Sex Birth Trauma with Kimberly Ann Johnson

What Ellen Shares: Her exploration of feminism and motherhood Her new understanding of career after motherhood How the cultural standards of having to do it all, alone, sets mothers up for burnout How burnout and health issues allowed her learn how to receive help and collaborate with community Her desire to add motherhood, bodies, and intuition to the feminist conversation; plus giving women the permission and agency to do what's right for them What You'll Hear: How Ellen's work shifted when she became a mother (2:30) How her feminism has shifted with motherhood (4:24) How motherhood has been seen as an oppressive institution (5:50) Is feminism about everything other than motherhood? (6:20) Feelings of disempowerment/invisibility after becoming a mother (7:53) Who am I/what is my value in the world now that I'm a mother? (8:40) The plan vs. the reality, after having a baby (9:53) "I thought I would have a child and keep going in the same direction" (11:37) Andrea O'Reilly's books on feminism & motherhood (13:21) Motherhood as an institution or mothering as a female experience (15:13) The hormonal differences between men and women as it relates to work (17:18) Burn-out and depletion in mothers (18:02) Self-care as rebellion (23:05) Prioritizing when you're in a sprint (25:25) Balancing desires & motherhood (30:52) Self-worth & mothering (32:30) Creating a home life where everyone feels nourished (34:00) The hard work of mothering that goes unnoticed (34:48) American values of individuation (36:43) Over-valuing independence has a cost (38:45) How much can I do in collaboration? (39:40) The stress of being overly self-reliant (42:35) Attachment styles and sex (44:17) What's missing from feminism now (46:40) How do we give women the support to choose what's right for them? (48:06) Throwing out the word feminism (51:10) Unrealistic expectations in postpartum & motherhood (54:00) Being present for a child is an enormous gift (55:20) Find her here: http://ellenboeder.com/ https://relationshipschool.net/

Ellen and Kimberly Share: The inside scoop on Exiting the Shame Matrix course and why comes first in STREAM training Lots of great information about the four domains of pelvic health: the biochemical pelvis, the biomechanical pelvis, the all important scar tissue domain, and the emotional pelvis Most importantly, what the shame matrix is, how it affects access to life as a whole, and why freeing yourself from it is *essential* before helping others with their sexuality Your right to self pleasure and thoughts on radical sexual autonomy and patriarchal culture All about the next Radical Bodywork module and reclaiming the erotic as love of life The differences between touching from eros and giving erotic massage and all the things that come up in pelvic touchwork from arousal to longing to transference The role of assessment in navigating boundaries and connected relational exchange STREAM training news and how to get involved if working with sexuality is your calling What You'll Hear: What is the full scope of STREAM? What does it stand for? (1:40) What are the essential four parts of health? Ellen breaks it down (2:49) What it means to unpack shame and why there's potential for transformation in the genitals (7:34) Why is Exiting the Shame Matrix the first module of this training? Hint: Shame affects access to life as a whole (9:32) A right to self pleasure and how we explored it in the course (12:07) Thoughts on privacy, secrecy, and self pleasure (12:37) When it comes to genitals, men wanna be bigger and women wanna be less (13:37) What is sacred deconditioning? Why taking back authority is key (14:30) Owning your own sexuality is CONFRONTING in practice (16:45) We must exit our own shame matrix and be really clear of who we are as sexual beings before helping others with their sexuality (19:05) Authentic eros vs. shamed based eros. The power of clearing the sexual shadow (21:50) It's time to own our sexual autonomy and how this relates to #metoo (23:10) Why undoing shame is powerful in groups (23:26) Activating Inner Jaguar Course as titrated step into the shame matrix. Be seen in a space with other people (26:00) Next module (in Feb 2018) is Radical Bodywork: Bone Holding, Body Reading & Touch with Eros (28:30) Why radical touch? Literally means touching the root - your essential erotic self (28:50) The difference between touching from eros and erotic massage (33:30) Kimberly shares what a client may experience with pelvic touch (34:40) How is arousal held in pelvic touchwork? (36:11) Is genital touch a transference disaster? How do you create good boundaries? Ellen explains the importance of assessment (37:27) This is about training your hands for accurate perception, which can only be done if you're free and clear of your own pelvic floor tension (44:06) The emotional pelvis (45:34) "No one says cute little anus…" (thoughts on genital amnesia coupled with shame) (46:41) The genital hole is a kind of trauma (50:37) Second STREAM training in 2018 and how to learn more. Calling those with a calling to work with sexuality in their body-based practices (51:30) Upcoming STREAM trainings, including Radical Bodywork https://www.scartissueremediation.com/events Activate Your Inner Jaguar: Embodied Consent & Boundaries https://www.facebook.com/events/161288511184711/

EP18: Sil Reynolds on Mothering and Daughtering "Better" (Not Easier) with More Connection and Support You are really in for a huge treat in meeting Sil Reynolds. She and I have connected intermittently over the years. Although our contacts have been brief, she has given me gems that have stuck with me over time. At a time when I felt deeply insecure about mothering and especially single mothering, she told me, a child needs ONE person to securely attach to. And she is a person you listen to and trust when she speaks. She is a wise elder, a former women's health nurse practitioner, a coach and teacher of women and mothers and an author, together with her stellar daughter, Eliza Reynolds, of the book Mothering and Daughtering. What Sil Shares: Why it's our job to stay at the center of our daughter's world How mothering and daughtering can get better (not easier) during the teen years - meaning more connected, deeper, and closer. And how conflict is an opportunity for deeper connection. Her choice to mother more consciously than her mother and the process of "growing up," confronting undernourished places internally Her thoughts on rites of passage, attachment, dependence, and interdependence The Feminine rising in men and women = we need each other The wisdom of slowing down, connecting with other women, and creating creative containers Perspectives on mothering today. Is it really harder? How we deal with raising kids in a digital age What You'll Hear: On becoming the mother of a daughter (6:23) As a mother, it's our job to stay at the center of our daughter's world and not believe peers will be a better influence (7:20) It can get better in the teen years. Better doesn't necessarily mean it feels better…(8:12) Sil on "growing up" as a mother and finding mentors and guides (9:18) Life and death cycles and rites of passage (10:58) The story of Vasilisa: An old way of relating as a mother and daughter is dying and a new way is being born (13:04) Mothering is raising your daughter to become herself (14:15) Attachment objects; vulnerable attachment requests at any age (15:35) What kind of rituals can we provide to honor rites of passage today? (17:42) On mothering and daughtering, interdependence, and attachment (20:04) Describe Feminism (with a capital F) (21:19) Feminine rising in men and women says, "Bring it on need!" (24:00) When the tears come in the circle, there's the oracle. Let your feelings catch up with you. (26:31) Sil sharing Marion Woodman's quote (27:29) The antidote to so many things these days is slowing down, curing the "too much, too fast, too soon" to reveal a whole other level of understanding (28:33) Is mothering harder today than it ever was? (30:02) Motherhood is exhausting because we don't get enough help. We don't have the natural supports we've always had (31:38) Don't miss this quote! (32:40) Attachment parenting doesn't stop in adolescence. We need to be just as involved in a different way (34:04) Examples of missing containers in our culture: sisterhood, mothering circles, etc. (34:57) On "rupture and repair" and why conflict and communication are important (38:14) How do we deal with technology and mothering? (40:25) Perspectives on raising children in a digital age through the attachment lens (42:36) On setting limits with children (47:30) Attachment doesn't replace limits (48:02) When you're in right relationship with your child, there's a natural hierarchy (48:18) "If you have your child's heart, no discipline is necessary" (48:50) About Mothering and Daughtering mothering courses and upcoming events (49:04) https://motheringanddaughtering.com Video Blog on Tech Boundaries with Deborah McNamara: https://motheringanddaughtering.com/setting-real-tech-boundaries-kid/ Hold onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neuf, Ph.D. and Gabor Mate, MD https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/120863/hold-on-to-your-kids-by-gordon-neufeld-phd-and-gabor-mate-md/9780307361967/

EP 18: Bern Mendez on Finding the Love You Want Bern Mendez from YourGreatLifeTV helps women find their soulmates, and it works! He believes in big epic love and helps women get there. I love inviting wonderful men on the podcast. Bern's heart is as big as the world. I hope you love the conversation as much as I loved having it. I am proud to call Bern a dear friend. What Bern Shares: Why he works with women (hint: women will save the planet) How standards work: differentiating between what would be nice to have, vs what you need There IS sacrifice in love His view of sex on the first date How to find a good guy (yes, they're out there, and you can find one if you get uncomfortable/do the work) What You'll Hear: Why he works with women & not men (3:28) What is women's #1 relationship problem? (5:30) Should women lower their standards? (6:55) What happens when we raise our own standards for how we show up in the world (8:40) Why haven't you met The One? (11:40) How to remove obstacles to your feminine energy (14:00) It's important to work with the body for lasting change (17:40) What can happen when you have sex on the first date: your heart & vagina vs your mind (19:15) Is it the woman's job to say "let's wait?" (25:50) Where are the decent guys? (29:30) The 5% rule (31:45) Navigating online dating (32:15) Look within to find a good guy (32:59) Go places where there are men (34:12) One of Bern's success stories (39:30) Who gets a love coach? (42:40) You can change, no matter where you are (44:24)

Ellen Heed on the Four Domains of Pelvic Health- Biomechanics, Biochemistry, Trauma/Emotions and Scar Tissue What Ellen Shares: How to assess the origins of pain in the body, and the four domains of health Your unconscious mind lives in your body! How castor oil and self-massage can to help heal your scar tissue How those with elastic connective tissue are drawn toward yoga and veganism … and how that can contribute to tears and injuries during birth How diet (especially eating animal products) influences healing The differences between collagenous and elastic people Her February Touch Skills workshop with Kimberly, where you can learn to feel the difference between emotional tension, biochemical tension & scar tissue in the pelvis What You'll Hear: The four domains of health - biochemical (inflammation), emotional (tension stuck in the body), biomechanical (posture, ergonomics, constitution), and scar tissue (1:06) Painful sex origins (1:38) Scars affect our physiology (6:10) Birth has a potential of scar tissue, which can cause pelvic/sexual pain (6:35) One domain of health affects another (7:51) The difference between scars and adhesions (9:24) Chronic emotional upset causes inflammation (9:45) Is your problem scar tissue? (13:02) Scar tissue as a cause of bad posture, and a result of it (15:29) Connecting pain, trauma, and biomechanics with scar tissue (17:28) Connective tissue characteristics: are you chewing gum or a superball? (19:54) Using collagen products to supplement after birth (22:18) Case study: how veganism might influence healing after a pelvic floor tear (22:35) Can your body heal well, without eating meat? (24:28) Our relationship to the world based on our connective tissue (27:00) People who are more collagenous are more extroverted, shoot from the hip, and move toward diarrhea under stress, and do very well on a plant based diet; people who are more elastin are more introverted, take a long time to make decisions, move toward constipation under stress, and tend to build a weak type of scar tissue, unless they have animal protein in their diets (28:40) How do we know when tension is emotional? (34:40) How important it is to have tools in all four domains of health (37:35) Assessment is everything (38:18) 39:25 - 39:47 Audio problem You can feel the difference between emotional tension, biochemical tension & scar tissue (39:48) Touch skills workshop with Ellen and Kimberly - learn how to feel these differences (41:49)

EP16: Deborah Claire Bagg on Same Sex Fertility and the Vulnerability of the First Year of Motherhood Today I have a guest who is going to charm you like you haven't been charmed quite yet. She has the best accent and a very warm heart. Deborah Claire Bagg is the owner and founder of the yoga studio, LoveisJuniper in Brooklyn- which is a yoga center, flower shop and has treatment spaces. Deborah is a yoga teacher, yoga teacher trainer, doula, somatic therapist and new mom. I met her online- but we had a lot of worlds in common as she went to Naropa and I lived in Boulder for five years. She came for a session when I was working in Brooklyn and then immediately invited me to teach at her new space that opened this year. She is a wise woman, and has immersed herself in the feminine arts. We are going to talk about the journey of same sex fertility, the road to starting a non-traditional family and the vulnerability of the first year of motherhood. What Deborah Shares: The wild and epic road of same sex fertility, especially when you find yourself there unexpectedly How yoga practice impacts birth The vulnerability of being a new mother Gems of postpartum wisdom for the journey What You'll Hear: Becoming a same-sex mother by surprise (2:16) Opening a yoga center with a 4-month-old baby (5:00) Preference for a known donor (6:50) The actual "how" of getting pregnant (12:40) Her journey with a miscarriage (14:50) Well woman care with midwives (15:30) Headstanding to get pregnant (18:40) What is fertility beyond sperm and egg? (21:00) IUI at home (22:00) Pregnancy- ecstatic misery (25:50) Asking for reassurance (30:00) Deborah's birth chant (33:35) The surprises of postpartum (36:00) Her old self fed her new self (38:30) In woman-centered yoga practice, motherhood not included (39:00) In any big change in life you have to go through all the seasons (42:00) Audio glitch (45:30) Postpartum time= a lifetime inside of seconds Lessons learned from postpartum from the inside (48:00) It's difficult to mother when you don't have a connection to your body (50:00) All that was born from her journey to motherhood to one year (52:00) Tap into the wider field before crisis. Grander field of wisdom that is waiting. (54:40) www.loveisjuniper.com www.deborahbagg.com

