Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

My guest this week is Blake Boles, the self-directed learning advocate behind Unschool Adventures and the author of several books on unschooling, including The Art of Self-Directed Learning, Better Than College, and College Without High School, as well as the host of the Off-Trail Learning podcast. Now… you may be reading this and thinking, I’m not homeschooling my child or “unschooling” isn’t my thing. But I’m going to encourage you to listen to what Blake has to say. Because regardless of your child’s educational circumstances, there is wisdom to be gleaned from Blake’s philosophy on self-directed learning and helping our kids grow up into intrinsically motivated humans who understand themselves and are driven to seek out the information and resources they need to achieve their goals. I also love that Blake’s approach beautifully challenges those traditional timelines that our differently wired kids often don’t meet anyway. So… have a listen and let me know what you think. I’m curious to hear how this lands with you. Blake Boles is the founder and director of Unschool Adventures and the author of The Art of Self-Directed Learning, Better Than College, and College Without High School.  He hosts the Off-Trail Learning podcast, speaks for alternative schools, writes for The Alliance for Self-Directed Education, and has keynoted multiple homeschooling conferences.  Things you’ll learn from this episode  What unschooling actually is (in comparison with traditional or eclectic homeschooling) The most common myths and assumptions surrounding unschooled kids How intrinsic motivation is the key to helping a student learn what they want to learn when they’re ready to learn it The ways in which unschooling and self-directed learning respects a child’s unique timeline What the transition from a traditional educational model to unschooling might look like might look like What a transition to university looks like in the U.S. for children who’ve been homeschooled, and how to do it How parents who are homeschooling their child can play the role as “consultant” rather than teacher, and giving child the room to become truly self-directed Tips for parents looking to dip their toe into unschooling Resources mentioned for what is unschooling?  Blake Boles’ website Unschool Adventures Off-Trail Learning  The Art of Self-Directed Learning: 23 Tips for Giving Yourself an Unconventional Education  Better Than College: How to Build a Successful Life Without a Four-Year Degree  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Since my guest for today’s episode, Dr. Abigail Gewirtz was on the show just over two years ago near the start of the COVID pandemic, the world has continued to go through increasingly complicated and challenging times. Like I’m sure all of you out there listening, I’ve struggled to find ways to help my child feel hope and optimism about the state of the world — the war in Ukraine, a spate of school shootings, a very polarized political landscape, and catastrophic weather events. So I wanted to ask Abigail, the author of the wonderful book When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids, if hope and optimism is possible to find even when things around us feel so unpredictable and chaotic, and if so, how can we cultivate this for our kids in an authentic way?In our conversation, Abigail shares her ideas for doing that, as well as ways we adults can manage our own fear and worries to be able to show up for our kids, and the importance of guiding kids toward something that makes them feel purpose and meaning. Dr. Abigail Gewirtz is a child psychologist and professor at the University of Minnesota’s College of Education and Human Development (ranked the world’s third-leading institution of its kind). Dr. Gewirtz has consulted for and presented to national and international organizations, including the US Congress and UNICEF, on parenting. Dr. Gewirtz’s most recent book is When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids.Things you'll learn from this episode What Abigail is seeing in her work over the past two years regarding of the state of the world and the impact on kids and families How adults can manage their own pain, fear, and worries so they can show up for their kids Whether it’s possible for our kids to feel optimism in the midst of growing up in a heavy and difficult times How to guide a child toward identifying something that could help them feel a sense of purpose and meaning What happens in our kids' developing brains when they consume content that reinforces pessimism and division What leading kids with negative mindsets toward hope might look like Resources mentioned: Dr. Abigail Gewirtz’s website When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids by Dr. Abigail Gewirtz How to Talk to Kids When the World Feels Like a Scary Place (Tilt Parenting podcast episode) Dr. Devorah Heitner on Online Safety and Internet “Rabbit Holes” and Differently Wired Kids (Tilt Parenting podcast episode) Dr. Tamar Chansky on How to Free Our Children from Negative Thinking (Tilt Parenting podcast episode) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Melissa Neff, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Missoula, MT in the United States who specializes in conducting psychological evaluations with children (ages 6-18) and adults. A lot of Melissa’s practice focuses on helping parents figure out what’s going on with their children and diagnosing things like ADHD and autism, although she shared with me that one of her favorite aspects of her practice lately is working with girls who are on the spectrum.There are so many things I could have talked about with Melissa, but for today’s episode, we focused our conversation on the diagnostic process—what it involves and when and how parents can take the steps they need to pursue a diagnosis—as well as the pros and cons of getting a diagnoses, and more specifically, of having one or more labels attached to a child, both in their educational journey, as well as their lives as they grow into adults.  