ADHD Experts Podcast

594- Is Resentment Poisoning Your Relationship? Root Out Its Source, Move Forward

41 snips
Feb 10, 2026
Melissa Orlov, founder of ADHDmarriage.com and author who helps couples navigate ADHD-driven conflicts, breaks down how long-held resentment forms and differs from anger. She walks through identifying resentments, peeling back underlying emotions, using short learning conversations, setting boundaries, and choosing acceptance or change to move relationships forward.
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ADVICE

Use Structured Learning Conversations

  • Use a structured learning conversation: speaker speaks 3–4 sentences, listener mirrors words and "between the lines."
  • Keep exchanges short, avoid rebuttal, and repeat until the listener hears accurately.
ADVICE

Set Boundary Intensity Levels

  • Define boundaries as rules for yourself and rank them: deal breakers, desires, preferences.
  • Let go of low-level preferences to protect energy for deal breakers and true values.
ADVICE

Describe Impact, Not Blame

  • State the impact of an issue rather than accusing the partner of failure.
  • Say "X didn't happen and the impact on me is Y" to reduce criticism and invite joint problem-solving.
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