Art Creativity & Wellbeing

When We Turned Out Okay turned 2 several months ago, I asked you all for ideas about what you wanted me to address on the show. Listener Kerri said "I would like to know as a white person what I need to do to be sure my children are not contributing to the racism that is hurting so many." Today, I speak with married, interracial couple Ingrid Alli and Hamilton Graziano, in possibly one of the most moving conversations I've been able to bring you yet. Ingrid and Hamilton are newlyweds, just starting out in their married life and, as yet, do not have children. They want kids, though – and they come on the show today to share their thoughts on what it's like to be part of an interracial couple, what it was like growing up for Ingrid, as an African-American, and their hopes about race in this modern world. Notice: I did not say "hopes and fears about race"… Ingrid and Hamilton are curiously, delightfully fear-free. They know what's at stake, they live every day in a divisive America, and they take the positive stance that love wins. They're performance poets, and I know you'll love, as I did, their award-winning performance of their poem, "The Lovings," about an interracial couple who fought nine long years for the right to marry in their state of Virginia. Ingrid and Hamilton got their marriage license 50 years to the day, in Virginia, from when the Lovings got theirs. (Click the link below for the full show notes to this episode, where I've embedded YouTube video of Ingrid and Hamilton's performance of this poem.) Ingrid and Hamilton have also got great advice in response to Kerri's question, and it's the sort of answer that transcends today's conversation about race. Their answer to Kerri's question is also the answer to worries about parenting, feeling good inside ourselves, and alleviating that guilt that many of us carry around – vague, uncertain, but there nonetheless. I hope you enjoy this episode. It won't be the last one about race and parenting – Kerri's is a two-part question and once the back-to-school mayhem settles down, we'll return to this issue. Speaking of back-to-school mayhem: if your inner self is shouting "aaaggghhhh!" at the thought of the looming school year and the chaotic mornings it will bring, Click here to sign up for the Streamline Your Mornings challenge, happening the first full week of September! Sign-ups close on Sunday, September 3, so get in there now to access the daily emails, entry into the private We Turned Out Okay Facebook group, and for the back-to-school, Facebook live Ask Me Anything I'm doing on the final day of the challenge (Friday, September 8). The whole thing is FREE, and it will be so helpful if you are worried about those weekday mornings. To sign up for the challenge and to read the advice Ingrid and Hamilton share about how to help make sure our children aren't contributing to the racism that hurts so many, go to weturnedoutokay.com/176! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today we take on one of the toughest issues of all: getting our kids to listen to us. This is something every parent deals with and in recent weeks I've been asked about it more than once. Stephanie says "they seem to have come to me without the ability to listen;" Jocelyn says she struggles with "kids not listening and obeying the first time I ask (or the first ten times)"… Is this you? Do you find yourself standing in the kitchen sometimes, with your son or daughter in the next room, and your voice is getting louder and louder and you're clenching your fists and rolling your eyes… And still you're not getting the response you need? Well then, today's episode is for you. Listen by going to weturnedoutokay.com/175 – that is where you can also sign up for the Streamline Your Mornings challenge, starting September 4 and helping you quell the weekday-morning chaos! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

It's time for NPC member Jen's parent-coaching call, and it's a doozy: Jen was feeling guilty about being "responsible" for getting her kids into situations where they were overtired and/or frustrated. She took their misbehavior as her fault, and in this episode I help her figure out a more productive way to frame the situation. We also dig in to several other issues, and by helping Jen resolve them on-air, I also get to help you figure out what to do when: Your child screams "no!" In those moments when you need her to do what you're asking her to do instead of what she wants to do. You're trying to figure out how far to push your child in interacting with strangers. Listen to this episode for detailed answers; to read my suggestions and check out the key links for this episode, including the link to joining the FREE Streamline Your Mornings back-to-school challenge starting in early September, go to weturnedoutokay.com/174… Enjoy the show! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's guest, PJ Jonas, got a few goats several years ago, because she just loved goats. Always keeping that love in the forefront, PJ and her family – her husband and their eight children – went from those few goats early on to, today, owning and operating a family farm which creates soaps, lotions, and edibles, all from goats milk. When you learn that the Jonas family homeschools in addition to operating the farm and their website, goatmilkstuff.com, you begin to realize the genius that PJ has for organizing and running this well-oiled machine. You also can hear in PJ's voice just how much she enjoys her days, filled as they are with family, and fun, and love. In our conversation she shares all kinds of tips – both mindset and practical – for creating the life you want. Also! During this episode PJ shares a link, that she made especially for our show, where you can get a free bar of her amazing soap! (Which I did. PJ shares a full-sized bar of soap in whatever flavor you want – mine is lavender – and it lasts a really long time : ) For show notes and key links, including the one for your free bar of soap, go to weturnedoutokay.com/173. Enjoy the show! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's episode is a celebration: the Ninja Parenting Community is one year old! That means I've been helping parents of young children figure out their toughest challenges for a whole year – and we've overcome some doozies: – "How do I handle multiple meltdowns?" – "What do I do with my child's disrespectful language and shouting?" – "I'm so overwhelmed… What with sports schedules and everything else, there's never enough time!" This episode is all about the sweet taste of victory; we're highlighting success stories! Find out how one member planned and executed a great beach day with her young children, and cheer on another member as she celebrates four whole days without any meltdowns… Go to weturnedoutokay.com/172 for key links, and to watch my appearance on the Women Inspired TV show – my own personal success story. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

We're sticking with the food theme this week, today addressing listener Tim's concerns about kids and food: "Why are my toddlers not eating fruits/vegetables? Why are they only eating snacks (cereal, popcorn, Lunchables, grrrrrr)?" In March of 2016 I made the whole month about food – how to handle picky eaters, how to prepare food without going bankrupt or spending hours in the kitchen – I even created a Guide to Food and Family, with recipes and food hacks, which you'll find in the sidebar at weturnedoutokay.com! Go to weturnedoutokay.com/171 to listen and to read about my responses to Tim's questions (and thank you, Tim, for asking : ) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

When today's guest, Jeannie Marshall, became pregnant with their son Nico after her family relocated to Italy, she developed a fascination for how Italians introduce their babies to food, and the part that food plays in Italian children’s lives now that factory foods and agribusiness have made inroads into Italy. She details her experiences in one of my favorite books, The Lost Art of Feeding Kids. One memorable line: Jeannie writes about when Italian mom of baby Rocco, a boy the same age as Nico who is being exposed to first foods as well, says it’s as though we North Americans are "teaching our babies not to like food.” Our conversation, originally aired in March of 2016, reflects Jeannie and her family’s love of Italy, Italians, and Italian food – and also their first-hand experiences fighting that battle that we fight every day: getting inexpensive and tasty meals on the table (and then getting our kids to eat those meals). Find key links and to complete notes by going to weturnedoutokay.com/170! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Can you think back on your own childhood and come up with some crazy sibling-fight stories? I’ve heard some doozies, people being hung out windows or tied to trees by their siblings, the time a brother put green dye in a sister’s hair – so the sister retaliated by pouring glitter into the brother’s bed! Siblings can hurt each other in lots of big and small ways; sometimes it feels like there’s no good intervention. Today, I share about a book that I first read while pregnant with my second: Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This book is the second of The Fabulous Five, five books which will transform your relationship with your children, so get reading them ASAP (here’s the blog post detailing the Fab Five)! It made the list because, quite simply, if you have more than one child - or if you grew up in a family where you had at least one sibling - you will finally understand how to help when siblings fight. Today, we talk about the ups and downs of brothers and sisters, both in our families growing up and in our homes as parents. Go to weturnedoutokay.com/169 for show notes and key links! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's episode, originally broadcast in late 2015, is a Your Child Explained, about how to help our kids grow into creative, happy, socially engaged and above all successful adults. In Tuesday's guest episode, nursery school owner and director Tanya Trainor shared about the changes she, her staff, and the children they serve made to their playground. The traditional slides, climbers, and other big (pricey) equipment typically seen on the playground are gone, and in their place are what Tanya calls “loose parts.” Tanya shares that loose parts on the playground have translated for them into more social engagement and less redirection/discipline, a result they never expected. Today's YCE digs more into my conversation with Tanya. Go to weturnedoutokay.com/168 for show notes and key links! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today’s episode, originally broadcast in late 2015, was super fun to record because I got out of my usual studio and hung out at what’s easily the most amazing playground I’ve ever seen. All of the equipment we see on a typical playground – huge climber, big slide, jungle gym – was gone, and in its place were loose pieces. Bricks, cement pavers, wooden siding, bales of hay, an 8 foot long rowboat, tree stumps suitable for sitting on or rolling around, a rain gutter with a hose near the top: these were some of the many things that replaced more typical playground equipment. It’s not a huge space, and today’s guest, nursery school director and owner Tanya Trainor of Miss Tanya’s Nursery School, knew that typical equipment would no longer work when, in spring of 2014, she found out that the fall zones required around each piece of equipment were expanding. So, Tanya and her staff did an amazing thing: they asked the children, “when we get rid of the climber out on the playground, what should we replace it with?” Their answers created the wonderful results spread out before me. Listen to this episode to discover: 1) how these playground changes brought about the wonderful improvement in children's behavior while outside 2) the children's contributions to this new outdoor play space, and the difference contributing has made in their feelings of autonomy and collaboration 3) the dramatic drop in frequency of negative behaviors; Tanya reports far fewer incidents of conflict or need for redirection since moving to the new kind of playground Go to weturnedoutokay.com/167 for key links and to listen – and have a happy Fourth of July! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe