Psychologists Off the Clock 452. How to Disagree Better with Julia Minson
Mar 25, 2026
Julia Minson, Harvard public policy professor and founder of the Constructive Disagreement Lab, studies why disagreements escalate. She explains why trying to win backfires. She describes naive realism, the gap between thinking and showing receptiveness, and the HEAR language framework. She shares stories and metaphors that show curiosity can restore willingness to keep talking.
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Ballroom Dancing As A Metaphor For Perspective
- Julia Minson uses ballroom dancing as a metaphor: partners share the same space but literally face different directions.
- She noticed dance partners often disagree about whose fault errors are, illustrating perspective limits even with shared events.
Define Success As Wanting To Talk Again
- A constructive disagreement's goal is increasing both parties' willingness to talk again.
- Julia Minson argues this beats trying to 'win' because mutual willingness preserves relationships and enables future persuasion or collaboration.
Naive Realism Fuels Everyday Conflict
- Naive realism makes people assume their perceptions are objectively correct and that disagreement signals the other is wrong.
- Minson explains this explains conflicts from dance partners to international disputes because everyone thinks "I get it."
