The Fifth Column (private feed for bitterone31droid@googlemail.com)

Featuring:Thomas Chatterton Williams - Contributing Writer @ The Atlantic, Visiting Professor and Senior Fellow Hannah Arendt Center @ Bard College Adam Davidson - Co-Founder @ Planet Money, Contributing Writer @ The New Yorker*** “It amazes me that any straight, white dudes don't see the privilege we have. It's not subtle.” - Adam Davidson - via Twitter (8/20/22)Not a long tweet. And in the grand scheme of things, hardly an unusual opinion to encounter. Ordinarily, I fire off a reply —maybe there’s some pithy back and forth, but things more or less end up about where they began— until the next (pointless?) social media drama.But maybe we agree to talk instead? Probe a bit further. Perhaps even learn a few things in the process? Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

With Kmele at some dumb dinner and/or pointless conference, Welch and Moynihan convened in Chinatown and decided to drink. And talk. And also do some sort of secret Twitch thing, just so they could log enough hours on the platform to satisfy various Amazon requirements (which apparently, when met, unlock all sorts of prizes). So no need for bullet points today. Because the lads were happy, annoyed, tipsy and…covered way too much ground to even begin to summarize. We just know there is a direct line from Stalin to Olivia Wilde. Enjoy. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Sunday’s live stream for all y’all who couldn’t make it (because you clearly prioritize the wrong things):- Matt has lived in Brooklyn too long, says perceptive listener- 911 is a joke- The Texas troll- Moynihan and his daughter see Jaws in 3D- Ben Dreyfuss joins for 20 minutes to spill the beans on Steven Spielberg, Jaws, and the Australian Jaws stuntman who lost his mind- The Mayor will never fly coach because of racism- Bill is ballsy- Once again: nobody knows anything about British imperialism- Killer Queen- Moynihan’s DDR documentary recommendation can be rented here. The Soviet documentary can be seen here- The astonishing Ukrainian counteroffensive - A golfer asks about free speech…the lads rant…- And so much more! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

So I broke into the Palace with a sponge and a rusty spannerWith the Right Honorable Matt Welch ensconced in a posh Beverly Hills hotel, prepping to shock and sicken America with yet another appearance on Real Time, Kmele and Moynihan got on the horn to discuss the death of corgi-loving colonialist Queen Elizabeth II, moronic “anti-colonialist” Twitter, Bannon’s perp strut, Moynihan’s unwitting mentor, phantom racist volleyball fans, and an unarmed man shot in the back who wasn’t unarmed or shot in the back. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Against a blood-red backdrop, President Biden gives an urgent campaign speech, warning that America is becoming semi-Nazi Germany, Donald Trump is partial Hitler, and our almost democracy is on the precipice of kinda revolution. The lads watch the speech and say lots of really smart things. But before they discuss the end of America, Kmele forces a conversation about Michael Jackson’s Thriller. He has a theory. Moynihan and Welch are…skeptical. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* Matt is a ****, says his daughter* We don’t beat our kids * The unapologetic, unaccountable return of a journalistic liar (Plus: Moynihan on Saviano) * Parklife!  (Plus: Moynihan on Brand)* A free (pdf?) book from a Fifth subscriber! Get your illustrated version J.S. Mill’s On Liberty here* Ozzy is leaving * Happy Birthday, Love Vince Neil * Amazing Memories of Zambia* Stop sending emails about Redbox* Is this the worst person on Twitter? To say so, is fascism* A scumbag tweet from marginal scumbags will be mentioned, but not specifically* The best unmade documentaries* Yes, the band is actually called Timcast (Plus: here’s the first iteration of his Wiki) Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* Zuck Talks w/ Rogan* Student Loan Forgiveness* Who Cares if It’s Democratic* WashPo: “It’s Regressive!”* The Redbox Test* Student Debt is immoral * Moynihan in an elevator w/ Harry Styles* Oh, my god, they fired Brian (You bastards!)* The Jim Jones of Journalism* NBC “News”* The Many Papers of Donald Trump* That NPR Voice* Ben Shapiro Goes to a Conference (Hilarity Ensues) Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

* Kmele in Utah* The American Historical Association is run by a complete coward* History has always been political* The Terrorist Parent challenge* S.F. is one giant needle exchange* Have you guys ever sold out?* Laura Loomer’s MoronFest 2022* A sexist pyramid scheme* On “cancellation”* OJ’s gloves fit* R. Kelly is back in court* People are awful  Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

A few weeks ago, with Matt Welch bleeding out of his ears and supposedly forbidden from flying, Kmele and Moynihan hopped a plane to a post-apocalyptic hellscape called “San Francisco” to kibizt with their new benevolent overlords at Substack. Unlike the boring prigs at Patreon (whose “Trust and Safety” commissars never even returned our calls), Substack rather generously hosted the Fifth crew for drinks, drinks, some more drinks, and a live show at company HQ. In Matt’s stead, the lads called up FOTF (Friend of the Fifth - ed.) Lara “Che” Bazelon, a local law professor and communist revolutionary, and Substack co-founder* Hamish McKenzie, a reactionary publisher of fake news. They discuss San Francisco, the state of the media, the future of free speech, and much, much more. Enjoy.*Note: We previously referred to Hamish as CEO of Substack. He is, we are reliably informed, the "chief writing officer," which sounds to us like a fake job. As such, we now have significant doubts he even works at Substack and suspect he's never even been to New Zealand (which he told us “is the country where Kyle Minogue and Yahoo Serious are from”). Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Sort of pointless to do the usual bullet points. Instead, a brief recapitulation of last night’s live Twitch broadcast: rivers of booze, Fifth veteran Ben Dreyfuss shows up in the comments, Ben Dreyfuss is sent a link and joins the show, hilarity and chaos ensues, Richard Dreyfuss and Kevin Spacey merit a few mentions, wheels fall off the show, and a great time is had by all. An instant classic. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.