191: Why You Keep Falling For Their Potential Instead Of Who They Are

24 snips

Mar 6, 2026

A deep dive into why you fall for who someone could become instead of who they are now. Neuroscience and a 13-year study explain how imagination and bias keep you chasing fantasy. Practical moments include a two-column Potential vs. Reality Audit and clear signs that hope is protecting you from grief. The conversation challenges patterns of lowering standards and treating people like projects.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

ADVICE

Require Words To Match Actions

See the person for who they are and require alignment between words and actions to build trust.
Sabrina: believe in the best but refuse to ignore repeated mismatches between promises and behavior.

ANECDOTE

Telling Ryan I'm Holding Onto Potential

Sabrina shared telling her partner Ryan she was holding onto potential and that she was okay leaving if they didn't actively choose each other.
That boundary let her assess growth readiness rather than cling to hope.

INSIGHT

Brain Builds Future Versions From Fragments

Neuroscience shows the brain uses the same network to imagine the future and remember the past, creating vivid fabricated versions.
Sabrina cites Schacter and Addis: fragments of good moments glue into a convincing but false composite.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Ever caught yourself saying "when it's good, it's so good"? In this first episode of the 4-part Hard Truth Series, Sabrina breaks down why you keep falling in love with who someone could be instead of who they actually are — and why potential is just a placeholder for the grief you're avoiding. She dives into the neuroscience of the "prospective brain," the impact bias that keeps you chasing a fantasy, and the 13-year longitudinal study that explains why you lower your standards for the wrong people but can't appreciate the ones who actually show up.

Sabrina gets vulnerable about her own patternsand gives you the exact reframe to stop confusing anxiety with connection. Plus, this week's tool: the Potential vs. Reality Audit, a two-column exercise to see whether you're in a relationship or a fantasy. If you've ever wondered why the available person feels boring or why you keep choosing people who need to become someone else for it to work, this one's for you.

If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step HERE!

If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself HERE!

Get Ad free HERE!
Want to work with Sabrina? HERE!
Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show HERE!
Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!

=============================

Chapters

00:00 Hard Truth Series Part 1

01:50 Gratitude & Setting Boundaries

04:59 What "I See Potential" Really Means

08:00 The Pattern Is the Real Them

11:08 Real Potential vs Fantasy Potential

15:54 Neuroscience of Dating a Fantasy

20:36 3 Questions Keeping You Stuck

25:51 Are You a Partner or a Fixer

28:21 What If They Change For Someone Else

33:47 Tool: Potential vs Reality Audit

Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices