Best Life Best Death

Several years ago, film Director Johanna Lunn set out to make a movie about death. What she quickly discovered was that there were enormous amounts of material and innumerable possibilities for directions this could take. So she co-founded a website, whenyoudie.org, and ultimately created three films, each one a compilation of interviews with experts, musings by the narrator, and gorgeous views of nature. What can we learn from listening to experts who've spent their careers with folks who are near death? What can we learn about living from exploring dying? Here is one thing I’ve learned: changing the culture means learning a lot more about what we have kept at arm’s length.

Helen Bauer is one of those people who makes connections and disseminates information in every way she can think of! With 500+ podcast episodes of The Heart of Hospice, and 15+ years as a hospice nurse, Helen is dedicated to helping people answer the questions they have about the end of life – especially when it comes to hospice care. What kind of choices do I have at this stage? What are my options? How can I get the ‘big picture’ to help me orient myself to this new landscape? How can I talk to someone impartial? Who has fast answers to my questions for myself or my loved one? https://www.theheartofhospice.com/ https://www.facebook.com/theheartofhospice/ https://www.instagram.com/theheartofhospice/ https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-heart-of-hospice/ https://twitter.com/TheHeartHospice

I reached out to artist Claudia Biçen when I learned about an installation she had created some years ago that combined the portraits and words of hospice patients in a striking, intimate way. Our conversation ended up being about that, yes, but we also explore the richness of creativity, impermanence, adaptation, and the making of meaning. As Claudia said, “Life throws you this experience and you pivot and you pivot and you pivot and you keep trying to make meaning from it.” How might these “portraits and stories at the end of life” inform our living?

We have probably all attended funerals that we found meaningful – and services that fell flat. What are the parts that make up a meaningful memorial service? What’s the difference between a funeral and a celebration of life? How does music make a difference? How can an officiate – whether secular or religious – help to hold the experience of the day for all who participate? In these modern times, with families and friends far flung, why are such rituals still relevant? https://www.thisishowmystoryends.com/

Nothing like talking to an expert in the field to clarify what truly matters! Sue Mackey has been working for more than 15 years to help people prepare for the end of life. We talk about critical pieces of the puzzle, such as: What is a healthcare proxy? Is that the same thing as a durable medical power of attorney? And why are there so many terms that mean the same thing anyway? (Spoiler: There is no way to actually answer this, at least not in 30 minutes.) Sue and I talk about what gets in the way of getting the paperwork we know we need to do completed, but ultimately, as Sue says, “Paperwork is the surface work – first you’ve got to take a look at your own mortality!” Only then will you find yourself signing what needs to be signed. https://www.outoftheboxendoflifeplanning.com facebook.com/OutoftheBoxFuneralPlanning linkedin.com/suemackey88

Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar brings her experience as a veteran and spouse of a combat veteran straight into her work as a death doula and educator. She sees the value of a multi-layered approach, believing that: 1) we can best companion veterans who are dying by understanding their unique end-of-life needs; 2) we can better support the caregivers of veterans through education and practical resources; and 3) we can offer insights to the medical team that is supporting an individual, to help them understand the unique facets of a veteran's life experience and how those may play out at the end. Qwynn and I dive into these questions and more, but at the heart of this conversation is the question: What would it look like to truly honor veterans as they come to the end of their lives? Facebook.com/qwynn.galloway

This week I have a conversation with none other than an old family friend. And while I love talking to the experts out there, there’s something just kinda basic about about chatting with a friend who’s “been through it” with his parents and in-laws. What are the lessons he gleaned? What went well in their family situation? What are the pitfalls he has seen, personally and through his work? We talk about both the personal and the big picture of eldercare — how do we approach this stage, why is it so complicated, what do families need to know, and how can they prepare themselves for the later stages of people’s lives?

Amy Nofziger is the Director of Victim Support for the AARP Fraud Watch Network and has nearly two decades of experience in fraud prevention and victim support. Listen to this BLBD episode to get the scoop on scams and fraud. What is it? How does it happen? Could I be a victim? What do I do if I am? As Amy says, “Know the red flags: asking for money or your personal information. End of story.” What does this have to do with my "Best Death," you are asking? File this in the "Best Life" department!

What would it mean to you to “Always go to Ohio”? In this episode, author Jennifer Graham and I ponder the question: why show up?  Whether for a next door neighbor, or for a family member or friend across the country, how do we show up for one another? Jennifer says, “That’s one of the lessons that I’ve taken from all of this: That there’s absolutely nothing you can do that has more value than physically showing up for people.” Maybe this is what humans need — to show up for each other. But how, and when, and in what way? Together we tackle some of the obvious questions and also mull over some of the nuances. https://jennifergrahamtoday.com/

In this episode, learn about “wind phones” — what are they, where are they, who is making them, and why? Created to share a continuing relationship with someone who has died, wind phones are in our communities in some surprising places. As Amy Dawson, curator of the website mywindphone.com, says, “The concept of sending messages on the wind isn’t new… It goes back to Greek mythology, and beyond. Gods sent messages on the wind.” Find out how you can send messages on the wind through this creative and widespread phenomenon. http://mywindphone.com https://www.instagram.com/mywindphone/