The SelfWork Podcast

I thought today might be a great day to post an episode about acting maturely, as we in the US have gone through a very divisive election and hopefully will be trying to mend and heal and carry on. I'll be back next week and can't wait to fill you in on what's been happening! This is a very early episode... but the message is one that's a thread throughout my clinical work with patients - and now, you. Feeling mature, decisive, not being reactive but responsive, having insight into our own behavior and changing that behavior when it’s appropriate – when we can do these things, we are acting in our adult selves. So much of how or how long that takes depends on what happened to us as kids. In this episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, we'll talk about your childhood strategies – the ways you unconsciously coped with whatever was present in your family. If you’re still using the same guide or strategy, you might be stuck, or not actually dealing with life as it is now. We'll define not only different strategies, but how and why you came up with them. What are clues that you’re still using your childhood strategy, and how you can change it — if it’s not working for you now? You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today is the first anniversary of Perfectly Hidden Depression's  publication and I'm honored to tell you that it's being translated into seven more languages, including Korean, Hungarian, and Russian. So in this episode, sponsored by BetterHelp, and when we're on a bit of vacation, I'm reposting your questions and my answers about PHD. The first is from a writer who is losing her battle between creativity and perfectionism; the second from a wife and mother who is busy all day, but feels “blah” at night. A young woman used the SpeakPipe feature of the podcast (see below..) and  asks about how to move from what she terms “self-hatred” to “self-love." And the last is from a man who’s tried therapist after therapist, but now realizes that he tried to be the perfect patient and never revealed parts of himself that might show him in a vulnerable light. How can he begin to be real? Thank you for all these questions! If you're interested, I've also shared the first published excerpt from my book, Perfectly Hidden Depression, on my website -- just click here!  Important links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! The Questionnaire for perfectly hidden depression The National Suicide Hotline You can hear more about coping with depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

We're on vacation so I've selected several of my favorite podcasts from the first 100 episodes. Again sponsored by BetterHelp, they're my favorites either because of some personal reason or they lay out a practical "what you can do about it" approach! We'll be back November 13th with fresh episodes but I hope you really enjoy this blast from the past. There's lots of information out there about how to stop beating yourself up or how to increase your self-esteem. But how do-able is it? 'm offering three practical exercises for you to try -- things that I've offered as ideas to my own patients who are struggling with depression and low self-esteem, and are convinced that others look down on them, that they're unacceptable, or that they don't have what it takes to create a good life. You can try these out for yourself! The email listener for today questions whether or not she has borderline personality disorder, and seems to discount having suicidal thoughts. Important links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns (audiobook) Breaking The Patterns Of Depression by Dr. Michael Yapko The Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 Suicide Prevention Texting Hotline: CONNECT 741741 You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can orderhere! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

We're on vacation so I've chosen several podcasts to feature during our absence that are special to me and are from the "early" years (or the first 100 podcasts that you may not have listened to...). “Always be humble and kind” was a huge country hit several years ago, and I talk in this episode about making mistakes but then using them to actually learn something about yourself  - which definitely takes some humility. So, what's the process involved in that kind of learning ?  In this special "Second Time Around" post, sponsored by BetterHelp, I'll offer five pragmatic ideas about how to accept mistakes, and offer specific questions to ask so that you may be less likely to make them all over again. The process takes integrity, humility and even courage. Today’s email from a listener is on coping with friends and family not being as close as they used to be, when you’re struggling with depression or anxiety. How do you not feel abandoned? We'll be back with fresh podcasts on November 13th so see you then! Important links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! Daphne Kingma’s book, “Coming Apart” You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

We're on vacation! So I've chosen a few podcasts that were part of the first one hundred episodes that were either near and dear to me or were definite "what to do about it" episodes - the "how to" episodes. Since this week is my birthday week, I decided to feature one of my favs on aging where I use my own life and experience to highlight a point. This one is not talking about aging just gracefully, but with the acceptance and understanding of how each generation within a healthy family can shift roles while all individuals continue to respect and value one another. We'll be back on with new episodes November 13th! So see you then! And hope you enjoy. BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

We're on vacation! So I've chosen a few podcasts that were part of the first one hundred episodes that were either near and dear to me or were definite "what to do about it" episodes - the "how to" episodes. Since this week is my birthday week, I decided to feature one of my favs on aging where I use my own life and experience to highlight a point. This one is not talking about aging just gracefully, but with the acceptance and understanding of how each generation within a healthy family can shift roles while all individuals continue to respect and value one another. We'll be back on with new episodes November 13th! So see you then! And hope you enjoy. BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This "The Gist" is coming out on my own birthday - so perhaps that's why I wanted to know more about what makes our biological clocks tick a bit louder. Pregnancy and midlife obviously jump to mind as probably the most well-known times when your sense of time and maybe even urgency about it may influence your choices. So we'll talk about how to manage that ticking - so you make good choices instead of ones you'll come to regret. Important Links: Thought Catalogue's  funny piece on a conversation a woman might have with her uterus. Article on tokophobia Rutgers study on the male biological clock My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!        Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

People who are in crisis, whether it's mental, emotional or physical, usually report a very similar path to me. At first, everyone is there. Food and flowers are delivered after a death; people offer to take your kids if you’re recovering from surgery, or you had a car wreck, or your home was damaged in a tornado. If your friends know you’ve broken up with your significant other, you get texts and funny memes sent to you. But what happens a few weeks after that? A silence usually descends. And you’re left to cope on your own. When the loss or the struggle is chronic – when you're in for a long haul, the silence can be even more deafening. So today in this episode sponsored by. BetterHelp, we’re going to focus on how to listen. How to figure out the right thing to say. How to get tuned in. Our listener email for today poses a very direct question about holding onto the past and not being able to work through grief and loss. Instead even years later, this listener feels overwhelmed by suddenly losing the life she’d worked very hard to create and now can’t seem to live in the present. Important Links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! Emma-Marie Smith's article on what to say (and not say) when someone is depressed Symptoms of complicated grief (Mayo Clinic) You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!        Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I had the great pleasure of talking to New York Times best-selling author, Terri Cheney, a couple of weeks ago. She's come forward the last few years to reveal her struggle with severe bipolar disorder in books that are as transparent as they are dramatic. I read her her newest book, Modern Madness, and frankly couldn't put it down. And even though I've been a clinician for over twenty-five years, I learned so much from her vivid explanations and revelations about just what goes on inside someone's mind when they cycle from struggling with thought of suicide to high-flying mania. Terri's former profession was as a highly successful entertainment lawyer, with clients such as Quincy Jones and Michael Jackson. She now advocates for mental health awareness and leads a campaign to #TellMeWhereItHurts - urging people to ask questions and really listen to the answers from those who need compassion and to be seen for themselves, not their disease. I know that this will be helpful to anyone who listens. And maybe, you'll choose to say, "Tell Me Where It Hurts" yourself. It's a beautiful gift to give someone who struggles emotionally and mentally. Important Links: Modern Madness BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

When I began looking for how to shape this 200th episode of SelfWork, I wanted to share my own major self-doubts about creating SelfWork. Was I truly an expert? What if I made mistakes? But that wasn't the worst. There was one more that was even stronger... so I turned to the wisdom of Maya Angelou for some help. And I received it from her - and will share it today with you. We’re going to talk about confronting self-doubt. We all have insecurities; even the people that don’t look like they do – do. But why does self-doubt stop some people and not others? What gives self-doubt power? But today is also about celebrating 200 episodes of SelfWork, as I had to conquer my own substantial self-doubt to begin. Several of you sent in recordings and emails telling me what SelfWork has meant to you, and I will include a couple of them. You were kind and oh so generous. I also have an amazing team to thank - there are really no words to say how much each of them means to me. Their talents make SelfWork what is has become. And their talents and your presence will help it to grow into something even stronger and better. But let’s get to the topic of confronting self-doubt in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp – and what can be the result. And then we’ll celebrate! Important links: BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now! Tribute to Maya Angelou Article by Margie Warrell in Forbes  You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!        Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands