Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

My guest for this episode is the brilliant Julie Lythcott-Haims., the author of the New York Times’ bestselling, and in my opinion, majorly game-changing-in-the-parenting-space book, How to Raise an Adult. She wrote it after noticing that prospective college students at Stanford University, where she was dean of admissions, were being over-parented and as a result, were lacking the resources to develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success.In this episode, Julie and I talk about what it takes for a child to be successful—looking at how we define success along the way—and explore what we as parents can do to help our child develop the agency they need to become self-actualized adults. I loved having this conversation with Julie and am still noodling on the many takeaways and aha moments I experienced. I hope you get a lot out of it. Julie Lythcott-Haims' How to Raise an Adult has been published in over two dozen countries and gave rise to a TED talk that became one of the top TED Talks of 2016 with over 3.5 million views and counting, as well as a forthcoming sequel on how to be an adult, for young adults. Two years later Julie published Real American: A Memoir, a critically-acclaimed and award-winning memoir which examines racism through her experience as a Black and biracial person. Things you’ll learn from this episode What is at the root of fear-based parenting Why Julie says most parents are raising kids from a place of love, ego, and fear Challenges and hardships every child should face in order to be ready to be an adult How we do our children a disservice when we “become” their default executive functioning How we can (and need to) redefine what success looks like The connection between successful adults and a child doing chores (and how to get started if you’re not doing it now) Why happiness in our kids stems from love The benefits of hands-on work for kids developing a sense of agency How to help our kids bolster their self-advocacy skills  Resources mentioned for helping differently wired teens launch Julie Lythcott Haims’ website How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success  Real American: A Memoir  Julie’s TED Talk: How to Raise Successful Kids Julie’s TEDxGunnHighSchool Talk: Throw Out the Checklisted Childhood Julie’s TEDxStanford Talk: Be Your Authentic Self How to Be An Adult  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Author and reporter, Anya Kamenetz is back on the podcast to talk about her new book The Stolen Year: How Covid Changed Children’s Lives, And Where We Go Now. The Stolen Year is a powerful look at how the pandemic disrupted children’s lives — their learning, mental health, and overall well-being. The Stolen Year isn’t written specifically for parents of differently wired children, but I thought it was important to really explore what the research and data shows the cost of the past two years has been for our most valuable resource – our children, as well as consider the question – where do we go from here?During our conversation we talked about the trends on decreasing graduation rates, the impact of food scarcity on children and adolescents, and caregiver depression. We also talked about the kinds of resources families need to recover from the pandemic, especially within marginalized communities and more severely impacted populations, and much more. Anya Kamenetz has covered education for many years, including for NPR, where she also co-created the podcast Life Kit:Parenting in partnership with Sesame Workshop.Kamenetz is the author of several acclaimed nonfiction books: Generation Debt ; DIY U ; The Test: Why Our Schools Are Obsessed With Standardized Testing, But You Don’t Have To Be, and The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life.Things you'll learn from this episode What the long-lasting effects of COVID in children’s lives are according to Anya’s research Where we should be focusing our energy — our kids’ learning loss or their mental health and wellbeing The trends on decreasing graduation rates and how that might play out in the next few years for young people Whether experts consider the pandemic to be an ACE (adverse childhood experience) The impact of food scarcity on children during COVID What resources families need to recover from the pandemic, especially for marginalized communities Resources mentioned for the impact of COVID on children Anya Kamenetz’s website The Stolen Year: How Covid Changed Children’s Lives, and Where We Go Now by Anya Kamenetz Anya Kamenetz Talks About Her Book, The Art of Screentime (Tilt Parenting podcast) The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life by Anya Kamenetz Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I’m talking with Zach Morris, the executive director and development of curriculum and instruction at LEARN Inc. LEARN Inc. is an non-for-profit school in Missoula, Montana in the United States which is approaching education in a thoughtful and alternative way, and with powerful results, especially for their neurodivergent students, which make up to 75% of the student body. Their mission is to facilitate individualized learning opportunities that honor neurodivergence, encourage social collaboration, and foster whole-person growth. And as a result, the kids at LEARN are getting the opportunity to develop with confidence and feeling seen for who they are.I know that this education piece—figuring out how to help our child develop a love of learning and reach their full potential—is one of the most challenging pieces of raising differently wired kids, and I just have to say that talking with Zach left me feeling inspired, hopeful, and motivated. Zach believes there is a different way, and he’s doing his part to push the needle forward. Together we talk about the the philosophy of nonviolent communication, what can happen for our kids when we practice compassion with them, and how parents like us can bring some of Zach’s philosophy into our lives to support our kids. This was one of those mind = blown conversations for me. I hope you like it. Zach Morris M.Ed is a leader in education. He holds a Montana State educators license, he is HANDLE level 1&2 certified, and he is an active pursuant of Non-Violent Communication practices. His current research targets neurodiversity and learning. Things you’ll learn from this episode What it looks like when education is grounded in compassion and the principles of nonviolent communication, ecological literacy, and whole person learning (social, emotional, physiological, and academic) Why Zach believes the key to education is individualization and diversity within the system How a child can be shifted from feeling they do everything wrong to feeling like they can are heard and can contribute How Zach helps a child with PTSD from their previous educational experiences recover How parents can incorporate Zach’s philosophy into their daily lives Why Zach believes that we have choice in everything  Resources mentioned for whole-person learning Learn Inc A Deep Dive Into Diagnoses, Assessments, and Labels, with Dr. Melissa Neff  The Center for Nonviolent Communication  Speak Peace in a World of Conflict  Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life  Dr. Devon MacEachron on Assessing and Supporting Twice-Exceptional Learners  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For today’s episode, I’m bringing multi-award-winning director, producer and executive film producer, Marc Smolowitz, back on the podcast. It was four years ago that Marc first came on the show to talk about a movie he was working on called The G Word, a feature-length documentary about giftedness that asks the urgent equity question – In the 21st century, who gets to be Gifted in America and Why? Marc is currently working on the post-production of the movie so I wanted to invite him back to talk about what the last 4 years have been like in the giftedness community. What has changed? What are the things we need to be looking out for and what initiatives have been created?AND, I also wanted this show to be a part of celebrating the 2nd annual Gifted / Talented / Neurodiversity Awareness Week, a week-long celebration created by Marc and which is happening this very week. The theme for this year’s awareness week is Gifted JOY, and I really love the idea of connecting the concept of joy and empowerment to the conversation surrounding giftedness.Marc Smolowitz is a multi-award-winning director, producer, and executive producer who has been significantly involved in 50+ independent films. His films have been screened at the world’s top-tier festivals such as Sundance, Berlin, Venice, Tribeca, Locarno, Chicago, Palm Springs, SF FILM, AFI Docs, IDFA, and DOC NYC, among others. In 2009, Marc founded 13th Gen, a San Francisco-based company that works with a dynamic range of independent film partners globally to oversee the financing, production, post-production, marketing, sales, and distribution efforts of a vibrant portfolio of films and filmmakers. In 2022, Marc is currently in post-production on THE G WORD – a feature-length documentary about giftedness that asks the urgent equity question – In the 21st century, who gets to be Gifted in America and Why?Things you’ll learn from this episode How the conversation surrounding giftedness and neurodivergence have changed in recent years and how those have impacted the direction fo The G Word Why it’s so important to include the concept of neurodivergence in the broader conversation about gifted and talented populations How we can intentionally use joy to explore and ease pain/trauma narratives, especially for gifted and neurodiverse populations How parents can lean into the joy of raising their gifted children and get involved in celebrating GTN Awareness Week Resources mentioned: 13th Gen, Marc’s production company The G Word Film G/T/N Awareness Week Supporting Black, Gifted Students with Dr. Joy Lawson Davis (Tilt Parenting podcast interview) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode of Tilt Parenting, I bring back to the show Simone Davies, a Montessori teacher and parent educator who runs a Montessori playgroup in Amsterdam for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers up to four years old. Through her online business, The Montessori Notebook, Simone focuses on helping parents learn how to bring Montessori into their home. Today Simone and I are talking about the “spaces” in our home—specifically how we can best design and set them up to support our differently-wired kids. I’ve watched as Simone developed her virtual e-course, Setting Up Your Home Montessori Style, and I was struck by how the approach she talks about in her course directly relates to the things we as parents can do to support our kids in developing those crucial executive functioning skills, like task initiation, time management, planning, and organizing, as well as fostering independence. In this episode, we’ll talk about how we can set up our homes—our kitchen, bedroom, shoes and coat area, homework space—to support our children in fostering these skills.  Simone Davies is also the author of The Montessori Toddler, a comprehensive guide to raising your toddler in a Montessori way. It includes Montessori activities, how to set up your home, and how to encourage cooperation from your children, and The Montessori Baby. Things you’ll learn from this episode  How to set up the shoes and coat area to help kids “get out the door” with success and independence How making checklists for our kids can instill in them a sense of responsibility while also easing transitions What parents who aren’t naturally organized can support themselves The gifts of decluttering and clearing our space The importance of making a homework space inviting and distraction-free Tips for setting up spaces to foster more independence in children Why making things attractive, cozy, and comfortable benefits our kids  Resources mentioned for supporting children’s growth at home  The Montessori Notebook Simone Davies on Strategies for Staying Calm in Difficult Situations Setting Up Your Home Montessori-Style  Julie George on the Role of Executive Functioning in Differently-Wired Kids  Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On today’s episode I’m talking to Eliza Fricker about PDA or pathological demand avoidance – and in fact I know many people interpret PDA as persistent desire for autonomy. I’ve done a few episodes on PDA before but never from a parent’s perspective so after reading Eliza’s book, The Family Experience of PDA, I knew I wanted to share her perspective with the Tilt community. During this episode, we talked about how demand avoidance is more extreme in a child with a PDA profile vs. the inflexibility and rigidity we might see in other neurodivergent kids, what Eliza has learned about herself parenting a child with PDA, and what her resistance was to the changes needed to her parenting style. Eliza also gave out some great tips for teachers who have a PDA student in their classroom and for parents who are struggling with family, friends, or people close to them who aren’t willing to understand what PDA is and what that means for their family.Eliza Fricker is the illustrator behind “Missing the Mark” a deeply personal and all too human exploration of a mother’s journey navigating the education system and everyday life with a child who can’t go to school. Eliza’s latest book, Can’t Not Won’t will be published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers in December 2022.Things you'll learn from this episode What makes demand avoidance more extreme in children with PDA Eliza’s experience in changing her parenting ways to become more flexible Tweaks teachers can use to work with children who have PDA in a classroom setting How PDA may look different than “typical demand avoidance” that we might see in some neurodivergent children What Eliza has learned about herself from parenting a child with PDA Advice for parents who are raising a child with PDA Resources mentioned for PDA Eliza Fricker’s website The Family Experience of PDA by Eliza Fricker An Intro to PDA brought to you by Harry Thompson and Laura Kerbey, illustrated by Eliza Fricker Eliza Fricker / Missing the Mark on Facebook Eliza Fricker / Missing the Mark on Twitter Neurodivergent Education and Support Training (N-est) Harry Thompson’s website PDA of North America Alfie Kohn on Practicing Unconditional Parenting (Tilt Parenting podcast) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s episode is a Kid’s POV Special episode featuring another conversation with 12-year-old Asher. Our topic? Conflict. More specifically, handling parent-child conflict between the two of us. We’re tackling this topic because I’ve been getting questions from listeners who want to know a) if we even have conflicts at all and b) if so, how we handle them.The easy answer to the first part of that question is DEFINITELY. We DEFINITELY have conflict. I’m very human in that way, as is Asher. Today, we’ll spend the episode answering the second part of that question. We’ll talk about the kinds of things that crop up and cause conflict between us, and then we’ll share with you what that actually looks like in our world—what I do, what Ash does, and most importantly, how we move through and past it.Pro tip: This is a good episode for co-listening! When Asher and I listen to podcasts, we dump a puzzle out on the dining room table and listen while building the puzzle. It makes for a nice combination!Debbie Reber is the founder and CEO of Tilt Parenting and the host of the TiLT Parenting Podcast. 12-year-old Asher is Debbie’s child and is regularly featured on the podcast. Find out more by visiting the About Page.Things you’ll learn from this episode The benefits of talking through and getting clear on expectations (for all members of the family) prior to leaving for a vacation A strategy for using the collaborative problem solving approach to identify, address, and pre-solve concerns ahead of time How to make departure day go more smoothly The benefits of exploring and researching aspects of a vacation time well in advance of the trip (including accommodations, activities, etc.) A strategy for using written schedules coupled with frequent reviews during a vacation keeps everyone’s expectations in check The benefits of bringing a child into the planning process (and letting them determine some of what will happen on vacation) Why it’s useful to work with your child to discover what they need most on vacation and then incorporating it into your daily plan (ie: rest, chill time, etc.) Resources mentioned for handling parent-child conflict Download a PDF of our Family Goals Worksheet