381: The Sure Thing - A strategy to prioritize intimacy with Elana Auerbach

Apr 13, 2026

Elana Auerbach, lover, mother, mentor, and author of The Sure Thing, shares a weekly intimacy ritual she developed to revive long-term connection. She recounts leaving a marriage without chemistry, discovering a pleasure community, and creating an intention-focused practice. Short rituals, the question “what would be most pleasurable right now?”, working with resistance, and spreading small acts of adoration are highlighted.

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ANECDOTE

Leaving A Marriage That Looked Right On Paper

Elana Auerbach describes leaving a marriage that lacked chemistry after following an expected life path and doing what pleased others.
She recounts realizing her husband "was not in my yoni," doing a therapy journey, and finding the courage to say I want a divorce on the couch.

ANECDOTE

Meeting Bill At A Pleasure Community

Elana shares meeting Bill at a San Francisco pleasure community class where their eyes locked and they became research partners.
They explored an open relationship, later married, had a child, and then faced a long intimacy slump after parenting responsibilities.

ADVICE

Set Intentions Not Sex Goals

Do set a clear shared intention for your weekly Sure Thing that excites both partners rather than a performance goal.
Elana recommends intentions like deepen intimacy, pleasure, and connection rather than promising sex every time.

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