Thriving In Motherhood Podcast | Productivity, Planning, Family Systems, Time Management, Survival Mode, Mental Health, Vision

In this episode, I introduce the Surviving to Thriving Framework and interview Megan Dilworth about how this framework has impacted her life. Megan is a wife and mother of three kids (ages 2-7) who is a member of The Thriving Team. She is a photographer, graphic designer, and lover of DIY projects. Key Points from this Episode: Surviving to Thriving Framework: All the steps are important. There is no time frame on this path. We all will repeat this path over and over throughout our lives. 1. Surviving circumstances, not mindset 2. Re-entry Uncomfortable transition between surviving and trying to get back into real life 3. Normalizing Basic routines 4. Exploring Establishing family culture and finding out what you love 5. Thriving Enjoy the beautiful moments. The seasons that feel like things are going well. Believing things are temporary will help us be more optimistic. These are temporary stages in our lives! Its okay to drop ideas that aren't serving you. It's okay to try new things, even if they don't end up lasting. The act of writing things down helps us remember.

Sometimes it feels like our kids should be our number one priority all the time. In this episode, I talk about how I think building a strong family and creating healthy relationships is the focus we should be having instead. Key Points from this Episode: Our kids are wonderful, but our priority is building strong families. We, as mothers, are part of the strong family that we need are building. Our family is only as strong as the weakest link, so we need to take care of ourselves too! When we can shift the idea from being a fire to put out to being a teaching moment, it can help us handle the situations differently. How we approach our days when we are thinking "My goal is to build a strong family. My goal is create healthy relationships" changes how we respond to our children. Supporting our children's growth is different than focusing on the results (and a whole lot less stressful!) Creating a strong family culture and atmosphere of growth is what is under our circle of influence, not our children's behavior, which often gets focused on when our kids are the priority. When we focus on building strong families and healthy relationships, our capacity for joy and experience joy right now is so much greater. Those little moments of the day of seeing glimpses of the strong family and healthy relationships happen. Recognizing them helps us find the motivation to keep going. It's so much easier to "lose ourselves" when our kids are the focus all the time. The power of friendship is so real in motherhood. It helps buoy us up! "Sisters, oh how we need each other" - Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Natalie Hixson is a wife, mother, and certified professional life coach. Her goal is helping burnt out and discouraged Christian mothers overcome destructive anger so they can enjoy being a wife and mom. She, her husband, and three girls (ages 9, 12, and 16) live in Bozeman, Montana. Key Points from this Episode: We can break the fear and yelling cycle in our lives. Remember that our children have developmentally-appropriate tantrums. We need to work on things to be able to, in turn, help our children with their struggles rather than throw our own, grown-up tantrums. Recognizing that you have destructive anger and are facing burnout is the first step to overcoming it. It's not a mindset you have to stay in. Reach out for help if you recognize you have destructive anger! What we say to ourselves becomes our beliefs. It's the story we are telling ourselves and we believe it and what we believe, we support with our actions and our thoughts. Our minds look to support our thoughts. If we focus on positive thoughts, our minds will look for supporting evidence. Circumstances do not trigger our actions. Circumstances trigger thoughts and feelings. Then we decide on our own actions. Look for what needs are not being met to diffuse situations more quickly. Work through the tough situations and MOVE ON. The current moment does not define our next moment. We can choose to highlight the good parts of motherhood to connect with others rather than the negative. Recognize the moment for what it is (positive or negative) and be grateful we are here to experience it. When you start to feel an emotion, take three deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Longer exhale than inhale. Physical reset to the nervous system. Send a prayer to God for help. I am statements: I am love. I am grateful. Write a list of things that are okay for your kids to do (even eating M&Ms or watching a show on an iPad) to give yourself the time you need to calm down. Then you can come back and work through the problem when you are no longer angry.

