Best Life Best Death

I think it is fair to say that Mark Dowie’s latest book is unlike any other he’s written. Brief and intensely personal, Mark writes about his experience with Judith Tannenbaum, poet and friend-of-a-friend who suffers from a debilitating yet often invisible illness with severe pain. Mark becomes a guide, dear friend and “amateur doula” for her as they share conversations and thoughts as she lives her final months. In this episode, he and I discuss Death Cafes, the Final Exit Network, Compassion and Choices, and of course the book, Judith Letting Go: Six Months in the World's Smallest Death Cafe.

I’m pulling from the “old files” for this one! I spoke with Kim Mooney on BLBD podcast #71 and #72 and with Kayla Nagano on #74, and with this episode you can hear more from each of them! Kim = renowned thanatologist plus huge advocate for compassionate end-of-life options in Colorado and beyond. Kayla = podcaster and expert in all things animals and end of life. Enjoy this episode of "bonus tracks" from my past recordings with these two experts.

I believe that this podcast offers a topic you might not have considered – and it very much has to do with life and death. “Drowning deaths are on the rise in the United States, following decades of decline, according to a new CDC Vital Signs study. Over 4,500 people died due to drowning each year from 2020–2022, 500 more per year compared to 2019.” Many of these drownings could be prevented – not by knowing swim strokes, but by learning to be in deep water without panic. This is a perfect podcast to hear as we head into summer months, and the lessons Melon shares apply to more than just pools, rivers, lakes and oceans.

Nancy Simmers served as the death doula for Kate Christie’s mother when she chose VSED (Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking) to hasten her death. How did Nancy’s path take her from working as a birth doula to becoming a death doula? How did her expertise grow over the years? How does she support the individual and the family in a VSED situation? What are the three typical parts of a death by VSED? This two-part podcast is an eye-opener on a subject that most of us know little about. Last week’s episode: a conversation with the daughter who experienced her mother’s death by VSED.

Kate Christie and her family went through the experience of VSED when her mother chose to “voluntarily stop eating and drinking.” This choice to hasten death is not to be undertaken lightly, but it is a true choice that is legal and available to anyone. How does it work? Why would someone choose this? What was the experience like for Kate, her father, and her mother? Learn about her experience as the daughter and what is critical to have in place for VSED to painlessly succeed. Next week's episode: a conversation with the doula who guided their experience.

In this episode we explore the rich, complex topic of grief. Claire Bidwell Smith’s beautiful book Conscious Grieving: A Transformative Approach to Healing from Loss shares an easily accessible road map for anyone willing to be curious about what grief has to offer. Who is on such a journey with their grief? Well, that just happens to be all of us. Hopeful, pragmatic and inspirational, the brief chapters in this book show us concrete ways to “enter, engage, surrender, and transform” through the inevitable losses in our lives. https://clairebidwellsmith.com/ https://www.facebook.com/clairebidwellsmithwrites/ https://www.instagram.com/clairebidwellsmith/ https://twitter.com/clairebidwell

Writer, teacher, artist, filmmaker, and death doula Darnell Lamont Walker is all about the stories we live and share. What truly matters as we spend time and create stories with those we love? Darnell's wide-ranging experience as a “rambling man” give him an original perspective on what matters as we live and as we die. This is one of those conversations that I’m having a hard time summarizing, but I think you’ll find that it moves something inside you. https://darnellwalker.com/ https://www.instagram.com/hello.darnell/?hl=en https://www.linkedin.com/in/darnellwalker https://www.facebook.com/DarnellLamontWalker/ https://twitter.com/hellodarnell?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

When Kera’s mom died unexpectedly at age 57, just a few days after Kera had just had a baby, the duality of grieving and mothering dropped her to her knees. Out of this grief and in the year that followed, Kera found resilience in the stories of so many others dealing with loss. While still a full-time high school teacher, she launched a magazine called Get Griefy, packed with stories that move and inspire. As the Get Griefy mission declares: “Our commitment is to go beyond the conventional narratives surrounding grief and loss, acknowledging that life after loss is not only about mourning but also about embracing the strength to live fully.” https://www.legacylettersjournal.com/home https://www.instagram.com/legacylettersjournal/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/kera-sanchez-066a79a6/

How do we support individuals to do death better? #1 Realize that the medical system isn’t set up to address the gaps for the dying and their families. #2 Identify for you and yours: what are the gaps we are going to have, and what might possibly fill them? #3 Look into resources ahead of time. The bottom line: We aren’t very prepared and there are gaps we really should know about. Take your head out of the sand of denial and have a look around, starting with listening to Dr. Uslander’s naming of “the five gaps people don’t see coming” in this important episode. https://empoweredendings.com/ https://www.facebook.com/empowerendings https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobuslander/ https://www.instagram.com/empowered_endings_/ https://www.youtube.com/@Empowered-Endings/

The HeartLight Center in Denver, CO is a nonprofit grief center offering in-person and online support to those who are grieving or supporting grievers. Executive Director Jenn Flaum talks with me about how they strive to “adapt, connect, and create what’s meaningful” for all those who come through the door. What are the different things that grievers need? What does a grief group look like? How is “peer-based support” different? When you need support, why choose a group versus individual counseling?  https://heartlightcenter.org/ https://www.instagram.com/heartlightcenter/ https://facebook.com/heartlightcenter https://twitter.com/heartlightcente https://www.linkedin.com/company/2101243/