Maximize Your Influence

Let's talk a bit about deception. I don't need to say it here, but I will. Deception is wrong and does trigger incongruence. On the flip the side the challenge you could have is that when you get nervous or uneasy you might be showing signs or deception. What I am saying here is that even if you are telling the truth and think you are congruent, you might be sending signals of incongruency and deception. The audience can't always identify exactly what is making them distrustful, but they feel that way and that is all that matters to them. What happens is we all have micro expressions that happen so rapidly the conscious mind can't see them, but the subconscious can sense them. These are quick mannerisms in the face that reveal deception or nervousness. Another one that causes an increase in their deception radar is a disconnect between your emotion and your reaction. For example if you make an angry face, then hit the table with your hand 5 seconds later, that would be an obvious red flag you are not feeling that emotion. Careful that you are congruent with every aspect of your message. Everyone can pick up on your nonverbal behavior. We sense something is not quite right. Others will sense when there is any form of incongruence or deception radiating from you. Be aware that many of your nonverbal behaviors that you are currently doing will trigger incongruence. It might be a natural part of your behavior, but it could look like deception. Things that could trigger deception: Forced eye contact Shifting back in chair Rubbing or touching lips Scratching your face Dilated pupils Yawning Pitch of voice rising

It's the 4th of July, so Kurt and Steve did what they do best: took their boats out and bbq'd! Back by popular demand, however, is the episode they did on Charismatic Power. Check it out!

"He kept his promises." Promises made during the persuasion process are fulfilled. Persuaders are honest and realistic in what they promise—they don't build false hopes or expectations. They "underpromise and overdeliver"—not the other way around! "She's really dependable." Successful persuaders proactively give their audience the attention they deserve, doing everything in their power to resolve any problem or concern. They are reliable; nothing stops them from getting the job done or from getting a call back. "He's clearly very well trained." Successful persuaders know the ins and outs of their product, including its strengths and weaknesses and how it stacks up against the competition. A great persuader is always an expert on the product, service, or idea he is handling. "She was very sincere, very genuine." Real persuaders don't act like they're just out for a hefty commission. They are sincerely interested in their audience and have their best interests in mind. "I consider him a friend." Taking the time to build rapport pays off. Personable, likable, caring, and friendly persuaders make the grade. They know that people buy from people they like. "She'd never argue with us." A good persuader is not so bent on making a point that she argues with her prospects. She is not consumed with her own need to be right; she knows she will not persuade by demonstrating that her audience is wrong, misinformed, or uneducated. "He provides solutions that work!" Helping an audience visualize their success brings the persuader and audience together to illustrate how the product or service will get them there. "She always takes 100 percent responsibility." No matter what happens, a great persuader accepts full responsibility for results. When challenges present themselves, she deals with those challenges rather than making excuses. "I can tell he is really behind his products." Successful persuaders love what they offer. They know they cannot get someone to believe in their product more than they do. "She is honest." It is always clear where a great persuader stands. She is always honest with herself and with others. From this position of strength, she is the audience's friend, advisor, and advocate. "He's really entertaining—his visits are always a treat." Winning persuaders are fun and enjoyable to talk to. They help others feel good about themselves and put smiles on people's faces. They are full of charisma, love to be around people, and are the ones to bring light to a room. Their presentations are lively, engaging, and informative.

You know we love talking about "Negotiaton's Dirty Deeds." A recent article by the Harvard Business Review gave some great pointers on deflecting some of the more common negotiation tactics. One of the best ways to insure a smooth transaction is through managing your clients expectations correctly. Persuaders are most effective when they're persuading, not when they're stuck resolving client questions and concerns that could have been avoided in the first place. On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss this very issue. Expectations as Assumptions: Expect with Confidence Consider the profound impact this can have in your own life. Are the assumptions and expectations you have about yourself (or others) liberating or victimizing? There are countless examples of "self-fulfilling prophecies," or the Law of Expectations at work in everyday life. Ever notice how people who think they're going to be fired suddenly experience a drop in the quality and enthusiasm for their work? Then what happens? They get fired! Their belief causes them to act a certain way, and those expectations then work to bring about the very thing that at first was only a figment of their imagination. There was a study done on a military base that was used to train combat soldiers. They created two groups of soldiers of equal aptitude and were randomly selected into three groups. Now these 3 groups were assigned 3 different types of instructor's. One was high expectancy, regular expectancy and unspecified expectancy. We already know the high expectancy group that was expected to perform better, scored significantly higher on achievement tests, felt more positive and had better attitudes. In another study, second graders listened to statements from their teachers before taking a math test. There were three types of statements: expectation, persuasion, or reinforcement. The expectation statements went something like, "You know your math really well!" or "You work really hard at your math." Persuasion statements involved sentences like, "You should be good at math." or "You should be getting better math grades." Finally, for the reinforcement statements, teachers said things like, "I'm really happy about your progress" or "This is excellent work!" Now, what do you think the results were? The scores were the highest in the "expectation" category! Why were the expectation statements the most effective? They created personal assumptions within each student. Those assumptions conditioned the actual external results. This can also be called implicit priming. Let's look at a few studies and how to apply this. A study was done where they asked participants to complete a scrambled sentenced in a puzzle. They were shown various groups of words to create these sentences. Some of the participants were shown rude type words (obnoxious, aggressively, annoyingly, disturb, interrupt, impolitely). The other group was shown polite type words (respect, courteous, considerate, patiently, polite, and behaved). When they went to the next room to complete a second task they would find the experimenter with another student trying to explain a task that the student could not comprehend. The group that was primed with the rude words waited an average of 5.5 minutes and the group primed with the polite words waited an average of 9.3 minutes. Here is an interesting study. Watch how these numbers prime your brain. Participants were given this set of numbers and were told to estimate (not calculate) the answer in 5 seconds. 8 x 7 x 6 x 5 x 4 x 3 x 2 x 1 Than they would find another person to estimate the following numbers: 1 x 2 x 3 x 4 x 5 x 6 x 7 x 8 Now logically we know the estimation should be the same for both (40,320). Remember one group was primed with the 8 in front of the problem and the other group was primed with the 1 in front of the problem. The average estimation for the first problem was 2250. The average estimation for the second problem was 512. Isn't it interesting how no one even came close to the right answer.

Francis Bacon once said, "Knowledge itself is power." Knowledge power is based on proficiency in a certain subject, procedure, or situation. Remember that you are the expert. People can be persuaded if they think you have more knowledge or expertise than they do. For example, lawyers, mechanics, and doctors possess knowledge power. People rely on these professionals' opinions, believe what they say, and trust implicitly what they do because of the extent of schooling or experience they have. We accept the arguments and data of people we assume have knowledge, whether it's real or perceived. In addition to coming from formal education and training, knowledge power also comes from life experience and innate intelligence and aptitude. Great persuaders use three different types of knowledge power: informational, resource, and expertise: 1. Informational power. When you know something others need to know, you hold power over them. Informational power is exercised when someone needs, wants, or desires the information, facts, or data you possess. As Aristotle Onassis said, "The secret of business is to know something that no one else knows." 2. Resource power. If you have access to key persons, commodities, goods, or services that are valued by others, you hold some power over them. As the saying goes, "It's not what you know; it's who you know." Are you perceived as having the right affiliations? What connections do you have? 3. Expertise power. When you have special skill sets, expertise, or knowledge that others believe is relevant to their needs and which exceeds their own, they will do what you say or listen to your opinions. Why are you the expert?

On this episode, Kurt and Steve interview Wes Schaeffer, the Sales Whisperer! There are ways to start implementing empathy in your daily contacts and conversations. It does take some practice and evaluation. After every encounter ask yourself what do you do well and what can you do better next time. Try these steps to increase your empathy. • Mentally prepare yourself to hear the message • Listen with your ears, heart and mind • Read their body language • Evaluate the true message sent • Acknowledge the feelings and emotions being displayed • Practice taking on their perspective • Respond with empathy Sure empathy takes some effort, but it is worth every moment until you perfect this skill. You will be more trustworthy, empathetic, charismatic and it also increases productivity and inspires commitment. Our rushed modern life does not cultivate the mindset or skills of empathy. You need to look for opportunities to develop empathy. Just start off by asking yourself two questions during your conversations. "How would I feel if I were that person?" and "Why are they feeling that way?" Practice that today. Find one person you can demonstrate empathy and show them you truly care.

Happy Memorial Day!, If you're not in the US, we hope you had a great Monday, May 30! If you have a tough negotiation coming up where your opponent will play the empathy card, we have good news. Acetaminophen can dull your sense of empathy! So next time you need to negotiate, pop some tylenol and turn yourself into a cold blooded shark of a negotiator. How Moods Can Affect Persuasion Moods affect our thinking, our judgment, and our willingness to say yes. When the person you are trying to persuade is in a good mood, they are more likely to accept your offer. The opposite is also true. If they're not in a good mood, chances are much higher they won't bite. This is a huge advantage to you when it comes to persuasion. Great persuaders create the right mood. Great persuaders actually put people in a happy state. When we are feeling happy, we tend to think happy thoughts and to retrieve happy ideas and experiences from memory. Conversely, when we are in a negative mood, we tend to think unhappy thoughts and to retrieve negative information from memory. If you can influence the mood, you minimize the likelihood of objections and resistance. How do you influence mood? The most important thing is to make sure you are in a good mood yourself. Even if your audience is in a good mood initially, a bad mood on your part will quickly dampen their spirits (even if you are trying to hide it). Then, your chances at successful persuasion decrease significantly. One particular study demonstrated just how much the moods and attitudes of those around us influence our responses. Three individuals sat down to a meal together—two who were in on the study, and one who was unknowingly being evaluated on whether or not his companions altered his opinion of the food. The two conducted themselves in a very disagreeable manner and were unpleasant and contentious. On another occasion, this same individual was brought back to the same place and offered the same food. The only difference was he was given different table companions. This time around, the company was fun, interesting, and enjoyable. How do you think his evaluations of the food differed? You guessed it—the first evaluation was negative, while the second was positive, even though the food itself was identical from the one situation to the next. There is evidence across the board that mood is a major factor in persuasion. Even simple mood-boosting methods like eating a good snack or listening to pleasant music have been shown to make people easier to persuade. An interviewer who is in a good mood tends to assign higher ratings to job applicants. Happy moods also increase creativity, which is critical for great persuaders. Consumers who are in a good mood will be more aware of positive qualities in products or experiences they encounter. And as any kid has already figured out, parents who are in good moods tend to be more lenient. Just to reinforce the point, I will highlight one other study. The study was conducted in a hotel room that did not have a window or any other means by which the occupant could know what the weather was like. When the guest ordered room service, the server would describe the weather as cold and rainy, cold and sunny, warm and rainy, or warm and sunny. How do you think these pleasant or not-so-pleasant reports affected the amount of the server's tip? Interestingly, it did not seem to make much difference whether it was warm or cold, but when the weather was reported to be sunny, tips increased by 26.65 percent!

Did you know that if you think about what you ate earlier in the day, you're proven to snack less? Kurt and Steve discuss a recent article by Psychology Today that studies this phenomenon. Size of packaging, color, position...all of these things subconsciously influence what your prospect buys...and how much they buy. On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss some recent books and studies that delve into how much we eat...and why you should care as a persuader. Atmosphere can also include the tension in the air. Is there a rush, or are customers relaxed? What type of climate are you trying to create? Do you want a quick, fast decision, or do you want your customers to feel comfortable enough to stay for a while? An interesting study on what happens when you create an atmosphere of being rushed can be seen in the following example: Princeton University psychologists John Darley and Daniel Batson wanted to see how students would respond if they were in a situation replicating the biblical account of the Good Samaritan. As the story goes, a band of thieves beat, robbed, and left a man traveling alone by the roadside to die. A devout priest and a reputable Levite passed by. Neither of the men stopped to help the dying man. Finally, a Samaritan, stopped to help him. The Samaritan bound up his wounds, took him to an inn, and even paid the innkeeper to care for him until he returned. Darley and Batson asked seminarians on a one-on-one basis to prepare and present a short speech on an assigned biblical topic. The test was set up so that on their way to the location where they would deliver their speech, each student would cross a man slumped over, coughing and groaning. Which students would actually stop and help? Before preparing their speeches, the students filled out a questionnaire asking why they had chosen to study theology. Then a variety of speech topics were assigned, including the story of the Good Samaritan. As the students were leaving to deliver their speeches, some were told, "You'd better hurry. They were expecting you about three minutes ago." Others were told, "They won't be ready for a few minutes, but you may as well head over now." Now, most people would assume that seminarians stating on their questionnaires that they had chosen to study theology so they could help people and who were then assigned to speak on the Good Samaritan would be the ones most likely to stop and help the ailing man on their way. Interestingly, neither of those two factors seemed to make much of a difference. In fact, Darley and Batson stated, "Indeed, on several occasions, a seminary student going to give his talk on the parable of the Good Samaritan literally stepped over the victim as he hurried on his way." The element that seemed to be most influential was whether or not the student was rushed. Of the students who were told they were already a little late, only 10 percent stopped to help. Of the students who were told they had a little bit more time, 63 percent stopped to help. We can learn from this example that we can create atmospheres where people are so involved that they ignore other factors they normally would not ignore. On the flip side, if participants are too relaxed than they become difficult to persuade.

Kurt and Steve begin this episode by discussing how in anything we do, we default down to the level of our training. Whether it's a sport, self defense, language, or persuasion...the mind and body default to what their trained to do when they are stressed. Bottom line is when you need to persuade it's too late to learn! Go to www.universityofpersuasion.com for some awesome ways you can train to be a better persuader! This isn't a surprise to you, but walking through the first class cabin when boarding makes coach passengers more prone to "air rage." Kurt and Steve discuss this article and how airlines are violating the law of expectations. Airlines are such an easy one to criticize. Almost as easy as politicians. How do you use mental programming effectively? The first step is to channel your emotional energies into specific desires. You're unlikely to get very far if you don't even have the desire in the first place. Embracing what's closest to your heart will unleash your greatest energy, imagination, and potential. And just like striking oil, you will experience a surge of greater productivity than you have ever had in your life. This burning desire will allow you to transform mediocre abilities into amazing successes…above and beyond what you ever thought possible. After you have a specific desire in mind, let it simmer in your subconscious for awhile. Many great persuaders work on "programming" right before they fall asleep. As the conscious mind winds down, the subconscious mind kicks into gear. You can take advantage of this transition to turn your thoughts and desires over to the subconscious mind to work on. As you drift off to sleep, try to summon the feelings and emotions that will accompany your success. Vividly imagine the events, the people, and the places that will get you where you want to go. The subconscious mind cannot discern that which is real from that which is vividly imagined. It will accept the positive or negative suggestions that it is given, particularly if they are accompanied by and reinforced with relevant feelings, emotions, and vivid details. You can powerfully program your mind into believing certain things have actually happened. When your mind pre-accepts your victories as already won, you're halfway there. You'll find that promptings, instinct, and intuitions begin to emerge. You'll find yourself thinking, talking, and behaving in a more positive and productive way. In short, all of your energies will be aimed at your goals.

An interesting study was conducted with dentists, whereby an ad was put in the newspaper asking for people to participate in a painful dental procedure.11 The first amazing thing about it was that people actually showed up. During the first part of the study, the dentists were told that they would only pretend to use a painkiller on their patients. A placebo would actually be given. The dentists were instructed to do everything just as they would normally do during the procedure. Most of the patients in this half of the study felt pain during their dental procedure. During the second half of the study, the dentists were told to perform the exact same procedure, except this time they would be administering a real painkiller to their patients. When told that the dentist was going to numb their mouths, most of these patients did not feel pain. The reality was, however, that unbeknownst to dentist or patient, a placebo had again been administered again in place of the painkiller. Even though in the dentists' minds they had performed the exact same procedure with both sets of patients, the first group of patients picked up on incongruities in the dentists' behavior. Consciously or subconsciously, they knew that something was wrong and thus felt pain. Are you congruent with your history, your last interaction, and your reputation? Does your nonverbal behavior match your actions? Are your emotions congruent with your message? What are your audience's expectations of you and your message? When your past history and your message don't match, flags of incongruity will wave in your audience's face. Suspicion will be roused and your audience will start to look for things that are wrong with you or your message. This inconsistency will decrease your ability to gain influence and trust. That's because humans are natural lie detectors. When we attempt to fake congruence, we must also spend our time and energy trying to fake our message.