Jeanette Tapley, host of It's Time for Coffee Podcast all about friendship, wife, and mother of three children. We talk about her adoption journey and things she's learned from that. We also talk about tips on starting your own podcast and the art of the apology. Key Points from this Episode: Jeanette heard the whisperings of God saying, "I called you to be a mom. What are you going to do about the [children] that don't have one?" "I will always be the mom they need, but I will never be a perfect mom." Our kids learn how to be humble and apologize primarily by our example. "We are showing them how to love recklessly and, in turn, that will show us how Jesus has loved us." "Love well, love often, and love first." Checking in with our kids consistently can help let them know that open communication is there. Being honest with the people close to you about where things stands on your work or personal projects can help keep resentment from growing. If you want to start a podcast, figure out first who you want to talk to and why you want to talk to them. Then ask how you are going to execute this. Then, JUMP! Commit to a year and then figure out what you need to tweak after that. Waking up 15-20 minutes can set up your day for success. A weekly phone date with a friend can be so rejuvenating! Own your actions in your apologies. Don't say "I'm sorry I made you feel..." Instead, say "I'm sorry that I hurt you because I..." "I can't control everything, but I can surrender [my children] to the Lord" God has greater things in store for in our children than we can even imagine.

In this episode, I discuss the concept that the work of motherhood includes rest. Real rest is so important to the work of motherhood, especially as we gear up for the upcoming holiday season. If you take time to take care of yourself, then you will have the freedom to expand your influence in a way that is healthy to you and those around you. Key Points from this Episode: You are where it starts. You are smack-dab in the middle of your circle of influence. If you don't nourish yourself, you won't be able to nourish those around you. The more you focus on bringing the best for yourself, the more power and influence you will have for others. None of us can go full speed all the time. We weren't designed to go go go without taking time to rest. Sometimes we become numb to the amount of work we are doing in our daily lives. It's okay that we feel tired! Laziness is a deception of the adversary to keep us exhausted. Beware of being distracted to the point of not getting real rest. It's not laziness to go to bed early, take a nap, read a book, write in your journal, exercise, play a game, work on a project. It's not laziness to do things that fill your heart with joy. Plan in time for real rest for yourself as we approach the upcoming busy holiday season.

You have climbed mountains! In this episode, I talk about the dialog in our own minds that can adjust our thinking to be able to shift from "I am being beat up" to "I have climbed mountains!" The skill of having a Thriving Mindset is something that we can develop with the right tools. Key Points from this Episode: Every time we reach a mountain peak, we find a beautiful view and can stop to recognize the strength we have displayed to get as far as we have. Sometimes faith alone isn't enough to keep us positive. It's one piece of the puzzle. Gratitude is one piece of the puzzle. Identifying our cognitive patterns and distortions is a piece of the puzzle. Connect with people. Celebrating our milestones and progress helps us having a Thriving Mindset. Planning for the struggles that we know will be coming our way makes the struggles easier. When we decide who we want to be ahead of time, it makes a major difference. Ask God what He wants you to do that day. Pick the section that you are struggling with the most and start with that if answering all the questions is overwhelming to you.

Today, I talk about Going on Vacation every single day. Time-blocking my day to allow for Vacation Hours has changed how I think about my days and has revolutionized my relationship with my children. Key Points from this Episode: Telling ourselves "I am being present" with our kids while our minds are swirling with all the things we want to get done does not work. Prep for vacation: Have a place to write down all your thoughts Buy a watch - do not check your phone to check the time Choose a chunk of hours to be your Vacation Time. It should be the time your children need connection the most. For us, that's the mid-morning hours when we are doing homeschool. For others, it might be between when kids get home from school and dinner or bedtime. During your vacation: Keep your phone away. In your room. Take a vacation from worrying about anything that happens with your phone. Don't worry about your own projects or to do lists Be there with your kids 100% like you would be when you're on vacation When you are on vacation, there are no "shoulds." None at all. After your vacation: Work on your projects! Don't feel guilty! Know that you've put in good, quality face-time with your kids (and not the video chat kind) Being mentally there does not mean playing with them every minute of the day. It means taking a break from our devices and tuning in to our children and their needs.

Jessica is a military mother of three boys and podcast host of the Extraordinary Moms Podcast. She talks about finding who she wants to be as a person and the joy in the moments where you can see progress in yourself. Key Points from this Episode: Night before prepping makes the next day so much smoother. When our kids lose it, we can make the choice not to lose it ourselves. We don't have to join the tantrum. We have to recognize that our children are each unique children of God and we are too. If we focus on staying calm and staying safe for our children, we can allow them to explore and figure themselves out while we adjust our parenting to each child's specific needs. Listen to our kids' feelings and let them be okay. We can coach our children to help them come up with plans for the hard times so they can do things as independently as they can. It can give them confidence to be able to work through their challenges they are faced with. We have to let our children see us problem solve our own struggles (on an age-appropriate level) or they won't know that it's normal to need to struggle. Are you cleaning the house to give you the right to complain when it gets messed up again, or cleaning because you love the feeling of a clean house. Pay attention to your motivations and evaluate what is working for you. Most of the time, it's not about what you're doing, but why you're doing it. Exhausted is not the same as depleted. Paying attention to how we are spending our energy can help keep us feeling good even as we are tired. It's okay to adjust the tasks to accomplish the value you are looking for. Look at the whys behind the activities you are doing. If the task is no longer adding the desired value to your life, make adjustments! Just because it's not working yet, doesn't mean it's not working. Play the long game. Taking the time to reflect and acknowledge our growth helps up recognize our own extraordinary lives. We are extraordinary, but a lot of times, we just don't take the time to notice. You are doing so much better than you think you are. You have grown so much more than you think you have. It is a skill to recognize that nothing lasts forever. We can live our lives more hopeful if we can remember that our challenges will be just for a moment. Close the background apps of your mind and see what's zapping your energy without your knowledge. Come back to them when you are in a better mental space and see how you can adjust your thinking for the future. Resources Extraordinary Moms Podcast Episode 26: Dealing with Childhood Anxiety with Austin

In this episode, I talk about where to start to get the house back on track after a Survival Mode season. I share my rhythms and systems that have helped me and my kids know what to expect when we are transitioning from full-blown Survival Mode back into "normal" life. Key Points from this Episode: It's OK to make intentional choices to let things like housework go when we are in survival mode, but we need to pick up the pieces when we are able to. Start with prayer. Then listen to the promptings of where to start. "Home Blessing Hour" every week for concentrated time to take care of the house. Go room by room. Garbage to the trash bag. Clothes to the laundry basket. Everything that doesn't belong into a basket. Put those items away. Sweep/vacuum the floor. Set timers for short increments to get bursts of cleaning focus from our children. Consider having some major incentives for after the house gets put back together. Talk with your children while you clean. Use it as a chance to bond as a family.

Valerie is a mother of two girls and creator of a Prompt and Prayer Journal and author of a book, Grumpy Mom Takes a Holiday. We talk about God's will, fighting the lies about motherhood that the world gives, and how to start adjusting our thinking during our days. Key Points from this Episode: Dance to shake out the grumpiness in the mornings. We are stronger than we think we are with the help of God. "When ours [our plans] are interrupted, His are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless or wasted or unendurable) 'toward the goal of true maturity' (Rom 12:2)." - Elisabeth Elliot Trust that worthy things we want to do will get done, even if it's not in the time frame we expect, or we will learn it isn't what God wants us to be doing. We don't need to add extra drama to our lives. We need to be real about motherhood. We cannot do motherhood for the praise. Our challenging moments in our days are just that - moments. Rehashing the hard times just forces our minds to dwell on those negative things rather than embracing and focusing on the positive that has happened. We can give our children a safe place to grow up and don't need to share every mistake they make. Think about how that must make our children feel. The world wants to distract us from the amazing gift that motherhood is. God wants us to recognize the gift that it truly is! There is space a between stimulus and response. We can adjust our auto-pilot thinking to change how we feel about the same situations. Start by taking the time to notice your thoughts. We can take responsibility and have integrity in our lives by accepting that things are not just happening to us, but we can choose how to act.