Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about learning the tools to deal with triggers and the avoidant attachment style. This week's caller, Mike, would like guidance on how to be more open-hearted and vulnerable in his intimate relationships. This session will be of service to those who have an avoidant style and for those who attract Avoidants. We discuss how to understand them and how not to take their actions personally. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode313] Anything is healable. It doesn't matter what is in your background, childhood, or past. I've seen it over and over again. Does it happen overnight? No. Is it always easy? No. Is it going to change overnight? Healable doesn't mean we go from having an avoidant attachment style to being totally open-hearted, totally secure, and never having triggers. Healing is not being perfect, not being free of any triggers but really learning how to work with those triggers, manage those triggers, so that they don't become roadblocks in our life. Triggers can be alarm systems for growth and not a dead end. Awareness is not enough to heal. People with an avoidant attachment style are not trying to avoid being close or being in love. They are trying to avoid rejection, hurt, and pain. When we are with an Avoidant, and they pull away or put walls up, it can make us feel as if we have done something wrong. But, we cannot take it personally. If you are with an Avoidant, the best thing you can do when they are triggered is don't attack them, don't tell them they are doing anything wrong, then reassure them that you are there and you love them. On September 14th, Christine and Stefanos will teach a virtual group call at 5 pm PST. Join us for our LIVE Inner Child Workshop on October 8‒10th. It will be the last live inner child workshop taught by Christine and Stefanos for a while. Get live coaching or attend the workshop online ChristineHassler.com/InnerChild. Mike's Question: Mike would like guidance on how to be more open-minded and open-hearted when approaching his relationships. Mike's Key Insights and Ahas: His marriage of 12 years recently ended. He emotionally shut down in his relationships. He has an insecure attachment style. Fear of rejection keeps him from being vulnerable. He was not loved for being himself as a child. He is self-aware. He feels as if his personal development work has stalled. He does not want to repeat the mistakes of his past. He is ready to date again. He has high standards. He puts walls up to protect himself. He struggles to be vulnerable. He feels he can apply the practical guidance. How to Get Over It and On With It: Acknowledge himself for the personal development work he is doing. Start dating again. Lean into vulnerability. Accept himself for who he is. Have compassion for himself and his fear. It is okay to be scared. Takeaways: On the field is the best way to get good at a game. We cannot run from hurt. We have to expose ourselves to triggers so we can integrate and deal with hurt and fear. Sponsor: SOUL CBD — is a daily supplement to calm the nervous system and re-calibrate homeostasis. Soul CBD gummies, liquids, oils, topicals, and bath bombs are all 3rd-party-tested for toxins. Bring balance into your life and get 15% off AND free shipping in the U.S. at MySoulCBD.com/OVERIT Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

The feeling of being in love is the best. Not to mention the blissful feeling of certainty when we feel like you've met "the one" (finally!). You start fantasizing about the future and are convinced that the other person is on the same page you are. And then it ends. And you are not only heartbroken, but shocked because it seemed so right and you don't understand what went wrong. I know that is not comforting if you are in the pain of a break-up, but understanding why the one you thought was going to be forever ended may offer you some relief. This Coaches Corner will help!

This episode is about stepping into your purpose and fulfilling your dreams. This week's caller, Mike, thinks his problem is complex, but it's not. His constant search of products and materials leads him to believe his next steps need to come from outside of himself. We discuss how he may be stalling by continuing to do research instead of listening to his internal inspiration and moving forward. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode312] Dreams or anything we long for; the dreams we feel in our heart are different from the kinds of dreams we hope will make us feel better about ourselves, or fill a void. Those are ego-based desires. But, listening inside to hear our heartfelt dreams is part of our psychic ability. And, we are all a little psychic or intuitive. We don't long for something if we don't feel that it is coming. If we have a premonition, on some level our dreams are already coming to fruition. We cannot control the exact timing of it. If we feel it and we want it, it may take a week or ten years because it takes time for dreams to evolve. What stalls a lot of people from really stepping into sharing their gift, or serving people in a greater way, is they think they have to be perfect. To achieve our dreams, we just need to be honest, vulnerable, and committed, not perfect. We have all the answers inside; we just need to take time to question ourselves and answer. Consider/Ask Yourself What heartfelt dreams are calling you forward? Do you have a sense of what you want to do but are not taking action? Do you start a lot of projects but do not follow them through to completion? Are you waiting for some kind of answer or sign from the universe to make a decision? Mike's Question: Mike has a dream of becoming an entrepreneur but he lacks confidence in his decision-making process. He would like to break the cycle of never moving forward. Mike's Key Insights and Ahas: He wants to be an entrepreneur. He put his dream on hold when his daughter was born. He is always looking for the next big thing. He gets easily redirected. He lacks confidence in his decision-making process. He is a Preacher and motivator. He is good at inspiring others. He wants to make a difference in other people's lives. He is in a cycle of frustration. How to Get Over It and On With It: Let his inspiration drive his next steps. Let God use him as an instrument. Write his life experience resume. Meditate and recognize his unique gifts. Start with his big vision and work backward. Takeaways: Write a life experience resume. Re-orient towards an internal direction. Listen to your own inner wisdom. Try it for thirty days. Answer these questions: Who am I here to serve? What can I offer? How can I deliver it? Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you ever compare yourself to anyone else, this episode is for you! Learn the difference between healthy and toxic comparison and how to form closer connections when comparison is gone. Melissa Ambrosini is the bestselling author of Comparisonitis, Mastering Your Mean Girl, Open Wide, and the Audible Original PurposeFULL as well as the winner of 'The Best eBooks Of All Time' as voted by Book Depository. Melissa is the host of #1 rated podcast The Melissa Ambrosini Show, where she shares her wisdom and interviews with the biggest thought leaders and experts in the world to help her audience unlock their full potential and live their dream life. When Melissa isn't writing books and recording her podcast she is speaking on stages, teaching and creating online programs, meditations and life changing live events. With a deep commitment to empowering others to become the best version of themselves, Melissa believes that awakening is possible for everyone. She strives to inspire others to reclaim their power, step into their truth, live with intention, and move in the direction of their dreams.

This episode is about making empowered decisions and changes with integrity. Today's caller, Anne, is questioning whether or not she should leave her 25-year marriage. She feels she has tried to communicate her needs. We work through how she is communicating and whether or not she is being vulnerable enough to make an empowered decision. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode311] Often, in masculine-feminine dynamics, it requires the feminine dropping into a deep vulnerability with no victim, no blame, no anger, no reason, just an open, heart-baring, soul truth that ignites the masculine to look within so it can open up. When we are too much in hopelessness-helpless, when we are too much in victim, the only answer seems to be to get out of a situation because we don't feel empowered. One of the ways we get empowered is to look at our side of things and then we communicate vulnerably, because we are not empowered when we communicate emotionally, reactively, or with blame or neediness. And remember, vulnerability is different than a victimy emotional reaction. It has a different frequency and people can hear us when we are vulnerable. They can't hear us when we are emotional or blaming them. It puts their defenses up. They can't hear the truth and intimacy of what we are saying when they are defensive. Consider/Ask Yourself Are you torn about what to do in a relationship? Do you want to stay? Do you want to go? Do you tend to look at what someone else is doing wrong and all the ways that they're not meeting your needs and maybe don't look quite enough at how you're perpetuating it? Are you aware of what your needs are? Are you good at communicating your needs? Do you feel in your gut that you just want to do something but you just can't take the action? Anne's Question: Anne is struggling with the decision to stay in her marriage. Anne's Key Insights and Ahas: She has been married for 25 years and has four children with her husband. She feels she and her husband have grown apart. Her husband says he wants to make the marriage work. Her husband's job and commitments took a lot of his time. She asked him to take more time with her and the children. She collected evidence of the ways he wasn't showing up for the marriage. She doesn't know if she still loves him. Fear may be driving her choice. There is some part of her that may be shut down. She wants to be loved by him. How to Get Over It and On With It: Continue to have vulnerable conversations with her husband. Drop into her feminine vulnerability. Consider where she may have walls up around her heart. Use "I" language, not "you" language. Write out her fears, desires, and insecurities and read them to her husband. Takeaways: If there is something you are looking at that you think is wrong and you just need to get out, consider where the decision is coming from. Are you empowered? Have you been vulnerable? Have you looked inside yourself to see if you are mad or blaming? Do you feel like a victim and feel like the only decision is to leave? Sponsor: Organifi — has organic superfood blends that offer trusted plant-based nutrition. They are convenient and delicious. Many of us have the time or means to get the natural, fresh, organic vegetables we need. Upgrade your nutrition every single day with Organifi Gold, Organifi Vitamin C packs, or Green or Red Juice. For 20% off your order, go to Organifi.com/overit and use the code "OVERIT" at checkout to receive 20% off all products. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Brandy Gillmore, PhD in natural medicine, is a world-renowned mind/body energy expert who is well known for her discoveries in self-healing and working with the power of the mind to get tangible results. Her breakthrough work has been featured in an award-winning documentary and various docuseries. Brandy speaks on stages around the world and has also given a mind-expanding TEDx talk. Brandy's expertise in self-healing originated from her own devastating accident that left her disabled and living in excruciating pain despite being on multiple medications, including morphine. When doctors told Brandy there was nothing they could do, she became determined to find a solution. After years of trial and error, she was able to make incredible discoveries with the mind that ultimately enabled her to heal herself. Today she uses these same discoveries to help others also get radical life-changing results. Today, Brandy works with top celebrities, Olympic athletes, CEOs, entrepreneurs, and groups worldwide sharing her leading-edge discoveries. Her goal is to help advance traditional research to bridge the gap between science and spirituality. You can register for her free video event "Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind for Positivity, Healing & Successful Manifestation" here: https://christinehassler.com/reprogram

This episode is about taking the time to explore life and relationships. Today's caller, Marley, is putting a lot of pressure on her current relationship. She future-forecasts instead of considering what the relationship may be able to teach her. We delve into how she can be curious, explore, and take the pressure off. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode310] Often, we go into relationships wondering if the other person is the one, so much so that we miss out on what we can learn from the other person. It is important to let your early relationships be a discovery process and explore instead of collecting evidence about what may be wrong with the other person if they are THE one, or how to make every relationship the relationship of your dreams. Every relationship is a growth opportunity. It is a misstep to base relationships on their longevity potential. Many times, we get into a relationship, and right out of the gate, we put pressure on it by wondering if the other person could be the one to marry or have children with instead of considering what the other person can teach us, what mirror they may be holding up, what parental patterns, wounds, or issues are they triggering? What could you be attracted to that is also a healing opportunity? Enjoy where you are. Be curious, explore, and take the pressure off. Have you listened to my Coaches Corner episodes recently? Check out Byron Katie on — Loving What Is. Consider/Ask Yourself When you are in a new relationship do you jump to — Is this the one? — and start to analyze it all out? Did you grow up in a home where there wasn't a lot of emotional availability and you panic when you don't have that in a partnership or friendship? Do you spend a lot of time trying to figure things out and not enough time creating and exploring and allowing things just to be? Are you more caught up in judging and changing someone else than looking at how you can meet your own needs? Marley's Question: Marley is struggling with her ability to let little things go and accept her partner for where he is. Marley's Key Insights and Ahas: She is aware and open with her emotions. Her boyfriend may not understand himself emotionally. She is an old soul and emotionally mature. She is putting a lot of pressure on the relationship. She and her boyfriend had an intense connection immediately. There was inconsistency in her childhood. She believed she had to fix her family. She feels pressure to be in a relationship. Her boyfriend is committed to her. She feels intimidated by his commitment. She feels she is one-foot-in and one-foot-out of the relationship at all times. She is collecting evidence against her boyfriend. She doesn't feel heard or seen by her boyfriend at times. How to Get Over It and On With It: Explore herself within her relationship. Stop overthinking, or overanalyzing her relationship. Be curious about her relationship instead of managing it. Communicate her needs in an empowered way. Approach her boyfriend from a vulnerable place. Takeaways: Read or reread 20 Something, 20 Everything, and 20 Something Manifesto. Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — Delivers life-changing comfort for your body with high-quality underwear, sleep, and loungewear. Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size and style. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your new favorite Seamless wireless bra or loungewear. They have a 100% fit guarantee. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

I am thrilled to Byron Katie whom I respect and adore so much on the show this week! In 1986, at the bottom of a ten-year spiral into depression and self-loathing, Byron Katie woke up one morning in a state of joy. She realized that when she believed her stressful thoughts, she suffered, but that when she questioned them, she didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Her simple yet powerful process of self-inquiry, which she calls The Work, consists of four questions and the turnaround, which is a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. Katie has been bringing The Work to millions of people for more than thirty years. Her public events, weekend workshops, intensives, and nine-day School for The Work have brought freedom to people all over the world. Her books include the bestselling Loving What Is, I Need Your Love—Is That True?, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself. For more information, visit thework.com. Here is a to the worksheets we discussed: https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/

This episode is about discerning between the patterns we can change and which are a part of us. Today's caller, Bree, has patterns coming up when it comes to dating and finding a partner. We discuss how she can bring forth different, more feminine, parts of herself in place of her patterns. When it comes to dating, we get far more accurate information from our bodies, heart, and intuition than we do from evaluation. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode309] At the beginning of dating, there is so much uncertainty. We don't really know the person and we don't know where the relationship will go. There is a lot of excitement, but there is also a lot of uncertainty. Uncertainty can be triggering for some, especially if they had instability in their childhood. Part of how the mind and psyche try to get certainty or control is through evaluation, analysis, and by trying to see into the future. We all have an operating system. A lot of it gets programmed by our childhood, our life, our beliefs, and everything that happens in our environment and society. Then, there is just how we're wired, our personality, our soul journey, etc. It is more important to learn to live with our wiring and find the gift within it than it is to change it. Some things about ourselves are appropriate to change and heal but there are some things that it is best to just accept. Learning to inspire a different part of ourselves in certain situations may be the key to getting what we need. Join me August 18, 2021, at 5 p.m. Pacific for another group coaching call. This call will focus on all things inner child. The cost is only $20 and if you cannot make it live, it will be recorded. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group to sign up. Have you listened to my Coaches Corner episodes recently? Check out Dr. Richard Schwatrz doing parts work with me here — Internal Family Systems. Consider/Ask Yourself Do you notice that sometimes when you're in an unfamiliar situation you do things like ask a question to go to places in your head to try to get some kind of control? Did you grow up feeling safe in a stable household? If you are female and you orientate to being a heterosexual female when it comes to dating do you feel like you can really slip into your feminine energy? Or, if you're in a job that requires you to be in your masculine energy is it difficult for you to make the transition? Are you trying to change things about yourself that are part of your wiring? Bree's Question: Bree feels she is ready for a long-term relationship and would like the tools to assist her in minimizing her projections when dating. Bree's Key Insights and Ahas: She is ready to find a long-term partner. She is looking for someone who appreciates a rural lifestyle. She had a volatile and unstable childhood. Her parents were emotionally unavailable. Her little girl is looking for the stability she never had. She sees the pattern of her previous relationships. She felt judged and would like the freedom to be herself. She uses evaluation as a skill in her job. She is a professional photographer and previously a dance instructor. How to Get Over It and On With It: Get out of her head and into her heart. Help her little girl feel safe. Limit her evaluations and increase her curiosity and magnetism in dating. Create a physical anchor and write a letter to celebrate her evaluator self. Be aware her masculine part is hyper-developed. Discover things that drop her into her feminine energy. Move her body in a feminine way daily. Takeaways: Look at the patterns in your life without making them wrong or bad and determine how much of them are how you are wired. Learn what parts of yourself that need to step back and which need to come forward. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

You are going to learn so much from this episode!! And get to listen to a live demo of Dr Schwartz doing parts work with me. Richard Schwartz began his career as a family therapist and an academic at the University of Illinois at Chicago. There he discovered that family therapy alone did not achieve full symptom relief and in asking patients why, he learned that they were plagued by what they called "parts." From these explorations with parts work, the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model was born in the early 1980s. IFS is now evidence-based and has become a widely-used form of psychotherapy, particularly with trauma. It provides a non-pathologizing, optimistic, and empowering perspective and a practical and effective set of techniques for working with individuals, couples, families, and more recently, corporations and classrooms. In 2013 Schwartz left the Chicago area and now lives in Brookline, MA where he is on the faculty of the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.