Sexual Addiction:Strength/Hope/Recovery

Today, Carol the Coach will be talking to Sarah who has many reasons to believe her husband is still acting out. She reached out to me for answers and I invited her to come on the show and talk about what she is facing in her marriage with a man who allegedley is doing lots of things that make her doubt his sincerity. She wants to get to the truth and is not sure how to do that. Listen to the common questions that partners have io get straight answers from their spuses.

It’s hard enough to fully enjoy mutual intimacy in our romantic relationship. When picking up the pieces after relational betrayal, these natural difficulties become even more complex. After betrayal, navigating daily tasks and wondering what the future holds can feel very uncertain and fearful for both partners and the family. Today, Carol the Coach is interviewing Alex Avilia, who is going to be explaing the dynamics between the coupleship. Each person needs to feel a sense of Emotional Safety. When relational instability and loss of trust become emotionally painful, betrayed partners need to know they have something to hold onto. They can develop individual strength and resiliency and ask their addicted partner to be emotionally safe for them. The addict’s attitude and presence—along with their consistent desire to develop relational insights and skills—means everything. Only when they can provide the safety and responsiveness that the betrayed partner wanted all along will they be able to fully heal themselves and exponentially boost their partner’s sense of trust. In this episode, you will learn about the vital need for Emotional Safety, how to assess your vulnerability when taking risks to share more deeply, and how to stay present and engaged so both partners can feel increased hope in their relational recovery. EMAIL: alex@alexanderavila.com [AH-vee-law] WEBSITE: AlexAAvila.com [AH-vee-law] Sign up at AlexAAvila.com to be notified about pre-ordering his book. ([Carol, you can say “It’s coming soon.” OR, you can share the Expected Release Date: February 2022.]) BOOK TITLE: “Emotional Safety: Honoring Yourself While Developing Trust and Presence to Experience Meaningful Relationships”

One of the challenges after 6-12 months of sobriety for individuals is handling their emotional life. After all, one reason why addictions start is to avoid feeling emotions to begin with.Our guest Jan M. Bergstrom, who wrote Gifts from a Challenging Childhood; Creating a Practice for Becoming Your Healthiest Self, believes that individuals have to to heal from family of origin trauma. In our show, she will help us understand how to re-parent our historical parts.

Today, I would like to interview Aaron Tempel who is an CSAT who believes attachment focused EMDR really increases the effectiveness of treatment. He is going to discuss Attachment Focused EMDR, or AF-EMDR in its use for treating individuals struggling with sexual addiction or betrayal trauma. While trained to work with partners, my experience is largely working with sexual addiction/compulsivity. EMDR has long been used in the treatment of trauma and has diversified into the treatment of various disorders, primarily with the focus on traumatic experiences. AF-EMDR has been developed by Laurel Parnell of the Parnell Institute, to focus on treatment of attachment wounds and relational traumas. I focused on AF-EMDR because sex addicts typically have experienced attachment wounding/trauma that has not been addressed, which then can lead to unwanted sexual behaviors that bring them to my office. AF-EMDR utilities Resource Tapping to connect with attachment resources, improve coping skills for distress, and can be utilized with disclosure preparation and dealing with triggers. Additionally, AF-EMDR often uses a modified EMDR protocol in order to stay in the right brain processing and improve attachment repair.

Today Carol the Coach will be interviewing Marie Damgaard who works at the Mindfulness Center and has completed the MBATT which is a mindfulness certification for sex addiction and partner betrayal. This segment will focus on learning about the power of mindfulness in addictions and trauma recovery.   Sex addicts will learn how to define mindfulness, and how these techniques help a variety of individuals in becoming more aligned with who they are at their core; while developing the capacity to have more choice in their day-to-day decision making. Mindfulness work has inspired optimism in recovery work and I hope that those who are listening, can be inspired to explore, learn, grow and heal with what they gather from today’s show.

Listen as Carol the Coach talks about a spiritual path that she frequently uses to guide her in her daily life.

John and Elaine Leadem, who are experts in the field of addiction, will be sharing personal information about their lives as they discuss the faces that they wore when they first married. In this riveting interview, the Leadems who wrote One in the Spirit: Meditation Course for Recovering Couples openly share their early struggles with maintaining a relationship while combating their own demons from years of addiction.  Sexual Addiction is a disorder that requires strategies to assist you in maintaining recovery. This show is to help you access the books, the experts and the people who are managing recovery with The 12 Step Program and Patrick Carnes Recovery Task Model that reinforces the steps you need to take to manage your recovery and take your life through the journey so that you not only conquer the "Addict" but develop into the person you were meant to be! Carol the Coach is a Certified Sexual Addictions Therapist who is ready to take you on the journey and expose you to the experts who will guide you through the steps.

In this segment Carol the Coach  will be discussing boundaries with Jocelyn Hamsher. Boundaries are defined as a set of expectations and limits we have around our interactions with ourselves and others. They help us keep our side of the street clean and sets our relationships up for success because we are able to communicate our expectations in a healthy way. Boundaries are not about manipulating or changing anyone else, they are solely about protecting ourselves. A good way to determine areas of our life that may need boundaries is to look for pain points in our life and from there establish what we need in order to minimize the pain point. Often we struggle most with boundaries when we struggle with knowing what our wants and needs are, which is a symptom of unresolved trauma. Once we are able to identify our needs and wants, then we need to formulate boundaries to help get those met and then communicate them in a healthy way. This also includes action steps for instances where the other person chooses not to respect our boundaries. In sex addiction specifically, we need to establish boundaries around our pain points in recovery such as safe guards on technology and having consistent accountability.

In any relationship where betrayal occurs through acting out in any harmful manner, the partners’ breakage leaves them in unbearable distress and fear for an unknown future. Defense mechanisms further create distance when trauma triggers negatively influence the reactions of both parties in the relationship. The acting out partner uses maladaptive coping skills to relieve distressing feelings learned in childhood. The betrayed partner loses trust and suffers a multitude of painful emotions. Further acting out and boundary violating behavior of the addict compounds distrust, fueling distance from the betrayed spouse. IF there is any chance for spouses; this I where CSAT and ASAT therapists enter the picture.

It is not uncommon for clients who have  sexual addiction to suffer from trauma that later causes PTSD. Dr. Jerry Borikhin from the Meadows will be talking about PTSD and how this disorder can be managed if you are suffering from these symptoms. Listen in as he shares with Carol the Coach the criteria and diagnostic elements that would tell you if you have PTSD. Sexual Addiction can be managed if you utilize a variety of resources. This radio show teaches you the recovery tasks needed to work through the shame that accompanies this compulsion. Carol the Coach has worked with 1000's of clients who have fought this disorder and learned how to manage it and live fully optimal lives. Listen to her as she shares her wisdom and interviews the experts in her field. Carol Juergensen Sheets is a certified sexual addictions counselor and was trained by Dr. Patrick Carnes who has been instrumental in developing programs and clinical skill sets that promote recovery,