The Fifth Column (private feed for bitterone31droid@googlemail.com)

Many urgent matters loom large in this dispatch.How did boxes full of TOP SECRET documents turn up a Trump’s Mar-a-lago compound?!Could be an honest mistake… Few moving labels get mixed up; nuclear secrets turn up in a Florida man’s safe. Maybe a box full of Melania’s bawdiest intimates gets serendipitously misdirected to the National Archives.Could America be so lucky?Could Trump be selling state secrets to the highest bidder?Could the “Deep State” be up to no good?Is there a clearance sale at the Banana Republic?We’ve got margaritas, Sativa, a burning desire to sort this 💩 out — and Eli Lake is a responsible adult whose laptop definitely won’t run out of power mid-podcast.Recorded: Aug 11, 2022Published: NOW Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* Mr. Conference Goes to Denver* Netflix pitch: Ginger Bob Crane* Holy shit, this 2018 Kendi piece is so dumb that the Fifth spends way too much time ripping it to shreds…* Words in magazines, randomly assembled* A spaz writes TFC…* A digression on Hogan’s Heroes, Billy Wilder, and Rep. Meijer’s next job* Also: why are resistance psychos attacking Meijer?* KRS-One, Alex Jones, and GG Allin * That video of Jones and KRS-One saying dumb things* Mike chooses the best wedding song, replacing the worst wedding song* RIP Rep. Jackie Walorski* Moynihan needs a banister * How to make cool friends* The Third Eye Blind of Anti-Wokeness Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

It's among the most unusual and noteworthy congressional primary races of 2022. For a surprisingly long stretch, Michigan's third district has been home to a uniquely independent brand of republican congresspersons. But after Peter Meijer (R) narrowly lost his primary race this week, MI-3's respectability streak is no more.Congressman Meijer's party largely abandoned him. The former President still really hates him. And Democrats spent $435,000 to help boost his MAGA-loving opponent's sparse media profile. Meijer joined us to break down the race, spill a little tea about his soon-to-be-former-colleagues, and share some high/lowlights from his all-too-brief time in office.Recorded: Aug 3, 2022Published: Aug 4, 2022 Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

All three of the lads agree: this one was really fun and quite long (Ed note: so fun, in fact, that Moynihan quite literally fainted after recording it). It’s a long ramble through all of the stupid and annoying things that have come across the transom in the past week. Such as….* Swearing daughters* Beyonce’s new record and the worst piece of writing ever published in the New York Times* Moynihan reads it aloud, including all the ::;;::;; and italics* Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, and other boring old people / Kmele thinks Boston is Chicago is Journey* Someone is naming their kid after Moynihan’s daughter. Not really but sort of.* Slavery, in black and white * The attitudes of today are not the attitudes of then* A few out-of-print books on Cambodia* French converts and trashing Connecticut* Parenting, politics, Huckleberry Finn, and Ben Carson. Obv.* Moynihan turned around and Kmele was singing “Moon River,” to a room full of baffled Japanese people (*with audio!)* What we recorded in S.F….* Are we pulling punches with people we dislike?* And another hour of amazing material! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* That unexplained Jamaican IG video the lads were watching* A live event you can’t come to, but we will be releasing on this here Substack* In SF, Kmele watches some ladies steal lotion at Walgreens* Michael Moynihan Presents: Rabbit Hole! * Another Central Park Five exoneration* Matt goes to the HOF induction ceremony * Buck O’Neill Was a Great American * On liking America* Buck doesn’t blame Ty Cobb* Baseball Has Done It, a forgotten classic* A Minneapolis listener talks Chappelle cancellation * Denouncing your employer on Twitter is a bad idea* Trust me, you don’t know what that feels like* Matt shouldn’t have read that email, but we answer anyway* Breaking: The Republican Party is full of people on the lunafringe* You don’t need to suffer, young person* Misery as social capital* And so much more! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

w/ John McWhorter and Glenn Loury- No Moynihan, No Welch- Progress or Pesmissim- Campus Culture- Culture Warriors- Gaslighting + Reactionaries- DEI Obstacles- Overstatement and Bravery- Dignity + Individualism- Race as Ethnicity- All in Bounds- Pride, Honor, Shame- “Tolstoy is Mine. Dickens is Mine.”- Everything is permissible to meRecorded: 6/14/22Published: 7/24/22 Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* Kmele is “sick.” He probably has Covid for the fortieth time * How many times have you faked Covid?* Whatever happened to this guy? Plus: a bunch of other off-brand pundits…* He’ll say it again: journalism scandals only overwhelm the powerless* The story might not be true, but nevertheless…that’s an amazing drag name* Did the obnoxious politics of folk music alienate Bob Dylan?* Borsh comments and praise for Frenchy * On that Chomsky piece Moynihan wrote way back in 2007* On the Moynimistake re: Covid. Plus: more on why we no longer care about Covid* A full-on rant on being lied to by idiots in the media and alienation from the mainstream* A listener defends weirdo internet spaces* Remembering the great David Brudnoy * And much, much more…. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

with David French contributing writer @ The Atlantic and senior editor @ The Dispatch.James GD WebbCleaning Your RoomPlaying to the CrowdThe Great CRT Ban KurfufflReconsidering that Roe decisionThe Capacity for PregnancyCorroboration, Prosecution, and RestraintTrump v DeSantisWorld Level ExpertsDarker Woods BeyondAnarchapulco Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

So our Sunday experiment with Twitch was a success…meaning that no technology failed during the live stream. Now we let you be the judge if the actual content could be considered a success. The same format as always, but instead of listener mail we answered questions from the live chat. Some relevant topics:* The racist banana language* The racist Tintin in the Congo* That NY Post piece on Jefferson and Monticello…and Kmele’s provocative theory about Hemmings love. * Remember when John Malkovich wanted to beat up Robert Fisk?* A question about Sweden* Some weird party stories from some weird moments in our lives* Space nerd shit * Gin and gin * Whatever happened to Jeff Flake? Wait…he’s the ambassador to Turkey?* Free Jose* Red Eye memories* An Ann Coulter memory* And so much more… Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* Matt breaks an eardrum* Boris breaks British politics (Ed note: Boris renounced his American citizenship in 2017. We sort of regret the error)* Would Putin free LeBron?* Remember Macy Gray? Well, whoever she is, she’s very sorry* Tim Hardaway, self-proclaimed homophobe* The end of interventionism* Former Japanese PM Shinzo Abe is shot* Andrew Schultz goes the way of Louis CK* 2022 Freedom Bowl: California v. Florida* Gavin Newsom: Slightly Better than Beto* Covid and culture wars: What will matter in 2024We love all of our freeloading listeners. But we’d love you a whole lot more if you subscribed and reaped all the benefits of being a dues-paying member of the Fifdom. So click the button below. Now. It would make us very happy. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.