Download a PDF of our Vacation Concerns Worksheet Download a PDF of our Daily Vacation Planner Worksheet Look at our Departure Plan whiteboard Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is author, productivity guru, and mom of 5, Laura Vanderkam. Laura is the author of several time management and productivity books, including the one we are discussing today, Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters. She is also the host of the Before Breakfast podcast and the co-host, with Sarah Hart-Unger, of the Best of Both Worlds podcast. I’ve long been a fan of Laura’s books, and so I was excited to talk with her about Tranquility By Tuesday, and honestly, since reading it, I’ve started incorporating a few of her strategies into my world as I try to be more mindful and aware of how I spend my time. The results have been pretty great. That’s why I wanted to share Laura’s work with my community because I know so many of you are dealing with overwhelm and burnout. And my hope is that you’ll take away one or two nuggets that you can play with in your daily life to move the needle closer to tranquility.During our conversation, Laura shared her definition of tranquility, the common myths that get in the way of building more peace in our lives, and why it’s so important for families to have adventures together. She also shared multiple strategies that I promise are easy enough to implement. And again, even though they might seem like small shifts, they can have a big impact in your world.Laura is the author of several time management and productivity books, including the forthcoming Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters. She is the host of the Before Breakfast podcast and the co-host, with Sarah Hart-Unger, of the Best of Both Worlds podcast. She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and five children.Things you'll learn from this episode Laura’s definition of tranquility and pushing back against the perception of not having enough time Advice for parents who want to better manage their energy The barriers and myths that get in the way of building peace and tranquility Strategies to poke holes and reframe the stories that we tell ourselves Why it’s so important for families to have adventures together Simple “rules” or guidelines that can be gamechangers in your daily life  Resources mentioned for How We Can Find Tranquility by Tuesday Laura Vanderkam’s website Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters by Laura Vanderkam 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam The New Corner Office: How the Most Successful People Work from Home by Laura Vanderkam I Know How She Does It: How the Most Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time by Laura Vanderkam Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting Stuff Done by Laura Vanderkam  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s episode features a conversation with Angela Pruess, a licensed clinical therapist and mom of three who wants to help all parents raise emotionally healthy kids that will change the world, by explaining the he(art) and science behind our child’s development and emotional regulation.For this episode, we focus on that elusive thing so many of us are trying to help develop in our kids, but can be very difficult to know exactly where to start and what we should expect over our child’s developmental timeline—self-regulation and emotional regulation.Today we dive deep into what it is, why it’s an important skill for our kids to develop, the different ways we as parents and caregivers and teachers can support our kids in nurturing these skills, and more. Things you’ll learn from this episode What self-regulation / emotional regulation actually is and what it can look like when kids struggle with it Why self-regulation can be developed over time, even when the time line looks different How we might expect development of self-regulation to progress at different ages The importance of modelling self-regulation for our children How we can best support teachers in being our partners in developing our kids’ self-regulation How parents can most effectively do in supporting our kids in learning these skills Strategies for what to do when children are resistant to working on self-regulation Top tips for jump-starting our child’s self-regulation  Resources mentioned Parents With Confidence Parents With Confidence on Facebook Children’s Mental Health Rocks on Facebook How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child That Will Succeed in Life How to Be the Best Parent to Your Emotionally Intense Child Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The One Mistake You Want to Avoid Emotional Intelligence Flashcard Bundle  Self-Reg: How to Help Your child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life by Stuart Shanker Dr. Ross Greene Dr. Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain  30 Games & Activities to Boost Self-Regulation Stop, Breathe, & Think App Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this engaging conversation, Dr. Stuart Shanker, a distinguished research professor and founder of The MEHRIT Centre, dives into the intricacies of self-regulation. He discusses the alarming rise in stress-related issues and how our understanding of stress can help children thrive. Shanker reveals five essential steps for self-regulation, highlights the power of touch in calming stress responses, and distinguishes between stress behavior and misbehavior. His insights provide hope for transforming children’s lives through neuroscience-based strategies.