Maximize Your Influence

On episode 127 of Maximize Your Influence, Kurt and Steve start by discussing a recent article, the 7 Mental Blocks to Being Rich. They then transition to part two of their series on qualities of great leaders. Intuition is a big part of your future success. Intuition helps you read and understand people. It comes in an instant and we have to be ready to act simultaneously. Some call it a hunch, gut reaction or a feeling. Intuition is real and can be harnessed to increase your ability to influence and transmit charisma. Leaders who are able to distinguish between random thoughts and intuition are more successful in life and in business. Face it, just take a look at CEO’s of large corporations. They have access to all the logical research they need to make a good, educated decision. The successful ones will admit that ultimately they have to follow their heart and use personal intuition. Studies show that the majority of people use intuition, but had a difficult time verbalizing to others why or how it worked. As humans, (when we listen) we have the ability to read people from a facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice or even a smell. This comes from our early programming as humans to be able to meet a person and instantly decide if they are a friend or foe. Those that have the ability to follow their intuition correctly would be able to sense danger or make a new friend. We know when we have met someone for the first time that we have categorized them in the first 30 seconds. We have decided if we like or dislike the person and this comes from our intuition. I am not saying never to do any research. You should spend some time gathering and analyzing information. The challenge is that you can gather information for the rest of your life. At one point you will have to make a decision and it should be from your intuition. At times you will have to make a quick decision and you should let your intuition guide you. It is a combination of your feelings, your wisdom and your experience. This will take a little faith and a little practice. Learn to stretch yourself. Don’t limit yourself to the facts or the opinions of other people. You have to learn to follow your heart and tap into your priceless intuition. Some of us are afraid to talk about intuition because it is so hard to explain. Let me tell you that successful people use it every day. They don’t always openly talk about it, but it is being used. Intuition is more valuable than you realize. It is used to enhance our creativity, charisma and increases our ability to connect with others. Sure, super analytical people tend to shoot down intuition as woo-woo or something that is just a myth, but it is a skill you can learn and master. Just because you don’t understand how it works, does not mean that it does not work. Intuition expands our ability to tap into our previous experience, our knowledge and our stored memories. We might not remember what memories or experience we are drawing on, but it was something we already have learned and it is expressed as a gut feeling. The main obstacle that impedes us from following our intuition is convincing ourselves that it works and should be taken seriously. What are you listening for? How does your intuition talk to you? It can be called impulse, urge or even that inner voice. Start listening and you will save yourself a lot of time, energy and money. Our instincts can evaluate our previous experiences, sense the emotions of the moment and rely on past knowledge. We are always receiving constant information through our intuition. We just need to listen. As you practice using your intuition, new and inspiring ideas will intuitively and instinctively arise on their own. You will be able to solve problems fast. Learn to focus and concentrate, this type of focus will nurture and augment your newfound inner strength and instinct. Sure your logical mind will fight you on these new thoughts and ideas, but eventually your new found intuition will win.

After speculating about good dining in San Francisco and briefly insulting their listeners there, Kurt and Steve discuss a recent article about whether great leaders are born or made. They then launch into a discussion about the qualities of good leaders. People who know where they are going are able captivate, are passionate and are charismatic. You can tell when you meet them and when they enter a room. People are drawn to them because deep down people want to be passionate about something and when they see that passion in your eyes, you become more charismatic. They sense that you can help them and improve their lives. This does not guarantee everyone will like you, but they will respect you for your conviction and your passion. Passion is very contagious. When you transfer this passion, the people around you start to radiate that passion. They perform better, if it is at work, it is no longer work. They become more proactive, more willing to work as a team and become more optimistic. When you have tapped into this passion you become more determined and it increases your persistence. It starts to become a burning desire and consumes you and it radiates to others. A word of caution, just because you are passionate does not mean you can forego learning the skills you need to be successful. It is a critical piece of the charisma pie, but you still need more pieces of the pie to radiate powerful long-term charisma. More than anything else, passion recruits the hearts and minds of your audience. Charismatics radiate heartfelt passion. When the audience can sense your passion and sincere conviction for your cause, they will emotionally jump on board. We all love people who are excited and filled with believable passion for their subject. Passion is critical to influencing others and transmitting charisma. When you have passion for something, you want to let everyone know about it. You want to convert as many people to your cause as possible, and when someone disagrees with you, you are not swayed by their opinions or advice.

One of the aspects of the Law of Association is the use of affiliation. Persuaders want you to affiliate their company with positive images, feelings, and attitudes. Our surroundings and environment trigger feelings and we transfer those feelings to those we are with. For example, one frequently used technique is to take someone to lunch. Food can also generate subconscious triggers (if the food and company are good). The studies show that subjects like people better when they were eating. Food gives us good feelings and a better attitude. The idea is to link something positive in the environment with your message. For example, a good game of golf, a weekend at the beach, NFL tickets, or an exotic cruise would all typically build positive associations and feelings in your prospects. Do ever notice after a crushing victory, sweatshirts sporting the university's logo were seen all over the place? People want to be associated with winners. In fact, a study showed that when a university football team won, more students would wear that college's sweatshirts the next week. The bigger the victory, the more college sweatshirts become visible. When you bring positive stimuli into the situation, you will be associated with the pleasant feeling you have created. Advertisers and marketers use affiliation to evoke valuable associations in the minds of their prospects. They know that babies and puppy dogs automatically carry great associations of warmth and comfort in the minds of their audience. Consequently, we see tire commercials with babies and car commercials with puppies, even though cars and tires aren't really warm and cuddly. These warm appeals grab our attention and create positive associations in our mind. One of the most common examples of advertising affiliation occurs with alcohol and cigarette advertisements. How often do you see a lung cancer patient in a cigarette ad? Instead, advertisers in these industries use young vibrant people who are in the prime of their lives. The beer companies want you to associate drinking beer with having fun and attracting the opposite sex. Their ads portray images of men and women having fun, while surrounded by beer. Their message is, "If you aren't drinking, you aren't having fun." On an intellectual level, we all know that these are just advertisements, but the associations they arouse in us stick in our minds and trigger future purchases. Sponsorship is also used in advertising. Companies and organizations sponsor events that they believe will produce a positive association in the eyes of the public. They hope this positive association will transfer over to their company. The SuperBowl pulls huge sponsorships—companies pay big money to get their name and products associated with the SuperBowl.

Neuroscientists have made significant progress on how the brain processes information. Our brain can be very bias. This is especially true in politics. People will always see the good in their party and find the bad in the other. During an election a scientist asked questions about their candidate and the candidate from the other side while getting an MRI. When they were told information about their candidate that caused dissonance, the logical side of their brain would shut down and they could not see the bias. When participants were asked to view a political debate, it was found that the mere presence of a confederate who cheered for one of the candidates influenced the participant's overall evaluation of that candidate in a positive manner. Obviously, when receiving information in a social setting, the audience can be skewed to perceive the information the way the group tends to hear it.

The Power of "Yes" Use questions that will create "yeses." As you create your marketing and persuasive presentations, you must engineer the number of times you get your audience to raise their hands, say yes, or nod their heads. How many verbal yeses are you getting? One easy and effective way to get more affirmative responses is to engineer questions that will receive a positive answer. For example, when a word ends in "n't" it will usually bring a "yes" response. Obviously this technique won’t work if they don’t like or trust you. Consider the following phrases: Wouldn't it? Isn't it? Couldn't it? Doesn't it? Shouldn't it? Won't you? Can't you? Wasn't it? Great persuaders look for times when they can get affirmation from their audience. They engineer their persuasive message to get as many verbal, mental, or physical "yeses" as they can throughout their presentation. And there is good evidence to support this practice. One study brought in a large group of students to do "market research on high-tech headphones." The students were told that the researchers wanted to test how well the headphones worked while they were in motion (students were dancing up and down and moving their heads to the beat of music.) Following the songs, the researchers played a commercial about how the university's tuition should be raised. One group of students had been told to move their heads up and down throughout the music and the speaking. Another group was told to move their heads from side to side. A last group was told to make no movements at all. After "testing the headsets," the students were asked to fill out a questionnaire about not only the headsets, but also the university's tuition. Those nodding their heads up and down (yes motion) overall rated a jump in tuition as favorable. Those shaking their heads side to side (no motion) overall wanted the tuition to be lowered. Those who had not moved their heads didn't really seem to be persuaded one way or the other. In a similar study at the University of Missouri, the researchers found that TV advertisements were more persuasive when the visual display had repetitive vertical movements - up and down yes movements, for example, a bouncing ball.

