Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

Adult step children --  today you will hear from a step-parenting author and expert and -- to round things out --  some adult step children.  Our guest says:  "I think being a step-parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world and it is also one of the biggest challenges to personal growth."  Denise speaks with  Nancy Landrum, the author of the book “STEPPING TWOGETHER.”  Stepping TwoGether is part instruction, part information, part stories and part workbook.In addition to having an MA in Psychology, Nancy has lived this journey with her late- husband and their five children. After years of working together her family has thrived.  In fact, they designed a curriculum for stepfamilies and have shared and taught their strategies throughout California.She talks about how step-parenting  gets very complicated as the stepchildren grow to become adults and if you re-marry late in life and now you are a stepparent to adult children. A little push for Ellen's new book - Ellen's new book coming in March - but now available on pre-order from Amazon.   The book, Bright Kids Who Couldn't Care Less, though written with a child in mind, translates to the young adult who is so bright and capable but just cannot seem to launch.   Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREFollow up on our social media platforms:Facebook   Instagram   TwitterAnd remember sometimes you may have to BITE YOUR TONGUE!Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

What is the biggest regret of most parents today? Our guest today, one of the foremost experts who studies how individuals and families develop and change throughout their lives, tells us that as we age, we regret not reconciling with family members we may be estranged or distant from. Today we welcome Dr. Karl Pillemer, Professor of Human Development at Cornell University, where he is also a faculty member in Cornell’s medical school. He is the author of the book: “Fault Lines, Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.” He is the author of several other remarkable books about love, relationships and aging.We are also welcoming a guest host - Stacie Lavato. Stacie is a long-time listener and reached out to us after we dropped the episode on understanding LGBTQ+ with Levi Teachey and Stacey Shigaya.  She wrote such a heartwarming email and the two of us connected.  Then, I learned that Stacy produces her own podcast called “Mindful Mama Conversations,” I listened to a few, and I liked her topics and her style, so I asked her to join me.The biggest “ah ha” moment for Stacie and I is when Dr. Pillemar mentioned “intergenerational stake.” We both had never heard of this - but it makes perfect sense. It is the generational bias in parents' and adult children's perceptions of their joint relationship.  He takes it a step further and lets us know why any difficulties in our relationships with our adult children will bother us much more than the adult children.We address such questions as: How do rifts begin? What makes estrangement so painful?  Why is it so often triggered by a single event? Are you ready to reconcile? How can you overcome past hurts to build a new future with a relative? Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

We made you wait for this one!  Why you may have trouble sleeping as you age and what you can do about.  Do you happen to know what the "on-off" switch for sleep is in your brain?  We did not.  But now we do.  Listen now to learn more about your sleep and how to make it better! As you know in our last episode we interviewed a young researcher Mark Czeisler who was part of the COPE Initiative dealing with young adults and COVID.  If you missed this episode, here is a link.While doing research on Mark we realized that he  has significant experience in the study of sleep! We got excited.  We know very few people our age who do not have some sleep issues!  (his credentials are below)So, although this has very little to do with building healthy relationships with our young adult children, we thought this would be a great benefit to our listeners. We talk about:Why we are waking up in the middle of the night and not able to fall back to sleepThe myth of needing less sleep as we ageThe science behind sleepWhat heredity might have to do with sleepHis father's role as the Director of the Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School and how that translate to their family's sleep habits!The role of Melatonin and how we are all using it completely wrong!Sleep meds to consider or notDo sleep studies or doctors make a difference and when might you need oneTips for changing it all - and a lot of it has to do with that darn "blue light"And the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Mark’s father, Charles Czeisler, PHD MD, is a Professor of Sleep Medicine, Professor of Medicine and Director of the Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School and Chief of the Division of Sleep and Circadian Disorders in the Departments of Medicine and Neurology at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

This is such an important episode and one that we hope all listeners will enjoy this second time around.For parents of adult children, mental health disease is one of our most frightening thoughts.  We are hoping this episode will help us understand, support and accept this disease.  This is a fabulous episode.  Today we speak with Dr. Elizabeth Cookson (Beth) a psychiatrist who has over 35 years of experience.  A former president of the Colorado Psychiatric Society, she is Board Certified in General and Addiction Psychiatry. She has dealt with children and adults of all ages in public psychiatric settings.She is here so that all of us have a better understanding of mental health for both ourselves and our adult children. For over 15 years she worked as the Director of Psychiatry for the Colorado Coalition for Homeless.  Beth explains in laymen terms for all of us the stages of mental health disease, when to look for signs and how to help your child you suspect may be suffering.  We cover so many topics.We loved this episode and feel like Beth was a rockstar interviewee.  Here are links to the resources that Beth mentions in the episode:I'm Not Sick I Don't Need Help, by Xavier Amador, is the source of the LEAP approach (Listen - Empathize - Agree - Partner). More specifics can be found here.The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act - passed in 2008, went into effect 7/1/14. The heritability statistics I Beth referred to are from REthink.  She says that their website has some of the clearest info and advice for families that she has seen.This blog by a therapist is Washington State has specifics about ways to access CRAFT The Gardener and the Carpenter by Alison GopnikThanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HERESupport the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Another listener favorite.  So many listeners wrote about how they put Dr. Heitler's suggestions to good use!Join us for a conversation with Dr. Susan Heitler, a renowned relationship therapist. She is best  known for clarifying the basics of collaborative dialogue and provides wonderful techniques to use - not only with your adult children but for all of the relationships in your life you value.You will take away real tools, words and actions to develop meaningful relationships.  This is a must listen.  Take your time, take notes and share with others you love.Dr. Heitler appeared on the CBS Early Show where anchor Harry Smith introduced her as “the most influential person in my life—my therapist.”  He encouraged his viewers similarly to seek therapy when they feel  distressed and to check out pre-marital counseling before they wed.Some links you will enjoy:Dr. Heitler's Website  therapyhelp.comDr. Heitler's Tedx TalkPsychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/susan-heitler-phd)Power of Two (https://www.poweroftwomarriage.com/)This is from Modern Love: The Podcast.  We thought it was appropriate for the advice Dr. Heitler gave us:  "Shamu and a Happy Marriage." (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/11/style/modern-love-what-shamu-taught-me-happy-marriage.html)Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

This is the episode we've gotten the most mail about!  Listeners loved it!Today Ellen and Denise  welcome Tess Brigham, a licensed psychotherapist, life coach and former twenty-something.  In a recent article from CNBC Tess says: “Over a decade ago, when I first became a therapist, I never expected that five years later, my practice would consist of nearly 90% millennials, with the rest of my patients being parents of millennials.”  So she’s got both sides of the story for us. Tess has been featured in major media throughout the US  - from the New York Times to O Magazine.  So, we are pretty excited to have her with us today.In that recent CNBC article, she says that the number one complaint parents have about their adult kids is money.  With that lead, we thought we’d challenge Tess with helping us with constructive strategies for the TOP 10 issues between adult kids and their parents. Listen to hear what she says.  We talk about:How she became a millennial therapistSocial Media:  Keeping up with the Jones'How are millennials different from our generationWhat is it about this generation that no other generation has experienced before?Why is this stage of emerging adults so difficult?Tess Brigham CoachingYouTube Channel - lots of tips and tricksSupport us:Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HERESome deals for listeners:Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