Melissa Neff, Ph.D received her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology in 2008 from the University of Montana following the completion of an APA-approved pre-doctoral internship at Spokane Mental in Spokane, WA. She has extensive training in working with children and adults of all ages. Her areas of specialty are the diagnostic evaluation of psychological disorders and the assessment and treatment of trauma. Dr. Neff also has extensive experience in testing for ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, and anxiety disorders. She utilizes a strengths-based approach in her work in an attempt to foster resilience, preferring a team-centered approach to assessment and intervention. Things you’ll learn from this episode The typical / “best” ages for kids to be assessed What some of the early signs are that a child might be on the autism spectrum How subjective is the process of assessing / diagnosing a child? What makes a “good diagnosis?” Why the current diagnostic process isn’t catching everyone, especially girls (for both autism and ADHD) The value of a diagnosis or label—pros and cons Tips for navigating the process of getting a diagnosis Resources mentioned for the assessment process for kids Dr. Melissa Neff’s website A Conversation with Julie George About Girls on the Autism Spectrum ADHD is Different for Women Decades of Failing to Recognize ADHD in Girls Has Created a Lost Generation of Women  Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is an important conversation about online communities and internet rabbit holes. And I felt pulled to tackle this topic for the show because I know that the past few years in particularly has been a time where differently wired kids have been a) spending a LOT more time online and connecting with people they may not have even meant in real life, and b) doing their identity development largely online as a result of COVID. And I also know that this can put our kids, and us as their parents and caregivers, in challenging positions as we navigate a seemingly endless stream of discourse that may lead our kids down the wrong paths. So I asked my friend and screen and tech expert Dr. Devorah Heitner to join me for a frank and open conversation about it all. We talked about the ways differently wired kids might be exposed to harmful content, and why our kids may be more susceptible to toxic or unhealthy virtual rabbit holes in the first place, the popular places where teens and kids are hanging out the most right now, the way our kids’ worldview and their brain development is impacted they content their engaging with, and what we parents might not know that we should know about regarding this topic. Dr. Devorah Heitner is the author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World and her book on navigating Privacy and Reputation with kids and teens, Growing Up in Public will be out in 2023 with Penguin Random House. Dr. Heitner’s work has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and CNN Opinion. She has a Ph.D. in Media/Technology & Society from Northwestern University and has taught at DePaul and Northwestern.  Things you'll learn from this episode Why differently wired kids are more vulnerable to Internet rabbit holes The places online where today’s teens and kids are hanging out the most right now Whether it’s possible to set up controls to manage the type of contents kids are accessing on sites like Reddit The way our kids’ worldview and their brain development is impacted by engaging with potentially toxic content What parents don’t know about what's going on with their kids and the way that they're accessing content Resources mentioned Devorah Heitner’s website Phonewise Boot Camp  Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World by Dr. Devorah Heitner Devorah’s TEDx Talk, The Challenges of Raising a Digital Native Devorah on Twitter Devorah on Instagram   Support the show Connect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you worried about your child’s video gaming habits? If so, here’s interesting conversation with Eric Lanigan about two topics that I know are relevant, and perhaps concerning, to many listeners out there — video gaming and motivation. I reached out to Eric after learning about an online course he runs for parents called Making Peace with Gaming, because I was curious to know just exactly how we do that, and what that actually means in the context of everyday life with kids who are really into gaming. What I love about this conversation is it went so much deeper than video gaming and into the heart of the emotional lives of our children. I found our conversation to be highly thought-provoking—I hope you get a lot out of it.Eric Lanigan is a Motivation Coach who has helped hundreds of people to get clear on what they want -and then do it. He guides his clients in directing their attention inwards instead of blaming themselves or external events. A former video game addict himself, Eric offers an intimate view of the world of compulsive gaming. Eric has delivered dozens of workshops on emotional intelligence, motivation, and procrastination. His online course, The Big Shift, has served over 750 people from more than 15 countries.Things you’ll learn from this episode Why many children get so deeply involved in their video game worlds The emotional payoff many children get from engaging in games Eric’s ideas around how parents can respect and understand their child’s video gaming The connection between motivation and gaming, and what parents miss when considering these Why Eric says the problem isn’t the games themselves but the way we relate to the games The biggest fears and concerns parents have surrounding their child’s gaming Eric’s thoughts on parents legislating their children’s gaming and how rewards and punishments associated with gaming may be counterproductive / result in the opposite desired outcome  Resources mentioned for parents worried about their child’s video gaming Eric Lanigan’s website Making Peace with Gaming online course* The Big Shift online course Blake Boles A Conversation with Blake Boles on Unschooling and Self-Directed Learning (podcast episode) Asher Talks About the Pros and Cons of Banning Video Games (podcast episode) Eric on Facebook Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode explores the subject of vulnerability, male culture, and parenting specifically in the context of heteronormative relationships and how men can show up as better dads to their differently wired children. And I have the perfect guest to explore this topic with — Todd Adams, half of the duo of Zen Parenting Radio, and a leadership coach for men and the executive director of the international men’s organization, Men Living. Todd and I looked at the societal norms and pressures on men that get in the way of their being vulnerable in their relationships, feel more connected at home, and hold emotional space for their families, especially in families with neurodivergent kids and where the demands on relationships (emotionally, mentally, and physically) may be more intense. We also talked about what women can do to support and encourage their male partners to do inner work and show up as dads in a way that will better support their relationships and their family as a whole. Things you'll learn from this episode What the a “man box” is (and how it differs from “toxic masculinity”) The barriers in a heteronormative relationship that stand in the way of men feeling connected, including the additional challenges when raising a differently wired child How families can benefit from men showing up and being more vulnerable in their relationships What women can do to encourage their male partners to do the work and how they can support them through it How dads can find other like-minded dads and connect with them Resources mentioned for dads, the "man box" and how men can better show up for their kids and families Men Living Zen Parenting Radio (Todd and Cathy Adams’ podcast) Todd Adam’s Coaching Site Getting Aligned Through Parenting and Marriage Challenges, with Todd and Cathy Adams (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Cathy Adams on Zen Parenting in an Unpredictable World The ManKind Project The Mask You Live In Jennifer Siebel Newsom A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckert Tolle  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you have a differently wired child who is athletic and/or is into sports, this episode is for you. My guest is Susan Stout, the founder Own Beat Athlete, a new resource aimed at helping athletic coaches understand their athletes who march to a different beat. Susan knows from personal experience as an athlete herself, a former coach, and the parent of an athletic differently wired child, that many great athletes can be challenging to coach because of their wiring—they can be easily frustrated, disruptive, forgetful, inconsistent. But she also knows that they can be a teams’ greatest asset. Susan’s goal is to equip others with what she wishes she knew when she was a coach, and support and bring out the best in the many athletes who didn’t fit the mold, with a specific focus on athletes with ADHD, learning differences, and anxiety.This is a really interesting conversation and Susan’s resources are a great starting point for listeners who want to bridge that gap of knowledge between their child’s behavior and their sports coach. I hope you enjoy it.Susan Stout is an advocate for athletes who are wired differently and struggle to participate or reach their potential in sports. She specializes in ADHD, learning differences and anxiety. Susan is the founder of Own Beat Athlete, a project to provide athletic coaches with the understanding and tools they need to help their differently wired athletes thrive. She brings to the work her perspective as a swimmer, coach, teacher, lawyer and mom to an avid and talented young athlete with ADHD and dyslexia. Things you’ll learn from this episode How and when parents should let athletic coaches know about a child’s wiring What kind of unique gifts differently wired athletes bring to their sports What the common challenges are for differently wired kids participating in sports How parents can talk with their kids about learning how to self-advocate for themselves with their coaches Susan’s thoughts on how willing coaches are to better understand and support their differently wired athletes How Own Beat Athlete supports coaches (and parents of athletes) to know how to practically support and problem solve with challenges related to neurodifferences What parents should look for to know whether or not they should step in  Resources mentioned for coaching differently wired athletes Own Beat Athlete Own Beat Athlete / Susan Stout on Twitter Susan Stout on Facebook Own Beat Athlete’s Coaches’ Toolkit Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you are a regular listener of this show, you will be familiar with Polyvagal Theory, as it’s coming up in multiple interviews. But this episode is the first one dedicated solely to exploring this powerful theory. And to explore it with us, I’m thrilled to be talking with Deb Dana, a clinician, consultant, and author who is known for being a translator of Polyvagal Theory, which was developed by Dr. Stephen Porges in the mid-1990s.In this episode, Deb Dana gives us a primer of the key points of Polyvagal Theory, and in doing so, explains the ways in which it can support the way we parent our differently-wired kids. Deb explains the nervous system pathways, why co-regulation is essential to our survival, what befriending and listening to our autonomic nervous system looks like in practice, and the benefits of having a breathing practice. We also talk about why these concepts can change our relationships to our daily life even if our circumstances stay the same. Deb Dana, LCSW is a clinician, consultant and author specializing in complex trauma.  Her work is focused on using the lens of Polyvagal Theory to understand and resolve the impact of trauma, and creating ways of working that honor the role of the autonomic nervous system.  She is a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute, consultant to Khiron Clinics, advisor to Unyte, and developer of the signature Rhythm of Regulation Clinical Training Series. Deb is well known for translating Polyvagal Theory into a language and application that is both understandable and accessible for clinicians and curious people alike.Deb’s clinical work published with W.W. Norton includes The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation, Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client Centered Practices, the Polyvagal Flip Chart: Understanding the Science of Safety and the Polyvagal Card Deck: 58 Practices for Calm and Change. Things you'll learn from this episode-The mission behind Deb’s book Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory-What the nervous system pathways are and the three states we can be in-What aspects of our nervous systems are innate or “hardwired” versus routed in nurture or life experience-Why co-regulation is essential to our survival and examples for ways in which we constantly do naturally-What befriending and listening to our autonomic nervous system looks like in practice-What the benefits of having a regular breathing practice areResources Mentioned-Deb Dana’s website, Rhythm of Regulation-Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana-Polyvagal Card Deck: 58 Practices for Calm & Change-Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices by Deb Dana-Polyvagal Practices: Anchoring the Self in Safety by Deb Dana (coming March 2023)-Stephen PorgesSupport the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For this episode about ADHD and nutrition, I spoke with one of America’s leading experts in the field of childhood nutrition, Jill Castle. Jill is a registered dietician / nutritionist with over twenty-five years of experience working with babies, toddlers, children, and teens, in a variety of settings from private practice and consulting to author and writer. Her specialty is taking the current research in pediatric nutrition and shaping it into practical, sane advice for parents and healthcare providers. Jill writes the blog, “Just the Right Bite” and hosts a childhood nutrition podcast called The Nourished Child. In today’s conversation, Jill shares her insights about what we know about the relationship between ADHD and nutrition, the impact of nutritional deficiencies in kids, and how to not get overwhelmed at the thought of making changes in your family and, more specifically, your child’s diet. She also shares some great tips for how to get started in making small changes that can have a big impact. Jill truly is an expert in her field, and I learned a lot in this conversation. I hope you enjoy it!  Jill Castle is a registered dietitian/nutritionist and a childhood nutrition expert. With over 25 years of experience with babies, toddlers, children and teens, in a variety of settings from private practice and consulting to author and writer, and as a mother of 4, Jill is sought after as one of America’s leading experts in the field of childhood nutrition.Things you’ll learn from this episode  What the current research says about ADHD and nutrition The common types of nutritional challenges and deficiencies faced by kids with ADHD How to address nutritional concerns with your child without getting overwhelmed Thoughts on dealing with shame or guilt surrounding a child’s nutritional habits Whether or not good nutrition can be a substitute for medication when it comes to treating a child with ADHD Tips for making small, positive nutritional changes in your home and with your ADHD child How we can get our kids invested in their own nutritional well-being  Resources mentioned for ADHD and Nutrition in Kids Jill Castle’s website Jill’s podcast: The Nourished Child Jill’s books Jill’s Blog Post: A Healthy ADHD Diet for Kids Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’m really excited to bring you this conversation with Dr. Norinne Russell on a new topic we haven’t covered before on this show and one that only came into my radar last year, and that is rejection sensitive dysphoria or RSD, a dysphoria commonly experienced by people with ADHD. We talked about what rejection sensitive dysphoria is and how it’s different from mood disorders or emotional dysregulation, what the early signs are and examples of triggers from Norrine’s own experience with her son, and how to support children with RSD. I’m sure this conversation will resonate with many of you and hope you find this new topic interesting and valuable to your family.  About Dr. Norrine RussellDr. Norrine Russell is the founder of Russell Coaching for Students, which uses an innovative method of coaching for complex students, including those who are 2E; have ADHD, Autism, or Anxiety; and those with learning differences. This innovative method, Connected Coaching, has proven successful for hundreds of students since 2009. She is the author of the recently published guide for parents, “Asking the Right Questions Before, During, and After Your Child’s ADHD Diagnosis.”With twenty years of experience creating positive youth development and parenting education programs, Dr. Russell has extensive knowledge of child development, learning styles, special needs, and positive parenting philosophies. She blends this knowledge to provide students and parents with comprehensive support and the tools they need to grow and thrive. Things you'll learn from this episode What rejection sensitive dysphoria or RSD is and how it presents What the early signs of rejection-sensitive dysphoria are and examples of triggers for children and adolescents The difference between RSD, mood disorders, and “typical” emotional dysregulation that neurodivergent children might experience How to support children with RSD  Resources mentioned for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) & ADHD Dr. Norrine Russell’s website Dr. Norrine Russell via telephone: +12127161161 Kids in the Syndrome Mix of ADHD, LD, Autism Spectrum, Tourette's, Anxiety, and More!: The One Stop Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Other Professionals by Dr. Martin Kutscher New Insights Into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Additude Magazine article) How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Additude article) Free Resource: Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Additude article)  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices