[Replay] 177 Shadow Dance: Navigating Projections in Relationships

Feb 7, 2026

Ken Hamilton, a longtime conversational partner who shares personal stories about projection and healing. He explores how projection shapes falling in love, the golden shadow of admired traits, and stages of becoming aware. Short, concrete examples show projections in work and relationships. Practical approaches include naming projections, setting boundaries, and reclaiming disowned parts for ongoing individuation.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Projection Is An Unconscious Mirror

Projection is an unconscious process that lets us see disowned aspects of ourselves through others.
It evolved to make inner contents accessible without direct self-confrontation.

INSIGHT

Recollection Unlocks Projected Material

While a content remains projected it stays inaccessible to the projector's awareness.
Recollection of projection is a process that allows integration of that material into the self.

ANECDOTE

Falling In Love Through Golden Projection

Ken describes projecting positive qualities like creativity and intelligence onto Jolie during falling in love.
Those were genuine traits Jolie had but Ken disowned them in himself and idealized them in her.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

The word projection gets thrown around a lot these days, often in an accusatory way (think, “so-and-so is projecting!”). But projection is actually a normal, unconscious psychological process that shows up in all relationships!

That doesn’t mean we should let our projections go unchecked. They can interfere with our ability to truly see our partners as whole, autonomous beings.

The good news is that when we become aware of our projections, we have a powerful opportunity to uncover and reclaim the parts of ourselves we’ve denied and disowned. And these aren’t always deep, dark shadowy parts—they can also be positive traits like creativity or intelligence.

In this episode, we explore what projection is, how it shows up in relationships, and why reclaiming these “shadow” parts is essential for personal growth. Tune in to learn how working through projections can deepen your connections and help you see yourself—and your partners—in a whole new light.

We’re breaking down:

— What psychological projection is and how it operates in our subconscious minds

— The role of projection in falling in love, limerence, and new relationship energy

— How projection can interfere with seeing our partners as sacred, autonomous beings

— The stages of becoming aware of and working through projections

— Why reclaiming projected qualities is essential for personal growth

— How projection relates to childhood wounds and unresolved issues from the past

— The dangers of over-identifying with negative projections or shadow qualities

— Practical strategies for recognizing and working with projections in relationships

— The value of patience and compassion when addressing projections with a partner

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Carl Jung's Collected Works (This is the Wikipedia page, to give you an idea of what the CW contains. If you’re looking for a good place to begin reading Jung’s work, Joli suggests Memories, Dreams, Reflections)

— Episode 164: I HATE THIS: Get Unstuck with Existential Kink (A shadow work method)

JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠

Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions