The Fifth Column (private feed for bitterone31droid@googlemail.com)

The lads are back from a brief, rejuvenating hiatus—and as annoyed and hateful as ever! It’s July 4th and your favorite seditionists are celebrating from secret locations in NYC, Washington, D.C., and Massachusetts... (Pfff…bunch of stupid coastal elites….)* An important hot dog study* A woman tells Moynihan about her imprisoned husband* January 6 committee revelations and skepticism* How many AR-15s were there on the mall?* Dumb enough to believe conspiracy theories, just smart enough to not to get shot* An apocalyptic troll throws darts, always land on the wrong side of history* A listener’s mom, who is mad at us for swearing (sorry!), writes a great response to a job-related DEI question. Our responses aren’t as great* That Beavis and Butthead clip. And that Culture Club clip.* Some tales from Kmele’s youth* More really bad parenting tips from The Fifth* Moynihan’s a genius. How do we know this? A lady from Massachusetts said so* Is the internet the greatest invention of all time? Or the most destructive?* Kmele is coming around to Jonathan Haidt’s position* Rand Paul’s Drag Race and more Kmele perorations on R. Kelly* Did a Fifth listener kill a guy? Maybe. Probably. * And so much more! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* When your kids blow you off because you’re boring and old* A Boer and a Jamaican walk onto a plane…* More ‘borsh reactions* As they say in Haiti….* “I mean, Hitler got one thing right…”* Mary Miller wants to save white—and even more black—babies!* “I want them back in chains,” says John Cornyn, obliquely* A listener defends “He Hit Me and It Felt Like a Kiss”* A digression on rappers being murdered* That Green Day guy defects, but no one cares because he’s a washed up loser* “Europe” is a meaningless designation* The brutal, bloody beat down of Rudy Giuliani* Jussi: the thing that wouldn’t leave* Firing AI guy * And so much more! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

“Tear it down. Start over again. We can make a brand new start.” - Blue Mafic * A Bad Omen* Judicial Superfluity* Beyond Roe* unenumerated, natural, ipse dixit * Carry Concealed* Conservative Excesss, Judicial Restraint* Europe is Always Better* “Sand in every damn gear…”* Antidemocratic AF* Release the TranscriptsRecorded: June 25th, 2022Published: June 26th, 2022 Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

The lads are in DC, NYC, and Dallas, but the vast physical distance separating them didn’t prevent the recording of this (rather emo) Members Only pod….* LGA, Not Sitting in Coach, and a lovely Fifth listener* Kmele and Ayaan* Kmele says he was right. And he wants you to find the evidence* Please use the phrase “Drag Queen Strippers from Hell”* Shirley Q. Liquor, Muffin Pepperwood, and Lassie Pineybranch* Revisiting Sp*******z* From inside the building on January 6th* Everyone’s a conspiracy theorist* Everything’s a “regime”* In Defense of Gentrification (again)* John Oliver is economically illiterate * Moynihan talks anxiety and depression (again)* Omaha burrito man redux * Happy Juneteenth * And lots more! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* You Got a Friend* Restrictive Covenant* #MJInnocent* Beefin with TSA* Blockchain Nostradamus* A Very Bad Thing/The Worst Possible Thing* What Barr Knew* Clear and Present Danger* Google: maps of Capitol tunnels* The Blame Game* Can’t White a Book* Quietest Jazz Solo* Great Replacement Theory (But It’s Fine)* The Al Sharpton Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Kmele is “at a conference.” Maybe he’s hanging out with Anita Hill this time? So last night, the other two, Moynihan and Welch, cracked open the substandard wine, called each other up, and talked shit for a couple of hours. (Ed. note: I suppose it’s something like a podcast. What “cheese food” is to Roquefort. What Hydrox is to Oreo….but…actually…upon closer inspection, it’s an amazing and entertaining episode. Please continue. Apologies). Some highlights: * That’s quite a tweet, Rod* Another Side of Dana Rohrabacher * Preview of a forthcoming, already-recorded podcast with Bob Colacello* Among the maskers and revisionists in Cambridge, MA* So whaddayathink about Glenn and Ukraine?* Why Chomskyites think such silly things* How to become a journalist* Should Moynihan do a Not Really A Master Class on journalism?* Matt Welch, the Dave Stapleton of journalism* Stealing gokarts, having your baseball cards requisitioned * Drinking and reading* In Omaha, the big man in the Hyundai just wants a burrito* Fact check: Is it true that Matt deserves the most $$? Conclusion: Four Pinocchios * Sell Moynihan your TR6And remember, if there’s someone in your life who you really hate, express your loathing by gifting them a subscription to the Fifth Column Substack! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* Kmele is flying* Dude has four parents. Not one isn’t a terrorist* The decline and fall of San Francisco, Part I * Fiona Dourif’s piece on how California fails the mentally ill* A sexy retweet* Ilya Shapiro quits Georgetown. He stops by to tell us why* Ilya apologized. Should he have?* He mentioned it, we’ll link to it: the paperback edition of Supreme Disorder * Shapiro: Cato abandoned me* Dave Weigel gets suspended because of his colleague and “close friend,” Sammy “the Bull” Sonmez,” rats him out* Another editors note re: the TikTok lady* A St. Louis Cardinal tweeted bad words when he was 14* Everything is dumb* CNN retools, but all the tools still work there* If you ask the question “should I have kids on account of climate change,” you probably shouldn’t have kids* A primetime January 6th hearing, produced by Busby Berkeley* Breaking: Chesa the Chavista needs a new job* The decline and fall of San Francisco, Part II Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* Imperfect Introduction* Queerest story ever told* The heart-pounding conclusion of Depp v Heard * Birdwatching for Karens* A firearms "clarification"* The other 99% (and the warmth of simple narratives)* Incitement for “journalists”* Half Junky / Half Wonk* The absurd hilarity of historical injustice* Believe All Jedi* Fixing CNN+ (“Toobin After Dark” Edition)* Star Wars is for racists* Chief Colt 45* Total Recall, Certain Guilt* You always need more gays* Professional crybabies* The Pride of Prejudice Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Memorial Day has passed. It’s insanely hot in New York City. Everything smells awful. Everything feels awful. All the makings of a great Members Only pod…* Live from Dimes Square. And that awful, incoherent article on Dimes Square.* Matt Welch as Finnegus Jackson* A bad rendition of the national anthem, but a lovely Memorial Day* Always remember that Marvin Gaye was murdered by his own father* The Peter McCormack bitcoin podcast* A listener who was shot (twice!) during an anti-Semitic mass shooting* The release of Fusako Shigenobu* A teacher who deals with cat-killing student threat assessments* The pathetic police response in Uvalde* The male listener who woke up with a male model* Frank doesn’t fly coach, BBQs with Bobby Seale* Tim or Let it Be?* Southeast Asian Albert Einstein, Lil’ Moyn Rosa Parks* Simon is mad because he wants to see a commie band and everyone has Covid* Illmatic or Ready to Die?* Arrest those who drive really fast cars really slow * Help Moynihan tune his SU carbs / find a TR6* Plus another hour of amazing content! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Another mass shooting, more performative outrage (note: and this was recorded right before Beto’s gross little stunt), and never any practical solutions. The lads discuss the massacre in Texas, a “racist” incident at Yankee Stadium, a terrible Marvel movie, and a proposed new female superhero. Oh and as Moynihan explains in his brief preamble, the Rodecaster Pro is a horrible piece of audio hardware that ate 28 minutes of this podcast…but if you’re an audio genius—and this might take a genius to fix—and you want a copy of the muddy, robotic bit to tinker with….feel free to reach out.And as previously pointed out, your free trial is ending soon. So make not to be a filthy freeloader and sign up for real. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.