Sex Birth Trauma with Kimberly Ann Johnson

"People don't know they have the permission to mourn [a miscarriage] the same way they would for someone who had lived longer." Eileen Rosete is the founder of Our Sacred Women and a Marriage and Family Therapist. She is the mother of one daughter and has experienced two losses, which I was honored to be a part of. This episode is about honoring all kinds of births- how to do that and what that process is like. Eileen has an enormous heart of service and is infiltrating the fashion world with her message "Women Are Sacred." What Eileen Shares: Her journey from working as a healer to owning her own business. Her company, Our Sacred Women, and its important mission in today's world. Her two miscarriages and her intuitive, holistic approach to healing herself afterwards. How our culture does not acknowledge this event like it does with other kinds of loss. Advice to those who have had or are going through a loss. What You'll Hear – Eileen Rosete Eileen shares her journey from working as a healer and a clinician to a business owner. (2:10) Her background in volunteering at a crisis hotline and domestic violence shelter, teaching yoga, practicing marriage and family therapy, and most recently the creating her business Our Sacred Women. (2:30) How giving birth to her daughter brought clarity to the mission of her company. (7:30) Her conviction to "create something that would restore women to a place of reverence in our culture." (8:05) The gems of wisdom from her birth experience that Eileen wants women to know. (9:10) What Eileen did to prepare for her birth that worked. (10:50) How she learned different tools to work with her empathic sensitivity and how this served her during her pregnancy. (12:13) How motherhood changes the nature of the work a woman is available for and how this can bring balance and integrity. (14:42) How she recognized the need for the message "Women are Sacred" to be digestible and found that through her own personal aesthetic. (18:13) Eileen's experiences with her miscarriages and recovery. (24:05) Her intuitive ceremonies for her babies. (27:16) How long it took to feel healed and ready to welcome another pregnancy. (28:30) How grieving time and the postpartum time both thin the veil between the spirit and material world. How Eileen felt able to feel at peace with and for the spirit of her babies. (29:35) How often miscarriage is treated as too tragic to deal with directly and how Eileen stayed fully present to her experiences. (30:30) People don't know that they have the permission to mourn this the same way as they would for someone who had lived longer. (32:46) How Eileen is hopeful for a cultural shift that will lead to this loss being revered as much as any other. (33:50) Her experience as a Filipino-American and how those cultural traditions served her during her postpartum time. (37:35) How Eileen felt during her grieving from her miscarriages. (42:33) The importance difference between Eileen's approach to her losses and the cultural conditioning around loss. (43:00) Suggestions for self care during and after a loss. (46:58) How touching yourself in a healing way can help you stay connected to and compassionate towards your body. (48:30) Advice for those with friends who may be experiencing a loss. (50:55) Every culture needs people who don't work to support those who are working. (54:00) If Eileen had a megaphone she would say…(54:39)

Ellen Heed and Kimberly Johnson, co-founders of STREAM School for Postpartum Care talk about what's missing in the dialogue about sex postpartum, the biological realities of the postpartum time, and how these affect libido. "Postpartum can be an initiation into deeper sexual potential." What Ellen Shares What she is hearing from postpartum women in her office. How attachment, or lack thereof, between parents affects the dynamics of the family and the health of the child. What's missing in the dialogue around sex postpartum. Biological realities of the postpartum time and how these affect libido. The need for a redefinition of a woman's sexual self after birth. How sex can improve after the birth of a child. The four domains of pelvic health and how these affect libido, sexual function, and a woman's overall feeling of physical wellbeing. What You'll Hear What Ellen and Kimberly are hearing from postpartum women (1:30) The need for a new sexual definition and the challenge of finding it (2:30) Why we should care about this issue (4:11) The importance of occupying your own pleasure and not losing oneself entirely to mothering (4:45) The difference between managing child rearing in an extended family network vs. staying isolated in a parent-parent bubble (5:30) How family dynamics are reorganized after the birth of a child into a pyramid (8:00) The importance of maintaining the bond between parents instead of only with the baby (9:26) How only bonding with the baby can put too much pressure on the baby's system (10:00) "There is no equality, biologically, when it comes to birth and parenting." (10:48) The cultural confusion around "all things being equal," and the false democratization in family dynamics (11:00) Kimberly shares an example from her own life when the natural family hierarchy was out of balance (13:00) Children need domination and appropriate hierarchy to feel safe (14:50) Children need the circuit between their parents to be complete in order to ground themselves (16:15) What Ellen and Kim are NOT hearing in the dialogue around postpartum sex (17:00) Breastfeeding as an example of hormonal competitive inhibition – how prolactin subdues estrogen and consequently sexual desire in favor of lactation (17:45) How neurotransmitters are also preferentially releasing dopamine in contact with the child instead of the partner (19:00) The importance of redefining the sexual self in the postpartum period (19:30) The difference between "hot sex" and "warm sex" (19:49) How the pleasure response in the brain that once was triggered by the partner becomes subsumed by the bond with the baby (20:20) How scientists resist applying research on maternal behavior in animals to humans (21:40) How birth trauma effects the mothers nervous systems ability to move smoothly from bonding with the baby back to bonding with their partner (24:14) How much chemical information comes off of our bodies (25:40) The difference between hormones and pheromones (26:36) How women put pressure on themselves to return to sex after the birth in spite of these biological changes (28:04) The importance of acknowledging the biochemical realities in the postpartum period, particularly in breastfeeding (29:00) Couples need to have the full conversation about how birth and breastfeeding is going to change the sexuality between them (31:08) Women need to redefine their sexual identity...who they are as sexual beings that grow and change after the birth of a child (31:24) How women put too much pressure on themselves to return to a sexual norm that will never exist again (32:05) Good news! Sex can be better after birth (32:19) Laura Gutman's concept of the feminization of sex (32:53) Changing old sexual patterns after birth (33:38) The importance of communicating about sex (35:00) What men want in the postpartum period (35:29) What's possible in sex due to the physiological changes from birth; increased capacity for arousal, engorgement, ejaculation, etc (37:08) The postpartum period can be an initiation into a deeper level of sexual potential (38:15) The four domains of pelvic health and how they effect sex postpartum (38:55) Examples of how scar tissue can effect sexual function and the functions of the pelvic organs (39:10) Ways the pelvic bones, organs, and muscles can be misplaced after birth and how this effects sexual function and pleasure (43:10) What the new ACOG guidelines about postpartum care don't include (44:45) The importance of readjusting the psoas muscle postpartum (45:50) The long history of reorganizing pelvic bones and organs in several massage traditions (46:50) How biochemistry effects sex postpartum (47:48) Proper nutrition specific to the postpartum body (48:10) The effect of this increased nutrition on the breastfeeding child (48:50) The challenges facing vegetarians and vegans when healing postpartum (50:10) Pain in the introitus and its connection to the emotional body (51:03) Emotion is the fourth domain of pelvic health (52:05) "The narrative of the birth may be one way and what the body has to say about it may be completely different." (52:45) The incidence of pelvic floor dysfunction after a mechanical delivery (53:35) The importance of physical contact with appropriate tracking when working with the pelvic floor (54:24) How quickly the tissue can change when it's given a chance to speak for itself (55:00) Sometimes recovery takes a long time and sometimes it doesn't (55:50) How possible it is to address these domains of pelvic health without surgery (56:28)

"Birth is normal and it is biologically meant to work, it can feel incredible and you can have an incredible postpartum; but it takes a level of curiosity, courage and willingness to take responsibility for yourself that we have been hypnotized not to do." Emilee Saldaya founder of the Free Birth Society boldly challenges the conventional birth process and refers to the 'amnesia' modern women embody when it comes to biological natural birth. She discusses why birth is a feminist issue, why Free Birth has become more popular, her own birth and postpartum process and the reverence it deserves and why it's a mother's right to forego choosing a doctor or midwife to preserve her birth experience. What You'll Hear: -Emilee's journey attending births, the trauma she witnessed and how it influenced her birth preparation -How abuse, trauma and lack of consent are normalized in birth setting -What does the term 'birthing in captivity' mean? -The difference between an unmedicated birth and natural birth -Unnecessary surgical births and doctor's incentives -The connection between birth and feminism -Emilee's ethical dilemma with doulas and midwives in the system and her decision to attend and have a Free Birth -How she defines her role in supporting women in a Free Birth as well as more definitions and range of Free Birthing -The connection midwifery has to government and how women worldwide are Free Birthing in secret due to lack of support ie; VBAC -The lack of awareness around the autonomy of our body and the lack of consent we're accustomed to in medical setting -Women centered humanized birth, maturation process, forgoing the good girl way and taking responsibility for our birth experience -Emilee's move to Maui for her birth and postpartum period and snippets of her birth story and postpartum time -Birth as a Rite of Passage, being 'selfish', planning and prioritizing your birth experience -Emilee challenges current midwifery, discusses licensing and regulation and the traditional birth attendant -How Emilee's birth outcome would have looked had she been in midwifery or OB care vs what she had -Kimberly's opinion of midwives -What Emilee wishes everyone would know about birth, resources about Free Birthing and how to advocate to family and friends -Emilee distinguishes between power and empowerment -The amnesia of birthing and working through it collectively

"If you actually understood what a woman has been through: the conception journey, pregnancy, birth, the whole process—what's happening demands full respect and a deep care. To imagine that people would just snap back into their size 0 jeans and walk out, it begs disbelief. There's no respect for what's arisen. And in the yoga world, we've fed right into that." Uma Dinsmore-Tuli is a yoga teacher, a yoga teacher trainer, and wrote the tome Yoni Shakti: A Woman's Guide to Power and Freedom through Yoga and Tantra, which connects feminism, blood rites, and yoga. What You'll Learn: The postpartum woman just did the biggest stretch there is - Birth What yoga IS appropriate for postpartum women About the yoga patriarchy About why it matters to be a woman and what stage of life you are in for yoga practice. What You'll Hear: -She needs stability nurture and a real sense of being mothered -Postpartum period is 5 years. -Deep inner work of breath and awareness to the pelvic floor and breastfeeding -Stability practices, using the closing practices of yoga in a community, grassroots environment. -When the advice "take care of yourself" is all you get when you go to a group yoga class doesn't meet a woman's needs -What is the yoga patriarchy? -The feelings of exclusion in the yoga sangha -The yoga can subtly welcome the whole range of our life as humans -Postpartum is messy, dirty, tiring and grumpy, and the extraordinary capacity that yoga has to help us through this. -Anchara mauna- Inner silence, tuning to the present moment, while breastfeeding and tuning in to the senses. -The Fourth Trimester- whole process of healing is being overlooked -You can't tell how healed a woman is after having a baby — "All those ladies that look so great in bikinis, you don't know what's in their underwear" -Postpartum energy is present after miscarriages, stillborns, and near-death experiences -The goddess of the Fourth Trimester -Postpartum care is not a mental health issue: it's a body issue -Even if you don't have a traumatic birth, birth is still a heartbreaking, heart-opening experience -The yoga world hasn't helped with judgments around birth -Birth images: to hire a photographer, or not -If you have great postpartum care, you'll metabolize the birth experience, no matter how it went -Even the most gentle birth is a powerful experience and needs healing at a cellular level -- you are in shock during the fourth trimester -You are a new woman after birth -- you need the presence of wise women, to help you make the best choices for your healing -New mothers need everything new babies need -Learning to be okay in the not knowing, and learning to rest: menstruation, birth, postpartum, and menopause -Repair is always possible

Amy Jo Goddard, author of bestseller Lesbian Secrets for Men and Woman on Fire hails from a Military Dad and Recovering-Catholic-Proudly-Sandra-Dee-Mom; she had no other choice but to become a sex educator just to sail the shaky waters of human experience and help her family survive. She is an activist and that has taken many forms, including a gynecological teaching assistant, ising her body to teach pelvic exams, taking on the medical community re: power and consent in her film, At Your Cervix, to change the practice of on-consensual pelvic exams on anesthetized women, and now with her conference, Sex, Power and Leadership. What You'll Hear: -Amy's feminist awakening and her definition of feminism - How can we use our power to uplift voices and people who are marginalized - What has evolved in sex education since the 80s? - How activism has changed with the internet - How can parents do better at educating their children about sex? - How doing your own work around sex and shame can help your kids - Using sexual archetypes and rituals to understand who we are - Amy's experience as gynecological assistant, and how she used her own body to teach pelvic and breast exams - Unethical ways that OBGYN students are taught pelvic exams - Gynecological trauma and how it occurs, and how it can affect our sexual identities - Trauma in the medical industry, and how to rehumanize patients - Amy's Sex, Power and Leadership Online Conference 4/30-5/6 - Where does it fit in to the current cultural narrative? Who should watch? - Creating sustainable change after #metoo - The importance of including people of color and non-binary people in the conversation about sex and her conference - How do I do my personal work on myself in order to feel empowered in all things, AND what is the collective work that needs to be done to uplevel and become a space of empowerment for people? - Censorship online, and online power structures - Creating more equity and justice in what we produce and share - Taking on the medical community in her film At Your Cervix - The conference is open to everyone, and will help people figure out what's next in the conversation around sex and power. It's an opportunity for all of us to look at sex, power and leadership. https://cc100.isrefer.com/go/SPL18/kann/

This episode breaks down: what is Sexological Bodywork? What kind of people need Sexological Bodywork? Who would be a good fit to take this training. Deej & Uma are international Sexological Bodywork teachers and teacher trainers. I traveled to Australia for them to be my guides and I cannot recommend this training, and them as teachers highly enough. This year, they'll be teaching the program in LA, a huge opportunity for those of us in the US! Take a look at their website to learn more about the program: www.issaustralia.com What they share: What is sexological bodywork, and how can it help you How their friendship has evolved over the past 20 years of working together Their sexological bodywork training, and how they teach How cultural sexual histories affect trainings across the world What it's like to witness people coming more alive & more embodied How sexological bodywork bridges the gap between therapy, physical therapy, doctors, & sex therapy Looking at "symptoms" through a positive lens -- seeing them instead as doorways The profession of sexological bodywork: the training is for anyone who is enthusiastic about learning, who wants to explore the body with curiosity, and those who want to go deeper into personal development What you'll hear: (besides my incredibly sick voice) How Deej & Uma became sexological bodyworkers Why they don't use the words "energy," "masculine," or "feminine" during their trainings How they hold space in sexbod trainings for all different kinds of practitioners (from yoga teachers to doctors) The curriculum: learning through experimentation, and shaping the brain and nervous system so that we can have more choice, awareness, and pleasure The differences between cultures, when teaching in Australia, England, & beyond Uma's experience with a client who didn't have an erection with a partner for over 20 years, and the daily practices that changed his life Using breath, movement, awareness, and touch to decrease anxiety & increase pleasure Deej's passion for teaching and increasing erotic embodiment skills Sexological bodywork bridges the gap between professions Kimberly's experience in sexbod training, with coming into contact with sex work & how that changed her biases Intentionally using different words to reconfigure how we think about the body's signals, doorways, and opportunities (instead of pathologizing or calling the signals symptoms) If you're at a session, there is an immense amount of health in your system. We're missing eroticism and emotion in the professional field, and that's where sexbod comes in Who makes an ideal sexbod student Immersing in erotic embodiment, and how that changes students http://instituteofsomaticsexology.com/

Centehua shares her personal journey with her body image-- of becoming a mother at 19, taking on her mother and grandmothers' assessment of her body, and deciding to get a mommy makeover. She takes us through her journey of deciding to remove the implants at 40 as a ritual of self-love and self-reclamation. She does so without general anesthetic so that she can be fully present in the reclamation, and minimize the trauma to her system. What Centi Shares: -How she shifted from being trained out of her body's wisdom (by parents/culture), to living her embodied wisdom -Her journey with an eating disorder and her body -When she had a mommy makeover and what happens when you ignore your intuition & body wisdom -The fascinating and important story of how she chose to stay conscious during her breast implant removal -How important men are, and healing the masculine and feminine after #metoo -Women must embody mother consciousness & compassion to heal the planet What You'll Hear: -A deep connection to our bodies helps us heal and to be objective -Sexual trauma and ballet contributing to body shame -How her love for her new baby shifted her health -Her disempowering birth experiences as a young woman -Her mother and grandmother's idea of physical beauty, and how it affected her -Why she ignored her intuition and had plastic surgery after she had two children -The real consequences of plastic surgery -Taking out her breast implants and her personal work around that decision: rituals, prayers and forgiveness -She chose to do have her implants removed with only local anesthesia: nothing to alter her consciousness -How the surgery showed her the intelligence of her body -Why she chose to be conscious during the removal of her implants "If you look good, sex will be good." -- nothing could be further from the truth Encouraging women to support the men who are showing up & doing their best The importance of being in our feminine as we heal trauma on the planet Patriarchy AND matriarchy are unhealthy: finding a new way Rising above shame and blame and embodying compassion to heal relationships and the planet Why it's so important to providing a space for women & men to feel connected and have a dialogue "We are swimming in magic: it's so tangible and simple. You can just look outside and connect to the lifeforce that we share with the tree, with the grass: just to remember that we are alive. There is so much beauty in this world."

Joelle Hann, the Brooklyn Book Doctor, shares insights on the book writing process from idea to publication. They discuss the importance of having a great editor, crafting a book proposal, situating a book in the market, and the challenges faced by first-time authors in the publishing industry.

EP: Magamama talks about natural birth, gender roles, and exploratory sex with Carlos Marin Jr. In this episode, I share: My birth story and soul calling to write The Fourth Trimester; the realities of postpartum care today Information for men postpartum, role of the masculine in birth, and why we're not optimizing our biology How to reframe sex postpartum; why childbirth is the one thing that makes us reconsider the way we're doing sex Why birth is also a death and other thoughts on rites of passage Thoughts on losing control and increasing your capacity to hold charge Natural birth vs. hospital birth and how to choose the right care providers Tid-bits on exploratory sex, the connection between birth and sex, and sexological bodywork You will hear: Is my pelvis going to split in two? And more from my birth story (2:52) Is postpartum depression related to a lack of information? (5:24) What's missing from the 6-week postpartum visit (6:29) Information for men postpartum (8:09) Reframing the conversation about sex (8:55) It's okay to not want penetrative sex and other ways to connect (9:10) Childbirth is one thing that makes us consider the way we're doing sex (9:27) What is a rite of passage? How does it differ in other cultures? (12:11) One of the hallmarks of a rite of passage is a death (13:39) A man's role in birth is to protect the birth space (21:13) How do you approach prenatal education? (26:25) The two doctors in North County San Diego for natural birth (27:20) Realizing natural births are as safe as hospital births (28:13) How do you prepare someone to lose control? (30:12) Exploratory sex is awesome preparation for birth (31:12) Many women don't get to lose control during a hospital birth (34:08) Go to the doulas and the midwives to find natural birth doctors (36:00) Find a care provider who believes in women and natural childbirth = activist (36:50) How Carlos dealt with seeing his wife in "pain" during childbirth (38:08) History of birth, witch trials; patriarchy (40:26) On hospitals and creating a birthing environment (45:13) What is a doula? (47:17) The Fourth Trimester (Dec. 26) and why people should read (51:30) My vision that all women can reclaim full sexual expression (59:40) What does postpartum mean to you? (1:00:21) How do birth and sex relate? (1:01:25) What do you do as a sexological bodyworker? (1:09:29) Two doctors in North County San Diego for natural birth: Dr. Capetanakis at Scripps Encinitas; Dr. Cobb at Pomerado

"We blame the victim, and medicate her as the only offering." Dr. Kelly Brogan is a board-certified non-prescribing psychiatrist. She is the author of NYT Bestseller, A Mind of Your Own. (Get your copy ASAP). She is revolutionizing the way that we view mental health and how people heal. She is a pioneer and a trailblazer and this interview is full of the fire that propels her. I was honored that she shared her own experience of childbirth and motherhood, and why she didn't think she was "mom material." What You'll Hear: Kelly went into medicine to serve women The best births are natural births, according to the evidence Her postpartum period was a reckoning, which allowed her to wake up and honor herself We blame the victim, when it comes to postpartum The worst things that happen to us are moments of psycho-spiritual initiation Her tremendous masculine energy, her need to fight for others, and how she wasn't sure she was mom material What Kelly Shares: Why women are prescribed antidepressants at double the rate of men (1:34) How she woke up to holistic medicine & spirituality (3:10) Why she had a natural birth (4:00) Her postpartum journey with Hashimoto's (4:50) The biological reasons autoimmune diseases begin expressing during postpartum (6:49) And the other reasons: postpartum is a reckoning and an opportunity (10:07) Postpartum is a psycho-spiritual awakening (11:33) Restructuring yourself and tapering off psych meds (14:14) What are you stuffing that caused you to go on medication? (16:00) We don't hold space for fear, and that's exactly where we need to go (16:25) We meet our true selves in natural childbirth (17:00) Why Kelly didn't think she was mom material (18:15) Natural home births are the truth (21:10) We need to live what we talk about, to be great practitioners (24:10) The history-making results of Kelly's program, the Vital Mind Reset (26:25)