Methods of Protecting Mental Alignment When we feel dissonance, we have to find a way to deal with the psychological tension. When the rubber band stretches, we cannot not live with this internal pressure. We will instantly try to find a way to relieve this tension and reduce our dissonance. We have an arsenal of coping mechanisms at our disposal to help us return to cognitive balance. When you see your prospect exhibit one of these behaviors (except modify) you have stretched the rubber band too far and they have snapped. The internal pressure was too much and they went down an easier or different path. They will find another solution besides you. The following list outlines different ways people seek to reduce dissonance. Denial—To eliminate the dissonance, you deny there is a problem. You do this either by ignoring or demeaning the source of the information. You could attack (usually verbally) the source – making it their fault. This is somebody else’s fault! You are not to blame. Reframing—You change your understanding or interpretation of the meaning, or what really happened. This leads you to either adjust your own thinking or devalue the importance of the whole issue, considering it unimportant altogether. Search—You are determined to find a flaw in the other side's position, to discredit the source, and to seek social validation or evidence for your own viewpoint. You might attempt to convince the source (if available) of his error. You might also try to convince others you did the right thing. Separation—You separate the beliefs that are in conflict. This compartmentalizes your cognitions, making it easier for you to ignore or even forget the discrepancy. In your mind, what happens in one area of your life (or someone else's) should not affect the other areas of your life. Everyone else should do it, but it does not apply to me. Rationalization—You find excuses for why the inconsistency is acceptable. You change your expectations or try to rationalize what happened. You also find reasons to justify your behavior or your beliefs. You could say this is not a big deal because everyone is doing it. Modification—You change your existing beliefs to achieve mental alignment. Most of the time this involves admitting you were wrong or off course and will make changes or adjustments to get back into alignment. How about real life example? You told your friend about your new year’s resolution. You are committed to lose weight. This will be your year and you enlist your friend to help. Your friend commits to help you and you are off and running. Fast forward one month and your friend has caught you polishing off a large container of ice cream. They call you on your commitment and your rubber band stretches. You feel dissonance. How to do you handle this tension? Denial – You are fatter than I am, why ride me – remember the time you did….. Reframing- What I really meant was I will start my diet after I finish this big project. Search - I researched exercise on the internet and found exercise actually hurts your knees and your health. Separation – I meant to diet during summer for the beach. It is winter now so I have time before I will start. Rationalization - I had a salad for lunch and a meal replacement drink for breakfast, so I am way below my caloric intake. Modification - You are right I am going to start right now. Thanks for saying something.

The Theory of Cognitive Dissonance Leon Festinger formulated the cognitive dissonance theory at Stanford University. He asserted, "When attitudes or beliefs conflict with our actions, we are uncomfortable and motivated to try to change." Festinger's theory sets the foundation for the Law of Dissonance. The Law of Dissonance proves that people will naturally act in a manner that is consistent with their cognitions. What is a cognition? Our cognitions is a mental process that uses thoughts, beliefs, experiences, and past perceptions. Basically that means when people behave in a manner that is inconsistent with these cognitions, (beliefs, thoughts or values) they find themselves in a state of discomfort. In this uncomfortable state, they will be motivated to adjust their behaviors or beliefs to regain mental and emotional balance. When our beliefs, attitudes, and actions mesh, we feel congruent. When they don't, we feel dissonance at some level—that is, we feel awkward, uncomfortable, upset, or nervous. In order to eliminate or reduce that tension, we will do everything possible to adjust our beliefs or rationalize our behavior, even if it means doing something we don't want to do. Imagine that there is a big rubber band inside of you. When dissonance is present, the rubber band begins to stretch. As long as the dissonance exists, the band stretches tighter and tighter. You've got to take action before it reaches a breaking point and snaps. The motivation to reduce the tension is what causes us to change; we will do everything in our power to get back in mental balance. We like to feel a level of consistency in our day to day actions and interactions. This harmony is the glue that holds everything together and helps us cope with the world and all the decisions we have to make. Dissonance causes us to distort our memories or remember what we want to see or how we wanted it to happen. This blurs reality and allows us to cover our mistakes. The human brain needs to be right. It is hard for us to admit we are wrong. We are programmed to justify what we are doing is right and avoid taking responsibilities when things go wrong. It is easier for us to find ways to prove ourselves right (even when we are wrong) then to admit why we are wrong. Even when backed into a corner or shown evidence that proves we are wrong, we tend to not change our reasoning or point of view. We will find reasons, proof, or social support why what we did was OK. We will start to believe our lies to ourselves, it couldn’t be our fault and we persuade ourselves why we were justified. This allows us to live with our thoughts, manage our day to day activities and allows us sleep at night. Have you ever proved someone they were wrong? Have you ever backed them into a corner? What happened? You made the perfect case, but you never heard from them again.

We are firm believers that we all have greatness within us. We believe that we each have within ourselves unwritten books, un-started businesses, brilliant ideas, great inventions, charitable ideas, and untapped energies. But sometimes we have a hard time knowing exactly what our purpose is. We may fill many roles—husband or wife, father or mother, school board member, coach, employee, or community advocate. How do we know which roles will give us the greatest joy and satisfaction? First and foremost, most of us would agree that investing in loving and fulfilling relationships with family and friends is most important. It is a critical part of emotional health and well-being. Beyond this fundamental basis, however, what is it that you live for? What is your purpose and passion in life? Where do your interests and gifts and talents lie? What is your mission in life? Dare to dream big. Have a purpose that will make getting up in the morning a pleasant task. Know that you are going to become what you want and get what you dream. Don't create a lifeless or unexciting purpose. Many people already know exactly what their purpose is. If you don't know, now is the time to find out. Great persuaders have tapped into and are using their purpose. Understand that for many, the self-discovery process is like sculpting. All you see at first is a big rock and you're not sure what masterpiece lies inside. You know something is there, but you don't yet know how you'll get it out.

The Hostile Prospect This person disagrees with you and may even actively work against you. For a hostile prospect, use these techniques: Find common beliefs and establish a common ground. Use appropriate humor to break the ice. Don't start the presentation with an attack on their position. You are only trying to persuade on one point; don't talk about anything else that could trigger disagreement. Because of your differences, they will question your credibility. Increase your credibility with studies from experts or anything that will support your claim. They will try to find reasons to not like you; don't give them any. Don't tell them you are going to try to persuade them. Express that you are looking for a win-win outcome rather than a win-lose situation. Show them you've done your homework. Respect their feelings, values, and integrity. Use logical reasoning as clearly and as carefully as possible. Use the Law of Connectivity and the Law of Balance.

Have you ever noticed how some people can captivate, inspire, and influence others without effort? Other people instantly like them and want to be around them. Some individuals can enter a room and everyone notices. They seem always to get what they want because the people around them want to give it to them. How do they command such instant attention and influence everyone they meet? This is the power of charisma. Charisma is a vital persuasion and life skill that can and must be mastered if you are going to influence others. People often ask me what is the most important tool or skill in the entire influence toolbox? What is the one thing I can learn to achieve maximum success? The answer is simple. If there were one skill to master out of all the tools of persuasion and influence, it is charisma. It gives you the quickest return on your time and dramatically increases your success and income. This vital success skill permeates every aspect of your life. Your career, your relationships, your ability to influence, and your income are all related to your ability to radiate charisma. Have you ever wondered why two people with the same education, the same contacts, the same IQ, and the same experience get dramatically different results from their lives? One enjoys massive success while the other one is barely making ends meet. Some call this simple luck, but when you have charisma you are guaranteed to have good luck. Imagine your success in life when you can automatically get others to willingly do what you want them to do, beg to do it, like to do it, and tell all their friends that they should also do it. Charisma is the ability to empower and persuade others to believe in you, trust in you, and want to be influenced by you. You captivate and motivate them. You help them see themselves in the future carrying out your vision. They are moved and energized by your passion and enthusiasm. They are magnetized and driven by your charisma. They are lifted and inspired by your optimism and expectations. In essence, you’re a source of empowerment, encouragement, and inspiration.