Maximize Your Influence

Did you know that money can buy happiness? A recent study published in "Psychology Today" shows just that. Kurt and Steve discuss the ins and outs of this study and how money certainly can buy happiness…up to a point. Continuing off of recent episodes, Kurt and Steve cover how we can overcome objections before they ever occur in the first place. This concept is called "inoculation." The term comes from the medical field, where patients are given a weak form of a virus so that their body can develop an immunity to it. This same concept happens on the psychological level. If we can introduce a weak form of the objection to our prospects, they will be better prepared for when the real one comes along at a later date. For example, do most of your prospects end up looking for more bids from competitors? Or do they end up getting serious resistance from friends and family? Letting them know very subtly that this will happen beforehand helps them avoid the shock and disappointment that will later surface. They'll think "hey, you know what? He told me that the competitors would say this, or that my family would think that." This even applies when raising children. Unfortunately we know that at some point kids will be exposed to and given the opportunity to take drugs. Pretending this won't happen just increases the chances that they will be influenced by a drug dealer and not by you as a parent. Letting them know in advance "hey Jr, at some point somebody is going to offer you drugs. If you say know they'll call you chicken, they'll make fun of you, etc. But just say no no matter what and come talk to me about it. It's okay." You can't, nor should you, inoculate against everything. Just pick the two or three most common objections your prospects have and pre solve them with stories, examples, statistics, and testimonials!

Labels Let's explore the space between offer and acceptance – the space between "yes" and "no" is labels. "It seems like…" "It sounds like…" "It looks like…" (Followed by an effective pause.) It's critical to not "step" on your label by following it with a question or some sort of an explanation. You've got to let them sink in. "It seems like there's some flexibility in this package?" "It sounds like there's more here?" "It seems like you have some ranges in mind?" "It looks like you've used certain criteria to come up with this offer?" Labels are a great way to gather more information and to test positions. They do it in a way that doesn't make people feel backed into a corner. They're effective in place of questions where basically you'd normally be looking for just a "yes" or a "no" and they always get more information. They open up dialog in a really gentle, yet quietly firm way. Salary negotiations are particularly important because as I've said before, people are testing you as both a co-worker and an ambassador. They really don't want you to be a push-over and they don't want you to be a jerk. Salary negotiations shouldn't be limited to just salary. Salary pays your mortgage but terms build your career. "It seems like there's a bigger picture here for this position?" "It looks like your company has a future vision I fit into." "It seems like this position fits a broader need within the company." "It looks like there's some built in opportunities for professional development?" "It looks like this position fits a critical need." These labels can also be expressed as statements or questions (upward inflection – question; downward inflection – statement). Employers appreciate someone with insight who "gets it". Labels are a great way to demonstrate competence and insight. Both of these are characteristics that either merit a higher offer now, or position you for one down the line. Please remember, plan for your success with good terms within the overall package that build your career. Labels help you flesh that out and build the success of both your career and your employer!

It is human nature to mirror and match, or to "synchronize" with, the people we connect with.28 We don't even think about it. It happens so quickly and so subconsciously that without a replay, one is unlikely to even notice it.29 What if you were aware of it? Could it be used to help you be even more persuasive? Research says definitely yes. When you mirror your audience, you build rapport with them. Mirroring operates at a subconscious level and demonstrates that the parties are starting to synchronize and get into rapport. People are inclined to follow and obey those they perceive as similar to themselves. If they shift in their posture, you should eventually do so, too. If they cross their legs, you should cross your legs as well. If they smile, you smile, too. When you mirror them, they will subconsciously feel that you have much more in common with them than may actually be the case. Why is this so? He likes you because you are like him. He perceives you the same way he perceives himself. When using mirroring and matching, you want your audience to subconsciously say, "It feels like I have known you for years." Mirroring speeds up the process of connecting and effectively communicating with anyone. Obviously, it is imperative that mirroring and matching come across as natural. Great persuaders know how to mirror or reflect their audience's actions, not to imitate them. If people think you are imitating them, they may feel mocked and become offended. They will see you as phony, and they will no longer trust you. Instead of directly imitating, just mirror or match the overall tone and demeanor of your prospect. You can safely mirror things such as language, posture, gestures, and mood. The reality is that mirroring is the best predictor of rapport.30 You can develop rapport by mirroring your audience in the following areas: Emotional state Energy level Language Breathing rate Voice patterns and inflections Mood

If all my talents and powers were to be taken from me by some inscrutable Providence, and I had my choice of keeping but one, I would unhesitatingly ask to be allowed to keep the power of speaking, for through it I would quickly recover all the rest. —Daniel Webster Have you happened to notice the dramatic changes that have evolved in presentations, communication, and training over the last twenty years? The basic focus used to be on education. Now, the latest research is all about how to grab your audience's attention and then maintain their interest. We can no longer focus simply on educating; we must now entertain. We must keep our audiences mentally engaged. Great persuaders can maintain the attention of their audience. Research shows that people's attention spans are getting shorter and shorter. You don't have to be a stand-up comedian, but you do have to make sure your audience sticks with you, your words resonate with them, they pay attention, and they understand you. The moment you lose their attention, you can no longer persuade them. You could have a great Website, be a sharp dresser, publish a great brochure, or have any manner of impressive credentials. The reality is, however, that the number-one persuasion tool is you, and a big part of how you present yourself is through your communication. Long gone are the days of counting on the subject matter to speak compellingly for itself, compensating for your inadequacies as a presenter. Nowadays, you've got to get inside your audience's minds, and you've got to get there fast. It can take only seconds before people's minds start to wander. To combat this tendency, you have to educate, inspire, and entertain with passion, compassion, and purpose. Great persuaders are great communicators. Well-known motivational speaker and best-selling author Jim Rohm said it best: "When I learned how to effectively persuade and communicate, my income went from six digits to seven digits." Your communication skills are critical for your success, yet this is another set of overlooked skills that are not effectively taught in school. Communication includes phone skills, face-to-face interactions, group presentations, and even email. Most persuaders feel, incorrectly, that they have above-average communication skills. Are yours "above average" too? Our research shows that 34 percent of persuaders feel they have mastered the ability to effectively communicate. However, by talking to your audience, we know that your presentation and communication mastery was rated at only 11 percent. Great persuaders work on their presentation skills on a continual basis. There is always something to fine-tune and improve. The studies show that, on average, a persuader communicates six to eight features of his product or service to his audience, but the average person will only remember one, two, or three of them. In over 40 percent of cases, the person will remember one of the features incorrectly. In 30 percent of cases, the person remembers a feature that was never even mentioned by the persuader. (Ouch!) We also found that 93 percent of persuadees misunderstood some part of a persuader's message. The worst part is that most of them did not ask a question or even try to seek clarification. Remember, a confused mind says no. A "confused mind," has to think about it. A "confused mind," will get back to you. A confused mind is hard to persuade and influence.

Capturing Attention Immediately What can you do in the first thirty seconds of your encounter to capture your audience's attention? Can you prove to them that you are worth listening to? Think about this: Every time you communicate with someone, they are paying with either time or money. Your audience is rooting for you; they want you to succeed. They don't want their time or money wasted any more than you want to waste it. Then why is it getting wasted? Sometimes when you're approaching something new, figuring out what you should not do is just as important as figuring out what to do. Let's first take a look at some communication "complaints." Speaking in a monotone. Avoiding eye contact. Fidgeting and other annoying mannerisms. Using vocal fillers ("uhm," "uh," etc.). Lacking any emotion or conviction. Sounding mechanical or rehearsed. Rushing through the presentation, speaking too fast. Talking down to the audience. Not finding common ground. Failing to help the audience see value in the presentation. Pushing or pressuring the audience. Overloading the audience with too much information. Being disorganized, jumping from one point to the next without any flow. Not checking environment beforehand to limit interruptions and distractions. Exhibiting poor listening skills. Saying the wrong things at the wrong moments. Not adapting to the particular personality or personalities you're working with. Displaying nervousness and fear. Jumping to conclusions. Constantly interrupting. Pushing a predetermined, one-sided solution. Listening selectively. Not being in tune with audience emotions. Allowing personal emotions to get involved. Being knowledgeable in an arrogant way. The good news is most of these things are easily remedied once they are pointed out. We just don't realize how often we commit them. Great persuaders have found their presentation weaknesses. They record themselves as they present and talk on the phone. Recording yourself will let you step into your audience's shoes and give you a true-to-life representation that's easy to evaluate. Plus, there won't be any second-guessing—the recording doesn't lie. Sure, it can be a painful exercise, but you will gain invaluable insights that cannot be found in any other way. Remember what they say: "No pain, no gain." Great persuaders will endure a little pain to maintain their high income.

After discussing a few recent business trips, and of course, the food they ate on those trips, Kurt and Steve discuss a classic blunder: overuse of fear. Fear is a useful tactic when persuading others. It is very short term, however. Kurt and Steve review some techniques to use fear effectively. Steve then interviews Kim Ades of Frame of Mind Coaching. Kim's company is designed specifically to meet the needs of ambitious, highly driven, and successful individuals who want to transform their lives to achieve their biggest goals. During this interview, Steve asks Kim about how using a coach can help you see pitfalls that you were never even aware of. Oftentimes, enhancing productivity involves busy people understanding what it is they really want in the first place and challenging assumptions that they thought were true. You'll love this interview!

You can use conversational skills as a tool with which to build new connections, while avoiding awkward pauses and uncomfortable conversations. After all, making a good first impression is all about making others feel good when spending time with each of you. Great conversationalists are made, not born. The following tips will help you make a positive impression every time: Don't rush through conversations. Take your time, and be sure to remember names and use them frequently during conversations. Show an interest in every person you meet. By showing an interest you are creating a favorable impression of yourself. People, even shy ones, like to talk about themselves, so let them. Be prepared. Before entering an event, take a couple minutes and think of at least three conversation topics. Remind yourself of what you may already know about fellow attendees. Their hobbies, activities or interests. If you happen to encounter an uncomfortable silence, these conversation points will always come in handy. Always maintain eye contact. Eye contact is an easy way to make others feel comfortable, important, and special. Act confident through your body language, even if you are not. Nervous body language {twisting your hair, slouching shoulders, constant hand rubbing} can make others uncomfortable and anxious. Try to be aware of your body language when interacting with others. Be a careful listener. By listening intently to what others are saying, you are not only making them feel important, but you can gather cues you need to keep the conversation going and bridge to new topics. Don't interrogate a conversational partner. Questions like: "Where are you from?" "Are you married?" "What do you do for a living?" can stop a conversation before it ever really starts. Be respectful of the opinions of others. Not everyone agrees on things, and friendly disagreements can be a gateway to a great conversation. Offer your opinion of your favorite football team, the state of public education today, or the future of the space program. Be sure to follow up with "What do you think?", or "Tell me your opinion." Have exit lines prepared. You will probably want to mingle with several people around the room.

Have you ever felt like you put in a bunch of work only to pave the way for your competitor? Many persuaders inadvertently do this only to find out too late that they lost the deal. The key to avoiding this is generating genuine scarcity. To create genuine scarcity, make sure you have as much of the following in place: 1. Deadlines. Give your prospects a deadline or a point of no return. We all operate on deadlines in our personal lives and in our businesses. Deadlines are what cause us to take action. If there is no immediate reason to take action now, we won't. Many people don't pay their bills until they have to. Judging by the lines outside the post office at midnight on April 15th, most of us don't pay our taxes until the last possible second. No deadline, no consequence means no action. 2. Limited Space, Numbers, or Access. If your prospect feels like they are competing for a limited resource, they will be much more motivated to take action. When people fear they're going to miss out on a great deal, they feel an urgency to act. Think of shoppers at closeout sales. They've got to speed over there and check things out before all the stuff is "picked over." Otherwise, with the store's limited supplies, they'll miss the deal forever! This limit can also include access to information. Our response to banned or secret information is a greater desire to receive that information and a more favorable outlook toward it than we had before the ban was set in place. 3. Potential Loss. Prospects must recognize that they might be limited in their actions if they don't take advantage of your offer. People will always overvalue the thing you are restricting. Create a state of emotion in which your prospect will fear the loss or negative consequence for not taking action. This is an overwhelming feeling they won't be able to ignore. Motivated by restriction, your prospect becomes an emotionally motivated buyer. They will not be denied. The more you deny them, the more energy you give to your cause. You have denied their right to something, so they'll do anything to have it. 4. Restrict Freedom. We want what we can't have. When we are told a product is or will soon be unavailable, we want it even more. Our desire goes up and so does the urgency to act. Create a scenario where you tell your prospect that the offer is only good for so long. Tell them they have to act now to take advantage of the opportunity or they will lose out. This technique works so well because we have all walked away from offers like this before, and they weren't there when we returned. Walk through clearance stores and you will see "Sold" signs on the furniture. These signs create urgency because somebody else has found a deal, and so should we.

What is your message? What do you have to share that will make a difference in people's lives? What is your main objective, the key thing you hope to accomplish? You've got to understand the big picture. Then, with the big picture in mind, you have to get more specific. Do you have a clear vision of how your product, service, or idea will help your audience? You've got to know your product inside and out, its pros and cons and how it stacks up against the competition. Use the following list, distilled from the work of great persuaders, to give some direction to your process of preparing and refining your message: • What do I want to accomplish? • If I had to boil my message down to three main points, what would they be? • How can I demonstrate my expertise? • How can I increase my trustworthiness with this audience? • What are the emotional reasons that will prompt my audience to respond? • What are the logical reasons that will prompt my audience to respond? • What is my "call to action"? • What are some alternatives to my initial proposal? • Does my plan have any potential pitfalls? • What are the top five doubts or objections I will encounter? How will I respond? • What information should I gather about my audience? My competition?

When Steve asked Kurt how he was doing before the show started, he did not expect that Kurt would tell him that he just got done dealing with a bear in his backyard. Well, he didn't deal with it...animal control did. But we're proud that Kurt didn't scream like a little girl when it happened! Here's a picture: Kurt and Steve also give some sound advice that was once also given by the leading salesman of a Northeastern mid-size paper supply company. The advice is timeless and will echo through the ages. After an unusual amount of banter, Kurt and Steve decide to get into something that matters: negotiation. Clients and customers expect to play the game. So what do you do if there is no game to play? It is a natural tendency for us to take in information and interpret it in a manner that will best serve our personal wants and needs. We do not always do this consciously. What's more, the converse is also true in that we often pass over information that is critical to understanding the other side, particularly when the other side is in conflict with us. We naturally enhance our own position while vilifying the opposition's. The result is that perceptions and beliefs are based on information that is highly inaccurate and exaggerated. Especially striking examples of this oppositional bias are seen in the Israelis and Palestinians or the Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland. A famous Harvard study involved giving some executives insider information about one company's plans to acquire another. The executives were randomly assigned to role play the part of either the buyer or the seller. Unbeknownst to them, the information given to each side was identical. After analyzing the information, the executives each had to give their private assessment of the company's fair value (as opposed to how they might present that value in negotiations). Not surprisingly, the executives playing the part of "seller" gave values that were more than double those offered by those who were playing the role of "buyers." Interestingly, the results were driven by what would best serve the party in her/his randomly assigned role. It is to be expected that each negotiating side will bring its own biases to the table. Simply knowing that these biases exist will help those involved in negotiation to not be caught off guard. Put yourself in the other side's shoes and think of what their most powerful case could be. This empathizing tactic always sheds light on new thoughts and ideas that you might not have thought of otherwise. Lastly, it will never hurt you to seek the input of an uninvolved third party.