in the 90s as a prepubescent little fat kid. I remember it having some iconic performances and moments, but upon checking the Rotten Tomatoes critics score, it sits at 36%. Was I so out of touch? No, it’s the critics who are wrong. Watching it yesterday, I tried to put off nostalgia and be unbiased. It has some good bones. There are some great performances and Joss Whedon’s writing does shine through, but it is bogged down by poor direction. Kristy Swanson, Donald Sutherland, Paul Rubens, Rutger Hauer, and Luke Perry all bring the appropriate amount of gravitas and goofiness that the high concept screenplay demands. The dialogue is top notch, creating compelling characters while placing it squarely in 90s LA. Where it has problems is when it comes to establishing stakes (no pun intended) and establishing the lore in a compelling way. This is often blamed on changes made to Joss Whedon’s original script, which resulted in him walking away from the set halfway through production. In a comic book series called Buffy the Vampire Slayer The Origin, you can read the original vision Joss Whedon had for the film. It really is nearly identical except for a few key scenes. Where the film starts to fall apart is the choppy and sometimes confusing editing and direction. It’s clear that the studio and/or director wanted to de-emphasize the darker elements of the story and focus more on the light hearted comedic aspects. What they didn’t understand is that those dark moments help to sell the comedy and make it a much more compelling film if executed right. The stakes are never truly established, because we’re never shown that Buffy particularly cares about her school or any of her other similarly vapid friends. We are given scant details of the main villain, and when the main confrontations occur, they seem arbitrary and rushed. In the end, while it still holds a special place in my heart, I can see the flaws in the movie, and it’s just aight. Score 4/10 Buffy the Vampire Slayer Add it to your collection or rent it now. Click here to buy