This is one funny episode.  That's why we are doing a special EPISODE REWIND.  Today we interview Susan Engel, a professor of psychology at Williams College and the author of the New York Times Article:  When They're Grown, The Real Pain Begins.   Joining Denise as co-host is a dear friend Val Haller.  Val is the mother of four boys, very similar to the ages of Susan's boys when she wrote this article so she is our perfect co-host. (more about Val at the end)Susan tells us that this article still gets very much attention and you can see this by just looking at the over 500 comments and the angst and of course love in so many of them.One of the lines in her NYT story that resonated with us was a quote from a neighbor when she brought her first baby home at a few months old -- "“When they’re little they sit on your lap; when they’re big they sit on your heart.”Susan takes us through her journey when she wrote the article in 2012 and her three boys were 28, 25 and 19.  Today, ten years later,  she is a grandmother with two of these three boys married and living right next door.  Can you imagine?About Val Haller - our co-host:Val lives in Chicago and is passionate about music.  She is the founder/CEO of the music website Valslist.com. She launched it about 10 years ago (when her nest was empty) and it is the first music site specifically created to help busy adults keep up with new music.  Check it out.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

The emerging adult - now recognized as “the third stage of life.” Our guest today says that studying the emerging adult years (about age 19-29) is much like studying the preschool years — the preschool years set the stage for the teen years, and the emerging adult years set the stage for the future adulthood.  Today we talk with Dr. Larry Nelson, one of the world’s leading researchers on the emerging adult years. Dr. Nelson is the president of the Study of Emerging Adulthood (SSEA) and examines factors that contribute to flourishing or floundering during this time. He has published over 70 peer-reviewed journal articles and chapters in edited books on topics including conceptions of adulthood, social withdrawal, and the role of parents and culture in the transition to adulthood.Here are some things you will learn from today’s episode:Why is this period of life critical to setting the stage for the adult years?What role do parents play during this stage of life? What are the signals for the flourishing and/or floundering young adult?Why our generation might not have done it “right.”How this stage of life is dealt with in many other parts of the world, and how we can learn from them.…and moreTo learn more about the emerging adult and Dr. Nelson, here are some informative links:Society for the Study of Emerging AdulthoodFlourishing in Emerging Adulthood, book by Dr. NelsonDistinguishing Features of Emerging Adulthood: The Role of Self-Classification as an AdultWe are anxious to hear your thoughts once you have listened to the episode.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today we talk about the COVID-19 Outbreak and the rise of anxiety and depression in young adults. We know we are all tired of hearing and reading about COVID-19. But this article in the New York Times caught our attention:  Young Adults Report Rising Levels  of Anxiety and Depression in Pandemic We reached out to the lead author of the study, Mark Czeisler, to talk more about it. Mark is actually younger than many of our adult children, but at 25 years old, he's an accomplished researcher and provided an insightful and impressive interview. He is one of a group of scientists (four from Harvard and one from the University of Melbourne) involved in the COPE Initiative. COPE, which stands for COVID-19 Outbreak Public Evaluation Initiative, assesses public attitudes, behaviors, and beliefs related to the coronavirus disease and the pandemic. The goal is to evaluate mental and behavioral health during the pandemic. Mark is well-spoken and takes us behind the scenes of this study, underscoring the way emerging adults have been affected -- maybe for the long-term -- by the global pandemic. He provides suggestions on how we might support our young adult children and also shares some interesting trends in mental health programs, both at the corporate and governmental levels, that were initiated by this study.We think you will enjoy this - and it is a short one!Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today we speak with Kerrie Lee Brown, the author of the book My Heart, My Self: A Guide for Women Who Do Too Much.   Are you a people pleaser?   Do you do too much and neglect yourself?  This episode is for you. Does it relate to building healthy relationships with your adult children? You bet it does. Taking care of yourself and your health and learning to say "no," are the exact things that make us good parents - for our children at any age,Kerrie's story spoke to us. We hope it speaks to you.   She also founded an online platform called RedLily, a bold new brand that dedicated to women who want to share their stories and support each other. Kerri believes that each of us have stories to tell. Denise shared a special story on the RedLily platform and will share it with listeners when it goes live.Today we are sharing Kerrie’s remarkable story that started her on a journey to helping women around the world tell their own stories and live their best lives.  Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.