Maximize Your Influence

Humor can be a powerful tool to create rapport. Humor makes the persuader seem more friendly and accepting. Humor helps gain attention, helps you create rapport, and makes your message more memorable. It can relieve tension, enhance relationships, and motivate people. Appropriate use of humor increases trust in your audience. Humor can also distract your audience from negative arguments or grab their attention if they are not listening. Humor diverts attention away from the negative context of a message, thereby interfering with the ability of listeners to carefully scrutinize it or engage in counterarguments. If listeners are laughing at the jokes, they may pay less attention to the content of a message. Humor can "soften up" or disarm listeners. Humor connects you with your audience and increases their attention to your message. Humor must be used cautiously, however. If used inappropriately, it can be offensive and may cause your audience to turn against you. Humor should only be used as a pleasant, but moderate distraction. As a rule of thumb, if you are generally not good at telling jokes, don't attempt it. Be sure that you have good material. Non-funny humor is not only ineffective, but irritating. Modify your humor so that it is appropriate for your audience. Another aspect of humor is the smile. A smile is free, generates a great first impression, and shows happiness, acceptance, and confidence. Your smile shows that you are pleased to be where you are, or happy to meet this person. As a result, they become more interested in meeting you. Smiling also conveys a feeling of acceptance, which makes your listener more trusting of you. It has been shown that sales representatives who smiled during the sales process increased their success rate by 20 percent. However, as with traditional humor, use a smile appropriately.

Social Validation and Marketing The more a brand is advertised, the more popular and familiar it is perceived to be. We as consumers somehow infer that something is popular simply because it is advertised. When people are buying gifts for others, social proof is one of the most effective techniques that a salesclerk can use." Many salespeople find great success in telling clients that a particular product is their "best-selling" or "most popular" on hand because social validation increases their credibility of the product. When customers feel that something is more popular, they spend more money to acquire it, even if there is no proof other than the salesperson's word. So it is with advertising: Asserting that a product is in super-high demand or that it is the most popular or fastest selling, etc., seems to provide proof enough. When consumers perceive a product is popular, that's often all they need to go out and purchase it. The creation and use of social validation is rampant: Clubs make their spots look like "the place to be" by allowing huge waiting lines to congregate outside their facilities, even when the place is practically empty inside. Salespeople often recount the many other people who have purchased the item in question. That's why referrals are some of your best prospects! Referrals are your greatest source of social validation. Sales and motivation consultant Cavett Robert said it best: "Since 95 percent of the people are imitators and only 5 percent initiators, people are persuaded more by the actions of others than by any proof we can offer."

Your environment and the expectations of that environment should be persuasive. There is a concept called the Phillip Zimbado’s Broken Window Theory. This theory suggests that a building full of broken windows will cause people to assume that no one cares for the building or its appearance. This in turn will spur more vandalism and more broken windows. In other words, the environment's condition gives suggestions that lead people to hold certain assumptions, and people then act on those assumptions. The broken windows invite greater damage and crime. Zimbardo did a study illustrating this point. He left his car out on the street in Palo Alto California. The first week the car blended in with all the other cars and nothing happened to it. After the first week he broke one on the windows of the car and left it on the street. Just by the one broken window he found that it dramatically increases the chances that it would be vandalized. In his book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell uses an example of the Broken Window Theory as he explains the New York City subway clean-up. The subway system was in dire need of rebuilding—a multibillion-dollar endeavor. With the system about to collapse, the focus was understandably on issues like reducing crime and improving subway reliability. As a consultant hired by the New York Transit Authority, George Kelling urged officials to utilize the Broken Window Theory. They were hired to clean up the subways, they immediately assigned people to start cleaning up all the graffiti. Removing the graffiti seemed to be of such little consequence compared to everything else there was to worry about, but Gunn was insistent. In his own words: The graffiti was symbolic of the collapse of the system. When you looked at the process of rebuilding the organization and morale, you had to win the battle against graffiti. Without winning that battle, all the management reforms and physical changes just weren't going to happen. We were about to put out new trains that were worth about ten million bucks apiece, and unless we did something to protect them, we knew just what would happen. They would last one day and then they would be vandalized. The entire anti-graffiti campaign took years, but finally, the incidence of graffiti subsided. In another study, volunteers were asked to participate in an experiment on prison environments. Half of the volunteers posed as prison workers, while the other half posed as prison inmates. The results were astounding. Previously tested to be psychologically sound people, the participants rapidly became more and more hostile, crude, rebellious, and abusive—both those acting as inmates and as guards! One "prisoner" became so hysterical and emotionally distressed that he had to be released. The study was supposed to last two weeks, but was called off after only six days!

Touch is another powerful part of body language—important enough to devote a whole section to it alone. Touch can be a very effective psychological technique. Subconsciously, most of us like to be touched; it makes us feel appreciated and builds rapport. It is true, though, that we do need to be aware and careful of a small percentage of the population who dislikes being touched in any way. In most instances, however, touch can help put people at ease and make them more receptive to you and your ideas. Touch increases influence. When you are able to touch your prospect they usually becomes more agreeable, enhances mood and increases the chances they will agree and do what you are asking. Touch can create a positive perception. Touch carries with it favorable interpretations of immediacy, similarity, relaxation, and informality. In one research study, librarians did one of two things to university students: either they did not touch the person at all during the exchange or they made light, physical contact by placing a hand over the student's palm. Invariably, those students who were touched during the transaction rated the library service more favorably than those who were not touched at all. Waiters/waitresses who touched customers on the arm when asking if everything was okay received larger tips and were evaluated more favorably than those waiters who didn't touch their customers. Touch also induces customers to spend more time shopping in stores. In one study, physical contact on the part of salespeople induced customers to buy more and to evaluate the store more favorably. We know that certain areas of the body can be freely touched while other areas are off limits. Safe areas of contact include the shoulders, forearms and hands, and sometimes the upper back. This all depends on the situation, the culture and relationship between the two parties prior to the touch.

To maintain order of the world, our brains link objects, gestures, and symbols with our feelings, memories, and life experiences. We mentally associate ourselves with such things as sights, sounds, colors, music, and symbols. These associations create quick subconscious triggers. The feelings you generate can help or hurt your ability to persuade. Power Persuaders take advantage of association triggers to evoke positive feelings and thoughts that correspond with the message they are trying to convey. In this sense, you, as a persuader, can actually arouse a certain feeling in your audience by finding the right association key to unlock their door. Associations are not the same for all people—obviously, each person and culture has their own set of triggers. However, once you understand the general rules, you can find the right associations to match any situation. Why do you think restaurants decorate a certain way, have their lighting just right, and play certain types of music? All these things are defined in the Law of Association.

The Law of Scarcity plays a large role in the persuasion process. Opportunities are always more valuable and exciting when they are scarce and less available. We want to be the ones to own the rare items or to get the last widget on the shelf. The more the scarcity of an item increases, the more the item increases in value, and the greater the urge to own it. Whenever choice is limited or threatened, the human need to maintain a share of the limited commodity makes us crave it even more. Scarcity increases the value of any product or service. Scarcity drives people to action, making us act quickly for fear of missing out on an opportunity. Potentially losing something before we’ve even had an opportunity to possess it drives people to action. We don’t want to miss out on anything we could have had. We want to get around any restriction placed upon us. We feel uptight and want back our freedom. This causes tension and unrest. The Law of Scarcity not only pertains to physical products, but also to time, information, price, and knowledge.

For this episodes article, Kurt and Steve discuss the top techniques of hostage negotiators. Admit it, you're thinking of the movie "The Negotiator" all of the sudden. Now that we got that out of the way, we can actually talk about negotiation. While hostage negotiation can seem intimidating and have very high stakes, there are some critical lessons that we can learn that can apply to even the most seemingly mundane of everyday business interactions. Based on listener questions that have been coming in, it's time for a rapport tune up! As Kurt likes to say, a lot of times closing skills are like trying to get a kiss after a bad date. All the slick one liners in the world won't matter if you haven't developed decent rapport. On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss rapports basic components that are sure to make you a rapport building machine!

The better you become at handling objections, the more persuasive you will be. The key to great persuasion is anticipating all objections, problems, or concerns before you hear them. Great persuaders are always able to accomplish three critical objectives during the objection process: 1. They can distinguish between a real objection and a knee-jerk reaction. Our studies show that most objections should not be taken at face value, because there are other issues involved. 2. They listen intently to the entire objection before attempting to solve it. They stay calm. Tests have proven that calmly stated facts are more effective in getting people to change their minds than becoming emotional. 3. Great persuaders are never arrogant or condescending. They give their audience room to save face. People will often change their minds and agree with you later, if they have the room to do so. Another great way to handle objections is to address each of the seven main areas during your presentation, before they become big issues in the mind of your audience. That way, you've stopped any potential resistance before it happens. As a result, there aren't any main objections left for them to bring up. Studies demonstrate that persuaders were four times more successful when they handled objections during the persuasion process, instead of waiting until the end.6 Also, nothing de-energizes persuasive efforts more than lingering doubts and concerns that remain unresolved in your audience's mind.