**Trigger Warning** We cover sexual assault in this episode, and we go into deep grief space as Erin lost her sister in a brutal way. In this episode, we talk about breathwork as a therapeutic modality that bypasses the mind, the role of emotions, and dealing with grief. We ended up in some deep archetypal shizzle. The story of Erin's family, her mother and her sister has so many miraculous and redemptive elements for them as souls and family, but for us all. This episode took me to a place I wasn't planning to go, and I think it is very rich. We laughed and cried a lot. EP15: Erin Telford on Breathwork, the Role of Emotions, Grief & Redemption What You'll Hear: Why Erin chooses Breathwork as her main healing modality. The archetypal journey of Erin's sister (and their family) as a belly dancer and Zapatista activist in Mexico, and her mother's response. Erin's journey of leaving her wordly life in NYC and setting out on the road- first stop Joshua Tree Breaking the threads of aloneness How working with emotions allows for deep healing and getting to the root of things. What Erin Shares: What is Breathwork? (2:45) Emotional health as a corner (9:30) First part of Erin's story about her sister (9:40) Dealing with significant loss and grief (11:00) Erin's family story (14:00) including her mom getting pregnant, after the Dalcon shield, with her sister. Her sister's story (16:10) (Audio problem from 19:10-19:25) Her mother's response to her sister's murder in Mexico (20:20) Her mother's model of grieving and how it has healed their family (25:45) Giving up the supportive structures of life to move into true surrender (27:45) Working at Prada (32:30) and getting sick Lama Tsultrim Allione (35:30) Emotions—are they a liability? Safety in mental practices. When are you really doing the Work? (38:00) The role of DIY self-healing (40:30) Role and purpose of emotions (42:00) Kimberly doubts about doing things alone and confesses she doesn't like practicing yoga alone ;) (44:55) Dissolving stigma (48:20) Life as a single woman with no children at 42 & 43 (49:30) Putting lots of energy into work and healing practice, but personal life was not supportive enough, because there was not the right thread of personal community (51:40) The giving/receiving balance (52:30) Creating the rite of passage and sisterhood for her birthday (55:00) STAND on the EARTH (58:38)

EP14: Ellen Heed on STREAM School of Pelvic and Sexual Health, Sexological Bodywork, and True Health Today you will meet Ellen Heed- my mentor, the person who helped me heal my own birth injury and who paved the way for the new model of health that is culminating in our work in the STREAM school. We have taught STREAM together in England and 2018 is the first year we will bring this new radical model of pelvic and sexual health care to the US. Ellen is a Visionary Craniosacral practitioner and teacher and has taught anatomy and physiology all over the world for the past twenty years. You are in a for a treat. Get ready to get your mindbodysoul rocked. "Our hegemony over our own sexuality is a private matter and we have the option of taking private responsibility for that in a community peer-based support environment, which is what my vision is for STREAM to provide." In this episode, Ellen Heed shares: The importance of a peer model in healing modalities and relationship What contributes to healing, not management. What is Sexological Bodywork? What is STREAM- Scar Tissue Remediation Education & Management? Who is qualified to do STREAM work and provide this kind of care? You will hear: Ellen's first experience with postpartum pain (1:40) What contributed to radical healing in that first case study (3:50) Psychoemotional release with scar tissue resolution from a "perfect birth" (5:20) Can we still heal from birth years out? In my case, 2 ½ years post-birth (10:00) Who is scar tissue remediation for, in addition to new mothers? (12:55) Scar is a physical artifact of trauma. (15:30) Peer support models of health care (20:00) Audio gap at 23 minutes for 20 sec. Mapping as a ritual of initiation (25:30) Deep and broad overarching model of health (28:20) Absence of connective tissue as a living contributor to health (32:25) Stakeholdership is inherent in the healing process (39:30) What is Sexological Bodywork? (43:00) Who becomes a Sexological Bodyworker? (47:00) What is STREAM- Scar Tissue Remediation Education and Management (49:20) Who are good STREAM candidates? (54:45) What is a Private Membership Agreement (PMA)? (55:20) The Shame Matrix of the genitals (59:00) Future vision: that people in transitions of all kinds have access to mapping, and to somatic sexual and pelvic health care.

Spirituality and sexuality can be the same thing when trauma moves out of the way. In this episode, Jessica shares her personal story of being raised by beautiful and terrible wolves, and how she arrived at this path of being a spiritual teacher and filmmaker. What Jessica shares: How being raised by beautiful and terrible wolves shaped Jessica's path, when she was on her own at 14 Where and how she gets the "audas" and takes authority from her experience to write a book and teach without degrees and not follow the "path" Her approached to embodied spiritual and sexual counseling What happens when you stop drinking through sex How she is able to be an actress, teacher, and an author- to do it all What You'll Hear: When meditation causes everything you thought you wanted to fall away (8:40) How she was a sex educator since she was a kid (9:50) Her experience with and reverence for Somatic Experiencing (13:10) Post spiritual awakenings and how sexuality changed (14:30) Self-worth and sex, recognizing and going into her own personal trauma (15:30) Spiritual sex was available after unwinding the trauma (18:10) Material, emotional and mental material related to trauma and then orienting to everyday pleasure (22:00) Embodied counseling (24:00) How she manages being multi-passionate (27:00) Exploring the shadow (30:00) Sober sex- what to do when you have relied on substance to have good sex (33:30) All for casual sex when it's conscious (36:05) Meditation was the foundation that allowed her to welcome in other modalities (39:00) Sex-positive, Tantra, OMing community (41:00) What is a sex party? (42:30) Cos play (43:40) Storytelling and non-dual reality (47:00) Jessica's unique brand of self-love (54:00) Deep enjoyment is deep service

This interview is not about offering answers, a strategy or a plan but more how to navigate deep change by embracing the unknown, dancing with mystery and meeting one-self in a tender transparent integrity every step of the way. At the beginning of 2017, Jessica's business and marriage were falling apart, she was sinking into debt and found herself facing an identity crisis in both her personal and professional lives. She made a radical decision to embrace her resistance, step into her deepest fears, and set forth to intentionally fall apart in a wholesome way. Kimberly meets Jessica somewhere on her journey in this interview. She's rebuilding her marriage, and navigating how she "does business" from a place that's generative, collaborative and restorative. Jessica Durivage, the creator of Where is My Guru – an award winning podcast and online school for personal development and spiritual transformation has been a bridge builder for the health and wellness communities and conscious media for over 15 years. Where is My Guru has presented at SXSW, Hanuman Festival, and created the groundbreaking Sex, God & Yoga online conference for women. Currently, Jessica works with clients and small business supporting them in navigating change, building bridges, and transcending and creating new cultures that meet the business and the individuals who interact with it in an honest and wholesome way. In this episode Jessica shares: Why Jessica dissolved her business The issues Jessica encountered with a thriving business but a failing marriage, a sick father and in debt How we know what enough is for us as working women and parents Placing value on skillset within your passion How to allow space for yourself from breakdown to breakthrough What you'll hear: "Where's my Guru" Jessica's passion project (3:00) The assumptions made by people on social media when your business is virtual- it's not often what it looks like (10:00) Jessica becoming transparent and finding her truth (17:00) How we feel that we must be a "task master robot" (20:00) Conditioning from wholeness and placing value on our skillset (25:00) Slowing down, letting go and leaving room for the unknown to allow things to come (32:00) Approaching your "to do" list in a different way (38:00)