The Art of Manliness

chevron_right

The Surprising Science Behind Building Stronger Relationships

whatshot 94 snips

Jun 6, 2022

Guest

Eric Barker

Eric Barker, author of "Plays Well with Others," dives into the surprising science of relationships. He tackles the pitfalls of misreading emotions and the importance of clear communication. Barker reveals why friendships can bring immense joy, but ambivalent connections can harm us more than enemies. He discusses the challenges of modern marriage and the key to sustaining happiness: maintaining a positive perspective. With insights on vulnerability and trust, he shares practical advice for nurturing deeper connections.

46:05

forum

Ask episode

web_stories

AI Snips

view_agenda

Chapters

menu_book

Books

auto_awesome

Transcript

info_circle

Episode notes

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Detecting Lies

Detect lies by increasing cognitive load with unanticipated questions.
Liars struggle with unexpected questions, revealing inconsistencies or slowdowns.

insights

INSIGHT

The Value of Friendship

Friendships, though evolutionarily puzzling, increase happiness significantly.
Friends become 'another self,' blurring self-definition at a biological level.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Building Friendships

Cultivate friendships by investing time and demonstrating vulnerability.
Dale Carnegie's advice is good for initial connections, but deeper bonds require more.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

The Complexity of Understanding Others

02:41 • 13min

chevron_right

The Nature of Judgment and Friendship

15:20 • 6min

chevron_right

The Science of Deepening Friendships: Time and Vulnerability

21:09 • 3min

chevron_right

Building Meaningful Connections

23:43 • 6min

chevron_right

Navigating Modern Romance

29:46 • 14min

chevron_right

Navigating the Complexity of Love and Relationships

43:49 • 2min

chevron_right

#17

• Mentioned in 417 episodes

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie

First published in 1936, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie is a timeless guide to improving interpersonal skills. The book is divided into four main sections: Six Ways to Make People Like You, Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, and Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Carnegie's principles emphasize the importance of genuine interest in others, active listening, and avoiding criticism and argument. The book offers practical advice on how to build strong relationships, communicate effectively, and influence others by aligning their self-interest with yours. It has been a cornerstone of personal development and business success for generations.

#7150

• Mentioned in 7 episodes

Barking Up the Wrong Tree

The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong

Eric Barker

In 'Barking Up the Wrong Tree,' Eric Barker challenges common misconceptions about success by presenting both sides of various arguments. The book is divided into six chapters, each exploring dichotomous views on success, such as whether playing it safe or taking risks is more beneficial, whether nice guys finish first or last, and whether quitters never win or winners never quit. Barker draws on a wide range of examples, including stories from Navy SEALs, top comedians, and historical figures, to illustrate his points. He emphasizes the importance of factors like creativity, passion, obsession, and perseverance in achieving real-world success, rather than just following rules and achieving good grades.

#7840

• Mentioned in 6 episodes

Plays Well with Others

The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong

Eric Barker

In 'Plays Well with Others,' Eric Barker challenges conventional wisdom about relationships by leveraging scientific research. The book explores various aspects of human relationships, including friendship, love, and community, and provides insights from notable researchers like Dr. John Gottman. Barker discusses how to build deeper friendships, avoid common pitfalls in romantic relationships, and cultivate meaningful connections. The book is filled with engaging stories and counterintuitive findings to help readers improve their social skills and relationships.

#985

• Mentioned in 37 episodes

The All-or-Nothing Marriage

How the Best Marriages Work

Eli Finkel

In this book, Eli J. Finkel presents a groundbreaking investigation of marriage, showing that the best marriages today are superior to those of earlier eras. He combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice, discussing the evolution of marriage from providing basic needs like food and shelter to modern expectations of love, companionship, and personal growth. Finkel introduces 'lovehacks' and strategies for better communication and responsiveness, and offers guidance on recalibrating expectations. The book is designed for anyone looking to improve their marriage, from newlyweds to empty nesters, and those considering marriage or remarriage.

We've all heard by now just how important strong relationships are to our health and well-being. But a lot of the common advice and conventional wisdom out there about how to build stronger relationships doesn't end up taking us closer to that goal.

My guest today has spent years sorting through what really builds better friendships, reignites love, and helps people get closer to others, and he shares these research-backed insights in his new book: Plays Well with Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong. Eric shares what he's learned today on the show, beginning with why we're good at figuring out someone's personality from the moment we meet them, but bad at reading their thoughts and feelings, and how to get better at the latter by making other people more readable, as well as how to make a better first impression yourself. We then turn to what makes friendship a unique relationship that makes us uniquely happy, and the two "costly signals" that most develop friendship. We also get into why friends we feel ambivalent about are actually worse for us than outright enemies. We spend the last part of our conversation on how the modern age is both the worst and the best time for marriage, and how the key to ensuring that yours is one of the happiest in history is maintaining positive sentiment override.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Eric's previous appearance on the show: #322 — Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
AoM Article & Podcast: Why Your First Impression Matters
AoM Podcast: #567: Understanding the Wonderful, Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship
How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
AoM Podcast #772: How Long Does It Take to Make Friends?
Arthur Aron's 36 Questions That Lead to Love
The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work by Eli Finkel
AoM Articles: Why the Secret of a Happy, Successful Marriage Is Treating It Like a Bank Account and The Best Ways to Fund Your Relationship Bank Account
AoM Article & Podcast: How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage Meeting

Connect With Eric Barker

Eric's Website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Home Top podcasts Popular guests Top books