We tend to rate our skills that we want, that we need or that we require higher than they actually are. To improve, grow and become more successful we have to know our weaknesses and be able to identify our blind spots. If we don’t know what they are than we can never truly improve. The reason self-perception bias has such a negative impact in our lives is because we are lying to ourselves. That's the bottom line. We are blind from the truth. We are deceiving ourselves. Denial is our happy place where we can cover up our weaknesses to protect our self-esteem. We set our expectations that are not based on reality or honest evaluation. It might seem nice to view the world through rose-colored glasses for a while, but in the end, you're setting yourself up for failure. Self-perception bias manifests itself when we are evaluating a skill or talent that we expect ourselves to have or when others expect us to have that particular skill. When social pressure or social validation is involved, we make higher-than-expected evaluations of ourselves. Self-perception bias ultimately gives us an unrealistic view of reality and a false sense of security. We become numb to reality and fail to see exactly where we stand and what we need to improve. We are good at judging others and finding out what is wrong with them, but that analysis does not seem to work on ourselves. The same is true for our skills. We have to have the ability to honestly access ourselves – both our strengths and weaknesses. Then find the skills and the discipline to improve our faults. We always will feel we must gloss over our weaknesses to make things seem better than they actually are. We also lie to ourselves about our incomes, our debt, and our true weight. When you ask husbands and wives individually about what percent of the housework they each do – the numbers never add up. Most people will rate their people skills as above average. We all know that is not true. If you want to see human blindness and bias in action, all you have to do is go to a sporting event as a neutral party and listen to the bias and comments of each opposing side.

Are you good at flirting? Admit it, when we asked you rolled your eyes but were A LITTLE bit interested, deep down. As it turns out, flirting is related to your ability to influence. A recent article by Psych Central discusses what makes somebody good at flirting. Check out the article here. At a minimum you'll be entertained. Thoughts → Emotions → Actions It all starts with your thoughts. Your thoughts lead to emotions and your emotions lead to your daily actions. Take an honest look at your life right now. Where do you find yourself? That place is the sum total of your thoughts over the course of a lifetime. Where have your thoughts taken you thus far? Where will they take you tomorrow, next week, or next year? It is only natural that negative thoughts will creep into your mind from time to time. As soon as they sneak in, escort them right back out. Don't entertain them. They are destructive. Some people use a rubber band to snap their wrist every time a negative thought comes into their mind. The pain associated with this technique fixes their negative thinking very rapidly. If you don’t want to try the rubber band, you can send me a $2,000 check every time you have a negative thought. I am sure that would start to work for you real fast, because that is what it is probably costing you! Your thoughts are what programs your subconscious mind. Your thoughts are what program your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is the center of all your emotions. When your subconscious accepts an idea, it begins to execute it. And then your subconscious uses your ideas, knowledge, energy, and wisdom to find the solution. Now, it might occur in an instant, or it might take days, weeks, or even longer. Nevertheless, your mind will continue working on a solution. You need to understand that as you program your mind, you must ask yourself, "Do I program negative suggestions in my mind?" If you are telling yourself that you can't do it, you are right. When that inner voice tells you that you can't do something, it is important that you replace the thought or turn down the volume or intensity of the negative voice. Then you can change it to "I can do it," "I'm going to win," and "there's plenty for everybody." Altering your inner voice's perception is going to make a difference, and that's the important thing. That's because your subconscious mind will always accept what you program it to think. The bottom line is that you are what you think about, and you have the power to choose what you think. No one can do it for you. Great persuaders work on this mental training every day, while average persuaders think they have heard it all before and are doing OK. If we are going to squash our negative thinking, we must replace those thoughts with new, positive ones. As you practice mental programming, new and inspiring ideas will intuitively and instinctively arise on their own. But give yourself specific goals and targets to keep your thoughts centered on—this type of focus will nurture and augment your newfound inner strength. Sure your logical mind will fight you on these new thoughts, but eventually your new programming will win.