Best Life Best Death

It's all well and good that I keep saying “You should really have conversations about death and dying….” Yet you might be thinking, “What the heck! This is too hard! How am I supposed to even start that conversation?! Please give me some suggestions that can help.” In this episode, I’ll do just that, laying out some ways to think about how to approach this, and even offering up some specific sentence starters you can use, thanks to the treasure trove of ideas shared by The Conversation Project and other resources. (Love a slide presentation? Then watch this one on Youtube for a bonus!)

Tarron Estes is no stranger to death. Raised by a mother who sat vigil with the dying, Tarron understood from a young age the power and possibility of liminal spaces. With her mother now 94 years old and living with dementia, Tarron and her siblings grapple with mom's dementia and the complexities of the family system. How do these dynamics affect all involved? What are some resources that offer support? A vulnerable, personal story. https://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/tarron-estes-5975248/ https://www.facebook.com/ConsciousDyingInstitute/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1uG_nnfe1c_EtV_dsJ4sUw https://www.instagram.com/consciousdyinginstitute/

Gabby Jimenez – hospice nurse, doula and social media content creator extraordinaire – explores these questions with me. What do the dying take with them? How do we understand and explore regrets? Why so much guilt? What do grievers take away from the experience of losing their loved ones? Eventually, everyone dies – how can we improve this universal experience in simple yet powerful ways, for all those involved?

Gabby changed everything up mid-life after taking care of a friend who was dying. She realized that she wanted to make a difference in people’s lives by becoming a hospice nurse and doula, and learning and sharing all she could about death and dying. Having witnessed and supported more than 2,000 people as they die, Gabby brings true “bedside knowledge” to her presentations, books and this conversation. Want to hear a warm-hearted hospice nurse talk about what truly matters? This is it. www.thehospiceheart.net https://www.instagram.com/gabrielle.elise.jimenez/ https://www.facebook.com/thehospiceheart.net

When you are in that terribly complicated time of making medical decisions around advanced cancer, what framework can you turn to? Oncologists are called upon to treat and offer options; patients hope to gain time if not be cured. What are the choices and the impact of those choices for advanced solid tumor cancers? What if I told you that two doctors have gathered the data to find out whether certain treatments extend life or not. Would you listen to that conversation to find out more? I would!

This conversation is one of those that is personal and universal. What do you do when your partner dies unexpectedly? What Kim did was delve into that experience and, over time, lean in to help others as they are hit by loss and grief. As she says, “I can be an upbeat, energetic person, and I’ve had this big loss. The content that I’m talking about is grief, and yet I’m enthusiastic about it, so that might feel weird to people. But I want to be of service and I want this horrible pain to be of use to someone.” Kim talks about her experience and her work, touching on many aspects of grief and loss. ⁠https://www.pocketgrief.com/⁠ ⁠https://www.facebook.com/PocketGriefHelps⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/pocketgrief/

After her husband of 19 years died suddenly of Leukemia at the age of 48, Kim Shute experienced first-hand that the death of a young partner “stopped people in their tracks.” Friends and family showed up as best everyone could, but it launched Kim on an unexpected path into working in the field of grief, through leading groups, presenting in her community, and creating a series of Pocket Grief books. One of those booklets, Hints for Grieflings, notes, “Grief is how you see life after loss, like putting on a new pair of glasses.” https://www.pocketgrief.com/ https://www.facebook.com/PocketGriefHelps https://www.instagram.com/pocketgrief/

Perhaps you’ve heard of Death Cafes or Death over Dinner… what about Death over Drafts? Grab a brew and listen to this episode in which you’ll hear from founder – and craft beer lover – Stefanie Elkins. What is a Death over Drafts event like to attend? What is the Death Deck and how does it tie in to this kind of program? What’s the purpose of these casual events, and who might attend? I love anything that brews up a conversation about the end of life, so you know I appreciate these nationwide events!

As Author Susan Lieberman concludes in this BLBD conversation: “Old is not terrible, it’s just old.” Listen to this episode for some light thoughts and some deep wisdom about aging, death, loss, and especially – how to be where we are. Susan has several books including In the Country of Old: Nine Reflections from a New Immigrant to the Country of Old and also Death, Dying and Dessert: Reflections on Twenty Questions About Dying.

Jennifer Carroll shares tips and thoughts on how to bring an obituary to life. What are the personal touches that take it beyond a short, basic announcement? How do you capture details that illustrate the character of the person and their passions and quirks? How do we find the “extraordinary moments of ordinary lives”? Jennifer recommends that we “start early, enjoy the process, gather voices and stories, identify themes, and seek out defining moments.” Overall in this conversation we are exploring: What makes a fitting tribute to those we love?