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Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing

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Mar 18, 2025

Guest

Logan Ury

Logan Ury, a behavioral scientist and the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, dives into the world of modern dating. She challenges common myths about attraction, advocating for genuine connection over the elusive 'spark.' Logan introduces the 'post-date eight' for reflecting on new connections and emphasizes emotional compatibility over superficial traits. The conversation touches on attachment theory, effective communication, and even polyamory, providing fresh insights for anyone seeking meaningful relationships.

02:09:51

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Episode notes

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ADVICE

Date Like a Scientist

Approach dating like a scientist by forming hypotheses about your ideal partner and testing them.
Be open to being proven wrong and adjusting your assumptions.

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ADVICE

Get to the Date Faster

Get to dates quickly to avoid building up unrealistic fantasies based on incomplete profiles.
A phone call or FaceTime chat can help screen before investing time in a first date.

insights

INSIGHT

Attachment Theory in Dating

Understanding attachment theory—anxious, avoidant, secure—helps explain dating dynamics.
Securely attached individuals offer healthy relationships, breaking anxious-avoidant loops.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Reframing First Dates: The Slow Burn Approach

02:55 • 7min

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Evaluating Emotional Connections in Dating

09:53 • 4min

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Dating Like a Scientist

13:26 • 6min

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Navigating Modern Dating Dynamics

19:28 • 19min

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Unpacking the Myths of Unlovability

38:49 • 2min

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The Dangers of Digital Fantasies in Dating

41:14 • 2min

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The Power of Storytelling in Connection

43:30 • 20min

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Dating Dynamics in Your 30s

01:03:01 • 6min

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Navigating Modern Relationships

01:09:23 • 17min

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Navigating the Complexities of Modern Dating

01:26:51 • 15min

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Navigating Relationship Decision Points

01:41:58 • 16min

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Navigating Relationships and Breakups

01:58:23 • 8min

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The Importance of Authenticity in Personal Branding

02:06:31 • 2min

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Most people date the wrong way. They chase the spark, mistake attraction for compatibility, and expect their partners to read their minds. Then they wonder why relationships don’t last. Logan Ury thinks about dating differently. As the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, she’s spent years studying what actually makes relationships work. Her findings will change the way you think about attraction, communication, and commitment. In this conversation, Logan reveals why the spark is overrated, how to optimize your dating profile, and the one thing (actually, 8) you must do after every first date. We break down attachment theory, orbiting, polyamory, and having hard conversations in a healthy way. We get answers to questions like: "what’s an appropriate age gap?" and "what to say if you’re not interested after a date?" Plus, Logan shares how she made the decision to be with her husband and the importance of “other significant others.”

If you want to stop wasting time on the wrong people and start building something real, this episode is for you.

(2:49) First Dates and the Slow Burn

(8:07) The Post-Date 8

(14:30) Dating Like a Scientist

(15:50) The Height thing...

(18:56) The Spark vs Lust

(26:35) Fear of Rejection

(29:01) Understanding Attachment Theory

(39:20) Navigating Online Dating

(41:36) Effective Communication in Dating

(51:58) Texting Etiquette

(01:05:33) Dealing with Rejection

(01:08:44) Polyamory

(01:13:32) Orbiting

(01:30:45) Logan's Story of Meeting Her Husband

(01:37:12) Navigating Crucial Decision Points in Relationships

(01:41:48) Having Difficult Conversations in Relationships

(01:50:15) Other Significant Others

(01:59:05) Breaking Up Respectfully

(02:02:08) Tips for Creating Dating Profiles

Logan Ury is a behavioral scientist, dating coach, and the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge. She’s the bestselling author of How Not to Die Alone.

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