The Fifth Column (private feed for bitterone31droid@googlemail.com)

In celebration of the Fifth’s triumphant move to Substack, the lads decided to do a live show in New York City, with the two most New York City guys they could find. But that live show in New York City sold out immediately, provoking a flurry of angry and/or heartbroken emails. So how does one skip the queue for the next one? Well, tickets are released to subscribers first. And our subscribers are bored and like to get liquored in the middle of the week. You see what we’re getting at? Now, it’s nothing like the sweaty, drunken energy of the Comedy Cellar on a Wednesday night, but this is a pretty reasonable facsimile: we present to you, in all of its random and rambling glory, an unedited recording of The Fifth Column live at the Comedy Cellar. A huge thanks to Michael Rapaport and Colin Quinn, who finished the show out. A few video clips forthcoming. And more pics over at Moynihan’s Instagram. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

It’s a mostly somber and serious occasion, in the wake of the hideous mass murder in Buffalo. It dominates the conversation, naturally, as the lads offer some not-so-fully formed thoughts on what it all means that a teenage neo-Nazi snuffed out 10 innocent lives because of his stupid, violent, incoherent, shitty ideology. So no need for bullet points this time around (though there are some digressions on dogs, Kendrick Lamar, Clarence Thomas, Kmele’s fraught relationship with conservatives, golden keys and V-Chips). And for those of you who have tickets, we’ll see you at the Village Underground tomorrow night. Yay. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Another two-parter: the first half with our new favorite lefty Lara Bazelon, professor at the University of San Francisco School of Law, journalist, feminist, novelist, controversialist. After Lara leaves, probably to free someone from prison, the lads take the second half of the show to catch up on the stupid and depressing news of the week.- Baaaa-zelon- Broken clock: Lara thinks Betsy DeVos had a point…- The lefty case for free speech and due process on campus- Lara’s Atlantic piece on how the ACLU lost its way - From Skokie to the lady from Aquaman- The social justice cafeteria- The ACLU’s face of gender violence is a rich actress who probably beat up her husband- Like this podcast, courtrooms are rhetorically “violent.” Get used to it.- That Laura Kipnis book - That sold out live show in NYC next week (with special guest hints)- The Dems failed borsh bill- Cooling inflation that is still really hot and “barreling ahead”- The failure of Trump’s trade policy- The anti-commie case against Ron DeSantis’s performative anti-communism - And so much more!- Stop being cheap and subscribe below. The money kind of subscribe. Because every dollar helps pay off Matt’s substantial gambling debts. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Kmele is still sick. Moynihan’s child is sick. Welch is mentally ill. But the lads soldier on, checking in on some of the most important issues of our time:- Redbone on Burt Sugarman’s “The Midnight Special”- Natives, Scots, Jamaicans, and Brummies (UB40, in particular)- Chet Hanks can get it- The Fifth live show sells out in record time- Feeling bad for Hilary Duff, on her own terms- Steve Schmidt is the worst person on the internet- Sure you can show up at a judge’s house. But is it…wise?- Chris tunes in to cable news, discovers it’s the absolute worst- It’s Eurocentric to talk about European countries- Pay up, Canadian students!- Day drinking guy spurns other Substacks, signs up for The Fifth- That Shane Gillis / Louis CK pod- And so much more! Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

We’re unlocking this subscriber-only podcast, recorded back in January, just to give you freeloaders a taste of what lurks behind the paywall. It’s not only those amazing bonus episodes, wherein the morons from The Fifth Column yammering and stammering through the most important issues facing civilization. But occasionally one-on-one interviews with some of the most interesting people on Earth. Like this one with the great Jon Ronson, host of the new podcast Things Fell Apart. So head over to Substack and subscribe.By popular demand, we present to you, dear patrons, the triumphant return of journalist, podcaster, Welshman, filmmaker, and nicest guy in the business, Mr. Jon Ronson.Ronson, whose classic works include The Men Who Stare at Goats, The Psychopath Test and So You've Been Publicly Shamed, stopped by the Fifth's Chinatown studio to for a fascinating, revealing one-on-one chat about his phenomenal new podcast series Things Fell Apart, losing friendships because of the culture war (ahem), the first internet cancellation, satanic panics, and the interview that made him almost believe in god...and Moynihan almost (almost) cry.  Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

To discuss this episode with other premium subscribers, click hereSo here we are, freed from the shackles of Patreon, having sprinted into the welcoming arms of Substack, and ready to deliver our first weekly Members Only dispatch. Yay! And you’re in for a treat, dear citizens of the Fifdom. Many of you have requested that we address the biggest news of the decade (or something), so we’re kicking off with a very special Roe v Wade episode, featuring a chin-stroking deep dive into Justice Alito’s draft decision with our old friend Damon Root, author of Overruled: The Long War for Control of the U.S. Supreme Court. But hold on…if you’re suffering from Roe overload, we’ve made our Substack debut a double episode, with a second hour digestif on Dave Chappelle, climates of hate, knives that look like guns, NPR’s brief for Amber Heard, an elegy for the real JD Vance, and the potential for a New New Left-Old New Right alliance. Questions about the process? Technical issues with your feed? Email podcasting@substackinc.com for support. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

- Mean Babies w/ Pink Eye- Tity Boi- Dangerous Misinformation- Show Tunes- Cinco de Mayo- Live From New York, Again- Apartheid Daydream- Combating Misinformation- The Sims 2- Anatomy of Tribal Hysteria- Everyone Starts to Say It- Its Own Reward- From Cuba to the Marshall Islands - Entangling AlliancesRecorded: April 29th, 2022Published: April 30th, 2022 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

- Kmele watches Hunter smoke crack with a prostitute - Elon is a white nationalist, says member of Color Me Badd- For $150, Rachel Dolezol will make a Cameo for the Fifth- "I'm going to puke"- A diversity consultant abroad- Elon never said *no* moderation- The dumbest Musk take, from the guy in the leather jacket (not Nick)- More "democracy in peril" hysteria- Whatever happened to net neutrality?- A road rage incident- Are Tesla plants the most racist places on Earth?- Donald McNeil warns the New York Times...- Joe Kahn is just another rich kid- Introducing the Emancipator- A digression on the American Revolution- The racist who could "solve world hunger"- Most journalists are unneeded- The catwoman of Helsinki- If you live in Estonia, drop a line... Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

Ulysses for kidzStop complaining. It's a secret.It's all over, folks. Barack solved misinformationThe Fairness Doctrine was dumb then. It's even dumber nowBTW, they're *all* liarsDefining misinformation (down)Sarah Hepola, author of the memoir Blackout and this great Atlantic pieceMoynihan v. Hepola on drinking She started drinking at 7??Wherein we demand Hepola credit the Fifth Column for saving her life or somethingOn self-censorship and gaslightingKmele's stirring defense of that fantastic beast, Johnny DeppAnd so much more See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.

- Your job's your credit- Guardians and land acknowledgement- Books for banning- Yes, we talked about Taylor Lorenz- If you post publicly on the internet, it's public on the internet- The (mostly ignored) riots in Sweden- #freeA$AP- Around this point Kmele starts celebrating 4/20- Way too much time devoted to Johnny Depp- In Defense of Miss Cleo- In 2020, we told a listener to break up with his girlfriend. He updates us...- Hangover cures- The Trump interview- Malcolm the Warrior- Tip in the jar- And so much more... Thank you for subscribing. Leave a comment or share this episode.